How do you keep going?

[stargirl1701]

DD2 is 5 weeks old. I am really struggling with bf. Latch is good and I have milk. Too much. Every feed is a screaming match. Following advice from bf counsellors and helplines and LLL meetings, I have ended up with blocked ducts.

Left breast on Friday. I worked all weekend on getting it clear. Right breast today I'm just so down about it. How do you marshall your strength to keep going? It's so relentless. Constant feeding.

I feel like I've been 'keeping strong' forever now. I'm running out of reserves. Pg was tough - dreadful MS, bulging lumbar disc, SPD. I need painkillers and support belts and crutches to get out of bed.

Post birth I ended in hospital for 4 days when DD2 was 5 days old with uterine and bladder infections. Low iron levels into the bargain as I had greater than average bleeding due to an unusually large placenta. I'm still surviving on painkillers (dihydrocodeine, diclofenic and paracetamol) to stay mobile for both lingering pain from disc and SPD as well as inflammation from the infections.

I'm just done. Physically, emotionally, done.

Any advice on staying positive?

Oh you port thing, that sounds horrendous. It sounds like you've had a terrible time if it. You've done a great job to keep feeding up till now. What was the advice from the helplines?
I'm bf my 4 week old dd and know how all encompassing it can be, and I don't have half the things to deal with that you do.
Although it's tough now, it will get better and easier. Keep asking for help until you find the thing that works for you. I'm not enough of an expert to help any more, but I'm sure someone will be along soon.
Hand holding for now though.

Thanks

Advice was block feeding after pumping. It does help but it's leading to blocked ducts. I'm very anxious I end up with mastitis as I had that with DD1 and it led to blood poisoning which meant an 8 day stay in hospital. I had to have some resus help as it turned out I was allergic to one of the IV antibiotics. I cannot go through that again. Just can't.

God, I'm crying again. I've been crying all day today. I've stayed fairly positive until today but this feels like a kick in the teeth.

Are you eating and sleeping sufficiently? Have you had a clear and calm chat with your partner and/or close family members to say how you feel? Also, as I'm sure you're aware, low iron causes exhaustion, so you won't feel better unless that's sorted.

It sounds like you need some more support at home. I did not have any of the extra physical issues you had (though I did have lots of breastfeeding issues - blocked ducts, mastitis, and thrush!) and I really only managed because breastfeeding was basically all I was responsible for in the first 6 weeks. But, also, it really does get so much better, and I think that life is actually much simpler and easier when you breastfeed rather than bottle feed once the baby is just a bit older.

Also, on the blocked ducts, I'm assuming you've tried warm showers, warm wet compresses, and using an electric breast pump (on both sides - sounds like maybe you focused so much on one, that you let the other become overfull).some babies

What I know now that I wish someone had explained to me at your stage is that babies take a while to figure things out for themselves - it's not just you. So, the fact that the baby is crying while you try to feed is upsetting, but it doesn't necessarily mean you should be doing anything differently. If the baby is putting on weight ok, you're doing a brilliant job.

I think things are gradually easier from about 6 weeks, and 3 to 6 months is the bit where I felt I had figured out what I was doing and had some control over my life. All got more complicated (and exciting!) after that with food and crawling and all sorts of such exciting things.

But, in summary, you need someone to help you more with the baby so that you sleep, eat, breastfeed, and nothing else. It won't be like this forever, but for right now, it sounds like what you need. Oh, and I hope you have a bedside cot and aren't trying to deal with getting in and out of bed?

Hi Cat

DD2 is a dream baby, thank goodness. She only sleeps and feeds. We've rarely heard her cry. We co-sleep using a co-sleeper crib. She is gaining weight at a tremendous rate with saturated nappies. She poos 1/2 times a day (yellow).

I am on 3 iron tablets, 8 paracetamol, 3 diclofenic and 4 dihydrocodeine tablets per day. As well as Pregnacare multi Vit and Omega for BF mums. Plus 45ml of Lactulose daily for the effects of iron and codeine.

