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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Is giving up breastfeeding the only way to get her to sleep?

78 replies

LottyLikesWindows · 30/12/2014 19:45

Evening all. My nearly one year old DD is a terrible sleeper. We co-slept until 9 months and then with a bit of help she got used to sleeping in her cot at night only. I no longer feed her to sleep, but she wakes every night, normally every hour or so and screams blue murder until I put her on the boob. She won't go to DP and won't settle on her own.

We both work full time and the lack of sleep has well and truly taken its toll. I feel quite trapped because we are in the pokey flat and share the bedroom with our baby, so even if DP tries to settle her, she sees me and cries until I breastfeed her. Hiding under covers won't fool her either Blush As soon as she goes on the boob she does a lovely little laugh and usually feeds herself to sleep within a short amount of time - normally five minutes to half an hour.

DP seems to think that stopping night nursing will magically solve her sleeping, and I disagree. I don't think that she wakes for milk, but that it's the only way she will settle back and that she wakes because she's tweeting, or a light sleeper or any other plethora of reasons. He thinks that she wakes because she's used to feeding in the night. I would love to hear from anyone who went through this, and came out of it sleeping. Please help.

OP posts:
Jeffery · 04/01/2015 08:52

So glad it's going well.

I meant to post last night that our dd slept through after 3 nights of night weaning but then after a week of no feeds at night and sleeping through tried her luck again so stay strong!

Well done! It's the best thing we did! I still don't quite belive I'm going to be getting in to bed at night and staying there till morning! (Actually I don't... I'm so used to weeing 3 times a night my bladder can't cope...! Grin )

Writemove · 04/01/2015 08:57

Hooray. Five hours is amazing.
Hope the rest of the night was as good.

I think you have to reach the point when you are ready. When that happens it feels like a necessity rather than an impossible mountain to climb.

You are doing it!

Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 04/01/2015 11:00

Well it's great news. After I settled dd she slept through til 6.15 this morning Grin, and even then she only woke up because I couldn't hold on any more and needed to have a wee. Jeffrey I feel your pain Grin

I feel like I've been away on a spa break! Can't even begin to imagine how I'll feel after a full night's sleep. Really hoping tonight's the night.

We really are doing it write!

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bambinibop · 04/01/2015 12:14

Well done! You are inspiring me...

Does your dh help out with it I'm just wondering if I need to wait until my dh has some holiday from work...as he gets up very early for work and don't want to disturb his sleep too much!

flipflopsonfifthavenue · 04/01/2015 15:27

I haven't read other posts so forgive any duplication.
I nightweaned DS1 at 14mo as I'd gone back to work and wasn't surviving on 1.5/2hrly wake ups. I fed to sleep at bedtime and naps and was convinced this was a child who would NEVER fall asleep on his own...

I did a combo of Dr Jay Gordon and a very useful thread on here called What worked for us (put it in Talk search field). I started putting him down awake at bedtime too at the same time.

Within 2 weeks he was sleeping through ( I have to say that since then we've had lots of further ups and down in sleep dept but that's another story...) The initial difference was enormous and I would have done it sooner had I known how easy it would be.

Yes there was a lot of crying but what helped me was knowing he wasn't crying in pain, he was crying because he was angry and didn't know the words for Where's my milk Mummy!!!???!!!

I always believed he was waking so frequently not to have milk but because everyone wakes a little in the night, we just roll over and go back to sleep barely noticing we've been awake. Except he'd wake and think, hang on, where's the boob gone? Come back boob!! Muuuuummmyyu wwaaaahhh etc Wink As soon as he learnt how to basically turn over and go back to sleep in his own he stopped needing me.

Good luck!

Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 04/01/2015 16:15

He did help the first night as dd wouldn't really settle with me around, however last night she would only go to me. Luckily I was only up with her twice so it really wasn't too much effort.

flipflop we used the 'What worked for us' thread to get dd to sleep in her cot after nine months of co-sleeping. It's a very helpful read Smile

OP posts:
Writemove · 04/01/2015 20:50

Good luck tonight. You can do it!

Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 04/01/2015 21:39

Thank you write, keeping all fingers crossed. Will update tonight or tomorrow. Here's hoping for lots of sleep for all of us.

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blushingmare · 04/01/2015 23:27

Hi
I haven't had a chance to read your replies, so might be repeating what's been said, but wanted to reply as had exactly this situation with my DD. At 14 months she was still waking 2-3 times a night and I would feed her back to sleep. Those were the only feeds she was getting as I'd stopped breadtfeeding during the day. I felt like you and didn't want to cut out the night feeds really as wasn't convinced it would help and couldn't face the thought of her screaming for the boob in the middle of the night.

However, it was taken out of my hands because she got sick with severe mouth ulcers and wasn't able to breastfeed due to pain Sad. I brought her into bed with me again and when she woke offered her water from a spouty cup. The ulcers cleared up after a week, but by then she was settling fairly well with just having the drink of water so I decided to take that opportunity to stop breadtfeeding anyway.

