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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

[hangs head in shame] should i just give her some formula?

50 replies

daisybo · 10/02/2007 09:12

i never thought i would be in this position but my 3 week old dd will not sleep. i just can't cope with this any more i'm getting around an average of 1-2 hrs sleep in 24 hours. i've got a 2.8 yr old ds who doesn't go to nursery and doesn't have a nap. he goes to bed at 7 and gets up at 6. dd wants feeding all night if she's not feeding she's crying, nothing will soothe her or make her sleep. i'm so tired i get really ratty with ds and it's just not fair on him.
so........
if i gave her a bottle of formula at midnight would it make her sleep (and would it make me a terrible mother...)

OP posts:

Sheraz · 10/02/2007 09:20

It won't make you a bad mother, it might make you a less tired mother. If you want to do it do it. I Formula fed both my DS's and they are perfectly healthy boys. I cannot bear all this guilt about BFing.
I had a 2.8 age gap btn my 2 nad just did not have the time or energy to spend all night feeding.

sarahhal · 10/02/2007 09:20

I don't know if it would make her sleep but it certainly wouldn't make you a terrible mother that's for sure.
My DS was 2.4 when DS2 was born and I am shuddering reading this at the memories of how difficult it was. I remember almost pinning him in bed desperate for him to have a day time nap so that I could sleep too!!
I have to admit that I din't exclusively BF DS2 for half as long as DS1 just for the reasons you are saying. From about a month he had at least one bottle of expressed milk and one of formula just to created some sanity in our lives! I think the main advantage was that DH could do one of the night feeds which made so much difference to my well being. I was obsessed that I shouldn't be doing it, expressed all the hours I could find and drew up these complex charts so I felt i was somehow in control I know that those who feel very strongly about BF will encourage you not to, but if you feel that you will enjoy both your children more, then do it!

daisynut · 10/02/2007 09:23

will not make you a terrible mummy

however when I asked my m/w about FF she told me J wouldn't settle any better/longer with it that without - so from that POV might be worth looking into why DD is awake so much? dos she have wind/colic or something?

(try expressing to see how much she's actually taking- I found that helped with J and also gave my boobs the much needed rest!)

you have to do what's best for you and your fmaily, not woryr about what everyone else is thinking.

SoupDragon · 10/02/2007 09:24

It won't make you a terrible mother but it also won't guarantee any more sleep.

SoupDragon · 10/02/2007 09:26

Is she sleeping in your bed with you? I used to feed all 3 of mine lying down in the night and sometimes I feel asleep midfeed

SoupDragon · 10/02/2007 09:27

"I know that those who feel very strongly about BF will encourage you not to"

Or, we may offer alternative solutions, it depends how you look at it.

lulumama · 10/02/2007 09:27

it won;t make you a terrible mother, but it might not make her sleep more. it might settle her for a wee bit, but not for hours

newborns need to feed a lot

have you tried co sleeping?

the first 6 weeks are a blur of feeding and no sleep, however you feed x

lulumama · 10/02/2007 09:28

x post with soupy !

VeniVidiVickiQV · 10/02/2007 09:30

It wont make you a terrible mother, but, I worry that you could switch to formula and feel even worse because it might not help her sleep, and you will have felt you swapped for something you feel is inferior, for no good reason.

They do feed ALOT in the early weeks. THey are doing it to build up your supply. Maybe you can express some milk during the day so that your DP can help you with a night feed?

Or try co-sleeping.

Chandra · 10/02/2007 09:36

I agree about not beating yourself about the formula, is not venom, you know BUT...

There is no warranty whatsoever that having formula is going to make him sleep. So not sure if it's going to make a difference besides... as far as I remember babies tend to have a growth spurt at 3 weeks aprox when they can not stop feeding (DS's was very much as you describe it) so, who knows?, maybe in 1-2 weeks time he is back to normal and things are OK.

IME what helped was trying to feed DS very often during the day so he didn't need to feed so many times at night. It is early days... it will get better soon.

WeaselMum · 10/02/2007 09:38

sounds like maybe you need some help with your ds! Then at least if your dd naps in the day, you might get a bit of rest too. Is there anyone that can help out during the day?

I agree with VVV - I think that you need to consider how YOU really feel about formula before you make a decision. Many sympathies, lack of sleep is horrible. x

tiktok · 10/02/2007 09:39

I'm staying away from mumsnet more often, but had to pop in and say 'expressing to see how much the baby is getting' will not help at all, sorry, daisynut who suggested it!

Expressing does not necesssarily remove the same amount as the baby
Even if it did, it gets you nowhwere - what is the point of knowing 'how much' is in there? The baby may or may not take this amount, depending on appetite and need

Nothing much to add to this apart from that - obviously giving formula or not giving formula has no bearing on whether someone is or isn't a bad mother, despite what it may feel like, and obviously giving a bottle of formula is no guarentee of a baby sleeping longer! Beyond that, some good suggestions already here!

