Breastfeeding a crying baby & how can I tell I'm doing this right?

[Chasabeth]

Hi guys,

I'm very new to this and probably being an over emotional new mum but my DS, born on Monday at 11.05pm so only 4 days old, doesn't seem to be getting enough from BF and I'm struggling.

I was in hospital for 2 days and all the times I fed him I needed help. The midwifes and the breastfeeding supporters said my technique was correct eventually but my nipples are now cracked and sore. Not sure if that's because the first times I did it I don't think he was latched on correctly.

The first night at home he screamed blue murder and my DH and I got zero sleep. The midwife at the hospital said to have some formula on standby as a top up if needed. Had the midwife visit me yesterday and she said my breastfeeding was correct, although it did hurt, and said not to worry about topping up with formula if needed, it's better that he's fed.

Last night we did give him formula as I was so tired (5 hours sleep over 3 nights) and he was fine. Tired BF him today and it's gone ok but the issue now is he's screaming blue murder and it's a real struggle to get him to latch on. I'm starting to feel really disheartened and stressed. I know thats the worst thing to think but I feel I can't provide for him.

My friends who have very recently had babies both said that they had to top up with formula in the first few weeks and not to worry, but I do. He's crying so much when I do try to BF him I'm now struggling with that as well.

Sorry for such a long post but I'm feeling overwhelmed and a bit at the end of my tether. My next BF clinic isn't until next Wednesday however I do have my 5 day check tomorrow so I know I need to bring this up.

Any advice though would be greatly appreciated x

I was you, six months ago. Milk didn't come in until day 7, bleeding, cracked nipples, latching was awful.

I used Lansinoh like it was going out of fashion, and these for a couple of stretches, when DH would take her and ff to let my nipples heal. They really helped. If it gets worse, try nipple shields, which aren't as great for latching, but save you pain and cracking/bleeding.

All of the above, plus enormous hugs to you. You will get there - I just finished bf my daughter three days ago, and when I was at your stage, I thought I'd be lucky to hit two weeks! Don't be afraid of formula, and just go with what you feel each time - might be different each feed; formula to calm, then bf, just bf, just formula, whatever works. I've mixed fed successfully, and DD has never dropped weight, and was happy to bf or bottle feed, which gave me a few lie ins and nights out.

Also, in five and a half months, you'll be worrying about purées v BLW, so this will pass. Promise.

Well done OP, you're doing so well. So pleased that you have a supportive DH, some great advice here.

Hooray for milk! :) When he is feeding, you should be able to see his ears moving and hear little swallows - that's how you can tell he's taking milk in.

Have you got Lansinoh now? You really can't use too much, it's amazing, really helps healing.

Do ask about tongue tie but be aware that it's a bit of a lottery and not all midwives will know what it is or how to check for it, some dismiss it as not very important but it can be hugely important.

Fingers crossed it's not a tongue issue, it's just that he is new and was getting a bit stressed about it all.

Well done for hanging in there. The more I read this thread the more comes flooding back! If you find he often falls asleep when feeding after only one side and a fairly short time, a good tip is change his nappy to wake him up again and then feed from the other side. The nappy change bit is not the most fun as he'll not be too happy but my boy generally settled down to feed again as wasn't so hungry for the second side, and invariably fell asleep again so I still got a bit of a break (as I know at this stage the last thing you probably want to do is wake him up!)

Just come back from my 5 day check at that local birth centre and the midwife is really happy with him. I told her about topping up with formula and she didn't bat an eyelid. She said not to worry at all, that she is pro breast feeding but we need to do what ever makes life easier for us.

He's not tongue tied, asked them to specifically check. Had the breast feeding nurse sit with me and she's changed how I was feeding only ever so slightly and he latched on. She did say how shocked she was as how fidgety he is already and she said I bet that wasn't helping, which to be honest it isn't. Arms and legs everywhere!

