Breastfeeding at 3 days old

[Gyarr]

Hi everyone. New dad here looking for advice to help an exhausted wife and newborn baby.

Our baby just seems to cry - constantly. I mean she will take an hour to settle down and then start crying again after 10 minutes. She's being changed and being kept warm the only thing is the feeding?

When my wife begins to feed her she settles but only suckles for 2-3mins before falling asleep. Then we go to move her and the crying kicks off again. Neither my wife nor baby have had much sleep since she was born and as you can imagine it's very distressing for my wife and I just want to help her.

I'm writing this now at 3am as both sleep in bed beside me whilst I keep watch.

Are you sure the midwives don't mean leave a gap of 3-4 hours Max between feeds?

Yy Apples - that's what we were told too. DD was a sleepy little thing and used to lose interest partway through, I was forever blowing on her face to wake her up!

If you're in England try your children's centre for details on bf support groups

Morning op, hope that the milk is now in.

As others have said what has been happening sounds normal. These first few days before the milk comes in.

Really about the midwife telling your wife 3-4 hrly feeds guessing she did not know much about bf.

Every time lo is on the breast it will stimulate the milk production. Agree with others about encouraging lo to stay awake, I found stroking the nose and cheek encouraged more suckling.

Would also make sure you have some salve for dw nipples as they are likely to get sore.

Hope it is getting better and for you both.

Baby has had an hour on each of wife's breast and then fell asleep. Within 5 minutes of being put back in her Moses basket she was crying again. Picked her up to see if she was windy and was already trying to suck my hand again. My wife says the bf is so painful. I have her file and will find the number for the day unit or midwife. I think we're due a visit today too

I was a breastfeeding support volunteer and another vote for its normal and the midwife meant 3-4hours between feeds as a maximum.

The first few weeks are pretty unrelenting where breastfeeding is concerned, both mum and baby are exhausted and learning a new skill. The baby won't want to be away from mum as she wants the warmth, smell etc as she has had for the first 9months. Completely normal for them to cry when they are moved away.

You could get a wrap sling for your wife to wear so she can be up and about a bit more and keep baby happy at the same time.

Things you can do to help: bring her drinks - feeding a baby is thirsty work, bring food, help with the all other baby jobs, changing, bathing etc. Be calm and appreciate that there are lots of demands on your wife's body at the moment and she may not want you touching her at the moment. It's nothing personal but takes a while to get used to your body being used by someone else all the time.

Try and find a breastfeeding cafe nearby that you can both visit.

It should stop being painful after 4-5 days. If it gets worse then get baby checked for tongue tie as this could be affecting her.

Don't put the baby in the Moses basket if she cries when you move her. Let your wife get a shower etc and lay next to the baby in your bed.

Good news about feeds. After feeds, keep baby on you or your wife. I know it's easier for baby to settle in Moses basket but baby wants warmth / heartbeat / mums smell.

Has she got her breast feeding positioning right? If feeding is painful, it could be one little alteration which makes the positioning and latch much better. Picture attached.

Find real life support to check both positioning and latch.

Pic

*when I said easier for baby I meant easier for mum and dad, if baby settled in Moses basket. Basically, squash that idea if everytime you put baby down, she cries.

May be others will disagree or have different experiences but I found the few days very painful and my nipples became very sore even though the latch was good.
The salve I used was called Kamillosan, it really helped. It does get better.

The attempts to suckle you describe, even after long feeds, are not likely due to hunger - it's a comfort thing. That's why if somebody can hold or lie next to the baby after feeds it will help keep her settled and calm.

Bf can be uncomfortable at first but it does settle down. Keep supporting her as you are - it will be invaluable. And do make he most of external support as this will really help too.

Remember - it's really early days and you're doing a great job!

Congratulations on your baby. The first few days are tough but it gets better.

Even with a decent latch it does hurt. If you don't have any already get some lansinoh and tell your wife to slather it on. It does help.

I'm overwhelmed by all the responses thankyou so much for taking time out to offer help. My wife does have Lansino cream and has been using it.

Mammy and baby have been asleep together for the last hour. It's probably the longest the pair have slept since she was born.

