jars and sachets - MIL is disgusted

[Murphyslaw21]

Bit of a back story...

My house we bought before baby is very old, found out I was pregnant so did bedrooms, and living room. We have no heating or water, having run out of money we have had to put kitchen old hold.

House is warmed by a wood burner. Now my kitchen is disgusting. Mould, damp no water (outside tap only). We only use it as necessary. Pots and pans are washed in bucket with kettle water. Therefore I only give baby jars and sachets. Now I spend a fortune she has mango breakfast, porridge, roast dinners all fruit and veg. I wash her pots and sterilise them. I would not think of risking cooking as I'm not convinced pots and utensils are clean enough. We won't be doing kitchen until next year as we have to put in heating in this year. We don't have a dishwasher as no space for one.

My MIL has raised concerns and insults that it's because I can't be bothered to cook and that the jars are full of preservatives and additives. But I read them and they are 100% organic with nothing added. I'm so cross.

I give baby 3 good meals a day. I would love to cook but it's an awful kitchen. When we go out with her and I pull out a packet I get rolling eyes and sarcastic comments. The other day I said well buy me a kitchen then. And she moaned that I spent the money on doing bedrooms first. But my logic was baby needs a nice clean bedroom . We had been sleeping for six months on an air bed. Not fun whilst heavily pregnant.

I'm so angry but I'm wondering if the jars and sachets are bad.

Most modern washing machines are cold fill only

Ok, I have a halogen like this:

www.robertdyas.co.uk/salter-17l-halogen-oven?istCompanyId=bf3344d9-83f5-4abd-b69a-da131f7567d1&istItemId=xlptlqtxw&istBid=tzxq&gclid=Cj0KEQiAqqO0BRDyo8mkv9y259EBEiQApVQD_RhXsmW0Xb06619t2yExUR3x3FpZzUchjz_W8v5u4HEaAqz28P8HAQ

The heating element is in the lid and there's a fan which pushes the heat around. You can fill it with water and washing up liquid and it will heat the heater and swish it around a bit so getting stuff inside clean - google it to see how caravanners/campers use them. They're also ace for cooking, I prefer mine to my full oven!

I meant to add - if she's not taking a vitamin supplement drop this would be a good idea.

the sear and stew slow cooker has an aluminium pot. non stick and really easy to clean and light weight which makes it easier. plus op can use it on a hob if she gets one

Can you setup a temporary camp style kitchen in one of your mould free rooms? A sturdy table, campingaz stove, slow cooker, fridge, microwave and a wash up area.
I don't think jars and pouches are a great idea all the time either. But if you had the above set up then you would all eat better

I'm sorry, but no hot water, no heating and cramped conditions sound pretty awful with a young baby to me.
Kettles being used to fill baths, might be ok now but how will you mange when the baby is mobile?

I'm not doubting that you don't care for your child, but all of the above would have me seriously concerned.

I think it's clear that you love your baby but it's also clear that she is living in squalor, you said so yourself in your early posts.
People are trying to be supportive and have great suggestions but o do wonder how you can manage a whole house project when it hadn't even occurred to you to buy a slow cooker to prepare actual meals.

i guess it all very much depends on the reason op living like this. through choice? hardly.who would???

can you move in with relatives until house is habitable?

I don't really think the op wanted judgements about her house, presumably she isn't an idiot and her baby is perfectly safe and I doubt she is living in squaler, op clearly understand what babies need, and it is temporary and there is probably little she can do about it.
I had to live in a shit hole with baby DS for a while, it was crap and stressful but he was fine because being not stupid I knew enough to keep him safe, clean happy, healthy, warm and fed and i'm sure op does too.

You can buy electric steamers cheaply, so you can steam veg and puree it for DD and have fresh veg for yourself.
You can buy a single or double induction table top so you could cook meat/fish.

I think your priorities are right with doing the water and heating first as long as the house is strutually safe.

Quite a lot of what I prepare for my baby when he's not eating what we eat does not require actual cooking.
Surely your kitchen (or indeed any other room) is up to mashing a banana/avocado or chopping some tomato/cumcumber, opening a can of tuna yo mix with these. You can steam veg in the microwave if you don't have a job, or scramble eggs in there (personally, brisk at this but I doubt it changes the nutritional value).

I think there are plenty of babies out there which are fed on only jars, but personally I try to avoid them.

Can you ask your HV to corroborate for mil if it's bothering you/her that much?

