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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Just about to start a contreversial thread....

51 replies

Pitchounette · 28/09/2006 16:04

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OP posts:
Lact8 · 29/09/2006 00:03

Agree with HM

Have never felt anything remotely sexual when breastfeeding

DP may have felt left out when they were very young but I think he would've felt that way however they were fed simply because
a) I've just had a baby
b) He was the one who'd got me pregnant and def not letting him do that to me again (ha, failed on b somewhere along the way!)
c) I've fallen in love with this little person who looks to me for everything, I'm in awe and overwhelmed by it at the same time. And I've someehow still got to run a house, make meals, play with the other children, carry on with normal life. On 4 hours sleep

I think that's what affects my libido

Judy1234 · 29/09/2006 00:05

I found it very similar to sexual feelings, may be why I liked it so much. There is a lot of writings about this. Your feelings are not unusual at all. The build up, release when the milk lets down, the release of oxytocin, happy hormones. I'm smiling when I'm writing it. In a sense it's such clever stuff, that you get that pleasure and it's associated with the love and care you give your baby. It's wonderful. Real and clever men ought to be able to understand that.

I also found when I was feeding a lot I felt much less sexual which I imagine is a good natural process to space births, although clearly not much fun for men.

wrinklytum · 29/09/2006 00:06

Thanks.Really want to continue but getting crap from dp cos of interfering M-I-L.He is the youngest of 4 boys and the apple of her eye.She also feels it is acceptable for my 2 yo son to have guns as a toy which I totally disagree with and undermines me on a regular basis thus confusing my poor 2 yo ds.Very angry re this.

wrinklytum · 29/09/2006 00:07

Igniore post not relevant but feeling really annoyed tonight!!

norkmaiden · 29/09/2006 00:08

oh gawd Wrinkly, sounds awful, you have my sympathy!

wrinklytum · 29/09/2006 00:08

Ignore,even

norkmaiden · 29/09/2006 00:08

too late

wrinklytum · 29/09/2006 00:19

Hey thats a cool pseudonym!

MKG · 29/09/2006 01:23

My Ds was FF. I tried to breastfeed but it was painful and ds would either fall asleep after five hours or (like one night I will never forget) nurse for three hours and still scream only to be given 1 ounce of formula and happily fall asleep. I am perfectly bonded with ds and he is perfectly happy and healthy. I think that if you like to do it do it for as long as you want. If you don't like to do it don't. The time with have with our children is to precious and too short to worry about how they get fed. The important thing is that it is enjoyable for the two of you.

Miaou · 29/09/2006 07:25

Hmm - I think tiktok puts it very well. "Sensual" is a word that is synonymous (erroneously in my view) with "sexual" - but take it in its literal sense, and that's just was breastfeeding is. It involves the senses, and it is a pleasurable experience (once you've got past the pain bit first!!).

My first thought re. the libido thing was that it was linked to your dh's negativity/reluctance round b/f, not the b/f itself - I see others think the same. Dh is v. supportive of b/f and my libido has not suffered

And whatstheplanstan(good name!)'s point about the hormone released being the same as the post-orgasm hormone - never heard that one before! But it makes sense doesn't it!

Good thread Pitchounette - made me think

FillyjonktheBananaEater · 29/09/2006 07:35

must say did/do not find bf sexual or sensual or anything

i found, and have always found, it mildly painful.

god i'm a grump, aren't i? sorry.

FrannyandZooey · 29/09/2006 07:54

You're not grumpy Filly (well you may be, but not just because of that)

I don't enjoy the sensation of breastfeeding much these days either - I think it is easier to relax and enjoy the sensual aspect with a baby, than with a toddler, for me at least.

I hope I am imagining the vague air of competitiveness I feel could possibly develop on this thread - "Well I never felt anything sexual, are you all mad weirdos?" v. "Well I loved every minute of it and found it very pleasurable, are you all mad weirdos?"

FillyjonktheBananaEater · 29/09/2006 08:38

its no effing fun when they have teeth either. especialy when they also have colds. cos then they bite.

(am I winning, btw?)

CarolinaMoon · 29/09/2006 08:43

bfing a wriggly toddler who wants to stand up while feeding is the biggest PITA. I was not that sorry to give up bfing ds during the day for this reason.

re sexual/sensual: I never found bfing a turn-on - but these things are all about context imho. It is v sensual (in a non-sexual way) though - nice and cuddly and relaxing, esp when curled up in bed.

I didn't feel like having sex for months after ds was born (and was v dry when we did - sorry if TMI), but a lot of that was due to general knackeredness as well.

lockets · 29/09/2006 08:45

This reply has been deleted

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harpsichordcarrier · 29/09/2006 08:49

lockets

moondog · 29/09/2006 09:17

Wrinkly,just b/feed when you're not at work.I did this very happily for 21/2 years (after returning when dd 8 myhs).Never expressed.
Oh,and tell your MIL to snout out.

chester30 · 29/09/2006 09:20

does anyone else find it boring? i sometimes have to feed dd for an hour. i don't get sensual feeling either - just feels like bf! Ithink there is alot of pressure re feeding these days. it is most important that a child is happy and healthy. ff isn't a terrible thing it feels like whatever you do its wrong!

chester30 · 29/09/2006 09:21

apparently i may have a slow let down reflex. you see my fault again!

Original poster
Pitchounette · 29/09/2006 09:25

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Original poster
Pitchounette · 29/09/2006 09:27

Message withdrawn

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LaDiDaDi · 29/09/2006 20:58

I usually find breastfeeding an enjoyably sensuous experience but not sexual.
My libido has been back to normal almost since straight after having dd, it's been trying to find the time between life and sleep that has reduced my level of sexual activity.

As a not entirely irrelevant aside I was discussing with dp the other evening about how some women have had negative comments about breastfeeding in public (said whilst I was bf in a restaurant) and how I hadn't encountered such a reaction but I had a few comments ready if needed. I was surprised by how outraged and genuinely shocked dp was at the suggestion that anyone would make a negative comment. We spent a good half an hour thinking of witty putdowns for anyone who might tell me to put my tits away. I hadn't realised until then how important dp thinks bf is and how much he appreciates that I am bf dd iyswim, even though sometimes it means that he can't comfort her very easily because she wants bf. The whole conversation made me feel very .

Judy1234 · 30/09/2006 00:28

I always wanted negative comments in public but never got any - what a shame.
I think we were lucky our parents were all a long way away so no MIL or problems with my mother. Can you not just arrange she's not there so much? She should want what's best for the baby not her adult son.
Some men like to suck the milk etc anyway I'd better not get into that side of it.

PinkTulips · 30/09/2006 00:52

i found bf an intensly loving, nuturing, emotional, close, occasionally sensual, never sexual and sometimes painful experiance.

have just asked dp if he feels less bonded to ds because i'm bf-ing (no need to ask about dd, they're as thick as thieves!). he laughed and said 'of course not thats stupid, he's my son'.

i think the bond thing has to do with how you define 'bond' though. in my eyes bonding with my baby and getting to know them as a preson are completely unrelated. i feel (as does dp) and intense emotional and spiritual bond with my children, and have done since the moment they were born, and to a lesser degree pre birth, i do not however 'know' ds yet, hes only tiny and his personality is barely starting to show through. i do 'know' dd as we have spent he last 20 months getting to know her and learning about her personality.

PinkTulips · 30/09/2006 00:52

and yes my libido hit the floor, but i put that down to exhaustion, the mind is willing but the body is weak iykwim

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