DH asking me when I'm going to stop breastfeeding

[cakesonatrain]

DD is 18mo, and still BFs a lot, including through the night, but is fine without it for a whole day if I'm not around (not attempted bedtime with no boob!).
Her big brother stopped at about 13mo, when I was pregnant with DD, but we had been cutting down on purpose for months because I believed I needed to due to returning to work/because I thought that weaning meant "completely replacing breastmilk with food".

DH has asked me a couple of times (again today) when I'm planning to stop. He says he isn't having a go, but he is certainly unconvinced of the benefits of longer-term bfing, and even believes that still bfing at say 4 years could be psychologically damaging.
He's well educated, very evidence-based, and to him the lack of large studies means that for him there is no proof that bfing past about 1 is beneficial in a developed nation. Not sure why he doesn't even believe the WHO's "for at least 2 years" recommendation.

I guess I just feel upset that I have to justify breastfeeding to my husband. I can't convince him, I have to let him read the evidence for himself and hopefully convince himself. But I don't think he sees it as an important enough issue to spend his precious time researching.

Just :( really.

OP, the message you are giving your DH (presumably unintentionally) is something like "My relationship with DD is more important than my relationship with you. I would rather have DD in bed with be than you, even if it makes you very unhappy. I don't care about your views on raising our children, they are unimportant. I can do something you can't."

Do you really think he's unreasonable to ask when this situation is likely to change?

Presumably although his cough has now gone....I think he has seen that dd seems to have semi permanently taken his slot in the bed. Encourage her back into cot and him back into bed. Maybe then if you are set on long term bf he won't question it as much.

I'd look at getting her in her cot now - you don't want to say in the old house, you sleep with mummy, in this new house, you're in your own bed - it might make her hate the new house!

I'll point out for the last time that she spends most of the night in her cot. Sometimes all night. But when she wakes in the early hours she doesn't always fall back into a deep enough sleep to transfer to her cot so she spends a couple of hours in the bed with me.

Hi op

Your sleeping arrangements are by no means unusual and I don't think the replies on this thread necessarily reflect that. Many children much older than your dd will pop into bed with mum and dad if they had a nightmare etc., that's quite normal.

I think the main point was that your dh was questioning the benefits of continuing to bf, there is plenty of information linked to above you can show him.

Posters have read into the fact that he chooses to sleep on sofa bed that he is somehow neglected. My take on this is that he is the adult, of course you will have to devote more time to your dd if he has chosen not to share the night time parenting. She is unlikely to bf any less at night if he doesn't help out during the night ( I know from experience of the same). But as things stand no doubt he gets a good nights sleep and he has chosen that as his priority.

I really recommend the LLL sweet sleep book, has lots of advice on different sleeping arrangements all aimed at breastfeeding families. And LLL meetings or other breastfeeding support groups might be good for you to meet like minded people (and dh if he will go)

Thank you everyone, especially catellington, who seems to understand me!

cakesonatrain I do not think it is at all odd that your dd sleeps in your bed at all, for any portion of the night. mine came in our bed a lot for years and my husband (her father) has never commented on it at all or worried about it. In the end I was very relieved when she chose herself not to come into our bed but I was always very happy to co-sleep (safely).

My only thoughts are that your dh seems to have taken up residence on the sofa and is questining when you will stop breastfeeding and feel the two are linked (I could be wrong). I wonder if the two things are linked to the fact your dd is in our bed some of the time, I could be wrong.

Sorry... "... and I feel the two are linked..."

Sorry again, posting in haste....

"... your dd is in Your bed some..."

Maybe it's a bonding thing.

DH confided in me that sometimes he feels left out, pushed out and sometimes felt jealous of the bond between me and DC because of the breastfeeding and because I breastfed often. He felt pushed out when baby would be crying and wanted me because I had the food source and he felt completely useless. He felt left out when I breastfed because for those 20minutes I was sharing something special with DC, while he watched on the sidelines. He also felt irritated that we would be spending time together in bed and the baby would cry and he lost all my attention; like I just blanked him instead of asking or suggesting we snuggle/cuddle while I breastfed so he felt a part of the family and not a spare part. He felt he was missing out and felt inferere to me because the DC needed me more.

DH was very supportive of me breastfeeding for as long as I wanted, still is but he can't help how he feels.

We co-sleep instead of bedsharing because DH needs to be able to sleep for work and not be awake fearing he'll lie on the baby. And I hate sleeping alone and want him with me.

Could you try involving him more or asking him to sit/cuddle with you while you breastfeed so you could talk or bond over the baby? We did this and it helped so much. So did him offering to take baby and see if they'll settle with cuddles instead of milk so I could sleep and if it didn't work he'd wake me up or just baby on boob for me

DH was adament when we argued/talked that it was just the breastfeeding benefits he was bothered about, DH is also a man of facts and hid behind them a lot and used the benefits of breastfeeding as his main focus.

Which if your DH is truely only concerned about after many discussions about it then ignore my previous post! only read last page of thread plus your OP

Your body. Your breasts. Do what you want.
It is entirely reasonable to bf a child and be a sexual being. I quite like shagging, I also still feed older DC when we need or want to.

It would be nice if your DH was a bit more on board, but it is YOUR choice.

I would try to encourage a bit more separation between you and DD at night if you want to; things like sending someone else in with water.

We will have more separation at night when we move house (hopefully soon!) but at the moment we only have 2 bedrooms, and I don't want to put DD in with DS because she'll wake him up. So she sleeps about a foot away from me when she's in her cot!