Morning everyone - DS came in with me at 6 as he was shuffling around but didn't feed him and he settled next to me until 7:30.
I'm so chuffed we seem to have made a breakthrough with him!
My DH bless him, stayed up nearly all night watching the baby monitor and has diligently logged his every move - apparently he woke up a good 5 or 6 times but each time took anything from 2-15 minutes to fall back asleep by himself.
DH woke me in the spare room at 2:30 to ask me if we needed to wake him for a feed because it was way past 1am (which was the minimum I said I wanted) but I said no way, never wake a sleeping baby. So i went back to sleep in our room and he didn't wake and grizzle until 4:15.
Batman Re: the self soothing. I don't think you can actually "teach" a baby to self soothe, they just have to get their by themselves. However what I did was give him the opportunity to do so, and then consistently make him do it every single time. so once I knew he could do it, that was it - no rocking, shushing, patting, walking, bouncing etc… It's into the cot and over to you.
How I did this - controversially I let him CIO/CC. I had tried other methods such as Pick Up/Put Down, Shush/Pat and Gradual Retreat but the first two sent him into a massive rage and I'm not sure he's arsed if I'm next to him or not so that had no effect whatsoever. Putting him down, letting him cry and bit and just waiting for him to sort himself out worked very quickly. Literally I started last Friday, we had about half an hour of crying at the start, by Sunday night I could put him down and it would be 2 mins of grizzle and off he'd drift. The key though was him finding his fingers to suck on. If he's struggling, I can now guide shove his fingers into his mouth for him.
Re: him sensing I'm not in the room. I'm not even sure that's the case. Me being in the spare room was for my benefit really, so that each time he woke and got himself back off to sleep it wouldn't wake me. Just like the self settling - I think he just needed the opportunity to fall back asleep by himself rather than intervention by me.
Johull It's so hard isn't it - believe me, I know!
I can't remember how old you said your little one is? But I remember that she's teeny tiny. I mean this in the nicest possible way, but I think you really need to lower your expectations and accept that frequent wakings are normal and to be expected and don't do your own head in over them.
There's every possibility that she is hungry after 2 hours (annoying though that might be to a very tired Mummy!) as breastmilk is digested in 90 minutes and their tummies are so small at the start. Also to really just accept that it's not a linear process - you won't necessarily see progress night on night. You will have good nights and bad nights and it won't be related to anything you've done.
I had minimum 3 wakings/feeds a night until well past 3 months and then a blissful 2 weeks with only 2 wakings and I thought I'd cracked it! Then came 4 month regression and it was back to waking every 2 hours through the night (that's 2 hours form wake up to wake up, not from out down to wake up). Up until recently I just accepted it and ploughed on. It has only recently really started to do my head in as by 4 months most babies are starting to stretch their sleep out.
The best advice I can offer is to concentrate on coping strategies. Mine were - 1) going to bed with the baby if you can, to capitalise on every bit of sleep. I have gone to bed at the same time as the baby almost every single night for 4 months, even sometimes at 7:30 2) getting your DP to take baby first thing in the morning so you can get another hour or sleep 3) taking any help you can get in the day (e.g. GPs) so you can catch up on sleep in the day 4) if you can, (I have never been able to) then express milk and get your DP to do a night feed by bottle
Ooh epic post, guess who's actually had some sleep!