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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Demand feeding

36 replies

shish · 30/10/2006 14:46

I'm breast feeding and desperatley trying to get my beby to take the bottle. But I had a question... When does it stop being demand feeding? You see parents telling their babies/ toddlers 'milk time now' and giving a bottle. Is it when they have a routine with their food?? Getting very tired with my 19 week old feeding every 2 hours!!

OP posts:
tiktok · 30/10/2006 14:59

Shish - couple of questions:

  • what's your baby do at night?
  • why do you need to get your baby to take a bottle ?

And a comment: giving a bottle might not make your baby feed any less often.

Original poster
shish · 30/10/2006 15:03

Need the the help really and he's feeding more and more at night.. Was only waking up once until a few weeks ago. Now he's feeding 4-5 times at night

OP posts:
Original poster
shish · 30/10/2006 15:05

Would like to start weaning him off the breast aswell.. I do like breast feeding but I don't want to do it forever.. Maybe until he's 6-8 months.

OP posts:
usandbump · 30/10/2006 15:07

Hello
Hope you don't mind me jumping in here too? My DS is 15 weeks b/f on demand but for the last 6/7 weeks has been waking every 2 hours during the night
Any suggestions? I'm currently an exhausted, emotional wreck

Original poster
shish · 30/10/2006 15:12

I know how you feel.. That's why I ask the question - When does it stop being on demand?? Let's hope we can get some help

OP posts:
usandbump · 30/10/2006 15:14

Thanks Shish Here's hoping ....

usandbump · 30/10/2006 15:15

Although I do have this horrid feeling there is no answer

FrayedKnot · 30/10/2006 15:17

I found that when DS started weaning his BF did fall into a pattern, and I think I just sort of encouraged the pattern, because it suited me to have a fairly routine day.

It didn;t happen all at once, and also I weaned early (was given bad advice, & started at 16 weeks). But generally by about 6-8 months he was settling into a pattern of about 5 feeds a day and 2-3 meals (he didn;t have breakfast until about 8 months, as he wasn;t interested).

He continued to wake once at night (sometimes more) until he was about 12 months though.

I think 4-5 months is still quite normal to be BF'ing every 2-3 hours in the day, but hopefully less at night?

usandbump · 30/10/2006 15:23

Thanks FK, my DS feeds every 3 hours during the day but every 2 at night!

tiktok · 30/10/2006 15:41

shish - frequent waking can be normal and your baby may well go back to feeding less often at night. Hard to say - and giving bottles may make no difference to this, sorry.

Most mothers find their babies do start accepting more 'scheduled' feeds as they get older, but as for saying 'when is it not on demand' I am not sure how to answer! It's tempting to say 'it's always on demand' because why would you say 'you can't have a drink' to a toddler who can ask you in words...the baby who wriggles and squirms and cries is also 'asking' in his own way!

But if you need to space the feeds out a little more, then yes, you can do this with a baby of 19 weeks, by offering other forms of entertainment/comfort when he asks for a feed, and seeing if he'll learn to go a little longer.

katyjo · 30/10/2006 16:41

shish, could you express and get your partner or someone to give the baby a feed so you can get some rest.
I used to express in the morning because my breasts were fuller, then express a bit more through the day if you can and leave the bottle for the last feed at night. I found that my milk supply was lower at night and giving the ebm meant ds could take more and would go for longer at night (not always!).
Maybe just going through a growth spurt, hopefully he will settle into a pattern soon.
XX

BlueberryPancake · 30/10/2006 16:50

TBH, I don't really understand this 'on demand' stuff with breastfeeding. God, it must be difficult to always be 'there' all the time day and night, I don't know how I would have coped. I exclusively BF DS1 until he was 6 months old, but never on demand except when he was very little. Why does 'BF' and 'on demand' have to go together anyway? I'm not a big fan of structured rigid schedules, but DS always kind of expected his feeds at the same time and set himself into a flexible 'routine' - from about 3 mnths old he only woke up once a night, and still does at 1 YO (I now give him water at night and it seems to satisfy him). A 'structure' feeding plan doesn't have to be only with bottle feeding, it can be applied with BF as well, in my experience.