She told me to use Vaseline on my nipples so I got some on the way home. She was lovely and said it was probably hurting because my nipples are already cracked and sore but not to worry x

Vaseline will probably do the same thing as lansinoh so that's good - but I think you have to wipe it off before feeding? Whereas lansinoh you don't.

DS2 flails whilst eating too! Its tricky and painful. I had bleeding nipples for a few weeks but now at 10 weeks I have no pain and havent for ages.

If it makes you feel any better. I fed DS1 for 2 years and still had problems at the beginning with DS2! Your baby needs to learn too.

As mentioned above have you tried swaddling him while feeding to prevent flailing? With ds2 I used to pin his legs down with my arm so he would lie still and concentrate in the job at hand!

We swaddled too - if it's too hot you can kind of do a half-swaddle with a muslin where you just swaddle his arms.

Yeah we do swaddle him but he is so wriggly he just comes straight out if it! It's unbelievable how strong they can be.

We are having another one if those nights, not so much with the breastfeeding but he seems to be constantly hungry and then once he's fed he poops. Normal stools but the looks of things, runny, not very smelly, browny colour (sorry for the info!).

So all we are doing is feeding then changing, feeding then changing. I'm so sore we have had to resort to the bottle. I have tried to just put him down, swaddle to settle and leave him but he gets himself into a tiss and starts screaming the house down. So we feed him as he's doing the head wobble, hands in the mouth etc and he then poops and off we go again.

So very tired....

He's too little to be left to it I think. He'll probably want to be held and/or fed all the time. That's normal, it will pass.

Don't worry about talking about poo it's pretty par for the course on this section. Sounds good! :)

At this age all they do is feed, sleep and want changing. He'll start getting more aware in a few weeks and wanting to look at things but at the moment, you're the milk machine and he is a very willing customer.

You sound like you are doing a fab job. Well done for keeping going with the breastfeeding.

In my own experience, I got very sore nipples initially while they toughened up, which took a couple of wks. This happened with my first dc (then had 2 more with only a small gap between breastfeeding one to the next) and my 4th dc (a gap of 11 yrs, so like a first again for my nipples), then no problems with dc 5, as I had almost no gap between breastfeeding dc 4 and dc 5.

Maybe try carrying baby in a sling, with you and them naked from the top to your waist. Then they have free access to your breastmilk at all times and you can relax a bit and have more freedom to do what you would like to around the house. Some babies take to feeding in different positions really easily and others find it difficult, so don't feel defeated if your dc doesn't feed well in this position. Just think of it as something to try, that may or may not suit you and your baby.

re the using Vaseline thing. I got told that I didn't need to worry about wiping it off as prem babies have it on their lips in special care to stop them cracking, so they know it is safe for baby.

It is tiring but really normal for babies to wake for a feed and then poo during or immediately after a feed, then by the time they are changed, want a bit more breastmilk to settle.

Things will settle down as dc gets older.

Thanks again everyone for your kind words, it's great to know that I'm not the only one going through or has been though this.

DS is doing ok today. We had to give him some bottle last night just to give me a rest as my nipples are so sore. He seems to be latching on a bit better. Been BF him today but left it a bit to long (I was having a snooze) and he started crying and couldn't get him to calm down or latch on so I gave him a small amount of bottle, and he then latched on fine.

It does still upset me that I can't get him on easily, I know it will take time and it hasn't even been a week yet so hopefully we can get into our stride soon. I've needed my DH help nearly every time and he goes back to work on Tuesday which is making me feel very on edge. How can I do this by myself?!

I'm also hoping to express soon. I tried a couple of days ago and only got a few drops out. I know that I need to continue to BF to produce the milk to express which is what I'm doing but I'm hoping that giving him formula isn't effecting this x

1 feed at a time and I promise it does get easier. Everyone has different tricks to get the to latch on right, I found gathering the nipple up so it was like a target, and then putting it in with determination towards the rood of his mouth, so he got a really good mouthful if that make s sense works for us in the early days. Do you have a friend/ member of the family you can talk to that has succeeded at feeding? I really found that having someone to talk me through it on the tough days and encourage me to do just 1 more day really helped, until all of a sudden I didn't need to slather on Lasonoh after every feed and it didn't hurt anymore.

