Just about to start a contreversial thread....

shazronnieWEARINGSHOES · 28/09/2006 16:08

I would agree on the low libido - stopped bf DS2 aged 20 mths 2 weeks ago, and now i am back to normal. The lack of libido has not bothered me, but has frustrated my Dh!!

lockets · 28/09/2006 16:11

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Flamesparrow · 28/09/2006 16:16

Hmm... DH doesn't seem to have any bonding issues with them. He doesn't tend to do any bonding much til they start walking more though and they become more "people" iyswim.

Libido is back n better than in years

No sexual feelings with feeding, although they are still a part of our sex life now (I am constantly paranoid I'll leak, but not happened yet!!)

DH doesn't seem jealous, he does worry about how clingy DS is to me, but I get the feeling he's just a velcro baby and would be like it whatever I fed him!!!

My bond - I have two completely opposite children, and I have very different bonds with them as a result of it... none more or less, just different iyswim

Flamesparrow · 28/09/2006 16:19

Oh, bf DD til 12 weeks, still bf DS at 7 months

Original poster

Pitchounette · 28/09/2006 16:35

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OP posts:

fuzzywuzzy · 28/09/2006 16:41

"my son is 3 months old now, he is a little man', 'ds is 6 motnhs that's how far we agree with DH that I would be bf. He feels that older than that there is too much sexual feelings going with it' etc"

I'd happily bf either a son or daughter till the age of two, and have done so...well OK 16 months.

No sexual feelings whatsoever
Husband has bonded fabulously with both children
Libido unaffected.....

Rhubarb · 28/09/2006 16:43

I think describing it as a "sexual" emotion is wrong. You experience a variety of emotions whilst bf, for me it was largely pain, but after about 3 months I got into it a bit more and it gave me pleasure in the sense that I felt much closer to my baby and I gained pleasure from the fact that my body was providing for my baby. But my sexual feelings are different, I can feel close to my husband and emotionally attached, but there is also an element of lust there that is not there when I breastfed.

So I do think that to label a feeling as being "sexual" you would have to feel some lust too. Which is not appropriate for bf and I don't think any women does feel lust whilst bf.

Feel free to correct me if you think this definition is wrong.

tiktok · 28/09/2006 16:51

I think the right word is 'sensual' - bf can be a sensual experience when it's going well, some of the time, for some people.

Pitch, I wonder if your libido feel as a result of your husband's unhappy view of breastfeeding as something to ber jealous about?

I mean, if a male partner thinks the relatinship is objectionable because of some supposed sexual element, it would be quite understandable for you not to feel like having sex with him.

In other words, his attitude was the cause of your low libido, not your breastfeeding.

Just a thought.

kayzed · 28/09/2006 18:03

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amijee · 28/09/2006 18:22

i find bfing a very pleasurable experience when ds is sucking but not as much as when dh does it!

Sunnysideup · 28/09/2006 18:49

I just think it's all so subjective and individual! I would describe my bond with my formula fed DS as 'fusional' if I understand your meaning correctly; I mean it's almost supernaturally strong and close.

My SIL BF her DS and they have actually had a problematic bond, she acknowledges this and that her bond with the child she FF is stronger!

It's always going to be the opposite for some people, of how it is for you....

and I totally agree with tiktok, your lack of libido could well have more to do with the attitude of your dh than bfing!

newgirl · 28/09/2006 18:56

Hope this isn't a freaky thought - hasn't nature made bfeeding/sucking boobs feel nice so we do feed our babies and get over any initial discomfort? I assume that's the reason rather than partner entertainment?!

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 28/09/2006 19:47

FF ds1 after a few weeks due to casein intolerance, mixed fed DS2 (FF after v4 months) and BF ds3 until 15 months. I had planned to BF them all until 15 monthgs or so, just didn't work that way.

I think there is more than just health benefits to Bf BUT A) definitely in no way sxual for me. Don't think my bonding with any of them was different- they're all different characters and our relationships reflect this.

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 28/09/2006 19:50

FF ds1 after a few weeks due to casein intolerance, mixed fed DS2 (FF after v4 months) and BF ds3 until 15 months. I had planned to BF them all until 15 monthgs or so, just didn't work that way.

I think there is more than just health benefits to Bf BUT A) definitely in no way sxual for me. Don't think my bonding with any of them was different- they're all different characters and our relationships reflect this.

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 28/09/2006 19:52

oops!

missed a bit- DH: closest to the one that was BF, simply because he was off work ill during first three months of his life. DH supports BF, was pleased I could do it but also when I ahd to stop with DS1 just pleased that DS1 was gaining weight. He loves them all.

whatstheplanstan · 28/09/2006 20:16

I think when you bf your body releases oxytocin, this helps the uterus contract after delivery amongst other things.

