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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Is this sexual descrimination?

47 replies

bunnyrabbit · 12/05/2004 09:22

Is it fair that a man should not be able to go into a public feeding room and feed his child because someone else doesn't want him there because he's a man? Is this sexual descimination?

Discuss.....

OP posts:
Grommit · 12/05/2004 09:24

Of course it is - should be a 'parents' room not just for mums. Did this happen to your dh Bunnyrabbit?

SoupDragon · 12/05/2004 09:27

No it's not fair. I've been in feeding rooms which have a curtained off area for women to bf in private.

I'm sure I've read a story like this where a man couldn't change his daughter because only the women's toilets had changing facilities in them.

Original poster
bunnyrabbit · 12/05/2004 09:31

See last few messages on previous thread here

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 12/05/2004 09:36

not sure. Aren't feeding rooms really for women who don't want to get their boobs out in public?

toddlerbob · 12/05/2004 09:38

Parents rooms are a fairly modern invention and therefore should be set up so that nobody feels uncomfortable and there is a balance of privacy and facilities.

With regards to changing facilities, if the place is so mean they will only put one change station in then why not into the disabled toilet which tends to be large enough to get a buggy into and can be used by either mum or dad. Also handy for a 2 person right up to the neck power poo.

I feel very spoilt here in NZ. Our local swimming pool has family changing rooms so we can both share the joy that is a wet toddler, parents rooms are large enough to accomodate massive whanau (extended family). It seems a very family centred place.

Original poster
bunnyrabbit · 12/05/2004 09:38

No Grommit, not with the feeding (as the room was empty last time) but with the changing.

But Hercules (hope you don't mind me quoting you) had a good point on the other thread "..There are also cultural reaons why some women cant breastfeed where a man might be present..." This is a partial quote so please don't shoot me if I've misrepresented....

These mums should have every right to feed when they're out too.. yet so few places offer facilities to enable 'privacy'. Perhaps we should start a survey of best places for feeding/changing facilities etc
BR

OP posts:
Crunchie · 12/05/2004 09:39

This issue naffs me off more than some. Particularly the changing facilities question. Personally I never felt the need to feed my babies in private, one was bottle fed, one was breast fed. I tended to feed in public, descretly - but I was lucky with a baby that settled and fed without too much wiggling/fighting etc.

Anyway back to the issue, what about changing facilities?? Why are they invariably in the ladies loo?? I know there are some more enlightened placed that have a 'changing room' system, but so many places only have baby changing in the ladies. I went to a wedding at the w/e and a guy had to change his dd in the ladies, but even worse, that had no mats or anything, so it wasn't really suitable at all.

My dh used to find it a pain in the a**e trying to change our children in public places as facilities were so limited. He often used the floor in a corner near the loos if necessary.

To me this is a far more descriminatory practice than the feeding room issue. As far as I am concerned men should be allowed in feeding rooms as they are for the child, not the parent. If a woman has a problem with that she can be discrete. Also I think any man in a feeding room is usually not that easily embarrassed. I do understand if there is a religious issue, but if it that 'bad' I doubt they would be feeding in a public place at all.

SoupDragon · 12/05/2004 09:40

Actually, why would a man (who would be bottle feeding ) want to go into a small room to feed his child anyway? I have to say I've never come across a man in a feeding room and only rarely in the changing areas.

I am of the opinion that if a man doesn't want to see breastfeeding, he shouldn't go in the feeding room, there should be changing areas in male/female/unisex toilets and there should be private curtained areas for women (or rather people!) who want to feed in complete privacy.

Original poster
bunnyrabbit · 12/05/2004 09:43

LOL toddlerbob.... I can smell that nappy just from your description...

I see your point, but going in the dasabled loo, not only stops a disabled person from using it, but also means you have to change baby on the floor. Hardly hygenic....

Scrummymummy, I thought they were for people who didn't want to feed their baby on the street. Where's a daddy supposed to go?

BR

BR

OP posts:
Original poster
bunnyrabbit · 12/05/2004 09:47

Soupdragon, maybe he doesn't want to sit on a bench in the street. Maybe it's cold outside. Maybe baby is easily distracted? Maybe we don't see it because they are descriminated against.

The question wasn't so much wether they want to see breastfeeding, but wether BF mums want to be seen by a man, and if not, is it descrimiatory to ask them to leave/not enter?

