What would have liked to know about breastfeeding?

[SleepForTheWeak]

I have 10-15mins tomorrow to talk to a group of expectant mums about breastfeeding...

What would you have liked to know about it prior to having your baby? What would have helped and what let you down?

TIA!

That you basically just need to feed All.The.Time at the beginning. Cluster feeding doesn't mean your milk is inadequate. It hurts at the beginning even if you are doing it right. Constant wanting to feed doesn't mean you have insufficient milk and need to supplement.

Learn to feed lying down, it means you can still rest while doing night feeds and helps you feel less sleep deprived. Once they've finished and are fast asleep you can carefully lift them into the Moses basket.

Wasn't told about cluster feeding, luckily my sister warned me about that so I wasn't caught totally unawares!! No one told me about how much your boobs leak and the necessity of nursing pads! I was also quite shocked at the frequency of my boobs being grabbed and being watched BFing by midwives at hospital! I think someone could have mentioned that babies tend to favour one boob over the other and it can take some perseverance to get them to latch onto the non favourite boob in the first weeks. Also, I may have been naive (and maybe this isn't exclusive to BF) but no one told me how utterly exhausting the first few weeks would be! I stupidly thought I'd be able to get so much done when the baby was sleeping - hahahaha! Little did I know that when that window of opportunity shows itself you have to decide between toilet/getting something to eat/sleeping etc and you're usually halfway through one of the above when DC wakes up again to repeat the whole procedure all over again 😂

I actually wish someone had told me more of the negatives. I totally loathed breastfeeding but my eldest just wouldn't take a bottle so I was stuck with it for nearly 8 months. It nearly tipped me over the edge -I was so depressed. It had a terrible impact on my relationship with my baby - we struggled to bond until after he stopped (we have a wonderful relationship now that bf is in the past!) . I really hated it. I hated never being able to pass him to someone else for a feed, I hated the awful pain for the first 2 weeks, the constant leaking all over bedsheets for ever, the blocked ducts, the cluster feeding, the constant manhandling of my boobs by random midwives, I ended up seeking a lot of expensive help and it got easier when I got him onto a routine (my baby loved routine) but it isn't that common to do routines with ebf babies. I guess you can't tell them the negatives but my God I wish i had been told them. Or even some.

Gosh - I just read all the previous posts. not a hint of feel good oxytocin for me. And no bonding. Just lots of pain and resentment. I really did hate bf. Just shows how different everyone's experience is.

No oxytocin for me either. I love her but I loved dd1 just the same and she was ff after bf failed. Feeding had no impact on how I bonded with my babies. I bonded with both completely. I think that the pp is right when they say things like that can make you feel like a failure.

Oxytocin isn't only generated when breastfeeding. It's part of the mechanism of breastfeeding but is also generated by skin to skin, touching your baby, eye contact with your baby and so on. Breastfeeding is one way of generating oxytocin, not the only way.

Yes, to the cluster feeding, milk coming in, between days 2-5 usually, etc.

Top of my list would be to find your local breastfeeding group and go to it, even before you have your baby if possible. I wish I had gone to one, I didn't until I had my second child and they were not newborn. Even then it was useful.
I became a peer supporter and we have the loveliest group of mum's who meet in a very supportive local cafe, with new mums coming all the time. Some pop in just to ask a question, some drop in and out, some come weekly and have made great friends. It isn't just about the access to peer supporters and that they can point you in the right direction for help, it's being with other mums who are going through it all. I just think more funding should be put into it as many trained peer supporters do it voluntarily however they can't do it forever when they are not paid, and more training for them would be good too.

riddles26 - the losing weight doesnt work for everyone! I only lost weight once I stopped b'feeding.

I wish someone had told me to think about feeding in public and what clothes to wear to do this as discretely as possible. That I was unprepared for this and didn't want to stay indoors pretty much did for b'feeding with my first.

