Please give me a reason to go on BF

[KristinaM]

My baby is only 2 weeks old and I really want to go on BF but am struggling so much ? please can anyone help me?

I have such pain while I?m BF & I don?t think I can cope anymore. More than six midwives have checked the baby?s latch and said its Ok but I still find BF very painful ? much more painful than the stitches and the episiotomy. I?m on prescription painkillers from the doctor but I still cry all the way through feeding. I have to stuff a cloth in my mouth and bite it during feeding to stop myself screaming and so I?ve pain in my teeth and head and other joints all around the clock.

Now I have mastitis in both breasts and can?t walk without holding my breasts, they are so painful. Its also hard to sleep or be comfortable sitting.

The MW has told me to express to relieve the congestion. I?ve spent 11 of the last 24 hours either expressing or feeding and most of this has been so painful I?ve just cried all the way through. I?m absolutely exhausted. It?s made no difference to the mastitis. I?ve tried everything else that has been suggested, like massaging, combing, hot cloths, hot showers etc

I cant leave the house for more than about an hour as its so painful to feed, I couldn?t do it in a public place, like a mother and baby room ? I just moan and cry all the way through. I feel like a prisoner trapped in my own home.

When I hold my baby he just cries to be fed. I just dread feeding so much I?m beginning to resent him for causing me so much pain, even though I know he can?t help it. I feel like it?s my fault, that I must have a very low pain threshold, although I did manage through the first 15 hours of labour with no pain relief at all.

I just don?t know what to do. I know it?s meant to get better at after 6-8 weeks, but I don?t know if I can get through the next 6-8 hours. FYI my baby was born at term and was eight and a half pounds. It was an instrumental delivery and he was very traumatised ? he had no sucking reflex (we had to teach him) and still has virtually no rooting reflex. The only way we could get him to feed was with nipple shields (suggested by the MW), as he wouldn?t suck. When I express milk (to relieve the engorgement) my DP feeds the baby with a spoon. The baby has never had a bottle. despite great pressure from the MW.He has not yet regained his birth weight but has never dropped below 7% of his birth weight and it?s on the way up.

I know all the advantages of BF over formula but I?m just worn out coping with this level of pain for so many hours each day. My DP has to do everything in the house and mostly everything for the baby, except feed him. We can?t go on like this, as he has to go to back to work soon. Please please please can anyone help me?????

Sorry. I don'y know what to suggest as I ddid not have the problems you are experiencing.

Just wanted to post a reply to send you lots of love and hugs.

I am sure that there are others out there that can offer the help you require but it may be tomorrow before they respond.

I just did not want you to feel as if you are being ignored

Hi, I'm so very very sorry that you are having such a rotten time. All I can tell you is that I have been in the same situation and I decided to give up and bottle feed. I'm very happy with the decision I made, and feel that it enabled me to enjoy my baby a million times more. That's my experience, anyway.
Take care xxx

You poor thing! I would def. start giving formula, do it gradually to save more pain in your boobs. Lots and lots of babies start off on formula and are just fine. You'll be able to enjoy your baby and your time together and life will get happy. Good luck!

Thank you for the hugs and sympathy - you are right -I'm feeling pretty low. Saw GP today and he prescribed the stronger painkillers (but they just give me indigestion!!!). Also saw MW who had nothing to suggest........

KristinaM, with my first child it took a number of breastfeeding counsellors to "fix the latch". What it turned out to be was that his little throat was sore from suctioning it and I had a huge let down reflex (he wasn't breathing when he came out so was suctioned). I believe firmly in a good latch, but sometimes there are other factors at work.

And I didn't have mastitis, which has to be horrible. But it's not your fault. With my second, I nearly cried with every first 15 seconds of each feed. I would not have been able to handle the pain for the duration of every feed. Again, the latch was correct.

If you want to keep breastfeeding, maybe decide that you'll keep trying until a couple of days before your partner goes to work. It'll make it easier for you . Bottle feeding isn't the devils work. (Do you or the baby's father have any allergies?)

