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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Am I a bad mum for breastfeeding?

36 replies

SazMcStan · 14/05/2015 13:13

Ok, so I know "breast is best" and I am so lucky that I am able to breastfeed my son. I love feeding him myself and know all the amazing benefits of breastfeeding. I also know that not everyone can or wants to breastfeed and I think that everyone should be able to make the choice themselves without being shamed by other mums or feeling guilty.

However, yesterday in the doctors waiting room I got chatting to a new mum, her daughter was two weeks older than my little boy, and she was comparing the weights of our children (her LO was much bigger than mine). She asked how much he had in a bottle and when I told her I was breastfeeding she looked at me in horror as if I'd said "I don't feed him," and then went on to tell me that I have no way of knowing how much my child is getting which is why he's so small, that I'm passing on any unhealthy choices that I make (I did have a bottle of diet coke at the time), that she finds breastfeeding boys weird as boobs are for sex and that if I have anything wrong with me it's unfair to pass it on. Also, I will have really saggy boobs.

What the actual hell???? Luckily I was called in to see the doctor so didn't have time to get drawn in to a heated discussion but I couldn't believe someone was trying to make me feel bad for breastfeeding!

Has anyone else had anything like his happen to them and how did you deal with it?

OP posts:

NickyEds · 14/05/2015 13:16

Did this actually happen?

juneau · 14/05/2015 13:16

Bloody hell - what a nutter! And this woman was a stranger who happened to be sitting next to you at the doctor's surgery? I think I'd have moved to sit on the other side of the room, personally!

OP you are doing the absolute best for your baby. You don't need to know how much milk he's getting, because he's taking as much as he wants. Boobs don't come with ml measurements on them, because they don't need them. Boobs were used for millennia to feed infants before formula milk was invented. That nutcase was possibly even bf herself and her mother almost certainly was.

I bf both my boys and no, I never had the misfortune to meet a crazy woman like this. I think if I had I'd have probably laughed in her face

glenthebattleostrich · 14/05/2015 13:17

The technical term for the other person is fuckwitus idiotus.

When people commented to me that DH was missing out because I breastfed or that boobs were for sex my stock answer was actually its quite handy him being able to snack mid shag. They were usually to horrified to say anything else!

You are feeding your baby and I think that's the only thing that matters.

Allstoppedup · 14/05/2015 13:17

She was a massive twat. Discount everything she said as it was nonsense.

If your child his gaining, has wet nappies then they are getting plenty from you.

I'd have honestly laughed in her face at the sheer lunacy of what she was saying.

I have zero issue with any feeding choices a mum makes, FF or breast but she was cruel, rude and ill informed so really doesn't deserve another second of your head space.

You are doing a good thing for your baby.

PterodactylTeaParty · 14/05/2015 13:21

She sounds nuts woefully misinformed about bf due to several generations of a formula feeding culture.

Stinkersmum · 14/05/2015 13:23

I actually thought this thread was genuine until I got to the 'Boobs are for sex' remark. Is it half term already?

AnythingNotEverything · 14/05/2015 13:23

If you'd said things like that to her about ff, you'd have been called a nazi.

There's no truth in anything she said. Ignore!

Lunastarfish · 14/05/2015 13:24

glen you've made my day. I'll have to remember that response!

Annarose2014 · 14/05/2015 13:25

Wierd title for thread since you're obviously very pro breastfeeding and have done your research and have already started doing it.

Grabs the attention, I suppose.

Springtimemama · 14/05/2015 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floralnomad · 14/05/2015 13:28

I'm with nickyeds , I don't think its possible that 'passing on my unhealthy choices' and 'boobs are for sex' could possibly have been said by the same person .

nottheOP · 14/05/2015 13:29

What a crazy lady. She must honestly believe it but it sounds straight out of the 50s.

I honestly don't know why people care about how babies are fed. It is such a short period of time that they're on milk for, it kind of doesn't matter!

Floggingmolly · 14/05/2015 13:31

You are a bit of a gobshite if you're seriously considering whether what she said could be true...

Original poster

SazMcStan · 14/05/2015 13:42

Thanks everyone!
I have one diet coke a day haha so that's my most unhealthy choice!
I got home and rang my partner and just laughed for ages down the phone. He thinks I might have been on a hidden camera show as like some of the other posters have said it just seems unreal that someone could say stuff like that. But I assure you it actually happened.

