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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Not sure I want to Breast feed anymore...

40 replies

Bellyrub1980 · 16/01/2015 20:26

Baby is 10 weeks old and EBF. Essentially the BF is going really well. No complaints about her latch or supply or anything. She sleeps really well.

However, I'm starting to feel tempted by switching to formula.

I have pretty bad anxiety (all new to me post baby) and I get over whelmed by the thought that every aspect of caring for the baby is on me. My DP is brilliant in that he does all the housework and cooks all the meals, but he leaves all of the 'baby stuff' to me. He loves playing with her etc but if she cries it's me who deals with it every time. Occasionally I wonder how it would be if I was suddenly taken ill or in hospital and my DP would have to cope without me... The thought of that makes me panic.

For some reason, the idea of switching to formula makes me think life would be easier. Someone else could feed her. It won't all be on me. And of something does happen to me DP will be able to feed her.

Am I crazy?

Have I just forgotten all the benefits of breastfeeding?

OP posts:
HyperThread · 16/01/2015 20:30

No, you are not crazy Smile

If that's what you want to do, go for it!

My suggestion would be to slowly start introducing formula, so drop one feed per week, that way it's easier for your breasts to settle down. You don't want to end up with mastitis.

Artandco · 16/01/2015 20:33

How about just doing one feed a day formula? Ie an evening feed so your dh can do it?

monkeyfacegrace · 16/01/2015 20:36

My DD will be formula fed from birth.

I have no guilt. I'll get a great night sleep a few times a week!

If it's what you want, then do it. Formula isn't poison Smile

Mrscog · 16/01/2015 20:37

You're not crazy at all, but equally the things you're worrying about are a) unlikely to happen, and b) babies are very adaptable, she'd soon take a bottle in the event that she had to.

It's fine to switch to some formula if it would make you feel happier, people have different anxiety about differnt things - I found the thought of making up formula anxiety inducing for instance. She is still young, bear in mind how much easier it gets as they drop feeds and start on solids etc.

I would also start sending your DH to settle her if you know she's not hungry, it's important for Dads to feel empowered to do these things, and this alone will give you more freedom.

Original poster
Bellyrub1980 · 16/01/2015 20:38

Would a bottle at night effect my supply?

Am I trying to fix something that isn't broken??

OP posts:
TheOriginalWinkly · 16/01/2015 20:43

I ebf. I got taken to hospital when DD was 10 weeks old (anaphylactic shock) and was in all night. DH bought some emergency formula, she had it for that night only and she was absolutely fine. Your DH can take on a greater role with your baby (bathing, dressing, playing, taking out for walks) without you having to give up breastfeeding if you don't really want to :)

juniorcakeoff · 16/01/2015 20:43

It would be a real shame to stop breastfeeding if you and she are doing so well. Is there an underlying cause for this anxiety? Is this something you could talk over with a health visitor? It might be that you need a break from the overwhelming responsibility of caring for a baby, and this would not change with formula feeding. Maybe you need to encourage your partner to do more 'baby stuff'. At some point you could introduce an expressed bottle if you want to.

Original poster
Bellyrub1980 · 16/01/2015 20:43

Mrscog, I cant wirk out if the benefits of bottle feeding outweigh the convenience of Breast feeding.

I also don't know whether making such a big change would increase my anxiety.

Basically I'm just worried about everything and somehow switching to bottles feels like something I can control. DP may still not get involved even if I did switch to be honest. He hasn't changed a nappy since the first week.

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 16/01/2015 20:43

As far as the baby's concerned, yes,you are trying to fix something that isn't broken.

But if you think you would feel happier and less overwhelmed if you knew your baby would happily take a bottle, then introducing one won't affect your supply. Why not choose a feed that your Dp is always there to do- she may well not take a bottle from you because she can smell your milk but take one from him. And you being freed up a bit may well make you feel so much better that you can carry on feeding her for a while longer.

Bazoo23 · 16/01/2015 20:44

No matter what you decide your daughter has had 10 weeks of breast milk and thats amazing!

Hakluyt · 16/01/2015 20:46

" DP may still not get involved even if I did switch to be honest. He hasn't changed a nappy since the first week."

Ah. You need to sort this out first. If you change to bottles and he still doesn't get involved, you will have all the faff of sterilizing and so on, and still have to do all the feeding as well. Wouldn't that just make you feel worse?

Rachie1986 · 16/01/2015 20:47

Is it possible that if your dp did more that might help and you wouldn't feel like this?

Ultimately 10weeks is really good, it's your choice and if you want to give up that's fine. Perhaps drop one feed to formula and see how it goes?

My dd had a bottle a day from very early on and my supply just adjusted so shouldn't affect yours if you do drop one. xx

juniorcakeoff · 16/01/2015 20:50

Bellyrub this is not a breast/bottle issue, this is an anxiety issue. If you switch to formula the anxiety will not go away, it will find somewhere else to go, you will find something else to be anxious about. I agree your partner needs to do more. And there are no benefits to bottle feeding apart from someone else gets to feed your baby. At the moment your partner could be changing nappies yet he is choosing not to - what if he chooses not to take part in feeding?

confusedandemployed · 16/01/2015 20:51

DD was ffs from m 4 weeks, we did a straight switch from ebf without a single problem. I found ff far more convenient than bf.
If you want to do it, just do it! You don't need anyone's permission (I struggled hugely with this).
However the issue with your DP is much bigger. He needs to step up Flowers

Mrscog · 16/01/2015 20:51

Your DP hasn't changed a nappy for 9 weeks?! That's outrageous to be honest. Sort this kind of thing out first. I see that he helps with housework, and that's good, but I used to hand DS to DH when he got home so I could do some of that stuff (and cooking a meal alone for 30 mins with music on is a nice activity after all day baby care) and DH could bond well with DS.