Cluster feeding. Omg. I can't even think about it now. I would have a hysterectomy right now if i could rot remove every possible pg risk!

*to remove

Nobody told me with my first child that collostrum is different to the normal milk - that there is much less volume - but that only lasts about four days and then your milk comes in.

And nobody told me that it's not a good idea at all to supplement with formula. I have inverted nipples and the whole thing (breast fed twice) was completely agonising, but I think that differently managed it could have been ok. Wanted to do for years but in bot.h cases baby just stopped at 4 months.

Also that it's a special time - give yourself a few weeks to get used to it - do it in your own time and in privacy, somewhere nice, in your room, with a good serial on your laptop or something. Don't feel pressurised into wopping them out in cafes and on buses or sending emails and having tea with friends with one on your breast. I really think that takes a bit of time and practice.

That the milk let down can be very painful, even if your latch is correct. It will pass.

That you might sometimes feel stuck under the baby, but it will space out more with time. Try not to feel overwhelmed!

British midwives tell you not to introduce a bottle early on as it causes nipple confusion! But in Amsterdam, they encourage introducing the bottle immediately and I know it hasn't caused nipple confusion with my two friends that live out there! This also offers the Mum a break and means she can have a life! I'm 14 months in with a baby that refuses all bottles! I love her dearly but I feel trapped some days! My advice, introduce a bottle early!

Yes I introduced a bottle immediately with my second child (didn't want to fall into same trap as with first) and it didn't cause nipple confusion at all! She would easily switch between the two and was a brilliant feeder with an excellent latch. So it does annoy me when I hear all this 'nipple confusion' malarkey.

Nipple confusion can happen and is a right pain if it does. Both my children started off life in special care being tube then bottle fed whilst trying to establish breastfeeding. Using bottles (unavoidably) made it really hard to get them to latch properly. That caused nipple damage and took a fair while to sort out. Swapping to bottles/teats that mimic (to some extent) the breastfeeding action, like the Medela Calma ones, helped to improve their ability to latch.

Just wanted to say what a useful thread this is- I'm planning to breastfeed DC1, due in June, and I feel much better prepared having read this! I think it's really good to hear the negatives as well as the positives as then if I do find it difficult it won't be totally unexpected.

AssassinatedBeauty My niece was tube/ cup fed as she was in the NICU and it messed up my sister's breastfeeding, sorry you went through that, it's hard! I'm suggesting one bottle a day usually the late dream feed when they're sleepy.

That me eating dairy could go into my milk and make my dairy allergic boy poorly, despite doctors telling me it couldn't - should have figured really, I knew alcohol could go into my milk!

The guilty feeling and being an emotional hormonal mess when you want to give up breast feeding, despite him being 13 months old.

That it can be fucking painful and difficult for the first 3-4 weeks, and a complete tie when the baby goes through a 3-day feeding-frenzy stage at 6-8 weeks and is on the boob for half an hour every hour, but once that is over, it's a bloody doddle.

And that it is MUCH easier the second time around.

And you breasts won't explode the night your baby first sleeps through. They'll be rock hard and they'll hurt, and you will be shooting the excess milk down the plughole at 5am, but they won't explode.

That you are not a total failure if you struggle and "keep trying " is useless advice. Demand better. Or have someone demand better for you because you may be knocked for six.

It isn't always possible, it isn't obligatory and there should be no guilt if you or your baby can't (or don't want to) do it.
On the other hand, it is worth a try.

There will be days where your baby wants to be permanently attached to your breasts. This is normal.

That it would have been easier if I'd known how hard it was....

Agree with the 'no guilt' approach. I have watched my best friend turn herself inside out with guilt and anxiety when breast feeding failed. All the literature made her feel like a failure as a mother. She's really depressed now. It makes me so angry.

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"Drain" was the wrong word to use.

But you definitely shouldn't switch back and forth after a minute or two. You should really allow the baby to go for one breast. Both in terms of nutrition and to avoid mastitis.