How do you keep going?

[stargirl1701]

DD2 is 5 weeks old. I am really struggling with bf. Latch is good and I have milk. Too much. Every feed is a screaming match. Following advice from bf counsellors and helplines and LLL meetings, I have ended up with blocked ducts.

Left breast on Friday. I worked all weekend on getting it clear. Right breast today I'm just so down about it. How do you marshall your strength to keep going? It's so relentless. Constant feeding.

I feel like I've been 'keeping strong' forever now. I'm running out of reserves. Pg was tough - dreadful MS, bulging lumbar disc, SPD. I need painkillers and support belts and crutches to get out of bed.

Post birth I ended in hospital for 4 days when DD2 was 5 days old with uterine and bladder infections. Low iron levels into the bargain as I had greater than average bleeding due to an unusually large placenta. I'm still surviving on painkillers (dihydrocodeine, diclofenic and paracetamol) to stay mobile for both lingering pain from disc and SPD as well as inflammation from the infections.

I'm just done. Physically, emotionally, done.

Any advice on staying positive?

TV in bed with you and the baby will make the toddler feel loved and included so keep right on doing it.

Struggling today. She's unlatching every 30 seconds. It is so bloody frustrating. I just went and hid in the kitchen for 20 minutes while she screamed from her basket in the living room.

The flow seems fine to me. When I hand express, it's not shooting out - just dripping.

This is just so hard. I didn't realise how hard it was going to be. After DD1, I thought it was about getting the latch right and unrestricted access to the breast to ensure supply. That seems so simplistic now.

No advice but wanted to give you sympathy. Do you think all the fast flow stuff might have been a red herring? Is she still screaming, or in discomfort? Hang in there, it is so hard when they're tiny and you have no clue what a problem is xx

No. It was bad. I could shoot milk across the room. It's settled since the blocked ducts. Nowhere near the same. She is very happy lying down to feed. I am wondering if she hates me touching her while she feeds.

She settled down and slept for 3 hours this afternoon. She's fed well (in bed, lying down) since then.

I may be chained to my bed forever....

I had a bath with both girls too and she fed well in the bath. I was reclined.

Thanks for the support. I really do appreciate it.

Could she have been overtired, wanting to comfort feed, and getting frustrated because milk was still coming out?

Oh the bath sounds lovely!

Yes I can see how lying on a bed to feed every time might be a pita!
You could meet friends for coffee in department stores.......?

Bath was nice

I'll reserve a spot in Debenhams as it's our only dept store The cafe is next to homeware!

She was tired and looking to comfort suck. Maybe she has gotten used to being able to comfort suck with the blocked ducts. I think they are pretty much all cleared. I can't feel any more lumps and there are no clogs popping out when I hand express.

She'll be 6 weeks old on Sunday. It gets easier from then on...right?!!!

My bf issues were totally different to yours so I have no advice, but wanted to say well done! You are at the point where most people find things start to settle down. You know from experience it will all be worth it in the end.

If DH is off work tomorrow hopefully you can get a bit of a rest and he can feed you up. It really makes a difference when you gave been so ill. BF takes lots of energy and so does recovery so eat some cake and be kind to yourself. Enjoy the snuggling. You can do this and it will be worth it.

Cookie, this is my first 'normal' bf experience although it is DD2. With DD1, I had shredded nipples which led to infective mastitis which, in turn, led to blood poisoning. I was admitted to hospital at 10 days post birth. I mix fed from then to getting home. When I got home, I stopped bf. It was all just too much.

I regretted that decision later when I felt better so relactated when DD1 was 11 weeks and mix fed her from then until 7 months.

This journey has been easier but I'm still stunned at how hard this is even when things are going well.

Oh, I am hating this today. My skin is crawling with the sensation of bf.

This is so not easier than ff. It's less hassle but much, much harder. I've been going 6 weeks and I still haven't mastered it. It took an hour to learn how to ff. It takes less time to clean and sterilise bottles than all the lying around and Breastfeeding. I must spend at least 16 hours a day in bed trying to feed DD2. It's physically and emotionally draining.

