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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Pressure to stop breastfeeding ds at one year old

31 replies

Feenie · 16/12/2006 22:32

I would like to continue breastfeeding my ds, who loves it, and is 1 on Thursday. However, my dh wants me to stop as he thinks it is creepy to feed a toddler and thinks I am holding my ds back. My mother has always felt that bfding excludes my dh because ds wants mummy all the time and that by continuing feeding him I am not being fair on dh or ds. People at work have also made comments - I am a primary school teacher and we have children who are 'mummy's boys', so popular belief is that it's the mummies own fault when they continue to breastfeed past one!

I am resigned to existing with people who live in the dark ages where breastfeeding enlightenment is concerned, but I am sick of fighting a losing battle and have begrudgingly decided I will stop. But I am so worried about how I should go about this - I have always let ds feed on demand and he is a very frequent feeder, especially when I come home from school. I see this as touching base, and an important part of our relationship, and am worried about refusing this and other feeds. I feel ds would be very upset, but my dh and mother see this as a reason to stop, he is too dependent on me.

Anyone put up with this before, or know what I could do to cut down/stop bfding altogether? Any advice appreciated, thanks.

OP posts:
beansprout · 16/12/2006 22:34

You carry on if you want to. I am still feeding ds who is 2 now. The WHO recommend they are b/fed until they are 2 and that's good enough for me. There are some ridiculous attitudes to b/feeding in this country, people should be ashamed of themselves. Please don't let them stop you doing what is best for your son.

olittletownofberolina · 16/12/2006 22:38

I am a lecturer and still feeding ds, who is 19 months, still on demand, and he is still frequent, and it is terribly important to us both, all the more so because I work, I think. You might well regret stopping if you do so because of external pressure (of which I haven't had any, but I do feel for you). Bf helps security of attachment, far from making children 'dependent' - ds asks for dh almost just as often as he asks for me

TheBlonde · 16/12/2006 22:40

If you decide to stop then don't offer, don't refuse is recommended I think. You can try to avoid being in situations where your LO will want to feed or offer a cup or bottle instead

However if you and your LO want to continue I would suggest you ignore your DH & mother

You don't need to tell anyone you are still bf. It really is none of your collegues' business.

I got a lot of comments when we went past 6mths as most of my mummy friends quit bf then.
I'm sure my FIL was uncomfortable with my bf DS at 18 mths but he knew better than to say anything.

bctmum · 16/12/2006 22:40

Carry on as you are - bf has so many benefits for your ds and you.

CouldEquallyHaveBeenAnAardvark · 16/12/2006 22:41

Read this please

And get your DH to read it too.

I believe that if you meet your child's needs, they are less clingy.

Just bfeed and treat any question as to whether you're still bfeeding with the puzzled "why are you interested? I don't ask if you have reached the menopause/still have sex with your ugly husband/etc" kind of disdain it deserves (not that bfeeding is like the menopause or shagging ugly blokes!).

CouldEquallyHaveBeenAnAardvark · 16/12/2006 22:44

I really think that if you let other people dictate your bfeeding relationship, you will be very resentful of them in the future too.

I would be LIVID if DH or my mother made comments about me bfeeding DS2 (who is 11m on Monday and will be bfed as long as he wants it).

I really, really think you should think very carefully before you allow anyone else's opinion (yes, even the father of your child) have an impact on your relationship with your child.

fishie · 16/12/2006 22:44

none of their business. poor ignorants.

i am 'still' bf 19 mo, i don't (or haven't had to) face prejudice but i don't talk about it at all because i do not want to not turn my relationship with my son into a discussion. my advice: just carry on, nobody else needs to be involved.

Astrophe · 16/12/2006 22:45

Oh, poor you

I don't think your ds is "too" dependent on you. He is a baby and he should be dependent on him mother in my opinion! But it must be hard if your dh and mum are pressuring you.

On the one hand I'd say you should continue feeding if you and ds want to (the notion that he will be a 'mummy's boy is utterly rediculous! -on the contrary, kids who are well attached and secure will end up more confident and happy).

But then on the other hand only you know the effect it is having on your relationships with your family, and I guess you need to decide whats at stake. If you stop feeding now will you resent your dh? Does your DH know that you want to keep feeding, and that there are great health benefits, and that lots of perfectly normal people feed beyond a year?

If you do stop, you should feel great that you have fed for a year - most people dont get beyond the first week in this country You've done so well by your son.

Practically - if you do decide to stop - does he drink from a cup? I guess I would start gently by discouraging him from feeding by offering a cup or some nice distraction instead - eg a book, nice toy, walk in the park etc. Hopefully he will then gradually demand fewer feeds until they are gone altogether, or until you can just refuse feeds without much distress on his (or your!) part.

