Breastfeeding in public...

[MummySteph0311]

I'm new to all this so bear with me please :-)

My LO is only 8 days old & so far we have been house bound after c-section so been concentrating on trying to get to grips with BF rather than thinking of doing it in a discreet manner in preparation for being out & about.

Does anyone have any useful tips? As our first planned venture is for next week when we go to register her birth.

I've got a mums scarf but find it quite fiddly to use & worried that if I feel flustered/agitated trying to feed in public it will make it worse for baby should she need to feed whilst we are out.

Having been a prolific public breastfeeder, mum of 3, my top tip is please dont use one of those big bulky covers. They attract more attention than anything, and make people stare. Even I cant help looking, thinking, oh gosh how is she going to get baby latched with that monstrosity on....
Just latch baby on, wear sensible layers, one up one down and 99% of the time nobody will notice you are feeding.

YY to practising in front of the mirror.

JL and Mothercare feeding rooms are really good and I also found that when it's quiet M&S staff will let you use a changing cubicle if you ask nicely.

I fed my lot anywhere and everywhere in the end and in nearly 3 years of public bfing I only ever had one negative comment. Otherwise people were very positive and helpful.

If you drive, I also found the passenger seat of the car a warm dry and surprisingly private place to feed. Good in winter when you're outdoors and there's no cafe to hand!

I bf both my babies where ever and whenever they needed. I was discrete and very soon it was second nature. I never ever had any negative comment or response from anyone.

First off, you should check whether you and the baby actually need to go to register the birth. My husband registered the birth himself and it was a much more pleasant experience for him than for the people who had dragged their babies along for no reason.

On breastfeeding in public, I think that attempts a "being discreet" generally make the problem much worse, because it always is quite fiddly. My baby was very upset by scarves and anything else covering his head, and in the early days, I needed to be able to see what was going on and make eye contact. I would suggest wearing a vest and a t-shirt over it so that you can pull one up and the other down.

Also, try to keep in mind that you're not doing anything wrong, so you don't need to hide. If other people are bothered, it's their problem. You should just breastfeed however works best for you, and, realistically, that will be the most discreet thing to do, because it will result in less screaming.

I fed DD till she was over 3, and living in London, I fed her on buses, the tube, in the middle of John Lewis, wherever.

I bought a load of tops from eBay from a company called Mamaway - I really liked their polonecks. There was a kind of vest bit and then the whole front was a flap that poppered down each side. You just unpoppered the appropriate side and latched the baby on - no boob and no tummy showing. Otherwise, vests under clothes and lots of cardigans - shirts with buttons are not a good choice.

Nursing bras were a total pita - impossible to do the clip things in a hurry. Instead I bought soft T-shirt bras and just folded them down under boob to feed. Also handy if there is the odd leak. I didn't find underwiring a problem at all.

Definitely practice in front of the mirror so you can see what you are doing and how to do it without flashing the world - and to do it fast before kiddo has screamed the place down. Until they get to the point of stopping for a good look-around it is possible to breast-feed without anyone seeing so much as a nipple. I'm a 34 DD, so not as if I haven't got much to potentially display.

Shawls etc were a complete nightmare and DD hated things over her head so I ditched them fast.

Once they're a bit older, you can even feed them in a sling. I had an Ellaroo Mei Tai, and I would undo the knot and move her down a bit to feed and then undo the knot and hoik her back up again afterward. Fed her many, many times while walking round the supermarket - not even my mother noticed.

Certainly in London most people are quite happy with public breastfeeding. I got lots of compliments from elderly ladies on buses for some reason, and even a couple of men saying it was a beautiful thing to see. Never had a single negative comment in 3 years.

Siarie - time taken depends on the individual baby.

DD was like a shark - grabbed for the boob, fed voraciously and was done in 10 minutes flat 99% of the time. But wanted to feed at least every hour.

Lots of my friend's babies used to take 30 minutes + and keep falling asleep during feeds. They had to feed less often, but were there for a LONG time with each feed.

There's no predicting what you get in advance.

I fed DC1 for 17 months and am still feeding DC2, now just over a year old. You have every right to feed your baby in public so don't ever think otherwise. If people have a problem, it's their problem and not yours.

DC2 was born in the US, where we are living temporarily, and some of the attitudes to breast feeding here are hideous. I really couldn't care less. If people stare, I get in first and ask them what they're looking at. Humans are mammals. Says it all really.

I breastfed my ds. I have bigger boobs so found the NHS pics awkward and stupid. So I ended up just ignoring others when out and about with my ds. I first breastfed my son out and about in the registrars office so I had a baptism of fire.

I found most people were too besotted with my ds to even notice my boobs. Even thought they are quite big lol

Yes, yes to wanting to give a thumbs up to breastfeeding mums to offer support but not wanting to look weird. Maybe we need a secret mumsnet sign to offer support- like the mason handshake but minus the handshake. I'll try the mumsnet thumbs-up and see if it works. Any other suggestions?

Honestly, the more complicated you make it the more you will feel flustered and self-concious. I felt more comfortable in maternity clothes after my caesareans (as long as it didn't have pregnant slogans) and found that the band on the bottoms kept my belly covered and the tops were big enough to not feel like I was exposed. You can get some good nursing tops and some awful ones that you wonder why you bothered. I have some nice ones I still wear because you'd never know they were nursing tops.

