Breastfeeding is shit

[Sleepybunny]

If I hear another militant mum or lactivist spouting anymore crap about the supposed wonders of breastfeeding, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

So to counter the NCT hollier than thou, boob knitting, lentil weaving, baby wearing, baby-led organic carrot buying hippies, here is a list of all the reasons why breast feeding sucks monkey dick.

1. it hurts, screw the pillow fort I've just created, positioning is hard.

2. cracked bleedy nips? Wonderful, that's just the sort of refreshing shit, all hormonal postpartem women are after.

3. When the baby blues are at their peak, make sure your chosen feeding method, takes ages and can only be performed by you. No sharing those parental responsibilities now, buy your DP an Xbox in advance.

4. mastitis? Nah that's not even a thing. Your newborn will be an eczema-free nobel prize laureate. So whatever.

5. The best cure for PND is to have a screamy newborn cluster feed the fuck out of your nips while you cry into a pillow.

6. The Syrian refugee crisis can be solved by rubbing breast milk on it.

Feel free to add your own pearls of wisdom. I'm 7 days in and feeling so good about my feeding choices that I regularly wake before my baby to do celebratory squat thrusts.

Op-your first post had me laughing

Hope things improve for you soonx

I actually just burst out laughing at the OP, this was how I felt. 1 week after persevering with breastfeeding, a lovely midwife said 'this really isn't working is it, you have to do what make you and baby happy' so I skipped to that kitchen to get my stash of formula. We had tounge tie, low blood sugars, stays in neonatal that we're all against us.

Never looked back, combined Fed for a little bit, expressed for a few weeks, now enjoying my life as a new mummy and a happy baby.

I found the first 1-2 weeks the easiest and then it went downhill.

Cracked nipples, milk blisters, poor attachment, poor positioning - I was in tears at the start of most feeds because of the pain.

I rang Brest feeding helplines in tears, I had peer supporters come to my house, I joined a breast feeding group, I paid to see a feeding consultant for assessment of tongue tie and positioning and met up with the breast feeding co-ordinator for the County to see if she could help me.

Everything fell into place though at 8 weeks, but those first few months of DS's life were consumed with the difficulty of breast feeding and a fair bit of misery.

BF is great if it works out but it can be awful for others.

Just do what is best for you OP

I'd give baby a bottle, but I didn't breastfeed at ALL due to lots of reasons you've listed above. I think post people/NCT/NHS just push the benefits, but in truth is bloody hard and i have seen it have a very negative effect on friends and family's mental health.

Happy mum = Happy baby

Im in the unusual position of having a 22 dc & a grandchild.
The biggest issue about bf is lack of knowledge or understanding of whst is 'normal' concerning bf. My dil stopped bf at 14 days as the reality of bf was overwhelming for her.

What shocked me was her & ds lack of knowledge regarding bf or ff.

I found breastfeeding hard OP. DS was in NICU so had bottles first. He was latching right but wouldn't stay on the boob, would scream and fuss, refused one boob all together (traumatic delivery meant he was sore and didn't want to be put on that side because it hurt), cut me, and constantly cried.

I gave him a bottle and he took it straight away and was content. I tried to mix feed but he still didn't like bf and I just went with bottles.

Much easier for me. If bf works it's great but sometimes it doesn't

Your post made me laugh too. I think it is one of the issues. We should be normalising breastfeeding. I have fed mine beyond a year but i neither weave not like lentils. The NCT pisses me off. But I do buy organic carrots.

Anyway.... I think it takes time to settle down. Check your latch. I think one of the reasons for poor supply is sheer exhaustion and poor nutrition. Instead of the lentils, have a steak. Get your feet up and put the telly on. Lots of skin contact. Everything else can wait.

Because breastfeeding is amazing and the best possible way to feed your baby.

Yes, she will do just fine on formula, but give it your best shot.

I am currently BF a newborn and intend to keep going, fingers crossed. I found the OP's post quite funny and could identify with most of it.

I'm glad people see the funny side.

So DD2 is still EBF, as usual the advice on here has been a life saver, and it is getting easier for us both.

I still stand by some of the comments. Breast feeding is really hard and not always the right choice.

I think people need to be aware of what it can do to your mental health as well as the exhaustion that comes with being solely in charge of night feeds.

I found the first month with my daughter horrible because she was tongue tied and feeding was horribly painful, I really didn't enjoy her early babyhood because of it, and the sheer amount of time I spent feeding her was a huge shock to the system. I'm glad I stuck with BFing her in the end but i do wonder if my mental health would have been better if I'd FF.

Am now BFing DS and finding it a lot easier the second time but he is a very easy baby compared to his sister so I'm just lucky. I felt really sorry for the woman in the bed next to me in hospital- she'd had a lousy birth, was needing a transfusion and her poor baby would just not feed properly, his screaming was heartbreaking. The hospital were really pushing the importance of BFing on the mother but she was so sick and tired, and her baby clearly distressed and hungry, that I really don't think it was worth it.

