Why is bf so fucking difficult?

[stargirl1701]

DD2 born Sun. Bf was a total disaster with DD1. I came home today. It's not going well again. Why? Why is this so fucking hard? It makes no sense to be so hard. FFS. I am so angry that I can't make this work. Why the fuck would we evolve this way?

Yes, midwife tomorrow. Bf helpline, etc. bf cafe on Fri. I just so pissed off.

Lansinoh was my breast friend in the early days. Just lanolin, rubbed in a bit before and after each feed and really stopped my nipples,cracking and bleeding.

Its HURT with both of my babies - first DD i ended up mix feeding, it was all such a disaster. Dd2 has mainly breast aside from a bottle of formula at night which keeps her going through the night. That gives me a much needed rest and at 5 months she now sleeps 9.30pm to 8.30am.

I spent a lot of time feeling bitter at the absolute load of shite i was fed about breastfeeding whilst pregnant with dd1. It takes time, you both have to learn to do it and some babies 'get it' earlier than others. No one tells you that it can FUCKING HURT even when the latch is ok. No one talks about the bleeding, painful, open, sore nipples on top of post natal recovery!

I expressed for a week at the height of the pain, it gave me and my poor tits time to recover a bit. I thoroughly recommend it!

However, now, at 5 months, i'm finally getting why so many women love it (well, a little bit). Now my teeny dd2 is old enough to smile and giggle at me while feeding its an absolute joy. And it doesn't hurt AT ALL. Hang in there

P.s. Don't forget that many HV, breastfeeding counsellors etc are pro a (smallish) glass of wine occasionally. I've definitely headed their advice in the moments of despair

Fixit, that's what the GP prescribed! He said there were no other pain relief options but I should have a glass of wine with my dinner. I did! I felt so drunk after about 4 sips! DH had to finish it.

Bad news. I've had to be taken in an ambulance to hospital. Severe abdominal pain. Being assessed at the moment. Deja vu.

I hope you're ok stargirl, and home quickly.

I just wanted to offer my support abc day what a wonderful job you are doing.

Oh no how awful, I hope you're OK and get seen asap

I understand your frustration as BF didn't come naturally to me at all. I spent many many nights and days in tears because I just couldn't do it and I felt so angry at myself for not being able to do something that other women easily could. I rang helplines, had peer supporters come to my house, I went to BF groups, I went to see a lactation consultant and a BF coordinator for my county and it was a total nightmare and far from enjoyable!! I found it very "fucking difficult" too

Things didn't start to feel natural for me until DS was about 8 weeks and I was pretty miserable until then

We came out the other end though and so will you!!

Congratulations on your new baby

Just saw your post about being in hospital - I really hope everything is ok

Hi star girl, I hope you are ok, you sound as though you are having a nightmare, hopefully your hospital stay will be brief.

Breastfeeding can be so hard just do anything you feel you need to do in the early days. If you cannot face breastfeedingl give a bottle, but express your milk at right after each time. Use lansinoh when expressing as well as breastfeeding. If you decide on nipple shields, there are a number of different ones, so experiment until you find one that works for you.

A little bit of formula, just to get you through, is not the end of the world, provided that if you give it, express your milk at the same time to keep your supply up.

Yes it hurts a lot at firstl I am now 9 weeks in with DD3 and it was sheer torture for the first four weeks, as I had ductal thrush. Check out this as well, just in case. Does your baby have a white coated tongue, do your nipples look very shiny. I expressed and mix fed through this, not through some huge desire to continue breastfeeding but as I could not face the pain of winding my milk down.

Normally, breastfeeding may hurt when baby first latches on, but after a few seconds (if you grit your teeth and count to 20) that should stop. If it carries on then check for, thrush (as I said), tongue tie and your latch.

Finally if you just don't want to, then don't formula feeding is not the end of the world, and you have already given your baby a great start.