Soapbox · 10/02/2007 09:41

Are you sure that she is actually hungry when you are feeding her?

It is easy to mistake collicky crying, in the early days for hunger - and then top her up, which of course sets teh collick off again etc etc.

Have you tryed using an anti-collick medicine - like infacol?

Could it be reflux? Is she a possety baby?

Yes, babies do feed a lot in the early days, but it is best to check out that it is actually hunger that is the problem.

Also new babies sometimes hate being laid on their back to sleep. Both of mine slept on my chest as babies, with me semi-propped up with loads of pillows! They slept the sleep of the dead like that, but would be awake in a millisecond if I tried to lay them down!

You've come this far, so it may be worth persisting with breastfeeding a little longer to see if things settle down. As others have already said, formula may not cure the problem anyway - and if it is collic may even make it worse!

monkeymonkeymoomoo · 10/02/2007 09:56

I had two awful growth spurts at 3 and 5.5 weeks when DD would wake every 1-2hrs for a feed night and day. I know Mum's who FF and it made no difference so before you go down that avenue maybe it is worth seeing whether it is reflux, colic etc. I agree with the co-sleeping on the chest thing - my DD had reflux and this helped her to sleep much better. She hated being laid down and slept much better upright.

For what its worth FF doesn't make you a bad mother, ifr it is right for you then go for it but perhaps rule out other possibilities first?

WriggleJiggle · 10/02/2007 09:58

If the current situation is upsetting you, get the formula in. It might not make her sleep, but if you could get someone else to do a few nights it would give you a much needed break. You need to look after yourself. IMO dd having formula for a couple of nights whilst you catch up on sleep will make things much easier for the whole family.

Alternatively, can ds spend some time with the g'parents or a close friend?

fortyplus · 10/02/2007 10:01

Why not express some milk during the day and top up her last bf before bedtime?
I thought it was worth sticking with breastmilk as long as possible just to avoid the horrid stinky ff nappies!

NadineBaggott · 10/02/2007 10:06

Why don't you just try it. It may work it may not? It's not a hanging offence .
or 'suck it and see' as they say

Good luck and I hope you get some sleep soon, being knackered is no good to anyone.

Original poster

daisybo · 10/02/2007 10:18

thanks everyone for replying, i've tried lying down to feed her so that we could co-sleep but i just can't get her latched on properly, the only way she seems happy feeding (and not painful for me) is with me bolt upright in a chair, am also a bit wary of co-sleeping what with duvets etc with it being so cold atm. unfortunately i don't really have anyone who could have ds for a bit all the grandparents are miles away
i have heard about the growth spurt thing, but she has been like this since she was 1 week old
i think she is a bit windy but nothing seems to make her stop crying apart from booby!
if i give her a bottle (formula or ebm) will it interfere with her latching on - she's not the best at latching on at the best of times, doesn't seem to want to open her mouth wide enough.
oh i'm sooo confused!!!

OP posts:

BandofMothers · 10/02/2007 10:32

This may raise some heckles, but. . . have you tried a dummy?
Now I loathe dummy's and am glad dd2 doesn't need one.
Dd1 however would not sleep without sucking something. I waited 3 weeks to give her one, and nearly collapsed from exhaustion , and after nearly choking her when I fell asleep with my finger in her mouth I decided to give in.
And magically she slept!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like an angel, through the night, or at least 5 or 6 hrs. No probs, until I took it away just before she was 3!
It's worth thinking about. Some babies just need something to suck in order to fall asleep.

princessmel · 10/02/2007 10:37

Have you tried swaddling ?? I really think it helps. Lots of babies ( mine included) love the feeling of being all snug.

I feel for you. I know what its like , feeding all night the looking after baby and a 2.5yr old all day. Its really hard work.

Well done. xx

lulumama · 10/02/2007 10:44

have oyu had any help with the breastfeeding, to get the latch sorted

the NCT, LaLeche league and Assoicaiation of breastfeeding mothers have helplines and there are often breast feeding clinics locally...

Original poster

daisybo · 10/02/2007 10:56

i did try a dummy but she didn't seem to be able to suck on it or keep it in her mouth. it seemed massive for her tiny mouth! are there any that are better then others for tiny babies?

OP posts:

SSShakeTheChi · 10/02/2007 10:59

You could try it and see how it works for you all.

Debbsyandson · 10/02/2007 11:12

i had this and it was the fact that my milk hadnt come through properly it was at 3 weeks too also growth spurt,but also comfort gave ds 1 formula at night and he also had a dummy things improved you have to do whats best for you.But i do sympathise i was there not so long ago. xx

Debbsyandson · 10/02/2007 11:13

ds dummy is avent newborn he didnt like the tommee tippee ones to big,but avent are only small teats.Good luck

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