Asked to breast feed in a separate room

[Smellyfeet123]

Hello, this is my first ever post, I considered posting on Aibu but didn't really want a bf debate (and was also a little scared- ha!) but I feel I was treated badly today, but dh thinks it's not a big deal- what do you think?
Whilst out today, I was a little early for an eye appointment in a store. There is a separate waiting corridor, I said I was a little early, could I just go through to the waiting area and feed my baby before my appointment.
The lady actually said "bottle or breast?" ?? when I replied breast, she shook her head, made an uncomfortable sort of squeak and said I couldn't feed but she would show me to a separate room. When I asked why she said other customers had complained before and since then Breast feeding was not allowed in the waiting corridor.
I was a little gob smacked, she was very friendly and took me to an empty eye room and shut the door.
I would have refused to go to the toilets to feed, but the room was comfortable and clean but I felt like a social lepa for wanting to feed my baby!
After my appointment I spoke to her again and told her I thought the whole thing was a bit ridiculous and upsetting and she agreed and she fb her own baby, but that's what they had to do.
I don't feel it's right to be asked to feed in isolation, but my dh thinks the room was comfy and I'm making a big deal out of it- surely it's the principle?
Opinions are very welcome please

Morning, actually she was really polite and freindly, don't think I've explained that very well. The uncomfortable squeak felt more like she seemed very awkward having to ask me. When I spoke to her after my appointment and said how ridiculous I found the whole thing, she actually said she had to bf her child every hour and didn't know what she'd do if couldn't have fed her child.
I agree to be offereda warm, clean and comfy room is great and I would never complain about this. But it wasn't a choice, I had to feed in there and that's where I feel it was wrong, as shutting away a breast feeding mom (albeit a fine room) implies that there's something wrong with it. Will wait for my reply

I need to make an opticians appointment to have my eye pressures checked before Christmas or i'll never hear the end of it from DM over the turkey please can you us know which optician it is as I'd rather avoid it as I'm bfeeding my 15 week DS and would be really embarrassed in this position.

Why can no one understand that other members of the public exist and may find it uncomfortable, they just do and there's no way of getting away from that. You do have to consider all sides in this. The fact that the OP asked if she could breast feed as opposed to just getting on with it shows that she was considering others feelings but rightly did feel a bit indignant at being offered a room to breast feed in peace. The offer of the room is also to protect the OP from any possible negative comments she may have got from members of the public in the store that would find it uncomfortable and therefore the room would prevent her from getting upset.

The correct response should have been " you're welcome to feed your baby wherever you like, but if you'd prefer somewhere more private we have a separate room"

She shouldn't have even asked how you feed your baby. In fact separate room should be a feeding room - bottle fed babies can be easily distracted too, and many bottle feeding mums welcome a clean space to prepare their bottles.

Still spluttering at 'knockers on display'......WTF????? For goodness sake.....:( :(

Previous posters have given lots of polite and acceptable ways of suggesting the offer of a private room; it's really not at all difficult to get this right. Company policy should make this part of staff training and if anyone does object, staff can explain policy to them, and suggest they just don't look.

How easy is that?!

OP If it is a high street chain please name and shame so I can avoid them.

And dancingincircles, if people feel uncomfortable about BF in public, that's their problem. What's wrong with feeding a baby in the biologically normal way? We don't need to "see all sides" to this. OP's right to feed her child is legally protected and rightly so.

"Why can no one understand that other members of the public exist and may find it uncomfortable, they just do and there's no way of getting away from that."

Some people feel uncomfortable seeing disabled people, or people of different ethnicities, or people who are fatter, thinner, hairier or less hairy, or less fashion-conscious or more fashion-conscious, or whatever.....most of us manage to live with this level of discomfort, because it's part of living in the world and getting along with minding our own business.

"You do have to consider all sides in this. " No - why does someone who is uncomfortable at seeing a baby feed need consideration? They don't have to look!

Sorry, was unclear, I meant uncomfortable about seeing somebody BF in public.