BR

OP posts:
Original poster
bunnyrabbit · 12/05/2004 09:48

Meant to say I agree with the unisex/private areas for complete privacy

OP posts:
toddlerbob · 12/05/2004 09:52

Oh gosh, disabled loos here have the koala care change tables that pull down, and large rolls of paper towel. I certainly didn't envisage the floor.

I also found a bit about "cultural sensitivity" which I mentioned on the other thread.

"By our third and final week in Jordan, I behaved much like I do at home. I hadn't caused any international incidents and felt comfortable nursing Nolan discreetly in public. Curious about breastfeeding customs, I began asking around. One woman I met told me that breastfeeding is encouraged in the Arab world. Where she had lived in Dubai, it is an actual law, though difficult to enforce, that women breastfeed their infants during the first three months of life. I also read that the new Queen Rania of Jordan arranged her full schedule around the breastfeeding needs of her infant daughter.

It wasn't until we were boarding the plane to leave that my questions were more fully answered. There sat a veiled woman, dressed head to toe in black, with one breast fully exposed in order to nurse her baby."

dinosaur · 12/05/2004 09:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SoupDragon · 12/05/2004 10:06

BR, I wasn't thinking of a bench in a street, I was wistfully imagining a cafe with a large latte and a cake - Certainly my preferred feeding position The "man embarrassed by breast feeding" was mentioned briefly on the other thread.

I think it should be good manners for a man to ask a bf woman if she minds him coming in - after all that may be why she's gone to a private room to feed - but the woman should be aware that men have every right to use the room too. Women bf in public areas get more harrassment than a man so you could argue that this is why private areas are provided. Eg, if bf in public was not so frowned upon it may be that there woud be no need private rooms anyway so therefore the rooms are provided for use by women.

My personal opinion is, as I said, that men should be allowed to use the rooms, the rooms should have private areas for those who wish for complete privacy and changing areas should be separate from feeding areas and freely accessible to both male and female carers.

Original poster
bunnyrabbit · 12/05/2004 10:06

Just spoke to DH.. He says the big problem for him is the changing. Finds it very annoying when the tables are in the women's loos

He did say, and I quote "He doesn't mind women Breast Feeding in front of him as he will take any oppotunity to see women's breasts"

Thanks for the intellectual comments darling!!! So much for stereotyping men!!

BR

OP posts:
Original poster
bunnyrabbit · 12/05/2004 10:08

Soupdragon,
Yes of course, cafe's are always nice... mmm cake.... oops better get on with some work now!!

Cheers
BR

OP posts:
hercules · 12/05/2004 10:36

Just seen this thread. I was actually thinkling of one of dhs friends who is srilankan. When she was pregnant she told us that she would leave the baby with her mum when she went shopping. I asked dh why as ~I knew she was going to bf and that our local shopping centre has loads of places to bfeed.
He said that due to the culture(not religion) she wouldnt want to bf in front of men plus a lot of his female relations bottlefed because of the difficulty in feeding outside the house.
I'm going back to work in a few days and dh will then be looking after dd, I would expect him to be abl to change her in a changing room and think the idea of curtains in a changing room is excellent.
However this is not the case in many changing rooms so what is the answer with the current situation. Do we tell women who dont wish to feed in front of men that they have to use the toilets or do we tell men thet have to change their babies in the toilets?
Both not good ideas.
If it was men breastfeeding and some men didnt feel comfortabvle with a women seeing them do this I bet this situation would have been sorted out a long time ago!

Yorkiegirl · 12/05/2004 10:43

Message withdrawn

ScummyMummy · 12/05/2004 11:01

Agree with the soupster. Her plan seems to cover all eventualities!

JanZ · 12/05/2004 11:17

Slightly off topic, but dh complained about an item on the news about breast feeding which was making the point that "anyone" can do it (and we all know the debate about that! ).

His complaint was "well, I can't!" !!!!

... just as well I did a lot of expressing then, so he WAS able to "share"!

hercules · 12/05/2004 11:19

Just imagine Jan your dh taking his place to breastfeed to the breastfeeding mothers in mothercare

SoupDragon · 12/05/2004 11:26

Apparently men can.

ScummyMummy · 12/05/2004 11:33

soup.

hercules · 12/05/2004 11:34

so anyone can

Twinkie · 12/05/2004 11:36

Sorry I think if we want breastfeeding to be accepted more in todays world we can't have the archaic attitude that banning men from bf rooms or the like would enforce. GGRRRR

Syas me who doesn't miond getting them out anywhere - can't wait to embarrass DPs family next Christmas - I am sure aftera glass of sherry I will be sloshing them about everywhere!!