Breastfeeding.. how long do I 'hang on in there?'

[Babybeesmama]

Hey... 7 weeks old DS feeding every 2 hours day & night... I'm exhausted, emotional... being horrible to my other 2 DC because I'm knackered.

I don't want to stop but I feel 2 hourly is completely unsustainable for me.

I've been trying to express so DH can help but finding time to do that isn't easy. DS is a nightmare for naps...

So what do I do? Hang on in there till DCS back at school & hope he goes longer than 2 hours?

Give one formula top up for last feed & hope he does a longer stretch?

Help me decide 😓

Yes definitely keep the suckling for supply - I'm thinking more one bottle in the evening/night slot so that op can get say 4-5 hours of sleep.

I'm pretty sure he did namechange but it's not diagnosed here :( he also didn't sleep more than an hour for 18m so it was pretty tough. Babies are hard work!

"he also didn't sleep more than an hour for 18m"

Oh you poor thing. It's amazing what humans can survive isn't it?!

Newbian, yes I know that well but was talking in the short term until it pushes up supply. If your baby is on every two hours you feed, pump and then have no milk for the next feed for a little bit leading to a lot of misery. It happened me on my first. And I'd end up giving what I'd pumped immediately in desperation making the whole thing a waste of time and energy.

On the way to MIL's.. feel like crying already 😓.. trying so hard to be strong & sensible about stuff today but I feel like shit x

I feel your pain op...and I don't even have to deal with other children!

My dd is 9 weeks on Wednesday. She had a tongue tie division 4 weeks ago and whilst it's completely freed her tongue, feeding is still crap and it's not unheard of for her to feed for 5/6 hours.

It's ruining my relationship with DP, we argue all the time as it's his response to feeling useless and my response to sleep deprivation.

We have offered a bottle of ready made formula and she lost her mind after throwing it all up so I'm a little scared of trying again.

Plus we tried the mam and the medela before she finally too the hospital nuk teats we had left over.

She is sleeping about 2 hours s time at night...although last night was 2 hours, 1 hour and 30 mins. All the time in between was feeding.

We are going to try bottle again after she's had her jabs this week. As much as I don't want to give her formula I feel we have no choice but to keep trying. I've also given myself 3 month deadline. People have said it clicks at 12 weeks but if it doesn't I may consider stopping completely 😢

McCheese, you are putting yourself under so much pressure. Please don't be afraid of baby crying or puking, they all do it a lot! Though with your first I remember well the deep anxiety I felt with things like that. Now on #3 it doesn't affect me like that at all which gives such freedom to just get on with things and make decisions about how to sort issues. Bf is very hard and at 9 weeks, you've done great and also are established enough to mix feed if you want. That might ease the pressure. But try to put your anxiety aside about a roaring baby (they do that a lot) and even a projectile puke here and there is nothing to worry about.

McCheese
That sounds really difficult.
Have you had any follow up appointments or support since her tongue tie was divided? Just thinking you might benefit from seeing a lactation consultant and maybe a cranial osteopath if you haven't already. Also recurrence can be an issue in a minority of cases.
There is useful info in this guide (from page 17): sarahoakleylactation.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/tongue-tie-booklet-version-3.pdf

Thank you both.

Yeah we have been seeing each infant feeding team and LC since she was 2 weeks old. It's healed brilliantly and the LC feels all there is left to do now is try and break the habits of a bad latch. She will latch perfectly but then pop herself off so she's more on the nipple and less areola. LC says babies will always take the path of least resistance and DD finds it easier to have a shallow latch as that's how she learned to feed and her mummy is willing to sit there for hours!

She is a big girl, putting on weight beautifully and a very smiley and alert baby.

My next app with LC is next Tuesday so will ask her to double check for reattachment, however she can stick her tongue out now which she never used to do.

We will try again with a formula feed. It's not so much her being sick that scares me, but I almost feel I'm being a terrible mother and giving her this awful synthetic stuff.

I know that is stupid and it's been proven to be great for babies but it's just how I feel. I think I've been sort of indoctrinated into believing b/f is my only choice.

I do wonder if the pre natal classes should be more balanced and explain and promote all types of feeding and also how to do all of it. The reason I bought pre made formula was because I was scared about making it from powder!!

Admittedly the night I mentioned was probably her worst night. She did 3 and 3.5 last night but it still took me 2.5 hours to feed her. She was sick (just milk coming back up) 3 times which is unusual for her...I probably could have fed 3 babies with what she drank in total!! She seemed to spend most of the time chatting to me and giving me gummy grins from behind my boob..which is lovely but not so much at 2am 😩!!

Aww mccheese.. sorry you're having a rough time too! I too feel like that about formula which is so silly seeing as have 2 other dc's who are perfectly fine & were given formula from 5 weeks & 10 weeks 🙈.. I don't feel any more relaxed with no 3 sadly!

I had a better night... but I've had a word with myself & I am more open to the idea of trying one bottle of formula just to try to help at night (I am nervous of him having tummy ache etc) but if I get a bit more sleep it might actually prolong breastfeeding for us. Going to keep an open mind.

He did 3.5 hours then went back for another 3 which is a very good night for us.

I feel like I really want to enjoy this bit whilst they are so little but in some ways it's so bittersweet when you are so knackered. I find it helps me & DH if we just get out.. if we stay in we both get stressed & each other's bad mood rubs off on one another. He hates to see me upset.

Hope things get a bit easier. Have you thought about expressing & giving a bottle? You may feel better about it & it might be quicker than baby feeding for 2 hours for you xx

Thank you OP, your post really rang true for me and whilst I'm sorry you're going through it, it's nice to know it's not just me!