Where are you? Hopefully there's a recommended breastfeeding counsellor near you. There is someone great on here, tiktok, and I hope she sees this.

You've done an amazing thing, btw.

I'm so sorry to hear this Kristina, I too had a dreadful time in those first few weeks.
You need antibiotics for the mastitis and you need them asap. Believe me, it makes things a lot, lot better.
This level of pain is not something that you have to put up with. The midwives must have missed something ? maybe your baby has an awkwardly-shaped chin (happened to one of my friends) or has tongue-tie, could be a load of things. Call your GP practice/health visitor and get details of a local breastfeeding counsellor who you can see urgently. Also try the NCT breastfeeding helpline 0870 444 8708 8am-10pm everyday.. La Leche League also have a hotline but I can't load their website to get it at the mo... try here
You are doing a great job, I'm sorry it is so tough at the moment but want to let you know that it is possible to come out the other side... and if you do decide to switch to bottles don't beat yourself up. You will still be a fantastic mother.

Kristina.....I am so sad to read your story. No wonder you are in despair.

The suggestion here to call one of the breastfeeding lines is a good one. I think you need to see someone, too - there may be a breastfeeding support group in your area (ask midwife or ask here). Someone who knows what they are looking for needs to really watch a whole feed from beginning to end. You could have had 66 , not 6, midwives check the latch and because expertise in this area is so poor, they could be missing something. Anyway, it doesn't matter that your baby looks like he 'should' look - if it is hurting you, then he is almost certainly damaging the skin because of the way he is attached to the breast.

What does your nipple look like when it comes out of his mouth? is it mis-shapen in anyway (one common way is that it looks like a new lipstick - the wedge-shape tip) ? If so, that is a strong hint his attachment needs amending.

He needs checking for tongue tie, too.

Please stay in touch here, and get the right help for your mastitis. Mastitis can the result of poor attachment, as well.

I do hope posting here is the first step for you to resolve this.

IME if you stick to your decision to breastfeed and refuse to give formula then you get more people who try to help you and you get to speak to them quicker.

Your mastitis needs treatment, you cannot possibly judge how painful breastfeeding is while you have it.

Have you tried hot/cold packs on your breasts?

Kristinam, I also had lots of pain and mastitis. The only thing I can tell you is that it got much better after 2 weeks! If you can stick with it just a little bit longer, you may find that it's no longer painful. If it is still too painful, don't feel badly, as you did give it a try. Lots of cyberhugs to you. Hope it all works out.

KristinaM, how are things?

I had mastitis 3 times with ds (2nd child) and it was AGONY so you have my sympathy. I usually don't use antibiotics but I found them really necessary for the mastitis, you cannot possibly begin to bf without discomfort until it's sorted so you need some kind of treatment for it.

With dd I was in discomfort for about 3 week, with ds slightly less. I certainly didn't feed d out and about for many, many weeks so don't feel pressurised into thinking you have to be able to do that.

There was another thread similar to this recently where someone said to think long term which is good advice but I know in those first few weeks it's hard to think about anything other than the next feed.

Hope things are getting better for you. x

KristinaM - I didn't have problems on the scale you describe, but I did have terrible pain breastfeeding for several weeks, despite numerous people checking and approving the latch. I too cried through many feeds, and at one bleak moment weeping in pain in the early hours of the morning even said to my partner that I was beginning to hate our baby. It frightened me at the time that I got so low. I spent the whole time dreading the next feed.

I don't have a magic solution, but I did find that after 4 weeks it was slightly better - still painful and I couldn't feed in public, but no longer making me cry every feed. And although I still had major discomfort for the first 8-9 weeks on one side I was over the worst.

You're doing a wonderful job at something which many people find very very difficult. Just try to take each day at a time. Things may well improve - but obviously you need proper treatment for the mastitis. And you should definitely call the breastfeeding helplines - or find out if there are any local breastfeeding counsellors who can come and give you any advice.

Hoping it gets easier for you really soon.