My mum successful BF both myself and my sis but all my friends who have recently had babies have all FF. When I try to talk to them about it they all say that FF is fine. Don't get me wrong, it suits them but I want to BF.

My mum said that she had to give my sis a bottle when she first started just to help. At his 5 day check up yesterday he had only lost 3% of his body weight so topping him up seems to be working. I just want to express so then at least I know he's just getting breast milk x

The first week of bf is extremely hard. I know they say that if it hurts you're doing it wrong, but I found it extremely painful at the beginning despite being told the latch was great. I'm still feeding DD 8 months later with no problems and think I'm doing it right, I think at the beginning it just hurts because it's constant contact with an area that isn't usually touched so often.
If your baby is having frequent wet and dirty nappies then it's likely he is getting enough milk. Babies feed VERY often at the beginning.

Please give La Leche League a call for some advice. In the meantime keep going, it gets easier honest! Xxx

That is a worry of mine, if I don't always BF then my supply will start to dry up.

Don't know if expressing helps to keep the supply going? I tried to express a couple of days ago and it didn't work but I'm pleased to say that this afternoon I managed to express 40ml, so at least his feeds in the night I'm struggling with then at least he can have breast milk. Just had him feeding for at least 45 minutes and he's still aching like he's hungry!! x

Congratulations on your lovely baby! :)

I just wanted to say a couple of things:

• it will definitely get easier. I just didn't believe people when they told me this to begin with - I didn't see how something so horrendously painful could stop being excruciating, just like that, but it did!
• my son was seen by various midwives, HVs, maternity assistants and bf support workers, all of whom assuredme he didn't have a tongue tie, before a lactation consultant pointed out that he did. Your boy may not have one but if things don't improve and your instincts tell you he just isn't able to latch properly, despite wanting to and you doing everything to help him, don't be afraid to ask for a second opinion.
• your baby will remove milk more efficiently than a pump, so whilst pumping will help keep up your supply, it's unlikely to do so if you're using pumpings to replace feeds rather than augment them, iyswim.
• it's a good idea to keep your nipples open to the air after applying Lansinoh - or helps with healing

Thanks Laquila :)

Has anyone used nipple guards? My friends have recommended them and I wonder if they were worth a go x

You've had lots of great advice here about bf. It can be tough to start with, but it's worth it.

Re: DH going back to work - honestly, you'll be fine. You may need to get organised though.

• Have a shower the night before/before DH leaves for work.
• Prep yourself a snack basket with water (sports cap bottles!), biscuits, bananas, flapjack (oats are apparently great for supply), and keep that within reach. I've never known anything like the bf hunger.
• bed snacks are good too. I used to freeze pain au chocolat and take one to bed each night so I could have a satisfying breakfast while feeding.
• Have the pram set up if you can so you can get out for a walk at short notice. If you're physically able this might make you feel good.

You're doing a great job! Sounds like you might need to spot his hunger cues a bit quicker to catch him before he gets frantic - honestly, at this age if he's awake he probably wants milk. He can't have too much bm!

Also, don't worry about putting him down. There is no mythical rod for you to make for your back. He's brand new. He wants to hear your heart beat and feel your warmth.

Just one other thought: I used to spend ages trying to feed my baby, especially in the evenings, and getting really frustrated, but with hindsight I think he was actually overtired. After a while once he had been continuously awake for 2 hours (not feeding and napping alternately) I would try another way of getting him to sleep eg sling, walk in pram. I do agree with walks - when I was finding it very hard getting out for some fresh air made me feel much better, and sometimes it even sent him to sleep.

It took us 6 weeks to get the hang of it, but now at 4 months it's so easy and convenient when we are out and about I'm really glad I continued. We gave formula occasionally (not more than twice a week) for the first couple of weeks and it did help me to have a break.