Expressing is the plan but I need a free feed to get ahead as I don't have time between feeds during the day as she grazes so much and at night my sleep has to come first.

That was why we wanted to add a formula feed in even if just for a week so I could get ahead.

Hope your night is going well!!

The haakaa pumps are really good for time racing expressing as you just stick it in whilst baby feeds from the other... in trying to build up a stash.

Bad night again tonight.. I'm writing this switch one eye closed to focus 😲.. so tired !

Hope you're getting some sleep! X

mccheese I feel exactly the same, I have my DS his first bottle of formula and it makes sense as I'm exhausted so I got to sleep, and he bf happily 2.5 hours later so no nipple confusion but I do feel like I've been indoctrinated that I'm failing by not exclusively breastfeeding. I really think we need more support than to be told the benefits- my DS had undiagnosed tongue tie which I diagnosed myself and had to pay to get treated privately at 5 weeks. Help from an LC could have avoided me weeks if pain and frustration but the midwives and health visitor all told me he was fine.

"my DS had undiagnosed tongue tie which I diagnosed myself and had to pay to get treated privately at 5 weeks. Help from an LC could have avoided me weeks if pain and frustration but the midwives and health visitor all told me he was fine."

This is so common, happened to us and people I know as well as lots of people on MN! DS's tongue tie was diagnosed at a charity-run breastfeeding drop in. Midwives and health visitors either hasn't spotted it or actually said he didn't have it.

hasn't hadn't

It's awful isn't it namechange I feel like there is so much more we could do to support women to breastfeed rather than lecture on the benefits. I'm studying a medical related degree but I doubt many Mums can diagnose tongue tie and just suffer away and give up when they don't want to.

That said, I gave DS formula earlier and we both slept for three hours and had a great bf session. I know breast is best but I can tell I'm on a slippery slope to PND which isn't good for either of us. I've also managed to express 5oz so DH can give that later tonight.

Totally agree, lecturing on the benefits is actually damaging if they don't provide enough support, because they just make mothers feel duty bound to struggle on, exhausting themselves or giving up and feeling guilty

Glad you had a nice long nap and hope you can stave off the PND

Sparkly is that the first time you've given formula? I'm tempted to try.. I just need one longer stretch of sleep to keep me sane & that may well prolong bf for us.. we seem to be in a cycle of..

Wake up before I've had enough sleep.. feed.. just enough to satisfy.. sleep.. wake up hungry again an hour later... I've tried everything.. switching boobs.. nappy change.. stripping him off! I think he just finds booby comforting & somewhere lovely to sleep 🙈 x

2 hourly tonight 😭 so tired

My DS used to cluster feed every evening around this age - usually started around 4pm and would finally go to sleep around 11. It was exhausting. BF counsellor suggesting handing him over to DP when he got in from work (usually after a couple of hours) with me being nearby ish in case he really wouldn't settle. DP used to take him up the garden and sit in the swing chair thing for a couple of hours before he'd cry for another feed. Counsellor told me to get him weighed every week or 2 to check that it wasn't causing him to drop weight (He wasn't - stayed on his centile) . Don't know how I managed with the cluster feedsfor as long as I did. It's horrible the amount of pressure we put ourselves under to bf.

Yes that was the first time. I'm glad I did as it let me get some sleep and I didn't find last night as tough.

The pressure put on us is incredible, and I'm studying nutrition so I'm very aware of the theory; however exhausted and depressed mums who feel like a failure isn't good either. I don't plan to give formula today but I know I have the option if I need it

Hope you get a good sleep tonight Babybeesmama! Just wanted to say, probably the biggest help your dh could give right now is to drop some of the tidying or cleaning beyond the kitchen, and lavish some attention on the older two, take them right out of the house for a day so away from baby, let you get some naps in guilt free with the little one, and then when dh is not around you don't feel so bad that you have to leave them somewhat to their own devices.
i have said this already and another poster has repeated it, expressing at this stage is not generally recommended, because you get so little milk versus what the baby can get out themselves. plus your supply although overall will increase due to expressing, you do create some time after expressing where the milk needs to replenish, and if your baby gets hungry at that point and nothing is there, they are going to get frustrated and feed continually until they get what they need.
Have you read up on safe cosleeping? As long as you or dh are not smokers, do not drink much, and have a firm mattress, you can safely put baby between you. or ask dh to decamp for a few nights even just so you have caught up on sleep? It isn't such a big ask if it makes you feel better longer term.
Also, I cannot imagine how hard it is with three in this long summer holiday with a newborn. So so hard. Things will improve when they go back to school and at least the guilt of other bored kids is lifted.

I agree that cosleeping is a good idea but I believe it's safer to put baby between mum and the edge of the bed (with a bed guard or something to stop baby rolling off, obviously) rather than in the middle between mum and dad.

I just can't co sleep.. part of my job involves paediatric forensic work & ive seen many awful outcomes of co sleeping -- I totally accept these cases generally involve drugs & alcohol but it naturally makes me incredibly paranoid.. I think I'd sleep less through worry to be honest.

We are away for the weekend.. going 3 hourly so far which I guess is longer than 2! He did a random 5 hour the other night ... thought I'd cracked it 🙈 x

This thread reads like someone wanting permission To ff. Op do itbif it's what needs doing it won't damage your baby, you know that, your other children have had formula. Maybe make a half portion of formula and top up with breast milk till he gets used to it.

I found the baby settled better at night with dh as it wasn't using him for comfort.

I'm not asking for permission at all.