Not eating and drinking enough. Today I had one bowl of cereal at home, 2 slices of toast and a coffee at the bf group, one slice a cake and a cup of tea with visitors in the afternoon. Pasta after DH arrived home.

No help during the day as DH is at work. DD1 is at her childminder Thurs/Fri so those days are easier.

DH does dishwasher, laundry, general tidying, bed and bath for DD1, organises change bags, sorts out my meds, steriliser for pump, etc. so he is doing a lot. We have a cleaner.

I am doing feeding, feeding, feeding as well as pumping (not too much), hot compresses, hot baths, hot showers, etc to shift the blockages.

I just feel worn down. I feel like I have met enough challenges. I just want an easier path. Just once. Maybe that is contented DD2. It's just my body that's fucking everything up.

I want to avoid another course of ABs too. DD2 has already had oral thrush from the 3 courses I took in the hospital. That seems to be sorted at the moment.

No clear, calm chat tonight. Just me sobbing on DH

So sorry. It will get better though. And it sounds like you know you're not eating properly. Can someone make extra dinner so you have plenty of leftovers to eat during the da either microwaved or even cold? You're ebreastfeeding and not terribly well, so it's important. Do you have parents or in-laws who could come help, perhas with the toddler or cooking? Your partner sounds lovely, but 2 kids and a full-time job is a lot without further help at this stage even for 2 adults. Or could he take some holiday?

He is taking today off. My MIL stayed for 2 weeks when DD2 was born and DH took 2 weeks off after that (annual leave). My own my mum is dead. I would ask my aunt but she is away on holiday for a month. My Dad goes away this week for a holiday.

DH is going to sort out lunch before he goes to work.

I had no idea just how hard bf would be even when things are going well.

Hey stargirl so sorry it's not better. You've had so much to cope with and you must be exhausted. No advice about BF other than what I've put on your previous threads but for your general wellness (which will be having such an effect on you emotionally) -

If you can afford it or get it on prescription, Floradix liquid is excellent for low iron and related exhaustion and has always improved my iron levels faster than tablets - I think it's more bioavailable in certain forms. Could you ask your doctor next time you're in? it's also much more gentle on the stomach / bowels.

If you've been on ABs, consider taking a course of probiotics to stave off further infection (ABs are of course necessary but can make you vulnerable to further infection) - DH could pick some up for you at a health food shop. Will help with keep mastitis at bay too.

You've said DH will sort lunch for you tomorrow. Can you ask him to do some batch cooking, so that you can eat a nourishing meal in the middle of the day? Or fill the fridge with bought stuff that's easy, like fresh pasta shapes, chunky soups, that sort of thing? I have a chronic pain condition and not eating enough has a noticeable effect.

Thursday and Friday when DD1 is elsewhere, sleep. Forget everything else but that.

Hugs. You must be shattered.

How long have you been block feeding for? Unfortunately the side effects of block feeding are engorgement so it can lead to blocked ducts and mastitis.

I have a massive oversupply but by about 10 weeks it was under control. I avoid expressing at all costs it increases my supply. I only feed from one side. I also try and feed the same number of times each day so I let dd2 feed on demand as much as possible but I will offer her milk to make sure I get in our 7 feeds a day so my body knows what's going on. I had mastitis 6 times with dd1.

I hope life seems a little better today. In my experience, things got better around the 6 week mark, so I think you're nearly there - suddenly, everything will sort of click and become manageable. But, I must admit, I had help (my mother or my partner) until about 5.5 weeks. So, given that you had help at home from your partner or MIL until about 7-10 days ago, it sounds like you're overcome a bit with trying to manage things alone quite so soon.

And I may be wrong, but I suspect that managing your toddler may be causing a lot of the exhaustion. Do you think there is any way you could leave your toddler with the childminder for more hours for a few weeks until you feel a bit more able to cope? Or, could you hire a "mother's help" for a little while? If you're not familiar, they tend to be people who want to be nannies, but don't have the experience, so rather than leaving them in sole charge of a child, they are in your house with you, but can, for example, take your toddler to the park or something, and help out around the house - like with cooking! They can be really keen for the experience and so willing to take a short-term job - and cost much less than a nanny. Obviously, I know these suggestions cost money, which may not be feasible, but thought I'd suggest in case you hadn't thought of them.

