completely fed up

[usandnosleep]

My ds is 6 months old, since he was 2 months old he has woken me every 2 hours through the night and a couple of nights a week it will be more often.
He will occasionally let my dp settle him with a cuddle but he usually needs me to feed him back to sleep. I'm exhausted and cannot go on with this but feel completely trapped. I have tried co-sleeping but I still didn't get any sleep.
He is exclusively breast fed, we have been trying since he was just a month to get him to take a bottle with no luck, he has on the odd occasion taken 2 ozs but it is very hit and miss. He will sip from a cup but very small amounts and this isn't practical at night
I started weaning him at 5 months, the first few days went well then he had an upset tummy and now refuses to let food near his mouth. He likes to hold and play with food but the only thing he has put near his mouth is a banana which he did suck at but won't since.
I now really don't like breast feeding I want to say I hate breastfeeding. I'm not sure what I want anyone to say. I didn't know where to put this either it's a milk, food and sleep issue.
Anyone felt the same?

oh god - ds1 was just like that and it's horrible.

first, have you tried a dummy? (this didn't work with ds1 but does work with ds2).

re the bottle - if you can sort the sleep it doesn't really matter if he won't have one. ds never did and was also quite a long way "behind" on food - he would not eat lumps till he was about 1 as I recall, only smooth purees. he did have banan from about 9 months though. have you tried smooth purees and fromage frais? (the latter especially is usually a winner!) mind you, you might find he's better at eating if someone else feeds him.

but sleep is the most importatnt thing. with ds1 we used controlled crying in the end, after trying and failing with a few things. pick up put down didn't work, but that may have been because I was too exhausted to do it properly. cc, if you are brave enough, means going in to him and saying shhh (or whatever - it doesn't matter as long as it's the same each time) and then just leaving him for progressively longer periods of time. it was horrible, but it did work and ds1 doesn't seem traumatised now, BUT we did it at 9 months, so after the worst of the separation anxiety (when they cry whenever you go out of sight) - is your ds suffering from that?

Hi i can relate to that!!! I bf for 6wks and that was more than enough for me.. everyones different. Sending you a big hug as can understand how much it get's you down. Have you spoken to a Hv? Don't really know what to suggest for you. We had a hard time with our little one at first with sleeping and not wanting bottles. It's so not easy. x

I know how you feel
ds2 was like that and to some extent still is
hugs

Is he popsy? I thought it was sorted?

he was sorted......

usandnosleep - sorry things are still rough for you No real advice, just wanted to keep this bumped for you. Over the past few days I have been feeling pretty rough about bf too, but for different reasons, wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

SP- ds won't take a dummy, we have tried several times.
I bought fromage frais yesterday but he wasn't interested, I'll keep trying.
DP could feed him at the weekends and my sister visits once a week so I could see if ds is any better with her.
CC was my last resort but I think I'm getting there. I hate the thought of it but the 3 of us aren't getting any decent sleep. I agree if we can sort the sleep I will feel much happier about b/feeding at the moment though just to have one night a week where my dp could do the night feeds would be great!
DP and I have had big rows today, he thinks I should just go cold turkey until ds will take a bottle. He just doesn't understand. We did make up in the end and reach a compromise.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experiences, I appreciate all advice

Tiddler- I have just recieved a letter saying I have a new HV so she might be worth a call, can't do any harm can it?! Thanks for the hug x

Popsy- It helps to know it's not just me, it feels like I'm the one getting things wrong but I don't know how to put things right. I hope things improve for you soon.

Thanks Mae xxx It has helped just writing it down and getting it out. I've had a good cry today and it has lifted me a little. It can't last forever can it(?!!) I'm sure I'll hardly remember this bit in years to come it's such a small part of our lives.

Oh god, was crying like a goodun this morning, felt like I'd got it out of my system a bit. Just trying to repeat my mantra of 'it's just a phase' everytime it gets a bit too much.

FWIW I don't think going cold turkey on the bf would really help at this point, and would probably be even more for you to cope with (but think you know this). I'm sure tho that your DH is just trying to come up with suggestions to make you happier. I had mine out pounding the pavement for over an hour this morning with strict instructions not to come back until the boy had had a decent nap. I had a bit of a lie down and a think then felt ready to have a shower, get dressed and face the world.