DD(6) was the easiest baby to feed in the world. No problems with latching, slept through from 18 days (literal freak of nature child) ds2 on the other hand latched well but was/is the fussiest child on t'boob! Day 4 I considered giving up it was SOoooooooooOoOOO painful (

The first three and a half years are the worst. After that, its plain sailing.

Definitely agree more than a pinch of realism should be added when extolling the virtues of BF - but as I BF all 3 of mine I have absolutely no idea how FF works and will be volunteering to cook, do housework and take pram round the block for my dd when dgc arrive. Not that keen on doing any more nappy changing either.

Would add to the Op:

1. Never met a baby who came out with the first clue about latching on - mine couldn't work out whether they were hungry or tired most of the time.

1. Feeding is not always why the baby is crying even on day 1 even though if you are BF this is what the World and his wife will tell you.

1. BF babies absolutely do get colic.

10. BF babies have the messiest nappies and loads and loads more of them.

11. People in this country have HUGE hang ups about public BF and it is very off putting for new Mums.

I'm so glad I saw your post! My DS is almost 5 months and I tried to BF. My DH and I were totally convinced I'd BF and were clueless about formula and bottles due in no small part to the total and complete propaganda campaign surrounding breastfeeding. DS was small ish and had a bit of tongue tie, my boobs were huge, and it just didn't work. I kept trying and he kept getting frustrated and it hurt me so much inside to see him hungry and I couldn't get my body to work for him. I also disagree with the whole supply regulated from appetite concept as my milk never really came in and I never had much, certainly not enough to satisfy an incredibly hungry baby. I expressed and combo fed for a while but, when you've just had a baby and your head feels like cotton wool and your stitches are so bad it hurts to even wee or sit down, expressing with a pump every five minutes that the baby even allows you to not hold him is a really hard thing to do. Much harder than I'd ever realised.

By a month old, DS went onto formula fully and was a much happier baby for it. I don't believe our bond has suffered and we are incredibly close. I felt it would have been selfish for me to try to continue breastfeeding as I would have been putting my own needs above my son's need to be fed. I know it's a really emotive topic, but the judgement I felt by some women was incredible! I know BFing works for some women, but I know a lot who struggled, and the propaganda campaign surrounding it is ridiculous. We knew nothing about sterilising bottles properly which would have been helpful! Whatever works for you and your baby is the best thing.

Stick with it OP. You'll be glad you did, I promise. If you feel your resolve weakening, google the advantages of BF just to remind yourself again why it's worth the struggle at the start. It gets easier.

Your OP made me smile a lot

It is bloody hard work. Hang in there if you can and want to. If you can't or don't then your DC will be absolutely fine.

Sleepy I hooted at your op do much I read it to dh. My youngest is now 11. I remember it well.

I am current bf and did so with all three dc up to 9 months. I am not that keen on lentils but have just started drinking herbal tea reluctantly, as on low carbs diet. I definitely think it would sort number 6 on your list as it cleared up ds's conjunctivitis a treat.

It's the bloody lies that go along with it. Why can't they just be honest and say, breast feeding will hurt A LOT. I was pretty lucky with it, established quickly and ceased to be painful. I did it for over 12 months, I'm far from an earth mother though so I'll be honest and say the benefits are it's free and you'll lose weight.

You'll lose weight

13 months in and I've bloody well put weight on. Grrrr. could be the cake!

Breastfeeding is very shit at times and rewarding at other times. Just when you think you're getting somewhere your baby has another growth spurt and your milk isn't enough. Now I know it's not enough because I can tell she is hungry because I am her mother, it's not distraction, pain, a bad latch or positioning. She is sucking away as hard as she can and there is no swallowing so she gets so upset, comes off, takes ages to settle and then we repeat the process. I can also tell from the health visitor asking you to come back in two weeks as she's not as fat as she could be but this is also rubbish as she has plenty of rolls on her she just wants more of them.

Also people make you feel like you're starving your child when they constantly ask you if she's hungry like you don't know, they mention that maybe a formula top up would work wonders for your poor, malnourished baby or to be told many times over that you can't beat a bottle.

Like it's all not hard enough.. even better is when they let you sit in a corner by yourself while you are trying to feed incase you have some kind of nasty infectious disease that is only contagious when you breastfeed. And when you see stupid little stickers on these hipster knob head coffee houses inviting you in like you're a chosen guide dog allowed, on this occasion, to mix with human beings.

I really don't care what other people think or how they act it's just hard not to notice the weirdo society that we live in. What gets me is that its supposed to be natural but its not, it's hard work (for some) and I wonder if we did live in a society where it was natural then breastfeeding would following the same pattern and it would be a little easier to cope with and feeding wouldn't be so stressful. My girl is nearly 5 months and I will continue to go through these bad episodes because I'm stubborn and my body will feed its child. But as far as I can tell it doesn't get easier you just get to demonstrate how resilient you can be.