So anyway sorry about rambling on, but I think on demand stops if you try to fit baby into a more manageable schedule for you and if you don't offer milk everytime he/she cries. I think it's quite positive to try to establish a good routine, so they feed (for example) early morning, mid-morning, lunchtime, mid-pm, dinner time and bedtime. You might find that your baby will eat for longer each feed and might feel more satisfied. I know some people will dissagree with this, but it's my experience and opinion.

Night time is a difficult one. I fed him 'on demand' at night time until 3 months old, but again he set himself into a schedule and started sleeping longer and longer periods of time unti he woke up only once a night. Except if he was ill or teething.

Switching to a bottle can be a challenge, it took many, many attempts for DS to accept the bottle, you just have to offer it every day at the same time (ish) and don't stress if he doesn't take it. DS played with it, blowed in it, chewed on it until he figured out that milk would come out!!!

Original poster
shish · 30/10/2006 21:56

Katyo, I wouldn't mind doing that, but my baby won't take the bottle!!

Blueberrypancake, How did you set the routine?? Please help. I've managed to get him ou to 2 hours as at one stage he was feeding every hour. when he's hungry I have to feed, otherwise he scrams the house down. I would love some kind of routine

OP posts:
kidsrus · 30/10/2006 22:34

hi shish know how you feel sounds like a growth spurt i opted for a nice cherry shaped dummy to give me a rest or i would have screamed the place down.are you finding your babe falls asleep during the feed? as im sure its a comfort thing as well.
my dd is now 9 mths and feeds 12,4,8,12,4 & 8 although my h.v has said i should cut back her feeds and give her more food but how do you force feed a child and refuse milk without the screams?

Original poster
shish · 31/10/2006 08:39

At least you have some kind of routine..

Usandbump.. I had a thought. You could try increasing the day feeds so that baby is tanked up and that may help with the nights. Try to get baby feeding more frequently during the day. A pain, I know, but at least you may get mor sleep at night.

OP posts:
plibble · 31/10/2006 09:43

I agree with Blueberrypancake.

I was told to feed my DD on demand, and ended up producing a breast for her each time she cried. This meant I was feeding her really often and she got a tummy ache. It clearly isn't always true that a b/f baby will stop suckling when it is full!

I eventually decided that for me and DD "demand feeding" meant feeding her when she asked for food (i.e. not just when she cried). If she cried after less than about 2.5 or 3 hours, I tried everything else before I fed her as she was unlikely to be hungry. This meant that she ate more at each feed (i.e. was not just snacking) and managed to last longer between feeds. This is not feeding by the clock and if nothing else sorted her out then I would offer her a breast.

I found the Babywhisperer book very helpful for getting her feeds properly spaced as it has a great section on baby body language and the "routine" of eat, "activity" and sleeping worked for us. DD has settled into a pattern of 5 feeds in the day and a dreamfeed at night which suits us both. Feeding about every 3 hours in the day seems sensible to me as ultimately DD will be on 3 "meals" and 2 snacks per day (plus milk) when weaned.

plibble · 31/10/2006 09:51

Oh, forgot to say, for the bottle, the answer may be to get someone else to give it to him. A lot of babies will refuse a bottle if they think that there is a breast on offer. Can you get your dp or parents to try with a bottle while you stay out of sight?

I have found it a good idea to express in the morning and to give that milk as a feed at, say 10 or 11. For some reason my DD finds my morning milk more satisfying (I guess because I am better rested) and it has helped her to last longer at night.

booboobunny · 31/10/2006 10:00

hi,
just to add my twopenneth.....i am in the same boat and feeling a bit of a failure. constantly meeting mothers of babies the same age as mine who get a full nights sleep and have their baby taking a bottle. neither have yet been achieved in this house!!
one thing that has worked for me re: nightfeeding is reducing the naptime during the afternoon (kindly mumsnetter suggestion). before doing this i was up soooo many times in the night i was a zombie during the day. by limiting afternoon naptime to no more than about an hour and not after 4ish we have actually started getting longer periods of sleep, though sleeping through isn't on the cards anytime soon i think.
haven't yet managed to find a bottle she'll take. i have an avent magic cup to try today, shes been chewing on it this morning already so fingers crossed. hv says she may never et used to a bottle but it should ease when she starts on solids. she's 19 weeks now and i'm desperate to give this a go. i'd just like to be able to share the load a bit. haven't had a night out in yonks (constant barfing during pre made me persona non grata at most functions!)

