Breastfeeding is shit

[Sleepybunny]

If I hear another militant mum or lactivist spouting anymore crap about the supposed wonders of breastfeeding, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

So to counter the NCT hollier than thou, boob knitting, lentil weaving, baby wearing, baby-led organic carrot buying hippies, here is a list of all the reasons why breast feeding sucks monkey dick.

1. it hurts, screw the pillow fort I've just created, positioning is hard.

2. cracked bleedy nips? Wonderful, that's just the sort of refreshing shit, all hormonal postpartem women are after.

3. When the baby blues are at their peak, make sure your chosen feeding method, takes ages and can only be performed by you. No sharing those parental responsibilities now, buy your DP an Xbox in advance.

4. mastitis? Nah that's not even a thing. Your newborn will be an eczema-free nobel prize laureate. So whatever.

5. The best cure for PND is to have a screamy newborn cluster feed the fuck out of your nips while you cry into a pillow.

6. The Syrian refugee crisis can be solved by rubbing breast milk on it.

Feel free to add your own pearls of wisdom. I'm 7 days in and feeling so good about my feeding choices that I regularly wake before my baby to do celebratory squat thrusts.

I endured the torture for 6 miserable weeks. Having switched to FF, I, like a PP, started to enjoy rather than endure being a Mum. Dd just saw me as 'food' rather than a human lol. I hated it. I would actually go so far to say that I regret breastfeeding. For something that is supposed to be the most natural thing in the world, it felt like unnatural torture to me! Each to their own however!

Apol accepted, South.

You say "The OP is ff. And appears very happy with her choice".....wrong on both counts, I think. You made assumptions. On both counts.

I remember it was hell too add to your list nipple thrush!!!
It took me 6 weeks to get the hang of. 6 hellish weeks.
Try pumping instead?!

And while I am at it South, just to set the record straight - how is offering to answer a question about breastfeeding, to a mother who was clearly not happy about her feeding, 'pushing' breastfeeding on anyone?

I didn't tell her to persevere. I didn't tell her that it would get better. I didn't tell her how to stop sore nipples.

I offered to answer a question, if she wanted to ask me one.

:(

Yarra the OP has referred to building a pillow fort and difficulty with positioning so the assumption that she is BF by Tiktok is shared by me.

Sleepy, I fed one of mine rugby ball style - yep with a pillow fort. #flasback

Kennington, I'm giving cup feeding a go with EBM to give myself a break for the odd feed. I'm lucky that my supply seems reasonable.

TikTok you actually gave me amazing advice 3 years ago when I struggled with my first, who really struggled with latching for weeks on end and had terrible silent reflux. It never really got any better and I ended up expressing milk exclusively until she was 10 months. Maddness now when I think about it! But i was not for giving the perscripton milk, seemed like the right think at the time.

off topic, but long, long ago, tiktok single handedly helped me get over a massive bf problem, which enabled me to bf for another year. i had a different mn account then. for that tiktok .
i don't think she is forcing bf on anyone and the formula feeders sound more hostile and militant on this thread.

Glad I helped, Sleepy and Hazel, and nice of you to remember

Well what you've desxribed is normal, baby should be on the Breast often he's building up a supply. Yes it's a pain that husband and partners can't feed but they can do EVERYTHING else. Nappy changes, baths, cooking etc. feeding is a full time job. After 10 weeks it suddenly for easy, no sterilising and washing etc, no worrying about going out and forgetting stuff. Baby, Me and off we go!

Oh, sleepybunny, I hope that things get better soon. Those first few weeks with a newborn and the exhaustion and the crazy hormones are hard enough without painful feeding problems, and if you have a preschooler to deal with too then of course you feel shit and want to vent.

