Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

At loggerheads with husband over feeding

65 replies

Shadowboy · 28/11/2016 00:08

I am desperate to make BF work. I've managed 8 days so far but have really really painful and cracked breasts. I have also been expressing enough for two feeds per day- one so I can sleep a couple of hours block at night, the other so I can go and walk dog/sort the horses out.

My husband keeps bottle feeding her but it makes her cry (I can hear her screaming when I'm upstairs trying to get 2-3 hours sleep) he's just
Given her two bottles in a row (I've just come down to feed her/relieve him of his shift) and he's just told me I have to express and that she just has colic and it's nothing wrong with the bottle. I'm convinced it's the bottles as she never screams after the boob.

My boobs are agonising but I want to try and ride through it to get to the other side to BF.

I'm not sure what to do now? If I express milk my husband will just use it in the night and I won't be able to BF. At the same time
My boobs are getting engorged. I'm so so so upset.

OP posts:

Clankboing · 04/12/2016 08:04

To mend the deep wound on your breast go to a decent chemist and ask for moist wound healing pads. I can't remember the name of the make (I think they begin with J). They are gauze soaked in vaseline type stuff and are fab for healing cracked boobs. I had really problematic cuts and sores from my second baby - he had a tongue tie - and it was painful to feed him.

I too think it is early to express and may cause extra pain in itself. (Also breast milk and formula is not comparable in terms of amounts). But sometimes necessity brings about early expressing. The baby may prefer boob to bottle but equally may be grumpy about it for a few days then accept it.

You have 3 choices:

Persevere with expressed milk - or formula - or mixed feeding - whilst sorting your sore boob. Tell partner to chill and not rush through the bottles. Take her for a walk, play with her, distract her. He is on a learning curve too. My dh got very good at communicating and so the babies lol. Don't be away for too long.
Take baby with you. Possibly not practical.
Relax and just feed the baby nothing else. Feed baby breast milk whilst sleeping yourself. Fall asleep during feeds. There are safe ways to do this - google it. If you're not sure ask me. Do minimum jobs that require specifics eg horse and get partner to walk dogs or pay a walker or local teenager.

Clankboing · 04/12/2016 08:08

Oh and floppy boob ok. Baby will keep sucking and the milk will come. It sounds like your milk is coming in hence your emotional distress etc. I was exactly the same. I've breastfed 4 babies and can just about remember lol. 9 years ago - oh no 7 as number 4 wouldnt get off lol!

Mindtrope · 04/12/2016 08:15

Switching between bottle and breast this early can cause nipple confusion and result in very sore nipples.

Rachie1986 · 04/12/2016 08:18

mindtrope not always. My DD had a bottle every day from 5 days. Whilst bf wasn't comfy for the first few weeks there was no cracked nipples or bleeding or infections. Same for several friends of mine. Your comment could worry the OP more - it's not always the case.

OP - thinking of you. Hope you can persevere, but do what's right for you. Your emotions will settle down as well when the milk is fully in x

GemmaB78 · 04/12/2016 08:19

I had a similar situation re: newborn, horses and BF (though thankfully a supportive partner, and it was summer which made the horse care much, much easier). I won't add to the excellent advice you have already been given re: breastfeeding. I had a sling with our DS, and he went in that whilst I mucked out, watered, etc. We got into a nice routine - he took his naps whilst i pottered around. If he woke up, it was very, very easy to feed him.

Clankboing · 04/12/2016 08:20

Boots do the moist wound healing pads too. Their own brand. You could also try looking for them on Amazon.

Mindtrope · 04/12/2016 08:22

rachie I didn't suggest it always happens, but it can, And given that the OP has sore nipples then it is the most likely cause.

I have seen hundreds of women with shredded nipples because of early bottle use.

Clankboing · 04/12/2016 08:23

I agree with previous posters who have said that breast feeding has an advantage in that if you take baby with you to places you can just feed them without preparation.

SerialReJoiner · 04/12/2016 08:26

Oh, honey. 8 days postpartum and you're mucking out horses??! No wonder you are frazzled and upset. Give yourself a break, call in some favours, kick your husband out the door to do it, SOMETHING. Stay home with your baby.

Get baby checked for tongue tie, speak to someone from LLL or at your local breastfeeding cafe (HV are useless at giving decent bf advice). You are making loads of milk; it would be such a shame to give all that up at such an early phase.

Please, please get some rest.

merrymouse · 04/12/2016 08:41

The thing that really hurt my nipples was expressing. I had breastfed easily, then started to express and suddenly understood what people meant when they complained about painful nipples.

minijoeyjojo · 04/12/2016 08:42

Hi OP, you sound like me a year ago. Newborn DD, 2 horses and a totally bonkers dog. I kept the horses out for as long as I could to make things easier, but it wasn't long before they were in and I was mucking out daily. A few things I did to make my life easier:

ditch hay nets, it's better for your horses to feed from the ground and so much quicker for you
deep litter stables
ditch any extensive grooming regime - they'll survive with some mud on them.
think of any other ways you can minimise the time and effort involved in looking after them for now

My DH works very long hours so my DD had to come with me to muck out. I just wrapped her up really warm and timed it so she'd just fed. Most of the time she'd sleep easily, if not white noise or nursery rhymes on my phone did the trick. She still comes out now and loves watching the horses 😄

Finally my DH is not horsey but had to learn how to look after mine in case I couldn't. Get him up there with you. Teach him what to do - you are partners for life and he needs to be able to help with your horses if you need him.

Loads of great advice on breastfeeding already, if you can, persevere. The early days are hard but once you get past that it's so much easier than bottles.

Clankboing · 04/12/2016 08:49

Jelonet! That's the name of the moist wound healing pad. I do have brain cells left.

SleepFreeZone · 04/12/2016 09:23

I would guess op has moved on to FF now.

I think trying to apply logic and routine to newborn babies is always going to end in disappointment. It took me six months before we had any semblance of a routine and probably a month before my nipples calmed down and I was pain free (and this was having breast fed DS1 till he was one so I thought feeding DC2 would be a breeze).

iwasbornaunicorn · 04/12/2016 10:00

Just wanted to say I've been there, my horse got an abscess just after my DD was born.
I struggled with latch, bleeding & cracked nipples & she cluster fed I managed to push through. I'm so glad I did .....you can to.

Agree with everything minijoeyjojo suggested also if you have a yard that you can set up so that they can come from field to stable I've been on some you can do this some you can't. Then leave the stable doors open & they can let themselves in & out leave their outdoor rugs on & what you'll find is you have less mucking out to do & you don't have to get up to let them out, my horse was actually the happiest when I did this suppose it's cause he could come & go as he pleased.

On a really bad day just do the bare minimum the horses will survive.

You'll get there & get the baby checked for tongue tie my baby number 3 was making me start to bleed & crack by then I had 4 years breastfeeding under my belt and knew something wasn't right, it turns out that it was tongue tie but also my positioning was fine for a toddler but not for a baby made sure I perfected the position & they didn't need to treat the tongue tie.

Original poster

Shadowboy · 04/12/2016 13:29

Sorry it's quick but quick reply- one handed so may have lots of typos!

Nipple damaged before any expressing or bottles were given. My husband bought the pump in the advice of MW when she saw my left nipple!!
I've managed to heal it but for the life of me she won't latch into it. I've continued to express from it 5 x a day and producing about 12 ounces a day. She's only had one formula bottle so far (we are in day 15) so not doing too badly!

I'm still doing the horses in the morning - to be honest it's my headspace and I enjoy it even if it's very rushed!

Thanks for all the advice!! Right boob is holding out

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3