How long to breastfeed for?

[rsmummy]

I am trying to decide what to do about breastfeeding over the next few months. My daughter is 7 months old. I'll be back at work in 2 months time and really cant face expressing at work. Should I start trying to wean her off now? Ive heard that it might be possible to decrease feeds to nightime and morning - has anyone experience of doing this? Also would it better to wean her sooner rather than later - might it be easier?

my dd started to drop feeds of her own accord at arround that age and by 9 months was only feeding 3/4 times a day without any intervention from me. it might be worth waiting a few weeks and seeing what her routine is closer to the date you start work.

if you do want to cut down though the best way is to drop one feed every week or so to avoid engorgment.

HTH

yes ive a friend who said her baby starting dropping feeds around this time, but theres no sign of it with mine - its her favourite pastime or so it seems and also her favourite way to get to sleep with the boob in her mouth...which is another "issue" i guess. My thinking was that if she is going to have to get used to me not being around in the day when Im at work, is it better to try and get her used to not bfeeding now, so the changes arent all coming at once? And if so, how do you deny your baby the boob when she wants it?

By 9 months mine were probably down to maximum 3 or 4 feeds a day anyway so you could substitute mid morning/afternoon ones for formula, if she still needs them, and continue to b'feed am and pm ? I introduce done feed for ds during the day at first, gave myself a week or so to settle before dropping another. if she refusesa bottle then make up the clacuium etc with yoghurt and cheese and the nursery(?) can give water as a daytime drink. Continued partly to b'feed him until about 15 months iirc.

when you got to 15 months LIZS was it easy to stop? And what made you stop then rather than any earlier/later?

ds started to lose interest so we dropped the morning one first iirc then evening.

My lo (14mnths) has just dropped his morning bfeed (doesn't stay latched on for more than a nanosecond) so is just down to one at bedtime.

RSmummy, why can't you face expressing at work? is it just because you don't want to, or are your employers unsupportive about you expressing at work? Hope not the latter.

I didn't go back to work till lo was a year, so it was easier as we were down to just morning and evening bfeeds by then anyway.

I'd definitely try to stopping her being used to bfeeds in the middle of the day, as otherwise she'll have to go 'cold turkey' when you go back to work, and that might be a bit of a shock for her. But it's a tough one, I'll make no bones about it.

Good luck!

hmm, why not expressing at work - well its not so much that employer is not supportive but more just ignorant of the issues. Theres where to do it and when - the pressures of my usual working day dont give me much time to sit, relax and express. Plus theres the fact that I can never seem to express much using the pump.

RSM -- My DD also wasn't interested in dropping feeds when I was approaching going back to work (I returned at 1 yr). I was due to go back in March. In the Jan she was still having 5/6 feeds a day. (breakfast, lunch, mid-afternoon, dinner, bedtime occasionally mid-morning). The mid-morning she did herself. The bedtime I left and negotiated with work that I would have to leave by 5:30 latest to get home for it. Then dropped mid-afternoon first, replaced it by yogurt. Did this by giving feed, then yogurt for a bit. Then switched order, then stopped offering breast. She seemed to cope. So a few weeks later did the same with breakfast, lunch, dinner starting with her least favorite time first. (lunch, dinner, breakfast in DD case). In all this took me about 1.5 - 2mths. So guess you need to start If you can keep waking & bedtime that keeps you at 2 feeds a day. I unfortunately had to leave at 6:30am and got home at 6:30 - 7pm.

She kept her bedtime feed until about 15 mths. When I got rid of that one as well. DS self weaned by 17 mths, do not much difference between them in the end.

BTW my DD also favored the feed to sleep method. AFter trying much -- in the end had to go the the leave her and cry method. As everything else seemed to wind her up more. . But at 10 mths she only took 2 days to get herself to sleep (naps where another mth though.....)

sounds like I need to crack on and start cutting down one feed at a time pretty soon, which is kind of what I thought but I guess I am not really convinced that I want to - and am fairly sure that dd doesn't want me to either... it feels a bit like going on a diet or giving up smoking - stopping doing something that I don;t want to stop doing!
USAUKMUM - leave and cry - we've been trying this - trying to put her down awake and then just pat/reassure her when she stirs but still not getting much better after a week...so much easier to give the boob...

Rsmummy - I'd make your employer sit up and realise that they are obliged to give you time off in the day, somewhere private to sit and express, and somewhere to store your EBM (i.e. fridge) and they can't cut your pay or argue because that is your right as a breastfeeding mother.

Never managed to get DS onto a bottle at all before he started nursery (same age as your DD will be) he just was not interested. Eventually for the first few weeks he refused a bottle or sippy cup there while reverse cycling and breastfeeding more in the evening and at night, then gradually he started drinking from a sippy cup there, cut out the night feeds altogether and went to just two breastfeeds a day we're still bf at 22 months.

I too thought "oh, I must cut down" and stressed about the fact that he wouldn't take a bottle and how was everything going to work out when he started nursery, but actually it was all remarkably painless when we got to that point and I wish I hadn't worried so much and wasted so much time trying to persuade him to take a bottle rather than just enjoying the end of my maternity leave.

(I also didn't express at work -- there's just nowhere to do it other than the toilets as it's all very open plan with no enclosed offices and all the meeting rooms are trendy glass things. And even as a pro-NIPer I am not going to sit in a glass meeting room in the middle of an entire floor of colleagues and express for half an hour... plus I just never managed to produce much when expressing)

mammduck, youy're describing a utopia that just doesn;'t exist, sadly.....it would be great if employers were obliged to do all you say, but it just ain't so. There is some health and safety legislation which means they cannot impose conditions on mothers that would stop them bf, and some EU stuff, and obviously good practice would include paid breaks, privacy, cleanliness and storage....but there's no law.

Unless something has happened that's passed me by....hope so

You might not need to express at work - DS2 is 10mo and I don't express at work - I feed him more when I'm with him and at night.

We couldn't even do the pat and reassure bit. Stiring was more like screaming at the top of her lungs. As anytime she saw us, she was sure we'd give in and scream louder. DH had to restrain me to stop me going in, as she'd just scream for longer than if I didn't. Once we stopped going in after the initial put down and a a check at 15 min to make sure she was okay. We just sat cowering under the duvet. She screamed 2 hrs the first time, 1 hr the second, then shorter. the slept for 4 hrs. The next night she started at 30 min of screaming then slept through

And after vowing with DS that we'd do it different ....there we were in the exact same place ...

My work was also open plan, with glass meeting rooms. The only place to express was the bathroom or the sick room. Neither which was appealing. My expressing ability was quite poor as well. DD never did go onto a bottle. She just had a tommy tippe beaker. Of course she also refused to drink any milk at home until she was almost 3 (guilt trip on me I think for making her give up ). But would happily sit on carer lap at nursery or child minder's lap and drink a glass/ beaker of milk. Though as I went back at 1 yr, I didn't have to go onto formula. Luckily she loves yougurt and cheese.

Most note the DD started sucking the back of her hand around 1 yr as well. She stopped on her on at around 2yrs.

see I am just made of weaker stuff - I managed an hour of her crying last night before giving in - how crap is that?

Also re the workplace issues - you're right I could go on a campaign to educate my employers, but I don't feel able to cope with the angst of that combined with the trauma of returning to work and leaving my baby. Mentally I dont feel in the right place to express at work and feel that it would just add to the various pressures I will be under.

A question for those of you that breastfeed and work - do you breastfeed during the days when you are not working or do you just do evening/morning feeds?

It isn't crap -- it is very hard to listen to your baby cry.
It is horrible to hear them cry, but you will all be much happier once she can go to sleep by herself. Someone told me (I can't remember who, but I still want to thank them) that if you sort out sleeping before 1 yr that it is easier than after 1 yr. I used to turn off the monitor and try and read a book.

I worked 3 days and only fed DD in the evenings on the days I was home as when I was working. When I am bf I always feel slightly depressed, and I was approaching the time when I wanted to stop all together. But I have friends who did feed during the days when they were home.

rsmummy,I returned towork when my dd was 7 mths.
Went in for a month to feed her at lunchtime,then the nursery manger (an ex MW) suggested she could do without,and she could!

I continued to feed for 21/2 year-morning and night in the week and whenever she wantet at w/ends.

I wasn't a good expresser but she was happy on water or juice and never had cows milk or formula.

rsmummy, I sympathise with your difficulties, and there is some good support here.

But I have to put in some twopennorth about crying - it is not good to have a baby cry for an hour. You felt crap because you knew it was not a good thing to do, and you didn't 'give in' - you decided to respond to your baby's needs.
A seven month old baby cannot understand about work and needing to drop breastfeeds - all she can understand is the need for comfort, food and drink, and she expresses real distress in those cries.

I am not usually so directive about stuff like this, sorry,

Leaving babies to cry for long periods is not good for their emotional health and development short and even long term - we know this from research

I bf on demand on days when I'm not working and that works out OK, although he does have cows' milk too if he asks for that.

DS actually managed fine falling asleep on his own with just a bit of shushing and patting when he started nursery (I could hardly believe it given that he was a nurse-to-sleeper at home) -- there's a big difference between a 7 month old and a 9 month old, and also sometimes they just behave differently in a childcare setting.

see thats really interesting and reassuring to know that breastfeeding can continue around work and childcare without having to express heaps, I feel much more positive now. My concern was that going back to work would bring an end to breastfeeding, and after the problems we had getting it going, I don't feel ready to stop yet. I was also worried that I'd have to impose a rigid and unenforceable schedule of feeds on days when I'm not working but sounds like I can be a bit more flexible. I am being a real worrier here about things that are yet to happen!

The sleeping/crying question is, I know, a slightly different issue, but related to the feeding, and I'm now feeling a bit thrown, as to date my reading suggests that leaving the baby to cry in cot, but with visits/pats etc is a good way for them to learn to go to sleep, and it sounds as if others have benefited from that approach. Id be interested in hearing more about or being pointed in the direction of that research..
Having already made a decision to change tack anyway - neither dp or I can do the crying thing, we unanimously agreed last night to give it up!

With ds1 I went back to work part time, and fed him on the days I was off and morning and night, seemed to work out fine.
Could not have faced expressing at work, though sure they would have accommodated me

rsmummy - for the research on this try 'Why Love Matters; How Affection shapes a Baby's Brain' by Sue Gerhardt.

It brings the neuro-science and psychology together, and is sympathetic and supportive to parents.

There's a website here

My personal feeling is that shushing and patting and visiting can probably be helpful with desperate parents trying to resolve a difficult toddler/pre-school sleep problem, but I don't think you'd find anyone with any real understanding of a baby's normal needs that would think it was a good idea to do it for younger infants.

Of course babies can learn to settle by being left to cry - that doesn't mean it is ok for them to do this, sorry.

Hope this helps.

[Should clarify that the shushing and patting I was referring to with DS was with someone right next to him the whole time as he fell asleep, was only needed for a couple of minutes, and he wasn't actually crying or distressed (so long as he was shushed and patted).]

You could also try reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution -- it's not a "quick fix" programme but has some useful tips and also makes the point that something is only a "sleep problem" if it's a problem for your family.