Please inspire a reluctant breastfeeder!

[jasper]

What's so good about breastfeeding? ( apart from all the stuff that benefits the baby )
Please share your stories.
Eulalia/ tiktok, are you there?

I need inspiration.

Baby Jasper is nearly three weeks old, totally breastfed so far but I am finding it painful and difficult, and in danger of giving up.

PLEASE inspire me with stories about how the pain gets less ( bf counsellor has confirmed latch etc is good).

Even with no pain I can't imagine bf ever gets enjoyable so please convince me of this too.

Thanks.

Jasper, sorry to hear that you've had a difficult few weeks. I just thought I'd add my experience here, although I may preview it and decide against it, since my point of view may not be to everyone's liking (but we're tolerant here, are we not?) Here goes:

I really wanted to breastfeed. I buy organic food, am anti GM, and wanted to be an earth mother and "good" mother. I knew it was the best thing to do.

However, it just didn't work for me. My ds wasn't putting on weight, I was beside myself with panic about it, I didn't like it, was in pain and my dh couldn't help me with night feeds or with feeding at other times.

So I gave up, mainly because I'd promised myself that I would do my best and give it my best shot and I felt that I had, but I'd also promised myself that I would not beat myself up about it if it didn't work (for whatever reason).

So, when ds was 4 days old (sorry, but that was my limit and I know you might all think I'm pathetic, but that's what happened - we all have our different tolerance levels) I went to bottles. I did cry and I did feel I'd failed.

But ds was (and is, 4 years later!) fine, happy and thriving, my dh was supportive and able to give me a break to sleep sometimes and I just accepted it and moved on.

I know "breast is best" - to quote an ad slogan at you, but I also think that women are made to feel terribly guilty about using formula and that those of us that can't do it deserve a break and to be credited with making the decision that is best for us.

I had to contend with the girl behind the cheese counter at Sainsbury's asking me, when ds was 5 days old "is he breastfed?" and when I replied in the negative, she said "well you should, they're more intelligent, breastfed babies" ("and you're working behind the cheese counter, love" is what I should have said but didn't

Anyway, I suppose my point is that you can give yourself permission to stop if it's not working and that's what happened in my case. I got over the guilt and am happy with that. Good luck, whatever you do. HTH.

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Jasper, Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I haven't read through the other responses so sorry for any repetition. I love breastfeeding, but like you have found it very painful at the beginning. I can't remember how long it took each time to settle (i have 2 kids) but the let down reflex used to feel like someone sticking needles through my nipples - the yoga breathing came in very handy!
In answer to your question about what we all like about it, I love the intimacy and closeness (and I realise that people can get this from bottles and am not trying to suggest otherwise.) It gives me a huge sense of pride that I can be the source of nourishment for my children.
Whatever you do, you have already given your baby so much, so don't feel like you are in any way failing. Good luck

Nothing new to add except to echo thoughts & experiences of many, emmagee & meadow. I too lost loads of weight (with no effort, & I stuffed my face with chocolate). Plus I feel so close to my ds. The discomfort does go, you are going thru the worst bit, but do what is right for you & don't feel guilty. I want to bf for only about 3 months & I only gave up 2 weeks ago (ds is 8 months.) You do feel like a prize cow with your udders out sometimes but I believe it's worth it. I even plucked up enough courage to feed him in cafe's - something I thought I'd never do. Don't forget that if you do the feeding then it makes you sit & rest something you may not do otherwise.

I have a great sense of pride - I not only "cooked" him for 9 months but carried on feeding him. I wish you lots of luck - do what you think is right for you.

I haven't got much to add to all this great advice, Jasper. I know that wee Ted will thrive whatever you decide.

(You're probably not as completely undomesticated an animal as me so I'm not sure whether to mention that the key advantage for me of breastfeeding was not having to sterilize, prepare and, worst of all, WASH UP (horrors!) lots of bottles.)