I think this was discriminatory, but I understand why you were a bit blindsided at the time, OP. Do name if this is a chain, because I too would prefer to take my business elsewhere.

PS. Why did you ask if it was ok in the first place, though? Not blaming you, because the episode was clearly discriminatory, but slightly puzzled, as you sound like a confident and experienced BFer.

Dancing, I feel uncomfortable watching people read shit on the tube. Why can't people understand that I just don't like seeing people reading The DaVinci Code or anything by Cecelia Ahern in public? I just don't, that's all there is to it. Am I justified in asking them to go somewhere else and do it discreetly, if they must?

" Dancingincircles

Why can no one understand that other members of the public exist and may find it uncomfortable, they just do and there's no way of getting away from that. You do have to consider all sides in this."

No that's wrong. The only person you have to consider, legally and morally is the baby. If a grown adult comes over all faint at the sight of a baby being fed that is their problem. Not the mother's and definitely not the child's.

op please post the response when you get one. I'm going to be charitable and hope that company policy of offering a private space for breastfeeding was misunderstood as "you can't breastfeed elsewhere"

I am appalled op.
Please let us know who it was, I need an eye test soon, will make sure I bf at the counter just to make the point!

Dancingcircles was it you tutting at me bfing DS in a certain chain pub last weekend??
If people don't like seeing a child be bf there's this really amazing thing you can do with your eyes.....

ummmm what was it again?......

oh yeah, LOOK AWAY!

HTH

It's out of order to demand that you feed in a different room (and completely unacceptable if the other room is the toilet) but I'm not sure I'd have been very offended. Feeding in a nursing/private room would always have been my personal choice and, however at fault they were, I probably wouldn't choose to feed where people were uncomfortable. I suppose you could vote with your feet and simply say "then I'll be at Specsavers/Boots/indepenent where they don't care" when they say they'd rather you didn't feed here.
Not sure how "knockers on display" is so much more Than "I'd have just got my norks out at the front desk"

Another request that you name & shame here. I fully intend to have another child at some point and since I tend to spend quite a bit on my glasses, I would be really peeved to find out I was supporting whichever company this is. Will happily avoid if they won't change policy.

If it would be nicer to feed in a private room, surely the same offer should be made to bottlefeeding parents, too?

And some people don't like to see breastfeeding. Some people also don't like to see same-sex couples holding hands, or peope with cerebral palsy out and about, or men with big beards, or people wearing fur or leather. In all of those cases, their opinions shouldn't limit the freedom of other people.

Nicky
If people feel uncomfortable they can look away! I have fed for years and refuse to use a cover or hide in another room, it is my childs right to be fed wherever I happen to be and if that bothers other people then they can leave, they are (supposedly) adults.

The point is they have no right at all to ask you to sit anywhere. If op had been offered the room as an option that would be fine, but she was told she had to sit elsewhere.

This happened to me in an opticians a few years ago! They used the "I think you'll be more comfortable in here" line. This was before the Equalities Act came in, but I still remember telling the staff member that I was quite comfortable in the main waiting area, thankyewverymuch

Mine was a Specsavers (sorry MNHQ!) Who was yours, OP?

Molly apart from men with beards. They should be asked to sit in a bathroom with some soap and a razor. Not to come out until teyre done

I am perfectly fine with anyone breast feeding in public as I have done it myself many times. But I am aware that some people aren't and take them into consideration that's all. Sorry for being a considerate person, how very awful of me.

But why should you or anyone else feel they have to consider other peoples feelings when it comes to feeding a child?

Molly said it best:
Some people also don't like to see same-sex couples holding hands, or peope with cerebral palsy out and about, or men with big beards, or people wearing fur or leather. In all of those cases, their opinions shouldn't limit the freedom of other people.

I dislike watching people eat meat, but I don't expect them to be considerate of me and move, if I don't like it I can move myself away! It's my problem to deal with, not theirs.

I don't get why feeding a child makes grown adults so uncomfortable either.