Day 4 BF - need reassurance

[SingToMeInFrench]

Hello

DS2 is 4 days old and we are finally back at home, after a traumatic 3 degree tear and obs for DS (I was on 50g sertraline during pregnancy)

I only survived 4 days BF with DS1 (undiagnosed TT) but this time round it's not painful and there's no sign of TT.

I would love to carry on BF, but DS2 is never off the boob. Ever. I cannot put him down, I cannot hand him to other people (DH managed to hold him for a couple of hours tonight- miracle).

It's just so hard and I don't think I can cope with the lack of sleep.

I know it's because he's so little. I know he's stomach is tiny. But I just need some sleep!
During our stay in hospital, the MW offered a couple of top ups of formula- but once he'd guzzled it down he was straight back on the boob!

My milk is in, my breasts feel full. I'm leaking etc.

I don't even know what I want from this post...I feel delirious. This is normal, right?

Totally normal. You're doing really well. Baby just really wants that comfort now, try to rest whenever you can. It does get easier within a matter of weeks.

Congratulations

Totally normal. I found that surviving this period is just putting one foot in-front of the other and snatching sleep wherever you can.

It will get better.

Do you have any breastfeeding support groups round by you?? Having support from others is a godsend. There are also some really good support groups on FB. I found them great because even if you post at 3am there will be others who are up with you and somehow that felt less alone...

Congratulations!

Yes, it's normal. No, it won't be like this forever. Yes, their stomachs are tiny, and some like to feed little and often. It's very, VERY early days... and great that there's no sign of TT and it's not painful for you.

I always recommend the book published by La Leche League, called The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. I found it great at underlining the non-'clinical' or 'technical' benefits of breastfeeding; your baby is spending loads of fabulous bonding time with you, skin-to-skin (pretty much), whilst also getting the perfect, optimal form of nutrition.

The thing which made the biggest difference to how rested I felt was when I learned (not till my fifth baby, sadly!) to breastfeed lying down. Watch youtube videos, read your other people's descriptions of it, just keep trying different things till something clicks for you. Having said that, you might feel more confident trying it when your baby's a little older and bigger and stronger.

Short-term, sleep or at least shut your eyes and lie down to rest whenever the baby does, try and get other people to hold him whenever he's not actually being fed (for winding/nappy changes etc), and remember that this super-intense newborn phase is actually very short though very taxing! Good luck

I was about to say I remember those awful endless feed days, but actually I don't - I know that they used to happen, and that they seemed they'd never come to an end, but I honestly can't even remember them properly now, and they don't feature at all as a terrible memory - so they must be survivable! If even I made it through! So be reassured that you'll not remember them in a few weeks once it's all over! A routine will be established and your baby will chill out a bit ;)

Ditto the advice above though - definitely sleep whenever you can, and try to learn to feed lying on your side so you can at least rest a bit whilst feeding, even if you're not fully asleep.

It does feel hideous and unending, I'm sure, but really, you won't have this as a lasting memory! I guess it's maybe kinda like childbirth?! At the time it's the worst thing you can imagine, but pretty soon you're over it and contemplating another baby ;)

Thank you for replying everyone- I felt so lonely writing that post.

Just fed lying down and I do feel a little rested. I have a BF group nearby later on in the week so will get myself over there

Little update- I nearly bought bottles and formula in the early hours. It's still an option, maybe a bottle before bed so I can have some sleep? But then again, DS1 was FF and he was an awful sleeper and had terrible gas/ reflux problems.

I think the nighttimes are heightening my anxiety as they are so lonely and exhausting. DH sleeps with DS1 in another room.

I've managed a few hours sleep this morning, lying down to feed and letting DS2 fall asleep that way and then from 6am he slept for a couple of hours on my chest. So it's getting better already.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support no doubt I'll be back on tonight.

