Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Is giving up breastfeeding the only way to get her to sleep?

78 replies

LottyLikesWindows · 30/12/2014 19:45

Evening all. My nearly one year old DD is a terrible sleeper. We co-slept until 9 months and then with a bit of help she got used to sleeping in her cot at night only. I no longer feed her to sleep, but she wakes every night, normally every hour or so and screams blue murder until I put her on the boob. She won't go to DP and won't settle on her own.

We both work full time and the lack of sleep has well and truly taken its toll. I feel quite trapped because we are in the pokey flat and share the bedroom with our baby, so even if DP tries to settle her, she sees me and cries until I breastfeed her. Hiding under covers won't fool her either Blush As soon as she goes on the boob she does a lovely little laugh and usually feeds herself to sleep within a short amount of time - normally five minutes to half an hour.

DP seems to think that stopping night nursing will magically solve her sleeping, and I disagree. I don't think that she wakes for milk, but that it's the only way she will settle back and that she wakes because she's tweeting, or a light sleeper or any other plethora of reasons. He thinks that she wakes because she's used to feeding in the night. I would love to hear from anyone who went through this, and came out of it sleeping. Please help.

OP posts:
crumpeteer · 02/01/2015 21:03

Good luck! I nightweaned my 13 month old recently and it worked (until she was ill)! She was waking just twice a night so not as bad as yours but it made such a difference having unbroken sleep, my world changed! I also had real trouble falling asleep at that time, possibly thinking that she'll wake me up soon and stressing about lack of sleep. It took 3 days and was really hard but worth it! I do feed her when she's not well but it hasn't seemed to ruin the progress. She now wakes at 5, sometimes 6am and comes into our bed for a cuddle with well rested parents! I hope it'll work for you!

TarkaTheOtter · 02/01/2015 21:06

Good luck tonight. I have done it with both my two at a similar age and it made a massive difference to their sleep. I found offering a sippy cup of water helped and assuaged my guilt that they were thirsty.

bambinibop · 02/01/2015 21:15

I'm considering doing this with my dd when she turns 1 soon . Good luck hope it goes okay Smile

Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 02/01/2015 22:19

Quick update: DD woke once already and DP settled her I'm off to bed now, trying to get a few winks in while I can. Thank you everyone, your words of encouragement are making this task much easier to bear. I'll keep re-reading this thread for motivation tonight. I'm sending you all virtual Flowers. We will succeed!

OP posts:
bambinibop · 02/01/2015 22:26

Good luck hope you get some sleep and so far so good!

NomNomDePlum · 02/01/2015 22:32

dd2 didn't sleep through the night till we moved her out of our room, and was bf for several months after that. you move around in your sleep, it wakes her, you are there to feed her back to sleep, it's not really surprising.

moving her was not that much fun, but it only took three days, and the longest spell of crying was less than twenty minutes. (dp had to do it, though, there's no way i could have listened to her crying for twenty minutes).

hope you can sort it, i can really remember the bone crushing weariness of a whole year of inadequate sleep. good luck.

Writemove · 02/01/2015 23:28

Thinking of you.

Writemove · 02/01/2015 23:39

How's it going?

bambinibop · 03/01/2015 01:19

Hopefully you're asleep ! I'm up feeding my dd!

LIttleMcF · 03/01/2015 01:33

I could have written your post, OP. Strong willed ten month old, won't settle without breastfeeding. We put her down in her cot, she wakes midnight-ish, then we co-sleep/feed through the night. As with you, feeds last between five minutes and half an hour.

We have two other young DC, so tend to just go for the easiest, quickest solution (bf'ing) so we don't wake the whole house.

No help, I'm sorry, but thought I'd let you know you're not alone. One coping strategy I try to use is to remind myself that I get to cuddle up to this precious, sweet little bundle that I thought I'd never have sniffs baby's ickle non-sleeping head.

Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 03/01/2015 02:20

Evening, or is that morning all! Surprisingly I got some sleep. DP has been up a few times and he's trying to soothe a crying DD now. I did it once. She was quite shocked when I offered her some water.

She is not going down easily. Often falls asleep but wakes soon after being put in her cot. We just keep trying. I'm hiding under the covers now but will emerge to give her more cuddles if she she doesn't stop soon. This is hard, but not harder than a year of no sleep so we are resolved to keep going!

OP posts:
Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 03/01/2015 03:03

Well it's been over an hour of getting DD to sleep, putting her down in the cot, and then few seconds later having to pick her up again as she's woken up and is crying. I'm now in the lounge as she gets more clingy with me and cries even more if I leave to go to the bathroom for example.

Feels like she won't fully sleep at all tonight and even though it would be so easy to give her one little feed (you were spot on write) we are still going strong. It's very hard seeing her little sobbing face Sad but this needs to be done for the greater good of us all.

I'll just keep visualising the world as crumpeteer described it above! as a place where parents are well rested.

OP posts:
rumtumtugger · 03/01/2015 06:02

Watching with interest

Jeffery · 03/01/2015 06:42

We did what write did at 10 months. Our rule is only water after last feed at 7pm until 6am.
We had the same experience... First night was hell... By the 4th night she slept through.

My other tip would be to make the first feed obviously morning. So when dd wakes at 6am or later I am over the top with the "good morning" turn the lights on, change her nappy then go and feed. We still do this in bed but its not a sleepy feed.