I found that tucking the muslin under my bra strap made it more secure and therefore manoeuvrable. Those scarves that are a flu-loop of fabric are also great and if you get some nice ones there's no reason you can't keep using them long after you've finished bfing.

I couldn't be arsed with cover ups and muslins- as others have said they draw attention to something that otherwise would probably pass unnoticed by 90% of passers by.

I breastfed in public for almost 8 years in total and I have never had a single comment or bad look. I think the UK is pretty breastfeeding friendly- we have laws to protect the breastfeeding women: Scotland is even better where we have specific criminal law which protects the rights of the breastfeeding child.

Practice lots before you go out so you can get baby latched on quickly and you should be able to do it without showing anything. I never bothered with a scarf or muslin as I could never get it right.

Just be confident and don't worry, most people wont even notice you are feeding.

I use a palm and pond bf apron off eBay when I don't want to expose (eg if loads of men around. ) - much less faff than a scarf.
I learned the ropes at mum n baby club things, minimal embarrassment if a boob flops out!
My tip in winter is check you can unclip/reclip the bra under ALL the layers you intend to wear so you don't have to get chilly arms feeding (or struggle to put the boonies away after).

I use strapless tops as well as vests for vest down/top up feeding too. Very easy to layer with a v neck, no one knows it's strapless (I find then easier to pull down).

Ah and my favourite method is my simplest - latch on facing the wall then turn round!

Sorry I just hate the breastfeeding apron. Looks like something a dairy maid would wear.

It's a tricky one isn't it though. While I fully support a woman's choice of what to wear or how discreet she wants to be I can't help feeling that these apron type products are reinforcing the idea that breastfeeding is something shameful and should be hidden away.

I wouldn't wear one but then I don't care if I expose a bit of breast when I breastfeed. It's no big deal.

Agree with bigblue - why hide away?

I'm vain about the rest of me (belly esp) and can't stand ALWAYS wearing vest + top layer.

I agree they are a rip off! I dislike nursibg clothes even more: somehow their mumsy-ness screams to me "breastfeeding is for middle class bodum wearing ladies, not the likes of you wuth your dyed hair and tshirts". Which can, in what seems to be a breast friendly town, be equally intimidating: if you don't have a bugaboo or babywear, if you don't have the lifestylE, you feel v left out and people assume you ff. Nursing clothes also cover up and make cash off women's insecurity! TBH i would rather wear MY clothes and have a bit of cloth just in case im surrounded by staring men or dont want to expose thw tum.

The thing is some cultures women don't want to expose themselves quite apart from BFing, others like me are just vain ... but yet more feel they have to buy them because of shame which is a whole other issue.
I should make one with "I AM PROUD OF BREASTFEEDING BUT NOT MY JELLY BELLY" perhaps!

Also the idea if you do want to cover you're not BFy 'enough' might put off shy women.
Pressure to fight the good fight when they just want to feed quietly in their own style.

But is you feel like that then surely a vest and top layer is better than an apron?

Not sure where you like squizita, but the boden/bugabboo crowd are not something I have experienced en masse. One or two perhpas, but even them seem to be a jolly bunch. Maybe it's an English thing?

www.hm.com/gb/product/50601?article=50601-C H&M currently has lots of tops like this which are v cheap and good for bf. Some are a bit see-through so I wear them over a vest, but if they aren't then you don't need to.

Yup ... its to do with my area. Very affluent area right next to a less affluent area = snobbery! I live on the border between the two literally and metaphorically!
Psychologically I find it a real boost to wear my "usual" clothes - fair enough if I happen (as today ) to be wearing a vest and jumper. But that's not always the case. I don't use it every time I feed, but sometimes if it's somewhere I'd not like to bare my belly and I'm not in a vest, I do.

Of course I hide this from my posh mum and baby club. Because it means I'm not "fighting the good fight" and just wearing a vest 24-7 or a mamas and papas bloody nursing top which covers me equally but is morally superior (and fighting the fight is much easier, I dare say, in waitrose cafe compared to down my way with a whole street of mechanics and caffs). I'm not the ideal breastfeeder ... my choices are suspect .... how dare I dress the "wrong" way both feeding and not feeding.

squizita- must be difficult.

I come from a huge council sink and grew up in a very working class area, but now live in a big house in an affluent area. I don't give a damn about what people think of my choices. If they judge me on my clothes they are not worth knowing.

Another one with the best under a top method here. With DS1 I did use feeding rooms (you can google to see where they are in your town - mothercare, John Lewis and debenhams have them) as he was tricky to feed at first and I had seriously fast let down, so didn't want to spray anyone! By the time he was about 5 weeks old it settled and I just fed him anywhere. Neither of my DS's liked having anything covering their heads - possibly because they got too hot under there.

You really don't expose anything at all with the two tops method though. And I would go with Lansinoh breast pads, as they have the sticky strips to stop them falling out/getting all scrunched up, or if your LO is like DS1, you may find them waving it about like a little white flag! That amused a fair few people in the cafe that day

Yeah I think it's a very North London thing! All about snobbery and inverted snobbery...
I have a friend who makes sure everyone knows her children don't do anything as vulgar as watch TV ... but she has dvds of ALL the usual kids shows (never mentions this). Her DH once commented as to why she socialised with me because I "wear leopard print, trainers and stuff".
It's all a bit messed up.