Asked to breast feed in a separate room

[Smellyfeet123]

Hello, this is my first ever post, I considered posting on Aibu but didn't really want a bf debate (and was also a little scared- ha!) but I feel I was treated badly today, but dh thinks it's not a big deal- what do you think?
Whilst out today, I was a little early for an eye appointment in a store. There is a separate waiting corridor, I said I was a little early, could I just go through to the waiting area and feed my baby before my appointment.
The lady actually said "bottle or breast?" ?? when I replied breast, she shook her head, made an uncomfortable sort of squeak and said I couldn't feed but she would show me to a separate room. When I asked why she said other customers had complained before and since then Breast feeding was not allowed in the waiting corridor.
I was a little gob smacked, she was very friendly and took me to an empty eye room and shut the door.
I would have refused to go to the toilets to feed, but the room was comfortable and clean but I felt like a social lepa for wanting to feed my baby!
After my appointment I spoke to her again and told her I thought the whole thing was a bit ridiculous and upsetting and she agreed and she fb her own baby, but that's what they had to do.
I don't feel it's right to be asked to feed in isolation, but my dh thinks the room was comfy and I'm making a big deal out of it- surely it's the principle?
Opinions are very welcome please

It's not being considerate to support someone in their view which is harmful to other people, though. If someone found it upsetting to see anyone wearing red shoes on the first day of the months, it would considerate not to wear red shoes when arranging to meet up with them on the first day of the months. It would be totally inconsiderate to insist that anyone who happened to be wearing read shoes should take them off and continue their day barefoot in case they met your friend.

Preventing breastfeeding in public is harmful. It prevents breastfeeding mothers from being able to lead an active life, it leads to babies going hungry, it reduces the number of mothers who breastfeed, and by not seeing breastfeeding in everyday life, it leads to mothers having more problems with establishing breastfeeding in daily life. It increases divisions between bottlefeeding and breastfeeding mothers. It makes vulnerable new mothers feel embarrassed, ashamed and stressed about feeding their babies.

Molly - I think you've nailed it. You are absolutely right.

I can see why you are annoyed. But they did provide you with a safe comfortable place. Not sure if this is within the law or not.

Hear hear Molly!
That is probably the best post I have ever read on BFing in public!

Thank you. Am very about all the typos in my impassioned but badly edited post.

Yes another in agreement with Molly.

And I also like to think I'm a considerate person, but when I BF in public, I'm considering my child's immediate need to be fed, and her long term health. I'm also considering the nervous first time mum who might be encouraged to feed in public because she's seen somebody else do it. We need to normalise BF, not bow to the quite frankly bizarre feelings of the small minority who are offended for whatever reason.

I totally agree that you should have been allowed to feed wherever you need to.

Can I ask something though, why did you feel the need to ask and not just sit down and get on with it?

Not trying to be difficult just wondering!

What the lady should have done is asked you if you were happy to feed in the corridor, or if you would prefer the privacy of a private room- for your comfort only, not for her or the customers' embarrassment.
Distinguishing between bottle and boob is def not on and she should never have asked. That's where the discrimination lies.

She had explained that banana, she was reporting to reception before sitting in the waiting room

Dancing, enough with the 'oooh, sorry for being considerate' passive aggressive bollocks....please.

Molly is absolutely right. An attitude like yours, which asks women to bf in a different room in case someone who might be uncomfortable about it is in the vicinity, is actually harmful to mothers and babies. .

What piggy said.
Sometimes I tuck myself away to feed to hide my jelly belly or because dd is thrashy. Kindly cafe owners have helped seat me for this or John Lewis for example have a special room if I want it. This is NOT the same as telling someone to hide.

But I would take to task anyone who told me to hide - the bloody cheek! I'd probably ad hoc my shopping bags to hide the belly and when dd moved her head aim the let down spray at the misery guts on purpose!!

It's like when I eat: sometimes I might think "it's a bit hectic here I'm off to munch quietly in the park" but that should NOT be confused with someone telling me my eating is offensive!! Then I would make a point!

I don't think it's a good idea to worry about offending people who object to perfectly legal and normal activities. I actually think it is dangerous to indulge people who unlawfully discriminate or publicly display unpleasant prejudices.

Did anybody see the woman who was told to wear a napkin over her baby in Claridges?! I found the view of the baby completely inoffensive but the DIY breastfeeding burkha made me very cross. Bad luck Claridges - from now on I'll be going to The Wolseley instead for tea.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/dec/02/claridges-hotel-breastfeeding-woman-cover-up

The irony of this is that no one would have even noticed her breast feeding until that awful shroud thing was given to her.

Another breastfeeder here and I would have been annoyed at this too.

If I was offered a quiet space to feed I'd probably jump at it and be pleased, because my DD is now 1 and fusses a lot when she's distracted by what's going on around her. She can focus more in a quiet space.

HOWEVER, to be given no option would feel horrible. Like what I'm doing is somehow wrong and shameful. Uurgh, what a nasty feeling. I'd have felt quite upset at that. I would also have complained OP, I think you've done the right thing.

Well done OP. As the claridges story above proves, there's still a long long way to go before companies get to grips with their legal obligations with regard to breastfeeding women. Good for you for pointing theirs out.

I came on to post the claridges story and then saw your thread.

I'm starting to get really angry about this. We are told to breastfeed if we can, yet society has such a problem with it that places will happily break the law rather than let a woman feed her baby.

It really gives me the rage that women who are trying to feed their baby the way they are advised, to use their breasts in the way they are meant to be used, can be made to feel like they are disgusting.

I've come to the conclusion that if you're 'uncomfortable' with breastfeeding then you're a bit of a pervert.

Molly put it wonderfully.

As someone said on twitter about the claridges incident - I bet the opticians wouldn't have made you sit in a separate room if you were reading The Sun.

Guardian writer Deborah Orr comments on Claridges:

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/dec/02/claridges-breastfeeding-babies#comment-44463800

Already, some idiots have compared it to walking round a shop naked, having a pee in public, and changing a nappy on the restaurant table.

Do they think they are being funny, or original???

Or do they not see the difference between eating and all those other things?

Yeah I always wonder (for about half a second before I consider more important stuff like... what's for tea) how someone can be so stupid as to not see the difference between food and excreting a waste product

From the Deborah Orr article:

Every single person who thinks they should not be exposed to the sight of breastfeeding needs to ask themselves how they got so messed up in the head, and how they can make a start on straightening their judgmental, oppressive, smutty, ungenerous and perverse little psyches out. And if they can’t do that, then they should take some kind of access course in the gentle art of looking away.

tiktok I saw that article before and stupidly read the comments. Unbelievable.

I find it mindboggling that in the 21st century people are getting flustered by the sight of a breast. Not even a whole breast - just a tiny bit, that you'd probably have to crane your neck to see anyway. The world is fucking insane. Or maybe, the people who comment on CiF are?

Or the sight of a baby, because really that's all you can see.

Dancing you're also still missing the point that the actions of the optician was illegal. And I'd like to add my congrats to Molly on a brilliant post

I want to cry reading the op. Some people just make you feel like the sight of your baby being fed is revolting. I've been made to feel like this once or twice and it's not a nice feeling.

I can't believe this is still happening in 2014. And that people think it is acceptable.

Claridges need to realise that discrimination is not classy and OP - you really need to tell us who your opticians are so we can vote with our feet.