Do you have a fridge? What will happen after 1 when they move onto normal milk? My DD was eating constantly after she turned 12 mo. Lots of snacks like sandwiches, toast, breadsticks, rice cakes, yoghurts, cream cheese, hummous, fruits and veggies. Those packets and jars are tasteless mush. I'm sorry but I don't think it's acceptable and your mil is right. We did jars until 8-9 months when DD could handle the lumps and then moved onto just finger foods and our own meals maybe some bits mashed or cut up a bit more. I made big batches of soup and pasta sauce then froze for quick meals. She's had porridge and mashed banna or weetabix for breakfast forever. I always left DD to it with a spoon/ baby fork and a sippy cup and she's a brilliant, independent eater now.

Your child needs to taste real food and learn how to eat/ feed themselves. They love exploring and if night after night they get a hot meal of some rice or pasta mush put down then they aren't having fun or having a very varied diet. I'm sorry OP

Gina it's hardly any of the health visitors business

You could make up a little kitchenette in a corner somewhere that she can't access (because of danger) - I think that would be fine. Jars and packets fine for the moment too!

Washediris makes a good point, too - half the world don't have what we in the West consider a "proper kitchen".

Op. Out of all my children, weirdly the one who ate mostly jarred food for 6 months of weaning (from 6-12 months) eats the best! She has a very healthy appetite now and with the exception of spicy foods eats anything - she wouldn't even eat the baby curries so I'm not surprised.

So, for the next few months your lo will be fine on jars. Just make sure she's getting plenty of variety. Get going with a slow cooker as pps have said as it will ensure you get better meals, and baby will be able to try them too.

I believe the mantra is "food is for fun before they are one". So as long as baby is still getting good milk feeds each day, she will be getting all the nutrients she needs.

you don't think it's acceptable lucy ?

you'd be right if she was just being lazy and couldn't be arsed to cook.

however if you read the thread you'd see that they had bought the house and a baby hadn't even occurred to her given she was told it wouldn't happen and is now doing her best to make the best of it.

there are some.giid suggestions on this thread and I'm. Sure when she goes out to lunch or to a friends or whatever then she will take full advantage of the food available. its not as if she is refusing to even try. people have work done all the time..people move into houses that need doing up all the time.

it's shit for a bit til it's sorted but i doubt any long term fussy eaters are because of having to botch it fir a bit as a baby while the house gets re done. there are far deeper issues at play by then.

akd if any issues do arise I'm sure MN cab assist with that
this baby has a loving family and eventually a lovely home. it's just going to take some time.

not everyone can afford to move straight into a house that suits their needs exactly. and why give up your dream house and location because it's a bit difficult to start with.

It is the Health Visitors business!
It's their job to ensure babies are developing and being cared for properly.

Also the suggestion to cook at mil once a week would be good. If you have a fridge you could cook a few things and they will be fine for a couple of days in fridge. Can make say a lasagne big enough for 2 days and a small one for mil at same time as thanks for letting you use kitchen. Win win. Maybe some fresh soup as easy lunch for a few days. So much cheaper than ready made ones.

How about a microwave/convection/combi oven? You could do a lot in that.

It's been said already, but as the suggestion has been made again: it is NOT safe to using camping stoves indoors or anywhere with limited ventilation.

I do hate the phrase 'food is fun before one' - I don't know where it came from. I think it's meant to help parents of babies who are slow to wean to chill out. What it doesn't mean is that the type of food your child is eating isn't important before they are one. My DS was eating massive portions of normal adult food well before his first birthday and had dropped all milk except a feed first thing and before bed - that was just following his lead.

No sixty that's the parents job and it sounds like she is doing a very good job. A hv is job is to advise and support when necessary.

Oh I just thought, are you anywhere where there are like parent and baby groups? or near a community centre where they some times run breakfast drop ins and that kind if stuff. where you stay and play witg your baby and meet other members of teh community and have a cuppa. I used to go to one. didn't have teh chance with dd2 but I used to go with dd1. she enjoyed it.

I'd check out If there's any local groups or meet ups.

it might not be much but even one or two a month, well that's two sessions out the house and two breakfasts where the stress.of it is gone.

also some toddler groups provide snacks so when your baby is a little bit bigger she can sit with them and have something. you usually only pay a small fee

doesn't solve the cooking issues but it might be something to do in your new area.

As already stated HV is very happy as she can see baby is happy and healthy!!!! No concerns !! I was asking for suggestions !

No I cannot move in with family.

To be honest I think that I wish I never posted on hear some of you are horrible. Baby is not in any danger or neglected! She is happy, loved and content .

This is the last time I ever post on hear as the amount of negative and nasty comments is awful

Thank you for the nice useful helpful suggestions