AnythingNotEverything that's exactly what I thought. She'd probably punch me or something if I questioned her method of feeding. Haha glen I couldn't get that response out with a straight face!

OP posts:

squizita · 14/05/2015 14:24

I'm with the suspicious PP I'm afraid.

Veering from ultra PC "no diet coke" to crude boobs are for sex.

There are different misinformation sets about baby feeding out there. But unless the woman was winding up the op, she would be unlikely to say them all together as some clash slightly.

For those people who blame the ff generations ... Firstly that is in itself slightly a myth (and quite insulting to many mums and hcp of the 70s) and secondly whilst it explains the quantity query it doesn't explain the "by numbers" addition of every anti bf stereotype.

If this really happened it was a full on wind up I think. The woman wanted to get a reaction.

I clicked hoping to reassure someone who needed support though ... The title is a bit misleading.

Original poster

SazMcStan · 14/05/2015 14:42

It really did happen, why would I post a made up story?

I posted because of how unbelievable I found it and to have a little rant while sharing. Maybe it was a wind up and I just didn't react or rise to it at all.

Sorry if anyone found the post title misleading, I just assumed once you'd read the original post you'd see that it wasn't a serious question.

OP posts:

squizita · 14/05/2015 14:46

But do you think she was trying to wind you up? Rather than just chatting? It almost sounds like that.
You know like people wind up vegetarians by going on about protein, human evolution and the smell of bacon ... just to get a rise.

Original poster

SazMcStan · 14/05/2015 14:57

Maybe she was. It was just out of nowhere though and we'd been doing the whole new mum chat that you just do with new mums and babies when you see them. She was talking about how much her baby slept and that she had 3oz before bed and then I said mine wakes up every few hours to be fed. That's when she asked how much was in his bottle.

She didn't actually tell me not to have coke by the way, I just thought that was the unhealthiest thing she could see that I had.

Haha I have a friend who's vegetarian and I once made the mistake of asking if she was still vegetarian. I didn't mean to be rude, only her husband was eating meat after being veggie for years. She didn't respond well and I was treated to a bit of a lecture about why she's vegetarian!

OP posts:

Heels99 · 14/05/2015 14:59

Yeah right...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/05/2015 15:00

"boobs are for sex" is about the most ignorant and stupid thing I hear when it comes to breastfeeding. No - they're for feeding the tiny human you've just produced, you utter twat (woman in surgery, not you, OP). We're mammals - we have mammary glands - they feed our young with milk.

Fuck me, that annoys me.

No, you're obviously not a bad mum but she was an ignorant sanctimonious bitch to make you feel like you might be!

Eltonjohnsflorist · 14/05/2015 15:04

OP you obviously don't actually think there is any truth in what she said though? I think that's the slightly unbelievable bit. I don't think anyone would even question that she might be right?

My baby is only 6 weeks old and ebf. which, so far, has been problem free. I have no immediate support no family breastfed (by choice - no judgement) but they've all been as supportive as they can. What I have been surprised by is the notion that women who breastfeed are also militant about it. I find myself going out of my way to make sure formula feeding mothers know i don't look down on them. That I'd be happy to turn to formula if needed (this isn't even true) it's a strange turn of events!

DuelingFanjo · 14/05/2015 15:06

Oh she sounds like a total Knob.

karmagetsyou · 14/05/2015 15:09

Lovely - judged by the great uninformed!

Ignore & move on

Original poster

SazMcStan · 14/05/2015 15:18

Elton I am exactly the same, I've seen mums on sites (not this thankfully) lay in to mums who don't breastfeed. There's no need to judge anyone, like I said in the original post everyone should be able to make the choice and not feel shamed or guilty. I am really lucky to be able to feed him myself, I was in hospital after delivery next to a mum who just couldn't and had to use formula. She was so upset and I was for her!

I don't think there's any truth at all in what she said. I've never heard of anyone turning on mums who breastfeed and wanted to see if I was the only one it had happened to! Glad to see so far that its just me!

OP posts:

Orrery · 14/05/2015 15:35

It's just her gloriously unedited, undiplomatic opinion - don't worry about it. Would you feel the same if she unleashed ridiculous opinions about your choice of clothes or the safety of your car?

She is right about the saggy boobs though, bummer :(

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