mistlethrush · 31/10/2006 11:05

When ds was vsmall (actually, never vs as 10,5 to start with) we could tell if he was hungry rather than just crying by gently touching his upper lip with a finger tip - if he immediately reacted and moved as if to open his mouth, he was hungry, if not, we tried something else.

DS also got used to the bottle (of breastmilk) with DH feeding and me nowhere to be seen or heard so that, if he wanted any food, he knew that this was the only option. Worked for him, but not all babies will accept the bottle.

DS only started sleeping through at about 9months, so similar picture to others - just got mad when friend with dd 2 months yonger had her sleeping through from 6wks. I'm sure that changing the routine wouldn't have helped.

DS became increasingly distracted during the day so that daytime feeds gradually disappeared (he didn't want to miss anything and the constant head turning became too painful to cope with - and he wasn't really interested).

Good luck everyone!

usandbump · 31/10/2006 16:23

Hi shish
How is it going?
I have tried encouraging him to feed more during the day but he just isn't interested. I'm sure he isn't hungry when he wakes in the night I think he just needs the comfort.

Original poster
shish · 31/10/2006 17:15

I've tried what has been suggested.. I now know when he's hungry and when it's something else. If I don't feed him when he's hungry he'll scream. Again, with the sleep - if I don't let him sleep when he's tird, then all hell breaks loose. He's not a naughty baby, but just likes to feed little and often and refuses the bottle.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 31/10/2006 17:24

Little and often is still v normal at 19 weeks shish. I would keep perservering with bfeeding and trust that things will get better with time. I know 19 weeks feels like a bloody long time to be woken up at night so often, but when your baby is a wriggly 5 year old you will look back at this time with a proud feeling- -you gave your baby your all and they flourished.

Also lots of bottle fed babies wake up at night!

usandbump · 31/10/2006 19:16

Hello again
We have ben trying the doidy cup the last couple of days and although very messy ds has been taking 2-3 ozs from it.
This may be worth a go? Doesn't really help at night I know but may allow you to have a few hours to yourself safe in the knowledge your little one isn't going to go hungry? We bought ours at John Lewis and it's only a bargain £3.50!

Original poster
shish · 31/10/2006 19:26

Bottle would also enable me to take a break - I left him for the first time last week to get my hair cut - panicked the whole time and I was only gone an hour!!

OP posts:
FrayedKnot · 31/10/2006 19:44

Hi again Shish.

I know where you are because I was there too, I can remember how desperate I felt.

DS refused a bottle completely so I gave up bothering. He fed little and often, and threw up after every feed, so there was no way I could force more down him.

At 19 weeks I was still feeding him at least 6 times in the day (once every 2 hours on average if my maths is right) AND he was having lunch & tea too, AND he would feed at least once at night and in fact often woke mid-evening for a quick feed as well.

My days were quite routine-ish because he woke up the same time each day and I did the same things roughly at the same time each day.

E.g. I always went out at around 9.30 each morning. I rotated it, supermarket, town shopping, NCT coffee morning, walk to the paper shop, whatever, we did it.

I wuold top DS up with milk before we went out, he would nap in the pram or car, and then would feed again when we got to our destination.

Then I worked out the rest of the day in a similar way. Often I fed him when I thought he needed it (based on the rough pattern that was developing) rather than wait for him to start crying.

I think that's how I did it.

Anyway I was still BF at 19 months (one nice bedtime feed, that's all) - hard to believe when I nearly gave up loads of times in the early days because I felt like you do.

I threw all my books (including the one we musn;t mention) out of the bedroom window in a fit one day when DS was tiny and I couldn;t seem to establish any kind of routine and felt I was going completely insane.

Keep going with the BF. Try to coax things into a pattern. It will work, honest.