Have you got proper, real life support with the breastfeeding problems? And is your DP looking after you? Because I remember what it was like when I was struggling, and I kept pretending to all the real life people that I was perfectly ok and coping with everything just fine, and while a bit of extra help would be nice it wasn't really necessary as such, when actually that was a load of bollocks and I should have said "actually I'm in constant pain, utterly exhausted and trying to learn a really difficult skill which I can't bloody focus on because there is a threeyear old demanding all my attention. Bring me drinks, make me snacks, play with the 3 year old to give me a break, tell me that I'm wonderful and find other people who can help". You might, of course, be far more assertive than I am and have already done that

Anyway, I just wanted to wish you luck and remind you that you've just made a whole amazing new person and that whatever you decide to do about feeding your baby you will continue to grow that amazing new person in the world outside you, and that you deserve to feel proud of yourself for doing that.

Thank you Jasper, just what I needed to hear really.
DH is an absolute super star, he's very supportive despite being exhausted himself. There are loads of great BFing groups nearby too.

I just need to lower my expectations and solider on a bit I think. Each day is a little bit easier.

Anyone know roughly how much EBM a one week old would need at a feed? I imagine it varies, but a ball park figure?

OP is just venting some frustration. I thought it funny and very much tongue in cheek. In the early days of bf it would have cheered me up and made me laugh to hear about other people in the same boat.

Anyway, good luck OP. Soon enough you will miss the endless feeds when baby becomes so quick that you barely have time to check your emails, let alone browse MN before it's back to singing Wind the Bobbin Up for the umpteenth time that day.

Sleepy the guideline amount for a formula fed newborn is 3oz per feed, so I would go with that for EBM and see how much your LO takes or offer her whatever you can pump in on sitting??

One*

Thanks sparkly, conveniently, i seem to be getting about that amount after about 20-30 min pumping, depending on how well she has fed from me prior.

Sitting here on day 5 having accidentally found myself breastfeeding DS2 when I swore I wouldn't, I found the OP very funny.

Maybe like the Christmas tree thread we could have a 'show us your pillow fort'.... Mine involves a mixture of sizes and rooms of origin (spare room pillows, living room scatter cushions...).

I actually got a bit of comfort from the op

I'm 12 days in however that includes 10 days of special care .... I'm sleep deprived and petrified my milk is drying up and I'm not going to be able to feed my preemie in the way he needs

But u don't need advice or questions answered I have breast feeding groups health visitors etc for that

What helped was another mum being realistic about the downside of it and the sheer torture... I'm an adult and don't need to be condescended to about fixing it or anything else

Actually thanks op.... your post made me feel less alone and less nuts for sobbing into pillow when I was afraid at 3 am I wasn't making enough milk

I'm well aware of all the ways to increase but you made me feel less desperate.... Thank you

Being honest I'm breastfeeding attachment parenting crunchy and I hide it mostly from other mums because of the reputation those things give mums usually because there is always someone who can't just say to a struggling mum .... yep it's shit sometimes and it's ok to bloody say that

Ok rant over .... I have no doubt half a dozen will post claiming they were just trying to help.... uh huh carry on with your all knowing selves then..... next time consider just supporting and empathising with a struggling mum rather than needing to rescue ? Be right or push a bloody agenda

I can understand the need to take the piss out of bf when you are in the middle of it all with nipples squirting milk everywhere, the baby refusing to latch on unless you are standing on your head and sleep a very distant memory. What is not so nice is blaming some imaginary breast feeders who are somehow forcing you to do all this.

Breast feeding my DD was a horror for quite a while but it was my choice to do it and to continue doing it. I can understand the need to vent, the need to joke, and the need to share the misery and the joy, but don't blame other people for your choices.

As for posters picking on tiktok, my jaw's on the floor! Regulars will know that you can rely on tiktok to knowledgeably and patiently offer help to pretty much everyone posting in this room - including yours truly. Tiktok and others on MN wee the main reason I found a solution to my be problems.

In my defence, I have organic carrots in the fridge. And yes picking on other posters is not cool.

for you Euri Can't imagine how difficult it must be when your LO is in special care.
It is nice to know I'm not the only one crying into my pillow fort in the wee small hours of the night.
Hope things improve for you very soon.