Writemove · 03/01/2015 09:19

How did the rest of the night go?

Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 03/01/2015 11:09

Thanks for checking in everyone. It wasn't as bad as we expected. The worst bit was between 1.45-3.30 when she kept crying each time she was put down. We offered water and lots of cuddles and rocking. In the end I had to go and sleep in the lounge but she slept from 3.30-6.10! She fed for an hour when she woke up, which is a bit of a mammoth feed, the kinds she used to have when she was a tiny baby. It was hilarious too, DD was so happy to get the boob she kept laughing with glee.

We are going to keep this up tonight and I'm really hoping it gets easier. Really like jeffery's suggestion of how to introduce that morning feed. Must admit I was so tired I fell asleep couple of times, so hoping to be able to introduce the real "it's mooooorning" jazz hands routine tomorrow. It would be good to show her the distinction between the sleepy feed and morning feed.

Honestly everyone, your kind words of encouragement did the trick for me. This thread has really been the gentle push in the right direction. I know that we are not out of the woods yet, but I'd just like to thank you all, so much.

rumtum and bambini, go for it as soon as you're ready. The thought of how hard this is is actually worse that just doing it.

OP posts:
bambinibop · 03/01/2015 12:21

Well done for getting through it! Now that the first night is over that's got to be the hardest part. I'm going to do it once my little one turns one. She isn't too bad a sleeper usually up once or twice a night sometimes 3 times and it would be nice to have unbroken sleep again! I have always had age 1 as the cut off in my head Grin but we will see!

wishing you a good night tonight

Writemove · 03/01/2015 12:21

That sounds like a great first night. Well done for sticking to it.
Three hours is amazing.

Tonight will be easier. And by Sunday you'll forget she never slept through!

Writemove · 03/01/2015 20:59

Good luck tonight. How is it going?

Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 03/01/2015 21:04

Evening write, thanks for thinking of me. She's been asleep since 7.30, and only cried out once. We didn't go in and she settled herself back to sleep straight away. We were doing the old fist pump I must admit Blush

Will update later. Keeping all fingers crossed so that tonight goes smoothly.

OP posts:
susannahmoodie · 03/01/2015 21:16

Feeling your pain. I bf ds1 until
He was 18m. He was a rubbish sleeper and wasn't sleepin through regularly until he was over 2.

With ds2 things were going the same way, I bf until 13mo but then I broke my arm and I couldn't do it anymore because I couldn't hold him and pain meds etc. sent dh in to settle for 2 nights he screamed blue murder but was beer left to cry and had slept through ever since (now 16m).....

I would never have stopped i id had the choice but once I did I think I realised that a lot of it was habitual/comfort feeding, which is fine as long as you are happy with it, but it sounds LikeYou are not. Like you I work ft and know how exhausting it is....

Writemove · 03/01/2015 21:20

That's brilliant. Stay strong.

We're trying to do self settling this week. He'd sleep 8 til 5 but would need feeding to sleep then rocking and shushing first. It was taking longer and longer each night.

On tues I took my own advice and put him in the cot awake. He cried for 20 mins then settled. On Wed he cried for five mins and thurs was barely a moan. (Fri took a tiny bit longer) but I actually look forward to bedtime now.

Just got to push the morning wake ups back now.

You can do it!

rumtumtugger · 03/01/2015 21:31

How's it going? Hoping your dd is responding well and you are staying strong! We are still waiting for the perfect time to start (weekend/not teething/not ill/no guests staying in the spare room etc etc etc). The last few nights I tried bringing my dd into bed with me for just a cuddle, which made her cry for an hour the first night and half an hour the second night- fine. So it worked for 2 nights but then I cracked the 3rd night as I thought she must be hungry as she hadn't had much dinner....need to be consistent!!

Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 04/01/2015 01:28

I'm so happy I can't sleep! Dd slept through from 7.30-00.30 and then didn't take too long to settle. She only wanted me but as soon as I held her she fell asleep. She woke again around 10 minutes later and is now asleep in her cot. It's possible she'll repeat the same pattern as yesterday of waking, cuddling, sleeping and repeating for a couple of hours but I don't care. She hasn't slept through for five hours since October!

susannah I think you're right about the habitual/comfort feeding theory. DP always believed that was the reason for dd's waking and I am starting to think he was right Blush PFB doesn't need all hours access to the boob at nearly one it seems.

write you read my mind. I'm thinking that after we get the night weaning sorted, we'll need to teach her self soothing. Glad to hear your boy is picking up the skill so quickly. You are totally right about babies enjoying learning new things, we just need to help them get there.

And rumtum I totally sympathise with your difficulty of finding the right time to do it. When I found myself sobbing quietly in the middle of the night next to poorly DP and baby who was velcroed to my boob for the ninth time in one night I just had to make the change. It's not ideal as we are all in the same room and DP is still fighting an infection, but then I think there would never have been a perfect time for us if we didn't just get on with it. And yes, as was said on here lots, consistency is key. Good luck and please post here if you need encouragement.

OP posts:
Original poster
LottyLikesWindows · 04/01/2015 01:30

Sorry meant to add bambini I had the same age as the cut off in my head, but now I'm thinking that if dd is sleeping through by her first birthday next week, that would be the cherry on top her birthday cake.

OP posts: