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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

[hangs head in shame] should i just give her some formula?

50 replies

daisybo · 10/02/2007 09:12

i never thought i would be in this position but my 3 week old dd will not sleep. i just can't cope with this any more i'm getting around an average of 1-2 hrs sleep in 24 hours. i've got a 2.8 yr old ds who doesn't go to nursery and doesn't have a nap. he goes to bed at 7 and gets up at 6. dd wants feeding all night if she's not feeding she's crying, nothing will soothe her or make her sleep. i'm so tired i get really ratty with ds and it's just not fair on him.
so........
if i gave her a bottle of formula at midnight would it make her sleep (and would it make me a terrible mother...)

OP posts:

Muminfife · 10/02/2007 11:14

This reply has been deleted

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Muminfife · 10/02/2007 11:50

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Ali5 · 10/02/2007 11:58

We found that introducing formula didn't make much difference to sleep (and nothing has since really) but felt just as you did around 3 weeks. I was really panicking coz dh was lucky enough to have 4 weeks off and we shared the sleeplessness. I just didn't know how I was going to cope with the nights when it was just me doing it, but strangely enough at 3½ weeks it all settled down and bit by bit ds went longer and longer between feeds. Stick with it, try a bottle if you want and never feel guilty about any decisions you make as a mother.

BandofMothers · 10/02/2007 12:18

Does she also cry like that in the day or is it just at night.??
How much does she sleep in the day?

SoupDragon · 10/02/2007 12:31

If she's miserable in the day too (and BabyDragon certainly was, bless her) I can highly recommend a coorie pouch sling.

nogoes · 10/02/2007 12:45

Most of my antenatal friends breastfed their babies for about a year but nearly all of them topped up with an evening bottle. It might be worth trying. Giving one bottle a day would not make much of a difference to your milk supply.

3andnomore · 10/02/2007 12:56

Daisy, I don't think it would make you a terrible mum to give your Baby a FF at midnight, but I suppose that depends a bit on why you bf, if you do it because of trying to avoid allergies, etc...you may be better off not too!
Also, there is no garanty (sp?) that giving Formula will have any effect on the sleep-pattern, or that it will have the longed for effect, as it could make things worse, rather then better....!
Have you considered co-sleeping? That might be a way of getting more sleep wihtout opting for Formula.
Interupted sleep in those first few weeks/month is difficult to cope with and if you have other children to look after, it's often even more difficult...I had 21 month between ms and ys and ms used to go bed at 7pm and wake at 5am co-sleeping definately helped us a lot

Original poster

daisybo · 10/02/2007 13:01

she's not that bad during the day - in fact i fed her at 9am she went to sleep and she's still asleep now!!! why oh why won't she do this at night!!

OP posts:

3andnomore · 10/02/2007 13:08

Baby's eh...don't know what it is with BABY'S TO BE SUCH NOCTURNAL CREATURES.... ooops caps lock....it will get easier.

Nemo2007 · 10/02/2007 13:11

not terrible mother to FF, I have FF both my girls and DS I only bf for 3wks.

However do agree with others that it may not make much of a difference, I have a 5wk old who also screams a lot at night and feeds little and often, just like DD1 it looks like a combination of reflux and colic.

Rumpel · 10/02/2007 13:13

Daisy - I had major probs bf my LO (I have flat nipples and she was too tired too lazy to suck) and was in the same position as you. I remember week 3 being just the worst ever. Anyway I gave in and gave her a ff at night when she was 3 weeks old (my LO lost loads of weight in the first few weeks too. I felt terribly guilty, but in retropsect I wish I had done it sooner as hours of her crying and trying to force the booby on her make me feel guilty now.
It caused no nipple confusion whatsoever and she quickly put on weight and was much happier. I have been bf and ff ever since and she is happy and healthy. I used NUK bottles and dummy tits - I found a dummy made a big difference too as she is a very sucky baby and seems to need to work off the 'suck' energy before she will settle.
It means that you can get someone else to feed her during the day or the late evening feed and you can bf in the night, which hopefully will make you feel a bit more human. Try to get the same bottle teats and dummy teats and you should be fine. Please don't feel bad or guilty as you and baby's health is what matters most not other people's opinions or attitudes. good luck and hope you are feeling better soon.xxx

liquidclocks · 10/02/2007 13:16

Sometimes we just heve to accept that until 8-12 weeks babies are not good at doing long sleeps. There's so much good advice below about checking latch, considering reflux/colic and I think you should follow through with those suggestions.

While you're working it out though is there anyone who could come and take the children out in the pram/car for a few hours a day while you sleep? Or sit in the house even (though I slept better when they were out). If you don't have friends/family who could help out thaen you could try your local Homestart - they've been such a blessing for me - someone comes and plays with DS's for an afternoon a week and I can either work, sleep or generally clean up - whatever's most urgent.

liquidclocks · 10/02/2007 13:18

I combined NUK wide neck teats with BF (expressing a feed per day so DH could do one in the night) too and it worked well for a while before I did the 'switch'.

naughtymummy · 10/02/2007 13:28

Maybe stating the obvious here but what about waking her for feeds during the day ? At this age she is only likely to give you one 4-5 hour stretch in 24 -that needs to be at night have you tried feeding her 3 hourly through the day and see if she sleeps more at night. BTW my dd is mix fed and lasts the same length of time between bf and ff. Of course if you want your DH or DP to share night feeding then formula may not be a bad idea....good luck anyway

belgianmama · 10/02/2007 13:32

Hi Daisy,
I find it encouraging that your lo sleeps longer in the day. It sounds like it is clearly not to do with your actual BF technique. Maybe she is just one of those that (like my mum says) takes her nights for her days! In other words sleeps like a dream in the day and thinks nighttime is the right time to be awake! This also makes me think that a bottle would indeed not make much difference. It's a funny thing, but I've never heard anyone say this in this country, while where I'm from it is widely accepted that sometimes there are babies that are night owls and there's not much you can do about it except for waiting until they grow out of it.
I think your dd will grow out of this in time. Maybe try to encourage her to feed a bit more in the day so she's 'filled up'. At night keep the lights and your voice down so she learns that night time is sleep time.
Cutting out nighttime feeds might actually make things worse in a way. Your body produces more prolactin (The hormone responsible for your milk production) at night and so night feeding encourages your body to produce more milk than day feeding. So cutting out the night feeds might result in you having less milk in the daytime IYKWIM.
Try and get some help during the day with your dc1. Especially now the weekend is here, get your dh to take your dc1 out for the afternoon and then get yourself to bed. You'll feel far better for it in the long run and you'll be able to cope with the night much better.
Success. As many others have said. Your dd will be 6-8 weeks before you know it and it will all seem a distant memory

SoupDragon · 10/02/2007 13:38

I never let DS or DD sleep longer than 4 hours in the day. Obviously at night I let them sleep however long they wanted!

Swaddling is good. I also used to put them to bed after a feed on their side rather than their backs - they always flopped onto their back later anyway.

BandofMothers · 10/02/2007 16:59

Swaddling, yes. Dd1 was swaddled until 6 weeks. DD2 never needed it.
DD2 ALWAYS camped out on the boobs ALL evening until I instituted an 8pm bedtime at about 5 months old.
It was like she was tanking up for the night, so to speak.Fromabout 7pm til 11pm, nearly solid feeding. Might be worth trying.
I don't think topping up with a bottle will make a dif.
As for dummies. DD1, as I said, had one. I hate them so brought the more expensive orthopedic shaped good for the palette, ones. She wouldn't touch them. She liked the cherry teat cheap ones from Wilkos.
Think you can get slightly smaller ones for new borns.
Definately at 3 weeks, you ought to wake her every three hours to feed, if for no other reason than to bring your milk supply up as she grows.
Can't think of anything else at mo'. Will check back in later.
As someone said, may just not be a sleeper. My little bro never gave my mum more than 3 hours in a row. Until he was about 2 years!!!!!!!!!!!!

fortyplus · 12/02/2007 10:10

Ds! was given Jonny Wilkinson's book 'Play Rugby my way'. I was having a look at it last night and there are contributions from his family. His mum says he didn't sleep through the night until he was eight!!! What a nightmare

BandofMothers · 12/02/2007 10:53

My dh didn't sleep through for years either. App his mum used to have to sit in there for hours with him!! Was totally hyper.
Thank God dd's don't seem to have taken after him for that.

Bethbe · 12/02/2007 11:30

Daisy: Every baby is different!

Once you have decided to do an odd ff, it does't mean you can't go back to exclusively bf.

My LO had to spend so much timeon the boob there wasn't any time to express. Eventually, I had an arrangement where DH would take over childcare from 9pm-midnight and feed LO as much formula as he needed whilst I got a solid 3 hour kip to prepare me for the crazy night ahead. I would bf from then on until dp took over at 9pm the next night.

LO now either feeds less, or more efficiently and bf has become relaxing and enjoyable instead of resentful, stressful and exhausting - I have gone back to exclusive feeding and have time and energy to express for some time off

so giving ff for a while doesn't mean you've failed at bf, and maternal sanity is also important for a healthy baby!

Make your decision guilt-free!!! - even if it's to go completely ff!!

katierocket · 12/02/2007 11:36

agree with the point about 'sucky' babies, both of my children are. DS2 won't take a dummy (yet) but sucks furiously on my finger.

out of interest, those of you who say that you don't let babies sleep for longer than X hours in the day - how do you wake them? If I wake DS2 (3 weeks) when he's been sleeping more than 3 hours in the day he just screams and screams because he's still tired.

saffymum · 12/02/2007 11:38

Hi, is it getting any better? Do the formula at night time, and try a Nuk dummy you can get from ASDA or mothercare, they are shaped nicely for little mouths. Hope you get some sleep soon. I had the same problem and I was exhausted. You poor thing!

BandofMothers · 12/02/2007 11:59

At 3 weeks old I would only wake every 3 hours to feed. She didn't always wake up though. I once spent 45 mins trying to wake her up to feed but she was totally out. Got a bit freaked out tbh. Then after half hour she woke on her own.
My point though was, at 3 weeks I don't really think it matters if they go back to sleep after the feed.
Does that help?
It wasn't til she was older that I don't like her to sleep so much in the day.

clarebka1 · 15/02/2007 20:58

I know how you feel - dd1 3 weeks today getting no more than a few hours at night - good support in day means I am catching up. Also uber sore breasts on feeding to the point where I simply can't put her on my boob at night.

Advice from hsv is to ebm for breast pain and to supplement with formula - found out producing veryy little evening milk - if your active all day ?? sam for you - hence she is starving hungary - gave her formula last night and was obviously ravenous.

Feel no shame - I'm getting lost of ebm and topping up when needed - best of both worlds - now if she sleeps tonight its a winner....

MadamePlatypus · 16/02/2007 11:06

fortyplus, that is really interesting. When DS was small it was around the time that England won the world cup. I have always thought at every stage, "well I bet Jonny Wilkinson's mum doesn't care any more about when he learnt to talk, was potty trained, slept through" to try to give myself some perspective. 8 years old eh? I guess if you hang around on munmsnet long enough you learn everything.

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