Breastfeeding - anything you wish you'd known before?

[hotfuzzra]

Hi all
I'm going to an antenatal breastfeeding workshop to give mums- (and dads)-to-be my experiences.
I am happy to give my story and specifically spread the message about undiagnosed tongue tie, 6 weeks of shredded nipples, thanks DD! but wondered if you lovely MNers could tell me if there is anything you wish you'd known about breastfeeding before you gave birth?
Thanks in advance

That some babies/toddlers will not want to stop.....that if you wait for them to self-wean you could be waiting a long time. That no one teaches you how to stop...

That if your mental state after the birth is not sound for whatever reason, that may affect your supply massively. The mind is a powerful thing.

That the current party line of countless health professionals is that "it is not possible for a woman not to actually produce enough milk". And not many of them will have the balls to tell you otherwise.

That this fundamentalism can make you suffer the most horrific PND, which can take you years and years to get over (if you ever really do).

Oh, and that no matter how well informed, practically prepared to give it your bloody best shot, and mentally prepared you think you are for BF not to be successful, your brain is very capable of betraying you and refuse to accept the very possibility (resulting in point 3 above).

tiktok if my DD comes off within a minute of latching (usually because she's pushing for a poo) my milk spurts everywhere! I have one particularly keen spurter on my right which goes at 3 o clock to my boob thus soaking DH in the bed bedside me! It's literally just happened. It's not beyond the realms of possibility given how strong that spurter is that a stranger could get soaked if sitting next to me at a toddler group for example!

Tongue tie is a real thing
So is cows milk protein allergy
That it does get better
That in real life few people are bothered about you feeding in public.
That even if you've read the books and watched the videos baby hasn't. Not all babies find it the most natural thing in the world and need teaching.
Pumping will give you the sleep that formula fed babies' mums get so formula doesn't have to be necessary if you're dying for a break.
Cluster feeding is normal and will end.
Just because you can't see what's going in with bf babies doesn't mean they're not getting enough.

That the Nct class makes it look really easy when they show you the video of the baby just finding it's own way onto the Breast. Also that it's a new skill which is very hard to master when you are sleep deprived and your brain is not functioning very well!

Sorry to hijack - but Dancing hat - I'm interested in your point that I can get sleep by pumping without having to go to formula? I'm EBF my 8.5 dc2 and he seems to want a good long feed at 11pm and 5am -and at least twice in between at gps knows what time. I'm beyond exhaustion. I wanted to introduce a formula bottle to mix feed so I can get alonger stretch at night but all books (including my favourite the Food of Love) say that if u r going to mix feed it should be the day time feeds you use formula for? U should stick with Bf at night.

My favourite thing that I wish I had known is the saying 'if you seem to be feeding all the time, then you're probably giving them just about enough milk'. Oh unless it's tongue tie or thrush I guess. My point being - it's ok to focus on JUST feeding baby on sofa or in bed: forget about everything else.

sticky, I have never heard anyone be dogmatic and ignorant enough to tell a woman it is not possible to make insufficient milk...though I do believe such ill-trained and underinformed people must exist 'cos we hear about them on mumsnet :)

Of course it is possible - and if breastfeeding doesn't get off to a good start, if mothers are not helped to understand that frequent feeding is normal, if the baby is not removing milk effectively or often enough...then not making enough is more likely :(

DancingHat, yes, some women spurt milk, and they may even spurt their bed companions (it's happened to me :) ). What is rubbish and what could put people off is the idea that 'milk spurts everywhere' and it 'goes all over' random strangers in public....as if we all experience that as routine.

That babies have to learn how too. It takes time. It is a good excuse to sit down & get your oh to make tea. It is easier in the long run

Re the point above- I was told by the hv that my body "would always produce enough milk for my baby" after I was struggling because he was taking an hour to feed every time. I imagine thats what they've got to say but I don't believe it for a minute!

Chatty, if all is well, if the baby is thriving, then hour long feeds ( usually the baby stops and starts throughout this time) is not unusual for a young baby. It would be correct in that situation to say the body will produce sufficient. If the baby is not thriving or if he is uncomfortable or the mum is sore, then it's a different kettle of fish.

I see- well fair enough. However, the practicalities of having each feed last an hour are a different thing I would say. It would be ok if u had nothing else to do I suppose or had permanent help at home. I decided that I couldnt keep it up, so now that my baby is six months old, I'm gradually switching to formula whilst weaning. I guess its individual choice.

tiktok, that must be because they must all be based in my area - luckily for your and unfortunately for me. I heard that repeatedly from many different midwives and one GP. "Keep feeding, your supply will increase". "Not only that, wake up baby after 10 mins sleep because it's so tiny it has to feed".

And sorry, tiktok, but that's the whole point. I knew (or at least I had been told) all that, that constant feeding was normal, etc. Our feeds were frequent and an hour and a half long. Baby slept a grand total of about 20 minutes between feeds. That went on for almost a month. We had daily midiwife visits (from at least 8 of them). I visited an NCT breastfeeding counsellor (latch was good, baby was sucking away nicely). Still was losing weight (was admitted to hospital after a couple of weeks close to being failure to thrive). My breasts were never engorged or even tingly. I was fefuddled when midwives asked did I feel my milK come in? I never felt anything at all. My breasts never felt any different ever.

