Not sure if 1 day old latching on/actually feeding

[economymode]

This is my 3rd child (eldest is at school full time and middle one at preschool 3 days per week).

Number 3 born Saturday morning and I have no idea if she's actually getting what she needs from me. I ended up formula feeding her brother and sister as I found trying to bf too stressful. But really want to give it a real shot this time.

The thing is, I just can't transfer everything I read online yo myself. If that makes sense. Every midwife etc says something different about technique.

Since birth (very early hours of Saturday) she's probably had 6 or 7 feeds. None longer than 30 minutes. Some as short as 5 minutes (she soothes on the breast and then falls asleep). Last night she slept from around 9.30 pm until 6 am. Tried feeding her at 2 am but she just wasn't interested at all.

She's had one wet nappy but plenty of mec poos.

I'm just really worried about her not getting what she needs and then getting ill.

Spending a day just in bed/on the sofa trying to find the technique for us isn't an option due to the two.older children and a very annoying cat.

Does the amount of feeds sound right? Like I said, every midwife says something different so I have no idea.

There are no feeding cafes/sessions in my locality - local children's centre nearby but doesn't offer bf support that I know of. All other sessions are on ghr other side of town.

Not really sure what this post is trying to achieve, just wanted to get things off my chest.

Sorry for not updating.

Still no success latching on. Everyone says I'm doing all the right things but she's just not getting it.

I'm expressing what i can and try her on the breast but don't know how long my supply will last. Or how long my sanity will hold out.

I was lent a double pump but I hate it with a passion. Literally makes me cry when using it as I just sit there feeling like a cow, no hands free to do anything, staring at my belly (history of anorexia so this is not helpful). Currently using a manual single pump as I can just about cope with that.

She's lost about 200g, which MW said was normal. So I'm not concerned she's not getting enough from a combo of expressed milk and formula.

I won't be able to pump when my husband is back at work as I'll be back on school run duty. Plus generally ferrying kids about.

I read about people who feed twins, or who keep going and finally get it, or exclusively pump for months....and I end up feeling like a failure or weak for giving up too easily.

It is OK for them to lose a bit of weight and doesn't mean she isn't getting enough.

People who feed twins/express loads/keep going have a different circumstance to you. They might have naturally loads of milk, they might have fewer children, they might have family running around after them, and even if they don't, so what? Don't worry about what everyone else does. Breastfeeding isn't a measure of worth. Is this working right now for you, for your family? What would make it easier (that you can control)? If stopping pumping would help then stop. It's OK if you don't breastfeed. Try to think about it in terms of what's working out, not not-working as in broken, just in terms of simple logistics.

Any update on the tongue tie? Maybe that will shed some light on things.

Thank you. I really do appreciate you taking time to reply. I know everyone's circumstances differ but I just feel like I've failed.

Tongue tie was inconclusive. She perhaps has a small one but the (v experienced) midwife I saw said she thought the baby could do it, I just needed to get my supply up. But even that seems less than it was with my other two, despite the pumping, skin to skin and bf attempts. All of which should stimulate production.

At the end of the day, I need to accept that it doesn't matter how I feed my baby. As long as she is healthy. And I stay healthy.

So much easier said than done though.

Thanks again. Just feel so much pressure from myself to keep going.

Okay - so you need to get your supply up, but nothing is actually helping with that. That says to me that it's likely your baby isn't transferring milk effectively, that will have a knock on effect on supply. The thing with tongue tie is that it isn't necessarily how big or how severe it is which has an effect - you have to look at the whole picture. A baby who is unsettled at the breast, having serious difficulty latching (more than the usual newness) or where milk transfer is not being achieved, plus a tongue tie present, this points to the fact that the tongue tie is causing issues.

In short, you're having issues because of a physical problem - it's nothing that you've done or not done which has caused this. It's just a thing which happens. Now as you'll find, HCPs are reluctant to divide a small tongue tie because it "shouldn't" cause problems - so it might be that you are chasing a dragon trying to get it sorted. If you still want to keep looking, you could. It might be that a different person is able to move things forward, but you have to balance it against everything else which is happening.

FWIW I think it's very very normal to feel a sense of loss and yes even guilt at stopping BF before you'd planned even if you've done everything that you possibly can. Even if you've done A LOT more than is reasonable in the circumstances! It's such an emotional issue, you're also dealing with adjusting to life with a new baby (or a bigger family), struggling on lack of sleep and your hormones are going crazy. Bloody hell, no wonder women end up feeling shitty. I remember feeling shit about the most ridiculous of things when I was postpartum. This doesn't define you and you are absolutely not the only one.

This will pass, you'll look back and feel differently. Just for now only think one feed ahead, and just take it one by one. Whatever seems like the best option at the time. Don't worry about the long term, or supply, or physiology. Just take each feed - breast or bottle - as a separate event. You never know what will happen. Perhaps it will tail off or it will suddenly get easier, or it will continue as it is. Either way, you're doing fine, and I'm sure you'll be able to see the way forwards, as long as you don't try to see and plan it all at once.

Good luck (with everything) and take care.

Bertie, thank you.

I find it so much easier to vent on here than in RL. The kindness of strangers never ceases to amaze me.

I've come to realise sometimes things are just beyond your control. As I mentioned upthread this happened to me with my dc4 after having bf my other 3 with no troubles. He had a small posterior tongue tie and wasn't transferring milk effectively, I didn't realise until day 10 when he became really poorly. My supply had all but disappeared and following a couple of days in hospital he became nipple/teat confused and refused to latch again. I managed to get my supply back with pumping but I think I had the benefit of my body remembering as I've bf before. I could get away with 4 sessions a day whereas most people need at least 7 including one at night when exclusively pumping. I just couldn't have managed that. But like you I'd read of people who managed to get it back on track after a few weeks and were considered bf heros while my baby just couldn't do it and I've felt a total failure. I didn't do anything differently/less than them, it's just really unfortunate (and fwiw, I've ended up on antidepressants) Incase it makes any difference you can buy a bra that holds the pumps in place so you can be hands free. I can't lie and say formula is just as good but you know that. What I have learnt though is that feeding method really isn't the most important aspect of caring for your baby but it's taken me six long months to realise that.

There's no way I could manage 7 sessions per day, even if that did guarantee my supply.

Like you say, some things are out of our control.

Trying to bf is no longer a bonding experience, more of a trial. And I don't want that to taint my relationship with the baby.

I've decided to pump as long as I can this next week but it has got to taper off. She'll have had a couple of weeks of breast milk and I cannot say I haven't tried.

My supply isn't like it was with the past two children, despite having the same issues. Pumping the same amount, but just not getting as much out. Again, out of my control.

Formula didn't irrevocably harm my others. Just was looking forward to finally breastfeeding this time around. But c'est la vie.

Like uou say. Ispy...., how you feed your child isn't the only factor in the big picture.