You will get through this, and your baby is very lucky. Take care xx

Mae- came back to send you some {{hugs}} Thank you for your lovely message, I'm going to chant your mantra tomorrow! DP is desperately trying to help bless him, everything is black and white to him. Bless your DH and keep him pounding those streets!
I hope things improve for you soon, this parenting malarkey is bloomin hard xx

Thanks for replying. Sending you positive sleeping baby vibes, I'm off to bed myself now .

usandnosleep - pelase remember that you're probably not "getting things wrong". I have 3 - one was almsot exactly like your ds in the not eating/waking a lot/not taking a bottle or dummy stakes but the other two slept through quite early. Some babies do, some don't.

Another thing to try (that you jmay have tried already) is to just pick him up and pace the room when he wakes in the night. My memories of ds1 are getting hazy, but I don't think I ever did that systematically with him, and it has worked recently with ds2 (who sleeps well-ish usually but has had a bit of a cold). You'd need to take turns with someone, but it could mean you get at least 4 hours of sleep together, which makes all the difference ime.

dh told me to give up the bf cold turkey too, and in then end I did (at 15 months, because of a wedding). It didn't really stop him from being clingy, and didn't stop him from having what I can only describe as a sleep relapse either. we did in fact do cc twice.

best of luck though. and to you popsy.

If ds3 had been my first, I would have really thought I was doing everything wrong! As he was my third and ds1 and ds2 were relative angels in the taking-a-bottle and sleeping departments I knew it was him, not me! I have just done cc with him (aged 2!!!) and he has been sleeping through for the past week (Yay!)Re the bottle, popsycal and I were sisters for a while in that we both had bottle-refusers. We both had success with the MAM ultivent teat, but unfortunately my ds3 eventually figured out that he didn't like that one either and the one that worked for us was the Playtex NaturalLatch teat in Latex which was a lot softer. He did have to be starving before he'd take it though!
Even now he is a very spirited, obstinate little person! He won't sit in a highchair if ds1 and ds2 are sitting at the table, he wants to sit at the table too! He won't drink from a plastic beaker, he wants to drink from a glass. He still likes his breastfeeds though and imperiously tells me to "Sit down!" so he can have one. I have found that I do have to let him know who's boss and put the foot down sometimes just to save my own sanity.

Sounds just like my ds. He was feeding more and more in the night, rather than less and less, culminating on holiday when he was 9m and waking every 45 mins!!! That was it then, enough was enough. I decided to do my own version of cc. When we got home I decided to pick him up and cuddle him until he stopped crying, but I refused to let him feed. Poor thing was quite upset, sucking my face, shoulders,... But after 3 nights his waking up magically stopped and we had peaceful nights again.
My HV told me that babies do not actually need any more night feeds once they become 6m, so it might be an idea to do something similar with your ds.
Oh and it is v. difficult to get a 6m old exclusively bf baby to start taking a bottle. Mine never did. I would also advise you to just go straight on to milk from a sippy cup at that stage, as that's the recommendation really.
Success and I hope you'll get some better nights soon.

Oh and I think floating is right. You might feel better about BF once you get more sleep. I think you'll find that once he's happily eating solids and sleeping through the night, that BF hardly interferes with your life anymore. (That's what I found anyway).

chipmonkey...sleeping through???? sleepomg THROUGH

Hi usandnosleep... have just skim read all of this...
I have a 7 mth night-time comfort feeder - no time for lengthy explanation now since I've just got up after a VERY bad night, so went to bed again when got back from taking him to Childminder - am supposed to be working... grrrr.
Anyway - have you thought that he might be teething? Perhaps he is waking cos he's uncomfortable? If so you could dose him up to the eyeballs and see if you get a few more hours of sleep. Medised is supposed to knock them out. (Doesn't with mine though! ).

