Advice on baby who wants to feed all evening?

[MsPea]

my dd, now 3 wks, has a recognisable pattern of evening fretting. During her fretful times she wants to breastfeed pretty much constantly. I am demand feeding. Should I therefore allow her to feed all this time or am I just using my breast as a pacifier? (It generally feels easier to feed her than to listen to her cry). Bit confused...

Babies tend to cluster feed during the evening. You're helping her to get enough milk to go for slightly longer without a feed during the night. I know it's draining but it doesn't last forever. The more she feeds in the evening the longer she'll go down for, hopefully, the longer she goes down for the closer you are to her going through the whole night.

Good luck. Get a good book and a comfy seat and settle back for the next few weeks.
Stick with it, it really won't last for that long and it's so worth it.

I think the general advice at that age is just to do it. Babies do have a growth spurt at around 3 weeks and I also remember someone on here saying that your milk is supply is poorer in the evenings, hence they fuss more. You are doing the right thing in feeding whenever you feel she needs it.

Just accept the fact that you will have to spend your evenings resting on the couch watching tv while someone else runs round doing everything for you for a few weeks .

I would say just go with the flow and put your lil one to the breast whenever...it's pretty common in babys and 3 weeks is a growthspurt age if I remember correctly!
Breastfeeding is about more then just putting nutrients into your Baby....!
It will get better, honest, and just make the most of this time and use it for cuddling and getting spoiled from the OH 9if there is one)

Absolutely! , it will get so much easier, honest, it did with all of my 3 fully bf dd's. Good luck
xx

That's pretty normal at 3 wks I think. DS did this for quite a while... but it does get easier. I would say go with the flow and feed as you feel is required. It's OK for your breast to be a pacifier - it's not spoiling of going to make your baby clingy.

Hi Mspea

Sounds like text book 'cluster feeding' if you ask me. I will pass, my DS used to do this. As your baby gets bigger, she will be able to go longer stretches between feeds. Also, they often have periods of growth spurts when they need to build up your milk supply by v.frequent feeding. Milk quality is at its peak (thing Jersey Cream!) in the small hours of the morning and at its lowest quality in the evening (still fantastic stuff and everything your baby needs though!) but that can just mean feeds are a bit more frequent.

I think it really is personal choice if you delibertately use your breast as a pacifier or not. I really dont think you should consider it a bad thing if you are, the opposite even. Comfort can be as nurturing and as needed as your milk and nature has designed you to be able to comfort your baby in that way. I used to think that I shouldn't feed for comfort - until I really thought about it and I couldn't think of any reason other than a fague worry about my DS become some how too dependant on it. Which I decided wasn't likely as the more comfort and reasurance you give to babies/children, the more confident and independant they become. Plus, there are allot more things you can try that are easier on you such as trying your baby in a natural sling (v.cheap hadmade ones on ebay) - just being close to you will help your baby feel calm and safe and secure. Swaddling can help allot too. I used to think it was a bit mean, but baby's that young, who's little armss and legs flale around so much when they are stressed, it is hugely comforting. A bit of co-sleeping could help calm your baby too if you are up for it. There's allot of evidence that it is mutually v.beneficial & nurturing. As long as its done safely and you are happy to make that kind of lifestyle choice, it really, really makes sense to breastfeed lying down and let your baby feed and feel close to you while you get some zzz's. Again, its instinctive because babies have been around millions of years before we put them in cots. My DS goes in his cot until the early hours and comes into bed with us which works great and is what I would do from the start if I had another baby.

At the end of the day she is so young, totally emotional and you are everything to her so if I were you I would maybe try some different things but if all she wants is to suckle, just go with it and dont worry - infact just be proud of the fact you can give her such comfort.

I could have written your post when my baby was that age and older. I spent so much time worrying about breastfeeding and worrying about when to and when not to feed. The golden moment for me was when I finally just started going with the flow.

Good luck! It gets easier I promise!

Sorry for uber-post.

Just feed her. She is too young for "comfort feeding" if such a thing exists anyway.

Its very normal. She is doing it to build up your supply. There will be a growth spurt at 4-6 weeks too when she will feed more also.

Go with it.

Thankyou everyone. I feel much clearer on this now. I am still learning to trust my instincts- it's all so new. I have posted several qus on mumsnet at this stage and have been blown away by the wisdom and support received in return. It's really making a difference to my first parenting experience!

That's so nice MsPea, parenting is a scary thing, first child or not and Mumsnet is a mums best friend

some great advice here - great post tigertum.
it used to help me to say as we were on the umpteenth feed for the vening and I was longing for a little peace "she wants some nice warm milk and a nice warm cuddle" which helped me focus on the fact that I was giving her what she wants. and at this stage babies want what they need and need what they want. if you meet a baby's needs, you are doing the very best possible thing for the baby.
good luck HC xx

Glad the advice is reasuring you MS Pea. Everything can seem so much of a minefield at the start but what you said about learning to trust your instincts really is the key if you ask me. I wish I had known about mumsnet when DS was small. It would have helped me loads. Thanks for saying my post was good HC

ok, its normal, just draining for you .

This is what helped me get through this phase,

1. Sort yourself out an evening feeding station. Comfy chair, and basket with nice things in it. Nice things might include chocolate and books/ magazines, the tv remote control or, in my case, dp's laptop . Fluids very good-big bottle of water. You probably aren't getting much time to yourself in the day, so treat this as kind of time to yourself.

2. Do nothing else in the evenings except feed, if need be. If you fight it you'll still end up doing it. Succumb with style.