This is supposed to be a wonderful time for you and your baby and it sounds horrendous! If I were you I would feel proud that i had tried BF and now realise that it isnt worth the pain and anguish you are going through and use formula. HTH

Kristina M - my first reply on MN, but could not ignore this one - lots of sympathy, sounds like I was with my ds. After three bouts of mastitis in two weeks, and three lots of anti-biotics, decided bottle was best for us - poor ds downed 4ozs in one go, he was so hungry. Discovered a few months later that he is tongue-tied, so figure that is why. DS thrived being bottle fed, and so did I!

KristinaM - I had similar problems with my first dd but had a wonderful midwife who got me through it, calling several times a day and in the evening. Good advice to get in touch with NCT or other BF counsellor/other BF Mums in your area. My midwife helped me to express and lent me their pump and my dh fed her with a spoon/bottle until my breasts healed. After a few weeks it was great - very convenient and wonderful experience. I fed my dd for 13 mths.

When dd2 arrived she latched on immediately and I had no bf problems with her. She seemed to know instantly what to do, which dd1 didn't.

Hope it works out for you - whether you decide to continue bf or not. We're thinking about you.

Get back to your dr to discuss antibiotics - you sound in a dreadful state. YOu can give the odd bottle even now without giving up breastfeeding altogether now - I promise this is possible - my ds had formula from day 2/3 and I fed him for over a year. I think you need a break now while you regather your strength. I also think Tiktok is right - you need specialist help here. Unless you have very, very strong history of family allergies the odd bottle at the two week stage really is unlikely to cause the slightest problem ever for your baby - and it could make all the difference to the two of you - and you don't have to give up breastfeeding is that isn't what you want.

Are you not on anti-biotics for the mastitis? That's what my GP gave me, and you can still b/f whilst on them. I haven't read all the messages you've received, but try calling the NCT breastfeeding line on: 0870 444 8708 and follow the instructions for an emergency. This just means that you will be put in touch with a b/f counsellor in your area who will more likely than not be in to take your call. They may visit you at home and advise you on things such as positioning, latching, self-help for mastitis, etc. They can also loan you an electric breast-pump for you to relieve some of the engorgement.

I had terrible problems with pain too. With my first baby and my second. In fact, in some ways it was worse with my second as he has tongue-tie and was unable to latch properly, so I had cracked nipples too! I phoned the b/f counsellors time and time again, they checked us both for thrush (is this a possibility with you?), for mastitis, they advised using different positions to feed and they showed me how, they really helped me to gain confidence in feeding. And even though it still hurt, just having that support there gave me the strength to carry on.

Please do give them a call. Even if you think you have explored all avenues, as I often did, there will be something they come up with that you haven't thought of.

Hope all goes well.

Great post from Rhubarb. Yes, thrush has to be a possibility too with that level of pain.

kristinam, it's still v early days. i had similar experiences to you first time round - toe-curling agony when dd1 latched on, for weeks and 3 bouts of mastitis. i became more bloody minded, and eventually got in touch wtih a fabulous bf counsellor at la leche league (phone 0845 120 2918 for your local contacts, i just took advice over the phone but someone may be able to get out & see you) who sent leaflets & piles more info than mw ever did. the whole pain/resentment cycle sounds v familiar and I used painkillers, nipple shields and kamillosan to get me through - oh and a tea strainer to stop my bra pressing against the sore bits! try cold cloths, not just hot ones as I found heat sometimes aggravated things. do try to persist, i fed dd1 till she was nearly 2 in the end (just in the mornings by then) and dd2 is 1 yr and with her the pain etc lasted a fraction of the time it did with dd1. if you do have to stop bf plese don't blame yourself, hugs x

Kristinam, I sympathise with you. I didn't have mastitis, but I had thrush and cracked, red nipples and was in agony for a few months. I used to express like mad and feed expressed milk to dd in a bottle. I was desperate for her to brestfeed as well though, but needed dh to help. LLL told me the latch on position was fine, but it was still agony, dd was screaming trying to get on, I was pulling away afraid of the pain, then crying when I did get her on and my leg used to shoot up in the air from the pain and I cried for the first minute.