I may have been some sort of medical wonder, but I doubt it. It may have been relatively unsual, but it pains me to think there are other women in my situation. And there must be. I did my research, followed all the up to date, professional, no doubt well intentioned advice - it did not work. And it almost cost mine and my baby's lives.

My point is, the current orthodoxy will not be true in every case. If BF is important for you persoally and you are a 'rare' case you and your baby are truly stuffed. If someone had said that to me, my family would have avoided some truly awful years.

Sorry, sticky, I am not sure what your point is.

For most women, frequent feeding in response to the baby's needs is sufficient to ensure an adequate supply. It is perfectly reasonable to explain this to mothers, and to support them in frequent feeding, but HCPs should also be able to assess if the feeding is effective, too ie is milk getting from A to B?

If a baby is not thriving, despite what appears to be frequent effective feeding, then something is up....and it could be the mother is not able to make sufficient milk. If an HCP or anyone else is unaware of this, then of course they need to be better informed!

It is unusual for a mother to be unable to make sufficient milk, if everything else is fine (ie the baby is feeding often and is able to transfer milk well). But of course it does happen.

That your milk can squirt quite far out of your boobs. This once happened in a baby class just after cups of tea had been given out and I was mortified that my milk could have ended up in someone's drink!!! I'm very careful with positioning now when feeding.

That it can go really well and be easy with your first but a nightmare with your second!
This was my experience and I assumed it would be just as easy second time round after feeding my first for 15 months and loving it!
All babies are different and sometimes it just doesn't work out, it's not your fault. I had major guilts after only managing 4 months with my second.

Undiagnosed tongue tie here too. DS (my firstborn) couldn't feed, became dehydrated and jaundiced and needed phototherapy. We'd had a traumatic birth anyway. I had spent hours sitting on a dreadfully sore episiotomy wound, trying to get him to feed. Bleeding shredded nipples, appalling sleep deprivation, useless NHS midwives. It was the darkest time of my life and I still get upset thinking about it 6 years on. I ended up expressing round the clock for twelve weeks, until he managed to feed despite the tongue tie. I was foolish to keep battling on TBH - I ended up with horrendous PND. My milk packed in (probably due to the difficulties in getting feeding established) a month later. His tongue tie went unnoticed until he was two

When DD was born I paid for a private lactation consultant to check her for tt, and then got it snipped at 2 weeks old. And thus was perfect, trouble-free feeding established for the next 12 months

And I agree with sticky that failing at it can sometimes result in pnd. I had lots of support with both of mine in establishing breastfeeding but trying to get support in how to swap from Breast to formula was lacking. I could have really done with practical and emotional support during this time.

Sorry - meant to say - so, what I wish I'd known is that there's a thing called tongue tie!

That breastfeeding is about so much more than nutrition. Babies want to breastfeed because they're hungry - but they also want to breastfeed because they're sleepy/tired/missing mama/in need of a cuddle/going through a developmental leap. This helped me immensely with DS1 when there was the "oh he can't be hungry again" comments.

The MW at my antenatal BF class said breastfeeding was like learning a dance with your baby. You both have to learn how to do it together.

Oh, and cluster feeding.

And how, if you're BFing twins, the cluster feeding is EPIC and you'll want to drink more water than you could ever possibly imagine consuming

tiktok seriously I had an abundant supply and did managed to spray people - it has to be said I breastfed in restaurants, cafes, the tube.

Also I would add to this thread - give your baby a bottle regularly before they get too old so they get used to it. I did this in the early days with DD then breastfeeding was going well and around four months I tried to reintroduce it and she refused it. This meant I was in agony if I had to go out for longer periods and couldn't feed her and she was grumpy and hungry and I only managed to get her off the boob at 27 months. Even now at three she still tries to have a go most days (usually at inappropriate times)!

Stress stops my let down.

I wish my hospital had told me I could have attended breast feeding support much closer to home at a children's centre. The thought of driving to the hospital and struggling to park for a bf workshop is enough to put anyone off. I wish I had been told that a traumatic birth can affect your supply and you are not failing if you top up/feed with formula. i.e. not assuming that formula isn't just because we can't be bothered or do not understand the benefits of breastfeeding.
I wish they hadn't just assumed I would be able to hand express 60ml of breast milk after every feed to top up. (baby wasn't gaining weight and was slightly jaundiced- i barely managed to express 5ml). I wish that the midwives actually picked up on how upset I was and how difficult I found it to feed. Maybe some emotional support training for midwives on how mothers actually feel? Oh, and recognising that a 4th degree tear is pretty devastating to deal with, not to mention painful when trying to sit when feeding. Health visitors were fantastic and gave practical and supportive advice. Can't praise them enough.

• That cluster feeding is normal but can feel frustrating
• That it can take some time to get used to the idea that your baby needs you constantly (I guess that's the same for all babies though)
• That during growth spurts, their feeding can go absolutely bonkers and make you feel like you're running out etc. Push through! The 5 week growth spurt was the worst part of feeding for me.
• Get every single professional to check latch and for tongue tie. And check again.

Oh and I found it really useful at my bfeeding class learning how small a baby's stomach is and how little they actually take per feed. And that how much you can pump doesn't reflect how much the baby is getting