Coincidently it is the same hormone released after an orgasm. Sometimes dubbed the 'love' hormone. Guess its supposed to help with bonding but also it makes us sleepy - which explains why bf is so knackering!

eemie · 28/09/2006 21:02

Dh could not have been more loving to dd but did feel a bit excluded by bf - thought she was always less interested in him because he was 'the useless one with no boobs'. He tried to bottle-feed her with ebm but she wouldn't have anything to do with it, which was hard for him. He definitely got more involved and confident after she gave up the breast at about 1y.

The sensual enjoyment isn't limited to boys btw - dd at almost 8 is still inordinately interested in my breasts, in fact she used her little camera to take pics of them as I came out of the shower the other day.

Not long ago she was talking about whether she prefers me to Daddy and concluded that she does 'because (her gaze settling at nipple level) you've got breasts'. The smile on her face as she said it reminded me of that beatific state she used to be in after a feed.

Typing this reminds me what a privilege it is to be able to bf - and it wasn't easy. For all I know she would have been exactly the same if I'd FF her. I'm sure temperament and personality is more important than the actual feeding method.

lenny101 · 28/09/2006 21:16

You've said bf is important to you Pitch; I think that's your answer. It's undoubtedly important to your baby. Poor dh has got a lifetime to bond with ds right?

Not turned on by bf but love the thought that my lo is getting everything he needs, nutritionally and emotionally.

FrannyandZooey · 28/09/2006 21:24

Yes, I agree that we have evolved with such sensitive breasts for the purpose of making breastfeeding an enjoyable / positive activity

also agree the sensation can be exactly the same as during sexual activity, but context is everything here

I feel the same physical sensations when ds kisses me and when dp kisses me, but my physiological reactions and my emotional reactions are going to be different in each situation, same with breastfeeding.

I felt 'fusional' with my ds but agree this could be just the same with a formula fed baby. I found it natural and desirable to feel this way and it hasn't lasted forever. Daddy's turn can come later - at first I wanted my dp's role to be supporting me and ds in our symbiosis. Now he and ds are so close and I could easily feel left out if I was so inclined. It all comes full circle.

moondog · 28/09/2006 21:30

I think a man who is jealous because the mother of his child is breastfeeding their baby needs to get a grip and bloody grow up.

A comment of that ilk from my dh would have sent my libido spiralling down-no doubt about it.

wrinklytum · 28/09/2006 22:53

I am feeling a bit wobbly at the moment.Dp feels I should be stopping bf as am due back at work soon.Really dont want to.Only fed ds for 4 months as had to go back to work at 6 months but dd is 10 months and still going strong.I feel it is the most natural thing and love the closeness it brings with dd.She will probably be my last so I know how short and important this time is.She is not as "forward" in development as ds was and I feel the need to "baby" her for longer.

Dont see any sexual connatations to bf.Just a very important closeness.Love it when dd breaks off from feeding and gives me a big gummy happy smile!

Agree libido can be an issue.In the grand scheme of things it is only a short period in someones life/relationship,surely.Have been with dp 12 years.

Oh God crap ramblings.Sorry.Touched a nerve after heatead discussion with dp tonight!!

chipmonkey · 28/09/2006 23:37

Wrinklytum, I'm working 4 days a week and am still bf ds3 who will be 2 in December. I did express till he was 12months but didn't see the need to after that. He gets cow's milk during the day.
Dh has always been very supportive of bf. He feels that it's a "no-brainer" that bf is the way a mum should feed her baby and is happy that I do.
Despite his nice attitude my libido is always lower when I bf. Nature's way of ensuring a gap beteen siblings??

hunkermunker · 28/09/2006 23:50

Agree with MD - DH wouldn't have had any call for a libido if he'd made a comment thus

Bfeeding doesn't feel at all sexual to me. It feels like bfeeding.

I mostly love bfeeding, really, really love it. I don't love it when a teething baby bites me. But I love that I can continue to nourish my children once they're born - I can make milk!

norkmaiden · 28/09/2006 23:54

great post hunker.

Agree BF just feels (to me) like BF, there's nothing else like it.
Pain like razors at the beginning - and 20 months on, it's 'just' BF, the sensation of a babt drawing milk. It's definitely not sexual, sometimes it's even a chore but I'm always essentially v happy to be doing it.

norkmaiden · 28/09/2006 23:55

baby, not babt obv