The only upside so far is avoiding the crushing guilt of formula feeding.

I am so not coping.

I'm so angry about how hard I am finding this. Enraged. I can't seem to move past this anger.

stargirl I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse, but what you describe is not ime easy BF. You are having a hard time of it again, even if it's not been as difficult as the first months with DD1 (and that sounds utterly traumatic).

I don't want to speak out of turn but is it time to consider why you feel crushing guilt at FF? I had an easy time BF DD but switched to FF at 6mo simply because I had had enough and wanted my body back - no guilt. If you are enraged - which is absolutely valid - and not coping, is it time to consider FF? You have done so much for both your DC already.

Mostly because DD1 is allergic to quite a few foods. Her consultant explained the statistical link between her genes and the formula. My genes (which I can't do anything about) and the environment (formula). So, the guilt. Especially, if it turns out to be lifelong. I failed her. He advised I needed to try to get to 4 months with DD2 ebf.

I would sink if I put DD2 onto formula. I have researched bf so much from her conception. I have read umpteen books. I visited every bf group I could find both locally and as far away as 50 miles. I tried to build up the support network that was missing the first time. I read every section on kellymom. I watched the Dr Jack Newman videos. I watched videos on You Tube. I did EVERYTHING I could think of to make this work.

I'm angry because it isn't. I'm angry because my body seems unable to feed my children. I'm angry because no matter how hard I try to learn how to do this, I seem to fail. I've never failed at anything I've wanted to do before this. Any problem was always solved by more research, more knowledge. I feel defeated. Utterly defeated. Betrayed by my own body. I have tried so hard. I truly don't know of anything else I could've done to prepare. I bought everything I might need. I've phoned every helpline.

I will end up with PND if I stop. I have invested my entire life for the past 11 months in making this work. So much time and energy. So much emotional expectation. My entire birth plan was about optimising bf. I covered every eventuality including latching her on if I was unconscious.

It's meant to be the easy, natural, normal option. Why am I so unable to do this? Why am I failing again?

The traumatic part of the hospital stay DD1 was me being allergic to Flucloxicillan which was one of the IV medications. Not much fun being resuscitated.

Tongue tie? Possibly lip tie as well? Anecdotally oversupply seems to correlate with this, perhaps to make up for it.

Whatever is happening, it is not your fault. BF is just harder for some women. Who knows why that is?

Nope. DD1 has both a posterior tongue tie and a lip tie. I know what to look for. DD2 has neither. Latch is great and milk transfer is astounding. No pain except let down. Both girls weighed 8lbs at birth. DD1 weighed 8lb 3oz on day 20. DD2 weighed 9lb 9oz. She has continued to gain weight like that. Nappies are saturated. She was pooing 2/3 times a day but that has reduced in last week. Textbook.

I'm so sorry. How complicated, and how unfair. Whether you continue to BF or not, please see the situation for what it is - how MUCH you have done for both DDs, how hard you have worked, how much you care. There is nothing more that you can do than that. Of course you're angry. But please don't be with yourself. Kick a wall. Ok, a pillow! This is not your fault. And look at everything you've written just above. DD2 is doing amazingly and it's all down to you.

Sorry, because I can't remember if this has been covered, and I'm sure you've thought of it, but what about pumping-? a friend had a baby who wouldn't latch and she exclusively pumped for months. You'd need a hospital grade pump, the little ones won't cut it.

Sorry if you've already seen this but it's pretty recent. I have a friend going through the same thing. Horrendous time with her first child, TT, lip tie, oversupply, multiple allergies. Now having similar problems with DC2, less severe but only because she's attacked it with everything she has leading up to and following the birth and there are still issues. It's so hard. You're not alone.