As I say we are due a midwife visit today so I will definitely ask her for bf help even if my wife is scared to.

I was told to feed at least every 3 hours (I was told off by a midwife for leaving her for 4 hours). Are you and your wife aware that the 3 hours starts from the beginning of the feed and not the end? If needs be wake the baby up to feed otherwise you end up in a vicious circle of a sleepy baby who's to tired to feed.

My milk didn't come in until day 5 but my baby fed almost non stop for the first couple of weeks. If baby cries just feed her, forget any routines/schedules.

If your wife needs a break I found putting my baby in her pushchair and going for a short walk put her to sleep and gave my nipples a rest

Get a Sa-Be wrap for carrying the baby about in upright. There are other kinds but that one is affordable and good.

Lansinoh religiously after every feed.

Biological nurturing videos on YouTube. This is the best way I've found to get a good latch. If it is hurting your wife the latch is wrong irrespective of what it looks like. BN means the baby finds its way to the boob and there's none of this octopus arms carry on that you get with other positions. She'll get good at all positions eventually but BN works for feeding lying down so that's your best bet just now.

Breast feeding support group. Either on FB or in real life or both. Your wife needs to be able to speak to other bf mamas.

You need to get these bf issues sorted before your wife gets more upset.

Good luck!

Hi,
Yes I remember constant crying. Our daughter went from quiet to screaming within a second. The prob we had was I couldn't get her latched on in time before she started meltdown! I ended up expressing and topping up with bottle.
My advice, which no one in hospital told me, was as soon as the baby cries, feed feed feed. I wish I'd have known this. We assumed that as baby had just fed she couldn't still be hungry. In fact the poor thing was starving!
I remember the terrible tiredness I used to be so tired I forgot I'd put her back in crib, and wake up thinking I'd squashed her!
The co sleeping wasn't for us as I know a couple who did that and they were so tired they suffocated the baby. Don't want to scare you, I understand totally why people do it!
It all depends how keen your partner is to breastfeed. The most imp thing is that she enjoys new baby. But it does get better. I found that at 4 months to be the case.
Make sure you make clear distinction between day and night, nighttime naps all dark and quiet, daytime naps keep curtains open, have sound, tv on etc. so she learns to adapt her body clock to sleeping at night.
She will sleep don't worry, it will just take time.
You can help by giving her loads of water. And I mean loads! I am drinking about 10 pints a day at the moment. Tell her not to even consider getting dressed in the morning, if she wants to spend all day in bed, great!
Sometimes a little walk out might help if she's feeling up to it, plus the rocking and fresh air might make baby sleep and give her a breather!
Car journeys also great for getting the to sleep.
Keep telling her how amazing and wonderful she is, I'm sure you're doing this already. Make sure she has the food she needs, I had loads of sweets, which I know not great, helped to keep me awake to feed!
It is such a hard time that it's impossible to be prepared for. Remember you're not the only ones in this situation, you will get through it, and it will get better. Tell yourself that every day.

Also, I think it's important for your wife to know that she is certainly not the only one finding things tough.

Postpartum hormone changes are brutal enough to deal with; throw bfing a newborn into the mix and it can feel impossible. When DD was about 3/4 days I remember just sitting there at night, barely able to keep my eyes open, trying to latch her on to my ridiculous milk-inflated boobs and all I could think was "I can't do this. Surely formula must be easier than this".

It did get much easier though, and although there were still difficult days after that, she's 16 weeks now and feeds like a trooper, and those days seem so long ago.

I firmly believe that if your wife wants to continue bfing then with the right support she will absolutely be able to

I used to be so tired I forgot I'd put her back in crib, and wake up thinking I'd squashed her!

Oh god me too. I used to wake up convinced she was lying across my stomach and that I'd fallen asleep feeding, and think she'd disappeared when I woke up (though that did once happen to be fair - I co slept with her in hospital and when I woke up a midwife had been round and moved her into the plastic crib. I thought I was going nuts.)

Hi, I have 2 breastfed babies and they've both done this. It sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing, the baby wants to be next to your wife, and on the boob - she doesn't want to be in a crib! Boob will be a massive comfort - it's not just about milk (although with a stomach the size of a walnut, she will want feeding very often).