Also, evaluate what you really do in a day - I find some people say they do nothing, but it turns out they are doing way too much, or setting their own expectations way too high. I am quite literal when I say eating, sleeping, breastfeeding, maybe walk around the park - nothing else. Dirty dishes piling up, things left out, house becoming a mess - it's all ok and not really that important.

Hi rooty (again!)

Thank you. I saw the GP this morning and my latest bloods show my iron levels are still not right so she prescribed the Floradix. Bloods to be redone - a full blood panel not just haemoglobin. She also asked about contraceptive - ha ha ha!!!

I am taking probiotic capsules from the health food shop as I doubt I have a microbe left after the 3 courses of antibiotics! Desperately trying to avoid ABs for mastitis!

DH is planning to make lunch every day before he leaves. We made a list of things that done at night and things that need done in the morning. He likes to 'fix' problems i.e. Me!

I've been in bed with DD2 most of today - just out to see the GP. One duct seems cleared. 4 more to go that I can see/feel. Pump (Medela Freestyle) just isn't powerful enough to draw out the clogged milk.

I am feeling a little more positive. I did it before, I can do it again. Repeat to self!

My Dad is coming up tomorrow to take DD1 and it's Thursday/Friday after that.

McBaby - 6 times!!!!! How did you stay positive and keep going through that?!

Cat, thank you. I think you're right about DD1. Today she was mostly with DH but she spent an hour in my bed with DD2 and I watching CBeebies on iPlayer. I am trying to accept that is ok. I guess it just has to be. My Dad is taking her tomorrow - they are heading to the pool in the morning.

It's hard to ask family for more help as they aren't supportive of bf. MIL had trouble with SIL so didn't try again with DH. She thinks I'm daft to bf after all the trouble I had with DD1. When I spoke to my Dad today, he simply replied, 'Well, just stop bf then'.

I will speak to the childminder and see if she could take DD1 on any more days.

Dear God, DD1 tells me tonight that Grandpa hits her on the bottom at swimming. Roll on a difficult conversation tomorrow morning.

Oh good (to the Floradix)

to the hitting. I saw your thread. Good luck with the conversation.

Thanks rooty x

Just squirted myself in the eye hand expressing!

DD2 is loving these blocked ducts She has nursed to sleep all day and evening. Soooo contented at the breast.

Aw you have had a rotten time - I hope it all starts looking up. At about 6 weeks I was ready to crack - exhausted, frustrated, sore and sick of having a baby stuck to me. Then somewhere between 6 and 8 weeks everything fell into place a bit more. Your DH sounds great. Definitely leave your other child with the childminder more - in the olden days you would have a team of relations around you making sure that the only thing you have to do is breastfeed - so it is not normal to have to try and cope on your own with two in the early weeks.

Don't "blame breastfeeding" when you are talking to your relations - just say you are tired, sick and need help. Mind yourself.

She will be a wee porker!

Breast seems clearer this morning. There was clogged milk on DD2's lips this morning that she had pulled out but not swallowed.

Just keep feeding, just keep feeding!

Well done! and have you been eating lunch?

Yes. Sliced chicken on rolls with side salad :) DD1 fell asleep this afternoon too so I got a nap as well! The next two days will be easier. MIL coming to stay next Mon-Wed.

Glad to hear you've managed to bring in some help and make plans to get fed properly! Crap that the family don't appreciate the huge benefits of breastfeeding, but as other poster said, you needn't talk about breastfeeding with them - just get help with the toddler and/or food/house and they can leave the baby to you. A bit of tv and a cuddle in bed with mummy and baby is not going to harm your toddler! I suspect that you did have unreasonable ideas about what you would do in a day with a tiny baby and a toddler, but sounds like your expectations are becoming more realistic.

Not sure what to say about the hitting other than that I hope the conversation went ok and you made your feelings on the matter clear.

Hope you get some rest and start to enjoy the experience of your new baby and growing family over the next week!