Thinking of you Stargirl, really hope you are ok. You are in the best place though hopefully

Thinking of you Stargirl

Hello

Thank you all for your kind messages of support. I've been admitted to the large regional hospital. The doctors have diagnosed a uterine/bladder infection and I'm now taking 3 antibiotics. The pain is mostly under control with strong painkillers. I am also receiving blood thinning injections as there is concern about my reduced mobility/DVT.

The consultant came this evening after reviewing my notes from this pg and my previous pg. He mentioned a rare complication after birth where the shrinking of the uterus and bladder movement lead to infection. He feels this is why it has happened after both pgs.

DD2 has been quite sleepy all day - the strong painkillers? But, she is still feeding. No poo for more than 48 hours so Paeds are coming to review in the morning.

I am hoping for home tomorrow but I'll have to wait and see.

Hi Stargirl . I'm glad the doctors are helping and the pain is better, and it's really good your DD is still feeding. I hope you get reassurance and/or any help you need, and are home as soon as possible.

I'm still in hospital. Hopefully home tomorrow. A MW worked with me at 5am this morning and we got a brilliant latch. It's been more variable on my own today.

Any tips on getting a wider gape?

Bloody hell, sounds like the least tranquil start to breastfeeding ever. Hope you're feeling better. A tip I think I read on here and which worked (a bit) for us was to tell DD 'biiiig wide mouth' as she latched on. Sounds ridiculous but it did actually make a difference.

I'll try that, thank you.

This is still better than with DD1. I developed sepsis from infective mastitis with her at 10 days post birth and then needed resus as it turned out I was allergic to one of the IV antibiotics.

This has been my most successful start to bf!!! Nipples are still intact so far.

Hopefully home tomorrow.

It is awful when you are in so much pain after having already been in such pain from the labour. That's what I couldn't handle with breast feeding either, the fact that I'd already been through so much pain (difficult delivery) and then was expected and pressurized to go through so much more.

DC 2 is due soon and I'm praying for a good start to bf this time around.

Hope you make a full recovery from your infection and are home soon!

You're right Liz. The pain coupled with the exhaustion just mean your ability to cope is so reduced. I had a good cry this morning with the MW. I feel more positive tonight than when I woke up this morning.

MN is such a help for this kinda thing. Even in the middle of the night there tends to someone around to just be there. I'm so appreciative of everyone's support over the last few days.

Hello again, I am still struggling to get my lo to breastfed, since coming home he has pretty much refused to take my milk and only wants bottles - heart breaking - just wanted to say your not alone in this.

Are you only bf or offering top ups?

I have to offer top ups as he is premature and not waking for feeds, he completely lacks the whole demand skill that is demand feeding!

Hello again, I am still struggling to get my lo to breastfed, since coming home he has pretty much refused to take my milk and only wants bottles - heart breaking - just wanted to say your not alone in this.

Are you only bf or offering top ups?

I have to offer top ups as he is premature and not waking for feeds, he completely lacks the whole demand skill that is demand feeding!

Cookielove do not beat yourself up. As long as your baby is fed and loved it does not matter how it happens. Good Luck Stargirl.

Have you tried tickling her chin to get a wider gape?

It's not clear whether your back pain has improved with your infection diagnosis/treatment but I used to find lying down to feed was a lot more comfortable than sitting. Also look up laid back feeding where your body is semi- reclined. Both these positions spread the weight around your body rather than focusing it on your pelvic area.

Hi cookie. I had problems getting my eldest to latch. I used an Supplemental Nursing System so I could give formula top ups whilst still stimulating the breast. I used the Medela one which Amazon delivered within 24 hours. The Medela soft cup feeder might be another option for you. It is hard to stay positive. Have you got RL support? Have you tried a bf helpline? I found the LLL one excellent.

I am managing to ebf this time. No formula at this point but, tbh, if we need it, we need it. I have expressed some breastmilk in case I'm in too much pain to feed.

I had intended to do laid back nursing but, unfortunately, I cannot lie in that position without quite significant lumbar pain. SPD is definitely improving. I am (usually) getting a good latch with cradle since yesterday.

Waiting to hear about bloods.