I started with one direct bf a day and built up gradually and things slowly got better. I'm relly glad I persevered, and am still bf at 13 months.

I didn't have any bf counsellors, NCT or anybody to help me after the first week, but there is plenty of help available for you, so make the most of all of it.

Good luck.

Just wanted to add my sympathy. Mastitis is AGONY! I never had it with my first two, and always thought 'how bad can it really be?' Now I know (humble grovels). You absolutely need antibiotics, and fast. Make sure they prescribe the ones that work on mastitis, as not all basic antibiotics are suitable. This is NOT the time for alternative remedies, except in addition to the antibiotics.

You don't need to feel you've failed at bfeeding if you give the baby a bottle or two to give your nipples a rest. Remember that in societies where bfeeding is the only option, most women will be lactating and will pass the baby around amongst themselves for feeding to give the mother a break. You might get some strange looks if you suggested that here (!) but giving the odd bottle is not really any different, IMO. Both my first two had formula while still in hospital, the first for medical reasons (I was too ill to feed), the second because the b*dy nurses in SCBU didn't bother to wake me up in the night. I got v. worked up about it at the time, but frankly, eight and five years later, it makes no difference at all.

You're a hero to have got this far, and once you feel human again you'll be able to sort out a solution that works for you and your little one.

i had flucloxacillin. the emergency gp left it at the pharmacy for me and my mil picked it up. dd1 did get green poos but recovered quicklyl once I was producing top quality, pain-free milk

poor Kristina

I feel really sorry for you...I know what you're going through, dreading every time baby cried for her feed.....

I had everything you are describing, and had to take antibiotics twice for mastitis. Please do go to your GP, as they will mamke you better in 24 hours!

I had 2 wonderful midwives who supported me and it is thanks to them if I didn't give up.

What they advised me to do was to express some milk and only offer one breast at each feed, then finish it off with the expressed milk, as she was having both breasts at each feed, so that teh nipples would have some more time to heal inbetween feeds. (use a bottle if baby takes it, feeding from a spoon takes ages and you are all too tired). I aslo used chilled cabbage leaves which really helped a lot with the soreness.

On v. bad days when I had been feeding all day and had no enrgy left to breastfeed ore xpress anymore, I would offer her a bottle in the evening, just to survive. It did NOT affect breastfeding at all and I eventually fed her until 7 months. The pain was there for about 8 weeks though, but slowly getting better. PLease remember, giving the occasional bottle doesn't mean the end of breastfeeding!!

The turning point for me was being able to spend a weekend at a friend's house, where all I ahd to worry about was baby, and had no pressure from dh or mil or anyone else. One of the breast started healing at first and that gave me the courage to keep going.In my case I knew it was a positioning thing, teh fact that I had enourmous breasts and dd would not open her mouth but just chew on the tip of the nipple. I took a long time to teach her how to feed!!

If it's still all too much, don't feel bad about giving up, you don't ahve to become a martyr, I get annoyed when health professionals congratulate me on carrying on despite everything, because I have been there and every day I was this close to giving up, but I wanted to persevere and I did, but it does not make me a hero. I did not enjoy the first 2 months of myd aughter's life and no one will give those back to me as they're lost in a mist of tiredness, pain and tears. I don't regret doing it, because I did eventually enjoy it (after 3 long months) and those became special moments.

But do what you feel right for you, think hard about what you want to do,a nd don't feel bad about changing your mind if things don't improve.

Please do let us know ho you're getting on!

lots of hugs

KristinaM
Don't have much time right now but just wanted to say I have huge sympathy for you. I started this thread recently and am, frankly, still struggling - although I am not in as much pain as I was when I started it. Haven't had mastitis so can't comment there, but do take all the help you can get re latching etc. A specialist in breastfeeding would be best - not all midwives have the training/expertise to help it seems.
In the end if things don't improve with help, IT WON'T BE YOUR FAULT! Sounds like you're going through loads, there's no question of you having a low pain threshold. Some people find it easy, some find it hard... my thoughts are with you.