I second that Scummymummy - looking back I had an absolute fear of not sterilising thngs properly, so being able to whop them out was brilliant in that respect. However, my ds and I had a horrible time breastfeeding and nearly stopped several times over the first month or so. (It had never occurred to me that I would have problems feeding I'd always had big boobs and I'd always figured that breastfeeding would finally give them a purpose in life..... note the word had, for me another plus of breastfeeding has been the definite reduction in bra size) But after a horrendous few weeks everything seemed to click in to place and I fed exclusively for a year. Having said that, if you are really hating it do what is right for you. Yes it's a lot less hassle once it's up and running, yes it does give you a wonderful bond. But it makes it harder to share the work with your partner, and IME it can make it harder for baby and partner to bond as quickly. Plus I have a wonderful bond with my mum and she bottle fed me. So six of one and a DD cup of the other. (Actually, I was an H cup while feeding. No wonder the poor child had difficulty latching on. I might as well have asked him to suck the air out of a spacehopper) Rambling aside, do what is right for you and don't cane yourself if you want to stop.

Hi Jasper. Sorry to hear of your difficulties. I've not had time to read the posts but looks like you've had plenty of support/advice.

I'd say if you've managed to get to 3 weeks then don't consider stopping. Having said that it may take another 3 to really feel you've got through the worst. It is up to you whether you think investing the 3 weeks already gone through is worth it. I found that I just took one day at a time and had faith it would get better so as each day went by I thought "I am nearer my goal". I also found around the 3 week mark I was at my lowest. Have you been keeping a diary? That helped me as I could see the gradual improvement.

Keep us posted on developments. All the best.

Thanks everyone for the fantastic messages of support.
I am still going strong with the breastfeeding. Last night was probably the worst. He was having a" breast fest" evening, wanted to feed constantly from about 7pm to midnight and was really alert, sucking furiously with no sign of being sleepy.I was in great pain despite cool brest pads, painkillers and wine.
It is so much more bearable when your boobs get a couple of hours rest between feeds , particularly if the feeds don't take forever.

Another development is dh broke his right hand yesterday, is in plaster up to his elbow, so I have to do all the feeding , changing, dressing bathing, and generally looking after of all three children( I realise lots of you do this all the time) as well as prepare dinner for 8 members of his family who are arriving later today ( not that they are any bother or expect a tidy house). In fact the poor dear has gone to bed for the day!
Bloss, I am glad it is working out easier second time a rouond. Why do you think this is the case?

I am still waiting for any feeling of a wonderful bond associated with bf, because my experience to date is it has the exact opposite effect, ie it is the most alienating aspect of my relationship with my baby.Hopefully this will change.

The great thing about almost everyones messages is they reinforce that
a) bf is very often painful for a few weeks or even months, even with the correct latch etc. ( why don't any of the bf books admit this?)
b) it USUALLY gets better and ends up being a rewarding experience.

Baby is now gaining weight, and after your comments I am looking forward to losing some.

Jasper, that's horrible about dh! Best of luck, hopefully the guest will be of some help, and dh heals quickly!

Jasper, it's good to hear from you. Well done on the bf front - I hope it all becomes easier very soon. Sorry to hear about your DH - what did he do??? Maybe you could think about getting some help in the house until he is recovered?

Jasper, sorry to hear about DH hope you can get some help around the place. Good to hear baby is putting on weight, things must be falling into place!!!

Jasper - so sorry to hear of dh's catastrophe. Remember he still has one good arm and whilst he is sitting convalesing he can cradle little Ted to give your poor old mammaries a rest!

This may actually be fortuitous in the long run because he will have to placate said baby whilst you are occupied with the other children and chores. Hope you manage to get assistance - I am sure any good friends you have will help out.

Keep up the good work on the breastfeeding front - it will pay off in the long run.

Dh had a nasty accisent involving a very bad mood, a clenched fist and an unweilding object - my framed graduation scroll although he swears this is not significant. Quite out of character I should add but there may well be a good side. He seems to have taken his enforced period of disability as time to take stock and has been more good natured than I have seen him for ages. I think it has forced him to relax .
I'm off to bed for two hours. He is nursing baby with one good arm and emergency 2oz of expressed breast milk.
Mears good poi t bout it forcing him to spend more time with Ted - this is happening already. Aslo, I do indeed have good friends who will help me out.

Jasper - glad you do have friends around... It is invaluable !!!!
Hope DH gets to help out anyway- liked Mears suggestion

Jasper I can only echo all thathas been said before, it was painful but eventually (about 5 - 6 weeks) I realised I ghad had my first painfree feed!! And you are so right about the books! No-one tells you it will be difficult or painful, I guess they don't want to put people off. But I decided after about 6 weeks to go the middle road and mix feed. For me this was great, someone else could occassionally feed the baby, but I didn't have to rush around at 2am warming a bootle. Anyway, sorry about DH, hope you are feeling better, and don't worry about the occassional bottle. I know all the books say 'nipple confusion' etc, before 8 weeks or whatever, but I never found a problem with one bottle every few days when I couldn't cope with the pain one more time! I remember like everyone crying before a feed as I knew she would wake up soon and I knew it would be painful!

I should mention among the most heplful reasons you have given to inspire me to keep going are:
( and please bear in mind I did say I did not need convincing re. benefits to the baby)

1. Weight loss hopefully ( for me that is )

2. saves money

3. allows you to opt out of company if you want to as noone else can feed the baby for you.

These are all my kind of reasons!
Thanks again for the superb response

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Good point Bloss about the weight drop... it doesn't happen initially but suddenly, it all goes away. With me it was at about 4 months. Your life is more or less back to normal and you are far more active (and positive) you may eat less but still feed a lot... and the weight just drops !
I gained over 40 GBP with DD and I am back to my old weight...

BTW - Impressed with your story on oversupply ! You are very courageous... maybe you should keep a diary that you could share with your kids when they are older (whished my mum had done so, so I am doing it for my kids... in case they are ever interested!)

Should read 40 lbs not 40 GBP !!!! Money money money that's all I can think about

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Jasper - another wee word of support: following on from Robinw, b/f is great when you are travelling. Much easier to whip out a boob if ds starts crying on a plane. Immediate silence! Makes for a much happier dh - and both you and ds are also kept occupied! It works both as a comforter and as food in what can otherwise be a very trying time!

I've been away on holiday (left ds behind - he had a ball at his grandparents and his aunt), and then been catching up at work, which is why I've not been posting.

Glad to hear that things are improving. I know it took me at least 8 weeks to get b/f worked out properly.

Hi jasper

Hope things are going well today (I am inspired that you still get a chance to get on here and visit this site!) Not much to add except that I can understand exactly how you feel. I fed dd successfully for about 14 months, after only minor difficulty early on , and I was really looking forward to it with ds. But turned out he was a lazy little so-and-so, and wouldn't open his mouth properly, wasn't putting his tongue forward, and so even when I did get him on and it looked like he was attached properly, it was still very painful. (Excrutiating actually!) I recall dh coming in one night to find me sitting with bleeding boob exposed, crying and swearing, with a screaming baby in my arms...and him saying "For God's sake, why don't you just put him on a bottle? Is it really worth all this?" But I was determined and angry and didn't want to give up, and I yelled "NO!" (he didn't ask again!) Finally after a bout of mastitis and severe engorgement, I called my local bfc who ran to my rescue with a breastpump under one arm! Once we got past the first month or so, it was cruisey...and we made it through to about 13 months!

Well that's my story anyway, I found the nipple cream great (Lansinoh I think it was called), and the breastpump helped ease the engorgement when it was too painful to put ds on straight away. Hang in there, Jasper, it will get better, you're doing really well so far (if it gets really bad remember my mantra "this too will pass".)

All I can add is one more "positive thing about breastfeeding" to the list - it's a great excuse just to sit down and rest!

Hi mollipops and others and thanks for your continued support.
Still going strong, have not opened the tin of formula that is sitting in the cupboard, although it has called out my name a few times!
It helps I am sort of scheduling longer breaks between feed, not letting him use me as a dummy for lengthy periods.

Jasper, Have been thiking about you. How are you getting on?