Not everyone does have access to support groups and health visitors, though. My health visitor's advice was to wait until DD was screaming with hunger and stick my boob into her mouth mid-scream. This did nothing to improve DD's latch and just made an already stressful situation worse. I was immensely grateful for the support I got online which wasn't available elsewhere. So some people might not need or want the help of a well trained breastfeeding expert, but for others it is the thing that makes a huge, huge difference. I think that people sometimes project their own experiences onto others. In my case, I was desperate to breastfeed, and every time I encountered a problem I was told "formula isn't poison, don't be a martyr, lots of women can't breastfeed, there's no harm in giving a bottle". I am so grateful to the three people who recognised that what I actually wanted was to be told how to carry on.

I also know people who had the opposite experience, and we're desperate to be told that formula would be fine, but who were only offered support in continuing to breastfeed.

When we want to be kind and helpful to other people, it's really easy to offer them what we want for ourselves In the same situation, but doing that without checking can make some people feel worse. Offering to help might provide a mum with the support she needs or make her feel shit. Talking about smug holier than thou militants might provide a struggling mum with a bit of desperately needed light relief or put her off contacting a breastfeeding counsellor or support group. So I guess I'm trying to say that emotions run high, and it's worth stepping back for a minute before throwing more criticism around. I almost replied to the OP in a fairly nasty and sarcastic way, because I did find the post pretty hurtful, and I waited and calmed down and didn't do it. And oh feck! Now I really am being smug and holier than thou and have completely proved the OP's point so erm, sorry about that . Please imagine I phrased this whole post better.

Hi there OP, firstly congratulations on your little bundle of joy!
I was the same as you OP with my DD1, felt like absolute crap first few weeks. Didn't get any sleep as she was fed on demand, which was every 1.5-2hrs, each feed lasting good 30-45mins and then burping which hardly ever worked. Plus she suffered from reflux... BUT, afterwards, from roughly 2 months I loved bf!
Yes, there were other rough patches along the way, growth spurts, teething, biting and bleeding nipples but I still loved bf. She self weaned at 23 months and honestly, I was sad when she did.
My DD2 is now 16 days and she is also being EBF, but with her I have been so lucky. She is such a calm baby, feeds and sleeps. She is also demand fed but feeds for 10mins max and job done.

Can I also add, I am another person to who tiktok hugely helped (thank you!) with my first DD, so seriously OP, grab the opportunity and ask away if you are doubting anything re bf.

First few weeks is tough but once you get into it it's really easy. I BF my boy to 12 months. Once you get past the first few weeks you will be fine, and in the long run I think it seems easier the bottles as you never have to worry about taking bottles with you, washing bottles etc.

Don't be to dishearten it will get better xx

For me FF would be hell - it is impossible to forget my boobs when going out. Also mind reading so bottle is ready when wanted - DD gets cross waiting while I juggle layers and bra! Add the sterilisation faff and I'd go mad. Other more organised types would cope fine - I would forget my head when not sleep deprived!

here's a thought. just feed your baby. breast mill, formula, unicorn tears who gives a shit.

full baby, happy mummy that's all that matters. so grab a bottle or feed drop by drop off a paintbrush like orphaned kittens just as long as your baby is fed and you are happy who gives a shit what anyone thinks.

there's not enough money in the world to get me to ever attempt breast feeding g again of u evee have another. and if your gonna screw up as a mother best now while they won't remember

do what is best fir you

You're doing great OP. Whether you stop breastfeeding now, in six weeks, six months or six years, you're doing a great job. Don't try and martyr yourself - your baby will be happy, healthy, smart and gorgeous (and so newbornly squidgeable!!) whether you feed them breastmilk or formula.

I don't know whether I'll bother breastfeeding DC2 - I didn't feel like I could properly enjoy parenting with DD until I switched to formula. But that was me at 19 with zero breastfeeding support and a baby with lip tie and aversion to boob - who knows what the future holds.

(However, I can categorically state that I've never forgotten FF paraphenalia when going out, nor has anyone else I know, and it's not a huge faff. Cartons and chillipeeps-style spouts make it easy peasy )