Yes popsy, sleeping through! I can actually get out of bed in the morning without feeling like I've got lead weights attached to my feet!

usandnosleep - how are things with you, haven't seen you on the postnatal thread for a while. Hope you're managing to get some rest

hiusandnosleep - I have a 1yo DD2 and up until last Friday she was using me as a dummy too, she needed BFing back to sleep every 2 hours as well so I know who hard it is.

I tried "no cry sleep solution" with her which is a gentle removal method no a quick fix, I couldn't do CC TBH. Unfortunately it didn't work for us so we resorted to a version of pick up and put down whereas when she stand up in her cot and cries we lay her back down and sshh her. It's still early days but we have already seen a big improvement (you can see my diary and other people using NCSS on the NCSS support thread).

But my DD2 is a year and on 3 good meals a day plus snacks so I knew it wasn't hunger, I wouldn't have been so sure at 6 months she is a big hungry girl thats why I waited before trying any kind of sleep training FWIW solids had no effect on her sleeping.

He's still really young for solids I would keep going offering a few bits of finger food for him to play with he will soon get the idea.

Sorry I haven't been back to the thread before now, I have been getting out and about enjoying the winter sun and fresh air. Blowing the cobwebs away as they say!

My DS has been unwell too and keeping me busy but even this had a silver lining because I tried medised to help his breathing and he has actually only woken twice the last 4 nights!! I feel so much better for having some sleep. We will see how he is tonight though because he is on the mend so no meds. Wish me luck!

Went along to the clinic for a weigh in and they are concerned about his slow weight gains, he is 14lb 4ozs at 6 months. So I have to go back in 2 weeks. Although we have had a bit of a breakthrough with food since yesterday so fingers crossed this will do the trick.
I have to say it is disheartening to try your very best, breastfeeding on demand night and day to be told it's not good enough! Hey-ho I'm not going to let it get me down.

Thank you very much for all your messages, it is really helpful to hear other peoples stories and to know it isn't just me. I really appreciate it.
Hope things are improving for you Popsy and Flora?
Thanks Maewest, hope you're ok? {{hugs}} I think I'm just going to pop in and out for a while. I need to be getting out more during the day and spending time with my dp in the evenings. xxx

Good to hear from you, sorry DS has been poorly. Know what you mean about getting out and about. At the moment I feel like I'm a Stay at Home Mum who's never actually at home .

And you ARE doing the best thing for him, some babies are slower to gain weight than others. My DS has a little baby girlfriend who we see at our bf support group. She is 6 weeks older but is a v slight baby, DS is much bigger than her. BUT she is as bright as a button, sitting up, trying to stand up, rolling, chatting etc.

Hi usandnosleep. Another one here who has been where you are (my post name was CantSleepWontSleep until last week!).

You will probably find that one of the reasons he isn't doing well with solids is that he is full from all of the milk he is having during the night. I'm currently working on getting my 11 month old dd to eat more solids by reducing her daytime milk. It's hard work but having an effect. Thankfully she no longer feeds in the night (well, only occasionally).

She still won't drink milk from a cup or bottle, but I agree with the other poster who suggested giving up with the bottle and going straight for a cup. My dd will now drink water from one particular cup.

Anyway, the point of my post really is to recommend that you use cc. We did a little of this with dd when she about your ds's age, just to enable her to sometimes get herself to sleep, and we did it again at 8 months to get her to sleep through. We now expect her to sleep through, rather than expect her not to sleep through.

You will find breastfeeding much less of a chore if you can sort the sleep problem.

Mae, You're right DS is very alert too. He is extremely active, he is forever bouncing away and rolling and is now sitting too. He is exhausting just to watch!
I tried to stay home to establish a bit more of a routine to see if it helped, it didn't so now he accompanies me all over town! I don't think we'll be going anywhere today though we have 9omph winds here on the south coast.

CanStarveWillStarve, thank you for your post. My ds has slept better the last few nights so I'm hoping to avoid cc! I will use it as our last resort but I'm REALLY hoping we don't need to.

Well no meds last night and he went down at 8.30pm and woke at 1am, 5.30am and started the day at 8am. YAY!!! Please let it continue

That's great Us - things a bit better here too, although because of the wind and horizontal rain I pushed DS round the house in his buggy to get him to sleep for 2 naps today - odd things you do as a parent!