Good luck, it sounds an emotional situation.

For the record, I fed my dd until she was 14 months. She was also having milk from a cup from 11 months and so she gradually phased out the BFing herself. I would have happily fed on though.

iwouldloveadollypleaseSanta · 16/12/2006 22:52

it is so sad that people feel its OK to pressure you with their opinions when all you are doing is giving your ds a good start. he's hardly a big boy at 1 and unlikely to be damaged by lovely bf. you will probably naturally phase it out eventually but carry on as you feel fit - YOU are the mummy!

bobsmum · 16/12/2006 22:59

I 'm feeding dd 18 months, but now we're just down to bedtime and on the rare occasions if she's distressed and we're at home.

It's nutritional thing first and foremost - what other food can provide antibodies? But it's also a wonderful natural soother.

My family are a bit bemused by breastfeeding as a whole never mind breastfeeding past age 1. But there's so much evidence out there now that when it comes to it, I can quote to them. I've also made dh read some of the stuff (Kellymom site fab) from way back and he is happy as long as I am happy.

Don't stop because other people say you must, you'll always wonder how things might have changed if you'd stuck to your guns. Equally don't let it become a massive all out family war.

A one year old is not a toddler.

With ds (he stopped by himself at 17 mths), dh would get hime ready for bed etc, read him a book and then sit next to me while ds had his supper from me. Ds pushed me away and asked for a cup one night and we stopped.

You might feel happier in yourself to cut down on some feeds. Definitely keep the coming home one and probably bedtime at this stage. But if there's an early morning one then you might want your dh to get ds up and whisk him straight off to breakfast without seeing you.

A one year old can get the hang of a routine quite easily so it might work as long as he's distracted. But if you can, please keep your milk in his diet for as long as both he and you wants it.

All the best and keep posting here for support -

fishie · 16/12/2006 23:00

feenie where do you live?

Pixiefish · 16/12/2006 23:01

your ds is still a baby at one. You carry on if you want.

fishie · 16/12/2006 23:02

what kind of primary school judges children on their breastfeeding history?

Original poster
Feenie · 16/12/2006 23:05

Leeds.

Thank you for the support, all. Means a lot, haven't really got anyone in rl who is likeminded, I realise. I'm usually very happy to fight my corner but eventually you start to doubt yourself, particularly if people who love ds genuinely think it isn't best.

OP posts:
fishie · 16/12/2006 23:07

sorry feenie, my last couple of messages did not come across well. i am cross on your behalf.

CouldEquallyHaveBeenAnAardvark · 16/12/2006 23:09

It really is best. And it really isn't their business.

Give them the stuff from kellymom to read, tell them you'd be very happy if they felt they could support you continuing to bfeed, but otherwise, you'd be happy if they just kept their negative thoughts to themselves, please.

kama · 16/12/2006 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CouldEquallyHaveBeenAnAardvark · 16/12/2006 23:11

And Feenie, I'm nowhere near you, but I have a DS2 who is 11mo on Monday and still going strong bfeeding, and I bfed DS1 till self-weaned when he was nearly 17mo (when I was pg with DS1, which I think was the cause of the weaning) - so am happy to be your online support if you think that'd help?

I'll CAT you.

CouldEquallyHaveBeenAnAardvark · 16/12/2006 23:12

I can't CAT you as you don't accept them - email me if you like?

hunkermunker at gmail dot com

Original poster
Feenie · 16/12/2006 23:13

How do I accept CATS? And thanks, that would be great.
Don't worry, Fishie, I got you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Feenie · 16/12/2006 23:15

Ok, have sorted CAT thing now!

OP posts:
Astrophe · 16/12/2006 23:23

There are a few of us around Derby who will prob meet up in the new year. We have 9 month olds still being BFed (hopefully mine still wil be...he is being a little tinker at the mo! Not wanting to feed but rather looking around for his cup!)

Last time we met at Chatsworth. Want me to email you when we meet up again?

Original poster
Feenie · 16/12/2006 23:27

Ok, thanks v much.

OP posts:
CouldEquallyHaveBeenAnAardvark · 16/12/2006 23:31

I've CATd you, Feenie - but do feel free to email me - my addy's just down the page. The CAT might take a while to come through.

wrinklytum · 16/12/2006 23:47

Hi Feenie.Am just posting a message of support.DD my second is now 12.5 months and I posted a message on her first birthday that was very similar.Stick to your beliefs.Despite criticism I am still feeding dd as she seems to need it and is still a "baby",not as forward as her brother was.We are both happy and this is what matters.Do what YOU feel is best for ds,igore everyone else.(Hard I know).Sending support,Wrinkly.