Am I a bad mum for breastfeeding?

[SazMcStan]

Ok, so I know "breast is best" and I am so lucky that I am able to breastfeed my son. I love feeding him myself and know all the amazing benefits of breastfeeding. I also know that not everyone can or wants to breastfeed and I think that everyone should be able to make the choice themselves without being shamed by other mums or feeling guilty.

However, yesterday in the doctors waiting room I got chatting to a new mum, her daughter was two weeks older than my little boy, and she was comparing the weights of our children (her LO was much bigger than mine). She asked how much he had in a bottle and when I told her I was breastfeeding she looked at me in horror as if I'd said "I don't feed him," and then went on to tell me that I have no way of knowing how much my child is getting which is why he's so small, that I'm passing on any unhealthy choices that I make (I did have a bottle of diet coke at the time), that she finds breastfeeding boys weird as boobs are for sex and that if I have anything wrong with me it's unfair to pass it on. Also, I will have really saggy boobs.

What the actual hell???? Luckily I was called in to see the doctor so didn't have time to get drawn in to a heated discussion but I couldn't believe someone was trying to make me feel bad for breastfeeding!

Has anyone else had anything like his happen to them and how did you deal with it?

Nope - apparently it's pregnancy that spoils your boobs, not BF.

Don't worry OP, some people are just idiots with some ridiculous opinions, I've had the opposite to you, I was loudly lectured in a chemists when I was collecting some antibiotics for my very infected skin, the woman told me I was selfish for stopping breastfeeding my 1 year old DS for my own vanity. I was at that stage in the thick of post natal depression so desperately tried to explain that, a, I'd breast fed him for a year already, b, I was incredibly Ill with a skin infection and none of the 'safe' antibiotics had worked.
It was bad enough that she'd eavesdropped on my conversation with the pharmacist in the first place!

I've also been told that it's weird to breastfeed a girl baby (I've just given birth to DD1) because it would be 'like being a lesbian!' (Needless to say that person got a very angry response for being a twat)

Ignore and continue feeding your child as you see best.

Regarding your point about encountering people too ready to give opinions about breastfeeding, I have had this a lot. My own mother, every week when she visits insists on telling me 'he's getting a bit old now to have booby, isn't it time you stopped, he doesn't really need it anymore'. He is now 3 years and 5 months and still asks for it, so it's not as if I am forcing him to feed. It just amazes me that my own mother wants to encourage me to stop doing something because she didn't do it herself for as long as me, so feels I must be doing something wrong. Okay it may not be common or spoken about very much but surely if the little one still wants it, and I am prepared to do it, what is the problem? Does anyone else still breast feed their little ones at a similar age? If so, do you too get bombarded with critisism?

anjf, I had similar from my mother although that was when my ds was a tiny baby - she'd given up by the point he got to a year and I just merrily carried on! But really, all that time I had from her 'Maybe you're not producing enough milk' when he didn't sleep through right from the start and I also got comments from her and other mothers at groups who formula fed that the reason he needed night feeds was that he wasn't on a bottle because that fills them up more, apparently.

So, I guess, OP that while I didn't get the same barrage that you did from this charmer, I got plenty of little comments, plenty of nags and nay-saying about it from not only my own mum (cheers mum) but also from mother-acquaintances and even indeed fellow mothers who I thought were friends that I was wrong to trust the power of my mighty boobs and I should just get him on SMA or whatever. I think it's just because so many women formula feed now that that's seen as not only the norm but safer and better for the baby. Not by healthcare professionals, but for a large number of ordinary women.

Hey cruikshank, I think some of it has to do with my first was stillborn, (severe pre-eclampsia - they saved me but couldn't my daughter) my second I was in total shock he had actually been born alive, I was so stressed I couldn't produce any milk and he drastically lost weight and had to be formula fed. My third, I thought right I'm gonna give this breastfeeding thing a good shot, I chilled out and went on for two years (yay success) and stopped when it was getting too much (tiring or what). Then number 4 comes along, last one of the pack and I thought, do you know what? I'm going to do exactly what feels right and ignore everyone else. So that is what I am going to do! Thanks for sharing your comments with me. I appreciate it. I think from being a mum at 23 years old then at 45, things change personally for you and you become more confident to do what you want.

anjf I am so sorry for your loss

That must have been incredibly hard.

I am glad though that you had a good experience with #3 and #4. Good on you for ignoring the nay-sayers and all hail to your boobs. I hope your babies continue to thrive and delight you and thank you for sharing your story with me. I wish you all strength.

I was warned by a member of staff (not a doctor) not to attempt to bf my dc3 or they'd end up in hospital.
Stupid cow. I got to EBF and DC was fine!

*member of staff at the maternity unit

cruikshank, Thanks for your kind words. My eldest is 22 in about 15 mins!! Where does all the time go? This is my first night on mumsnet. Didn't know what to expect really but I thinks it's great to be able to connect and share. Thanks again and I wish you all the best too.

I was told by a member of staff on the postnatal ward after DS was born that my BFing was the cause of his (very mild) jaundice.
She repeated it every time she saw me.
If I hadn't been a second-time mum who had previous BFing experience, and hadn't twigged that she was an HCA rather than an actual MW then I think she might have destroyed my confidence entirely.

What an odd overshare of opinion by a stranger