Don't rule out formula - like someone said, it's not poison, but you need to get your DH more involved now otherwise you run the risk of being the only one who can/will do everything child related going forward.

Original poster
Bellyrub1980 · 16/01/2015 20:54

My anxiety started when I had my baby. I've never had it before. It was terrible initially, then improved but slowly returned and has gradually got worse. I worry about everything but I think I'm focussing on feeding at the moment.

DP could do more baby stuff but he pretty much does everything else so I don't feel I can complain. I'd feel ridiculous (and ungrateful) complaining about having to do all the baby stuff when in reality Im very lucky. Plus I WANTED to have a baby, I chose to have this responsibility. But for some reason it all completely overwhelms me and Id quite like to swap with DP sometimes.

I feel terrible saying that.

And also, breast feeding is one thing I know I do really well. I got through that painful stage and now it's easy.

Can you believe that once I held down an actual JOB!!! (And will have to again in 6 months.... I hope my brain is back in action by then!!)

OP posts:
HyperThread · 16/01/2015 20:54

To be fair, her DP does all the housework and cooking!

Fleeceblankets · 16/01/2015 20:57

Re: you dp. Fathers sometimes take a long time to get into the baby stuff, especially since many will work outside the home whilst motets are on maternity leave. My DH was the same as yours - housework, cooking, shopping, playing with the baby, bathtime - though to be fair i was bf or holding the baby pretty much all the time as DC refused to be held by anyone else. Anyway when DS was 8 months I had to be out of the house everyday for a week, various errands, training etc. In the run up to that week I was freaking out about DH looking after DS all day, having never done it all day previously. Well, DS cried te first day but it turns out that when DH was thrown into the deep end, he coped marvellously.

So, back to the original point. Perhaps you could get your DH to look after your baby for an hour while you pop out to the shops, as a start? Also get him involved in bath time a bit more perhaps? Once the relentless breastfeeding and baby holding subsided for us, perhaps at around 3 months, we had to phase DH gradually into baby care and he used to do walks with the pram while I took a break, for instance. It really wasn't easy to include him in the early days because of the bf and DS not wanting to be held by anyone but me, I think DH felt like an onlooker and a bit of a fifth wheel.

Nolim · 16/01/2015 20:58

Formula is not poison so go for it. However in my experience all the sterillizing, boiling and mixing is exhausting.

juniorcakeoff · 16/01/2015 20:59

Are you seeing someone for the anxiety? If not I would recommend seeing your GP, it sounds debilitating. I really think it would help if you both shared baby care (and housework and cooking!). Your partner also chose to have the baby and the responsibility. And yes be proud of breastfeeding.

TriciaMcM · 16/01/2015 20:59

this is not a breast/bottle issue, this is an anxiety issue

This is it exactly. I'm also an anxious person and I suspect your anxiety will switch to something else afterwards. Your DP needs to step up- if giving a bottle would be something he'd do, I'd be all for it. But it sounds like you'll be cleaning/sterilising afterwards anyway!

Good luck and please don't beat yourself up either way, your LO will be fine with some FF or all FF. A happy mother is the best thing for a baby.

Mrscog · 16/01/2015 21:00

I know your DH does all the other stuff, but it would be so good for him to exchange some of that for some baby care. I think Dads sometimes fall into the trap of thinking 'oh while the baby is small Mum is best/I don't know what to do, I'll be really involved when DC is older'. But the thing is, that will be very hard to achieve at any stage - all stages have their challenges. I invovled DH in all my learning about babies, and as a result he was way better with DS than I could ever dreamed of, and now at 3YO they have the most wonderful chats. If I'd not shared from the start, then I think it would be way harder for him to have such a good relationship now.

I'm not saying either of you are in the wrong, it's just I'd seek to redress the balance now before your DD gets older.

My anxiety started with my DS too - it comes and goes, but having a baby has made me a much more anxious person.

Original poster
Bellyrub1980 · 16/01/2015 21:01

He doesn't just help with the homework, he pretty much does all of it. And all the cooking. I'm really lucky.... I Just feel overwhelmed by having all of the baby responsibility. I don't even know how to broach the subject without it sounding ungrateful. I think DP see's looking after the baby as being easy and enjoyable, so he isn't intentionally shirking getting involved, rather he's thinking 'I'll sort the house out so she doesn't have to worry about it and can fully enjoy being with the baby"

I think that's what he's thinking anyway....

OP posts:
nottheOP · 16/01/2015 21:02

Dh would often get home and be handed ds until he went to bed. I'd happily shut the kitchen door, put the radio on and cook in peace.

And as for pooey nappies... We're still taking that in turns 2.5 years later.

I think the anxiety is normal, it was for me anyway. Your dh is also anxious and may need gentle encouragement!! E g. It's your turn!

confusedandemployed · 16/01/2015 21:03

Nolim it really isn't. I went against guidelines and made up enough bottles for 12 hours at a time. I actually enjoyed the ritual.