New research

I did rent a hospital grade pump from the NCT (Medela Symphony) when I was relactating. They are impressive! Very powerful. They should be at the cost - £1000!! Soooo, I pumped every single day - 12 times a day including 3 overnight sessions. It was punishing. I doubt I could maintain that with a toddler and a baby.

But, could I feed ebm to get out of the house? How do I prevent the blocked ducts reoccurring? As I understand it, I should pump to replace a feed. Do I need to wait until after the 6 weeks is up before doing this?

Bertie, that's really interesting. DD1's TT is really obvious - to me! No bloody midwife or doctor saw it. It was her dentist who confirmed it. DD2 would be Class 4 I think. Would NHS Tayside even do anything? I couldn't get them to cut DD1's as I was no longer ebf.

Waste of time fighting the NHS IME, better to go private if you can afford it although eeeee, Tayside, you may be out of luck locally. You would quite likely have to travel to Edinburgh or Glasgow :(. It's worth asking but it's such a lottery, some of them don't have a clue what it is, had a mum in my peer support group told "it's just an old wives' tale and doesn't exist". There's Milk Matters who are based in Huddersfield and I think they travel although I don't know how far.

Is this your old post? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/a1576207-Tongue-Tie-Lip-Tie-Milk-Blisters-and-other-questions Mawbroon posted some names at the bottom of the thread but still miles away. However more may have sprung up in the last 2 years. I'm not finding a lot on google (that thread seemed like the most relevant result). If this poster is not you (just noticed they have a DS and you have 2 DDs!) it might be worth PMing them and asking if they ever found anywhere.

Some more up to date Scottish info here:
babyandbump.momtastic.com/breastfeeding/2138601-lip-tie.html
It's about lip tie but I would imagine any practitioner familiar with lip tie would be open to forms of tongue tie other than the most obvious kind.

As you have oversupply I wouldn't worry overly about maintaining supply at this stage so just pump whenever, feed whenever, as long as you're not leaving massive gaps between feeds/pumping sessions you should be fine, and supply can always be brought back up. Nipple confusion or developing an even worse latch due to the bottle might be an issue, though. Just I suppose something you have to decide if it's worth the risk.

I totally empathize with the feeling that you've done so much research and yet it's still not going smoothly, so feeling frustrated and like a failure.

But, here's the thing: your baby is doing really well, so you haven't failed - you've succeeded. Sometimes, though, babies cry. And they fuss at the breast. That's just sort of how it is. They grow out of it - and soon! I wish someone had explained to me in the early weeks that the problem wasn't me or how I was positioning the baby - it was my darling little baby, who just needed to get used to the world.

"I'm angry because my body seems unable to feed my children." - ?? You said yourself your baby is putting on weight and pooing really well! You don't need to do any more research or seek more "solutions", because your baby is doing really well. It's now just a question of you, and it seems like your physical health issues are getting resolved, so it's about you trying to find a way to enjoy the experience.

Could you plan a holiday for when your baby is around 4 months old? By then, everything will be entirely under control, and you will reap the benefits of not having to deal with formula.

It's still really early days, so I think maybe you need to think (even more) about your expectations for the day. Breastfeeding lying down is a marvelous way for you to rest a bit, too, so why fight it? What is it you need to be doing? You have your whole life to be busy and running around - a few weeks spending extra time in bed could be seen as a lovely change of pace for a short period - and it will be short!

On a practical note, I managed to breastfeed in a sort of reclining position in normal chairs out and about - just positioned my baby when little astride one of my legs and I leaned back a bit with a cushion. Might work for you, too.

Hi everyone

I am feeling more positive today. I think I maybe needed to acknowledge how angry I was feeling in order to move past it. DD2 has managed 2 feeds in a reclined position in my favourite chair downstairs!

MIL has arrived and DD1 is happy with lots of attention from Gran and Grandpa. DH is busy tidying the house! I'm sitting in my chair with DD2 sleeping on me.

Forgot my Dad's birthday today though! Oops!

So glad to hear it!

And I'm quite sure your dad will be just fine.