The first night in hospital with my first, the nurses put dd in bed with me. Upon discharge they had a leaflet which said 'don't co-sleep'. The midwife said 'we have to give this to everyone, but if you want any sleep, you WILL co-sleep at some point, everybody does'. I was so grateful for that realistic advice! Google about safe co-sleeping - keep pillows away, a blanket only, no quilts etc. I think it's the safest way - as a breastfeeding mum you have an awareness of the baby even in sleep.

If you want to get any sleep/rest, put baby on the boob as often as they want and co-sleep (safely in bed) so you don't have to keep waking her up and getting out of bed yourselves.

Wife got a good couple hours sleep and baby has had a couple of feeding sessions since plus two pooey nappies in the last few hours so she must be getting some

Mother and sister in law are keeping wife company and imparting some wisdom whilst I get chance to do some chores - starting with emptying all the hospital bags.

MIL suggested laying and feeding baby on a cot sheet so that it picks up wife's scent for when we try her in the basket again. Seems worth a try. But for today she's just cuddling and feeding.

Day 3 is very, very hard. When your baby is first born boobs make colostrum (them cream/yellow coloured milk) which your baby needs in small amounts very often. After 3-7 ish days milk "comes in" so boobs get very (sometimes uncomfortably) full, it is usually the start of your baby taking a tiny bit more and becoming a little more settled. What your baby is doing now is encouraging your wife's milk to come in. It's hard and exhausting but it's normal and, mercifully, temporary. Your mws have left you with some confusing advice- babies should go no longer than 3 hours without a feed, not aim to feed every 3 hours. My dd (8 weeks) fed at least every hour at this age. I think it's the frequency, the sheer amount of feeding that stuns new parents.

Get your baby checked for Tongue Tie.

Crying is normal too. I wept every day until ds was 20 days old. Knowledge is key to all of this. I found dd much,much easier because I knew what was normal and that it would pass. It still wasn't easy to feed so often but knowing it would end made the world of difference.

Neither of my babies would be put down to sleep for the first couple of weeks, again this is hard but normal. With ds we took it in turns to stay up holding him (literally- one of us was awake at all times for I think 13 days!)and slept in shifts, with dd we co slept. Do whatever works for you to get through this new born phase.

This really is the hard yard. Nothing could have prepared me for those first few weeks with ds. This too shall pass.

X posted op. Poo is an excellent sign that things are going well!

The first week is so hard.

I wish someone had said this one thing to me the first time: don't worry about anything until your milk comes in properly. Just do what you need to do to survive the first week. Don't expect any sleep. Don't expect to put the baby in its Moses basket. Don't expect to do anything but feed.
For me it all changes once your milk comes in properly. It's such early days for you.

I feel your wife's pain! Those days were horrible- it does get better.

What helped me was buying a special swaddled for my baby from Amazon which had Velcro sides so it was totally idiot proof. This would stop my daughter from startling herself and also from attacking her face.

Try to encourage your wife to feed the baby laying on her side. Baby may just nod off in the bed! Also could perhaps you take over for a bit after feeding? If baby just wants to sleep on someone maybe baby can sleep on your chest after a feed? Your wife probably isn't sleeping well as she's so aware of the baby being near her and being an exhausted mum with a tiny baby is just relentless.

i really feel for you, it doesn't last forever but I know it probably feels like it will at the moment!

Oh and make sure you're doing every last bit of house work available! (sorry projecting my anger I have at my partner for doing sod all when I was in your position- don't be that guy!!!)

Don't worry she is being waited on hand and foot! I have tried holding baby for a while but unless she's right next to mammy she's wide awake and screaming within 5 minutes.

What I've taken to doing is (as you suggested) having mammy lay on her side and feed and baby is nodding off right on the bed. Then mammy is doing the same and I'm pottering round the house but keeping a close eye on the pair. Then when she's up for another feed I'm gonna try and get an hour myself.

Have had a very reassuring visit from the midwife. She's back again Monday for the 5 day check and will even come tomorrow if we ask.

We're just gonna be on a sleep rota for the foreseeable future. I've locked the doors and switched the phones off!

I didn't expect to have so many replies each with such valuable information. Feel much better about everything now.