If anyone is still here, would you mind answering a question please? I get a bit confused about when to swap breasts etc (I never managed to bf my first son, so this is all brand new!) Do I feed on one, until he's finished, then swap? Or go back to the original breast? Thanks 🙂

I'd actually say there are no rules on this point. All my children only had one breast per feed (and were speedy driers, usually done and dusted in less than 15 mins). Other babies spend half an hour or more on each breast; basically there's a whole spectrum of 'normal' breastfeeding behaviours.

Try to take your cue from your baby; if he fusses at the breast after a feed of decent length (at least 15 mins), swap him over to the other side. You can also repeat this process if necessary! The breasts are factories, rather than warehouses; they will produce enough to replace whatever is taken out, so don't be concerned about 'not having enough milk': this actually happens very very rarely.

...speedy feeders, not driers!

You can't really overfeed a breastfed baby, so offer the breast as often and for as long as your baby wants; they'll stop drinking when they've had enough.

I tended to give one side til it was empty, as I heard that the first milk that you let down is watery, thirst quenching stuff, followed by the fatty stuff, so I wanted to make sure she got the rich stuff too, just in case she gave up too soon, having only had the watery stuff. No idea how accurate that is though! And it did leave me lopsided-feeling on occasions that she'd only take one side and then not want any from the other!

Now you've mentioned it, I can really tell the difference when a breast has emptied- boobs are pretty amazing!

You guys are also an amazing source of knowledge- thank you!

Let's hope I make it through tonight without too much anxiety.

Day 6 complete! I really didn't think I'd make it this far....

Feeding lying down is the best! I ended up getting blocks of 2 hours sleep at some points. Makes such a difference!

Thank you all. Really.

Follow your baby's cues, so feed until they come off, offer the other side, you can repeat with the first side if necessary. It's ok if they want both sides or one or more than two. Don't worry too much about the fatty milk as it all mixes in anyway.

Emptying breasts is great at this point because an empty breast tells your body to make more milk, but it won't be like this with a full/empty cycle forever, so don't worry when that calms down, and don't think that you have to wait for your breasts to 'fill up' at any point.

Congratulations! Are you managing to get any sleep yet?

It sounds like you're doing fab!

Exactly what thelongrains said- feed until breast empty so baby gets the rich milk at the end.

You are doing amazing, it's so hard when they are so young, it's relentless.
Look after yourself.
During the night feeds I would absolutely treat myself to delicious snacks and put whatever I want to watch on the tablet. You deserve it, you're making that sacrifice for your baby.

My dsis just bought me a huge selection box of green and blacks chocolate- I'm sooo busting it out during the night feeds!

Sleep is ok- manageable. I think I was just shocked at the relentlessness of the night feeds in hospital- DS wouldn't be put down in the cot so I was awake with him all night in my arms.

Now I'm home and safely co-sleeping it's making a huge difference. I feel more rested and even got a couple of hours in between feeds last night!

Thanks everyone!

Managed to get an hour's sleep so far.... argh

DS has decided that he will spit up after feeding lying down sob

Some nights will be worse than others but you have got this. Just get through one day at a time. Is there anyway you can sleep during the day for a couple of hours?

I agree that you get some good nights, some not so great. I've put both DS and DD on an empty pillowcase tucked into the unused bednest and under my arm so that if they're sick or any milk leaks, I just change the pillowcase and don't have to change sheets or anything.

Or lie them on layers of muslins...

Good suggestions, thanks!

DH took DS2 for a couple of hours so I could get some sleep- feeling much more human!

If DS is windy after a breast feed, does that mean his latch is poor? It doesn't hurt when he latches, just wondering if he is creating a strong enough seal?

Off to a local bf group later

My dd is a windy bf baby. Nothing wrong with her latch. It's a bit of a urban myth that bf babies don't get wind.

That's good to know whatshername I was getting worried.

He gets hiccups too...that's not a sign of reflux is it?

Hiccups are totally normal. Dd is 11 weeks tomorrow and has them 3-4 times a day. No reflux here. It's quite funny watching her surprised little face when it happens.