(am not going to tell you how long dd, aka velcrobaby, did this for...I'm pretty sure she's pretty unusual and it would just put you off)

lol Filly at succumbing!

In retrospect, I wish I hadn't wasted time worrying about this with DS. I wish I hadn't moaned about being "stuck on the sofa when I could be doing something else"... These days I long for an opportunity to not get off the sofa and just cuddle my boy. But he's not a cuddly baby and is into everything so keeps me busy!

Enjoy it if you can.

My son used to feed and feed until he was sick and then feed again!

The HV told me that some babies just like the feeling of being full and he was one of them. He still is! He's 5 and eats four good meals a day with snacks in between. But he's very healthy and full of energy.

I know it's draining for you. Drink lots and lots of water and make sure you eat good healthy food. Try to get lots of sleep and to hell with the housework. This phase won't last long.

I think "succumb with style" might be my new motto! In relation to your post tigertum, is there any consensus about cosleeping? Both dd and I love it but I have been told it's risky.

co-sleeping?

yeah, do it, its fab.

No, I did it (still do) with both. There is meant to be some small risk involved.

I honestly to god think its safer than walking around like a zombie cos you've spent half the night walking a screaming baby up and down. (which was my alternative, great if you have one of those "sleeping" babies, though . With ds at least, if he was in bed with us and fed when he wanted it through the night, he basically slept through from quite early, albeit with 2 hourly wakings. So while I had a broken night, it was way way better than it could have been.

Take sensible precautions-fleecy sleepsuits are fab, so they don't have a duvet over them. And they shouldn't share with a smoker or someone whose taken drugs or alcohol, obviously. Or apparently, someone very overweight. Also, they shoudl be next to the mother, I have heard?

(I did read that the SIDS increase was probably non-habitual co-sleepers who were not so used to having the baby in bed, and were also maybe exhausted and trying it as a last resort, but not 100% sure of this, take it with a pinch of salt)

Just feed her - this is normal. Make sure you have the remote control of the telly handy

Most people agree that if you do it safely, i.e no massive douvets and pillows floating about, no smokers/drug takers in the bed, no gaps for babies to roll into, you are curled around them and the only one next to them (as mums alone have the instinct not to rollon them).

There is eveidence to show that it not as safe AND evidence to show that it much safer and it actually reduced cot death risk. I dont theink there has ever been a study comparing babies sleeping in cots vs babies co-sleeping in a text-book safe way, so babies that die for unknown reasons in cots are being compared with babies who have died as a result of unsafe co-sleeping practices. So there is no cut and dry answer, but its worth considering that in China for example (where co-sleeping is taken for granted) cot-death/SIDS is so rare there isn't even a word for it yet here in the UK 500 babies a year die in that way.

Here's an article I read on co-sleeping about a recent study by neuroscientists showing that co-sleeping is hugely beneficial to babies.

www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-2179265_2,00.html

This is good to read too...

www.attachmentparenting.org/artbenefitscosleep.shtml

I was chatting on mumsnet about co-sleeping a while ago and someone said, "co-sleeping is the tried and tested method", which is so true because thats how we have all slept for millions of years.

'Threee in a Bed', is a famous and well-writen book on co-sleeping that should re-assure you. You could always start a thread on mumsnet for support on co-sleeping and I'm sure you would have allot of posts from mums that do it and think it is great.

You could always do a mix of cot and co-sleeping. That can work well too.

Hope this helps.

Just read what Filly saud and v.true! Before I started co-sleeping at night, I was a sleep deprived zomby and could of easily crashed the car or fallen asleep while feeding DS on the sofa and slumped over him!

If it feels right and you both enjoy it, I say go for it and don't look back!

Really interesting and encouraging. Going to check out Three in a Bed and read up on safe bedding. And start a cosleeping thread...

oh theres dr sears also...he's very very good on co-sleeping.

ok am going to link-

Dr Sears

His books are well worth checking out

Do not see why he has to endorse salmon and goats milk, though. Hmmm. "My favourite salmon" says Dr Sears?

i was reading one of the links of this website last night about cosleeping. it stated that while the media tells people NOT to co-sleep with infants whenever a publicised 'accident' happens, the same is not done with there are crib accidents. people are told to buy a safer crib. not even a quarter the kind of publicity goes into telling people how to co-sleep safer.

this is a page of the site i was reading but can't remember which article it was. It was possibly by Dr Jack McKenna. He sounds like a fab man.

I agree with all the posts; just go with the flow and a BF baby only takes what it needs at that time. So some days they feed all the time and the next day they seem to sleep. Next thing you know they don't fit into the vest that fitted them the day before. They seem to change their habits so often that it's hard to compare it to a Btle/F baby who gets the exact type of milk from birth to 6mths at exact times. And that's because your breast milk changes with your baby.
The other thing about sitting all night with your baby on the boob is that you rest. It's nature's way of making you sit down and rest your body.
I BF all mine and only had cluster feeding on the last one. They are all different, so trust your instinct and don't be afraid to ask for help or advice. Good luck with the feeding.

How well I remember it!
Good luck.x

I have a slightly different view on it - I found that DD was doing this and then I'd have nothing left at all for later feed, plus being tied to sofa actually meant had no time to myself at all (cos been with her all day alone) and DH was missing out on time with her.
Getting DH to take her for a couple of hours gave him bonding time with her, me time to have a bath/eat a good meal/do a 'hobby' for a while. She was less fussy when he had her, cos she couldn't smell milk everywhere and used to just settle in and snuggle him. When she then had a later feed my boobs were 'full' again and she slept better with a nice full tummy.