Within 2 weeks she was sleeping through the night, not even waking for water anymore and she's been a pretty consistent sleeper ever since.

So this time round with DS I plan to start offering water at night once he is having a reasonable amount of solids and has got the hang of having water in a spouty cup - I guess it will be around a similar age.

bambinibop · 04/01/2015 23:52

I hope you are having a better night than we are!

Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 05/01/2015 06:39

Feel like crying! Dd was asleep from 8-1 then settled around 1.15. She then woke up at 4.45 and for half an hour it was a battle trying to get her to fall asleep and stay in her cot. Finally at 5.25 I gave up and brought her into the lounge, turned the lights on and fed her. She's tired but won't go back to sleep and I'm absolutely shattered.

This is still obviously much better than 7-9 waking sat night but I hardly slept at all because she kept crying out between the two big wakings. I'm not back at work til tomorrow so at least that's something but I'm afraid that I feel psychologically as if we've taken a massive step back.

Should add that for the last few days dd has been refusing to eat. Really hope it's a bad case of teething and not much else...

OP posts:
flipflopsonfifthavenue · 05/01/2015 07:15

We had a bad night too.
Bad nights happen don't dispair
Brew

Writemove · 05/01/2015 07:23

Don't despair - that's still five plus three hours, which is a massive improvement. And you didn't feed, which is great.

Pesky teeth! But don't be disheartened. It want nine feeds, you're right. You've come so far and she wasn't waking for milk but because her teeth hurt.

I got really complacent with the sleeping and instead of taking myself to bed at 9 ish to maximise my sleep I started going at 11 or 12. I was shocked when my ds started waking again with teeth and wouldn't settle. It felt so unfair. I'd recommend going to bed as soon as you can after your lo has settled because that's when they'll get the best sleep.

Tonight is another night. You can both do it.

Jeffery · 05/01/2015 08:21

Yes bad nights happen. We just had one. DD was up at 4.45 and was not up for going back to sleep. So up... boob... breakfast and back in her cot at 7.45 and she's asleep now.

Writemove · 05/01/2015 19:08

Good luck tonight op. You can do it.
Just about to try self settling. Fingers crossed!

Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 05/01/2015 19:55

Thanks so much for the reassuring words everyone. Dd went down for a long nap at 7 this morning and I jumped at the chance to have a sleep. She's been asleep for the last ten minutes and so I will start the night positively, reminding myself that she might have another bad night and that will be ok, or that she might sleep right through...

I've mentioned sleep loads in this post. Seeking if which, I'm going to take heed of write's advice and have an early night.

OP posts:
Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 05/01/2015 19:56

Posted too soon! write, how did self soothing go?

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Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 05/01/2015 19:58

I'm not really with it tonight. Must be the excitement of going back to work tomorrow Hmm. Hope you could make sense of my non-sensical posts Blush

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Jeffery · 05/01/2015 20:09

Good luck back at work I'm back Wednesday... Boo!

Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 05/01/2015 21:18

Thanks jeffery you too. Enjoy the day of freedom tomorrow. Hopefully you'll be well rested for it.

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Writemove · 05/01/2015 23:18

Good luck at work.

Self settling is going well. He went down without even a whimper at 730 (big change from the two hours of sobbing and rocking last Monday) and I heard him snuggle down before snoring.

He just woke, which is unlike him but I think he was dreaming after his first day back at nursery. I rubbed his back (didn't even lift out of the cot) and he's gone straight back.
Hooray!

Now need to stretch morning wake ups from 5 ish til 6 or later (he comes in for a feed and we doze til 7 but could still do with it being later).
Maybe that's next week's challenge.

Hope your night is going well

Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 06/01/2015 07:14

That's brilliant write. How will you get him to extend the morning sleep in? Dd slept well till 1 am, then was up. Didn't take long to settle her but then she woke up at 2.30 and then again at 4.40 at which point she refused to go back to sleep. I fed her at 5 and we've nap been up since.

Quite tired, but keep reminding myself that this I'd still so much better than getting up nine times in a night. Helped that I went to bed at 9!

How is everyone this morning?

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Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 06/01/2015 07:15

I really need to proof read before posting Blush

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Writemove · 06/01/2015 18:33

Hope tonight goes better.

My ds was up at 5 again. My plan is to put him back in his cot and refuse to feed til 630. Then do the big happy morning routine recommended on this thread. But now we've nailed sleeping through and self settling I'm quite relaxed about it. We feed in my bed at 5 then doze til 7. It's quite nice!
I think you have to really want change before you're ready to try it and have the patience to persevere.

I hope your dd sleeps through tonight. You have done brilliantly.

bambinibop · 07/01/2015 03:38

Hope your night is going well. Dd has been up at 9, 12 and now 3.30 tonight and I'm tired!! Nights like this I feel ready to start this but I was planning on waiting until my dh has some holiday at the beginning of Feb. Not long now I suppose. I don't think I could keep it up on my own.

you sound like you are doing do well

Let me know how you get on!