day 6 pp going to peices

[Jellymum1]

why is breast feeding so hard. im so sore and tearful and I dont know what im doing or if im doing it right.

half an hour dose was had now she back on me. I cant do it :( im so tired

Oh Jelly

Any mother who tries to cope with BF issues when they have another child to care for is amazing in my eyes. Just remember that BF is a choice and not one that works for everyone. It's easy for people to tell you that the constant feeding and exhaustion is normal and that things will get better but we aren't living your life. I think you should definitely contact your midwife tomorrow and talk it through with her. If you decide BF is not for you then do be it, as least she got the colostrum and early protective components of your milk that a lot of other babies don't get. Our worst critics are ourselves but please don't be hard on yourself if you make the decision to stop - there's more important factors to new motherhood than breast feeding, you should be enjoying these early days as much as you can x

thanks writer x

Everything that Writer says is absolutely right. Be kind to yourself. You've done her the power of good by giving her all the colostrum and milk she's had up until now.

You have to do what is best for you and your family. If that means FF then do it. I nearly gave up with DD2 so many times and I wasn't dealing with recovery from major abdominal surgery!

Your girls are very lucky to have such a wonderful Mum.

Hope the world looks better this morning. 445am is a pretty hard time of the day to think about anything

thanks beginnings. I rang the midwife she is coming today. I feel like such a failure for even considering giving up. and if I ff there is still no guarentee she will sleep and then I would feel even more dreadful. I dont understand I failed to birth both my daughters and now im going to fail to feed them both. I wanted it so much but dd1 ran into mu room at 7 for a hug and kiss and fou nd me sobbing my heart out. her poor little face

Right, now lady. You listen to me. You are a NOT a failure. You really really aren't! You are 8 days pp and recovering from major surgery. It sounds to me as if you put yourself through hell to deliver two beautiful healthy girls! In what way in all of humanity is that failing to birth them! You did - just through the sunroof!

Second, you are not failing to feed them. I hate hate hate the question "Are you feeding the baby yourself?" EVERY mother feeds her baby, some do it out of a breast and some out of a bottle. I tell you this, DD1 NEVER looked up and gazed into my eyes when she was at the breast. Never. Once she got to six months and I started mixed feeding her, then she'd look up and giggle or smile. Do I think that was less of a bonding and lovely experience than breastfeeding? No, I bloody well don't.

You are exhausted, and your hormones are all over the place, not least because that hungry little devil is sending them into overdrive by asking your body for more and more milk, which is sounds like you are doing a brilliant job of producing.

Be kind to yourself, you're doing brilliantly, you really are.

Let us know what the MW says so that we can all help you decide whether or not it was sensible.

What beginnings said. You are the furthest thing from a failure, you have given birth (yes you have) to two lovely dds and you are full of hormones and recovering from surgery. If you decide to ff you have not failed to feed your dds, quite the opposite in fact. Bf is hard and it is a struggle with another little one. Having done it all very recently I know. Give yourself a break. Can dh take her for an hour so you can rest? Drive her in the car so she snoozes?

thanks you. dh home now from school run.going to go for a rest after next feed. xx

Stick with it and it will get easier I promise. Easier than bottle feeding and very nice for you - you will see the benefits in a few weeks.

Do make sure baby is latched on properly - lots of nipple/breast in mouth. Not latching on properly can make you sore.

If you can find local help and support from LLL or a support group.

midwife came watched us feed. said latch looked good. she was worried about how tearful I am so is coming back tomorrow. she said I was doing well but there isnt really anything that I can do about the night feeds except to try and ecpress and top up...not sure how that could work really. managed two hrs sleep just now hopefully enough to keep me functioning for a bit.

I'm glad the latch looked good. How does feeding feel? It was toe curling at the beginning of each feed with DD2 for a good few weeks so don't worry if that's the case. Also, nipples recover really quickly. Have you got Lansinoh or something? You can't use too much of that.

Jelly, when DD1 was born, do you know what was the first day I didn't cry buckets? Day 16. And I'm NOT a cryer. Days 3 and 5 hit me like a ton of bricks. They honestly put me off the idea of having another one.

Also, with neither of my girls did I fall in love immediately - so I had the guilt of that to contend with. In fact, with DD1, she was three weeks old before I first felt that rush of extreme protectiveness and I wouldn't even describe that as love really.

This is really hard but it's day 8, it's such early days. What you feel like today doesn't mean you can't BF (you quite clearly can) or that you have PND or anything but at the same time, if you can't BF, that's ok too and if you do have PND, then it will be treated and you will get better.

It's such a lovely day - can you go and sit outside for a bit, feel the sun on your face? That might help you feel a tiny bit better.

I know this feels rotten and abnormal but it really is completely normal and you're doing great, really you are.

You're doing really well. Everything you describe sounds so normal so please don't feel like you're failing or not doing something right.

Establishing breast feeding was by far one of the hardest things I have ever done on my entire life. I could happily have given up in the first few weeks and I never thought I would get to a point where it was going well and completely Hassle free.

If it's any consolation I had breakdowns on day 4, 6 and 10. Day six was particularly funny with hindsight as I sobbed all over my chicken tikka masala which I had been really looking forward to. Proper, heaving sobs of "why can't I do this? " "its si hard" "why did no one tell me it was so hard" etc.

It will get better I promise. Do you have a local breast feeding support service that can come out to your house? Our local one was a sanity saver for me.

hi again thanks for your lovely replies. my nipples are sore at first but recover quite quickly. I think theyy are more sore at night as I am more tired and paying less attention to the latch. I also didn't feel the love rush with dd1 I felt I did this time but now Im not so sure. I think the only thing is I know even if I ff that doesnt guarentee sleep does it so I will keep trying. I have left a message for the local breast feeding support and hope they call back tomorrow I tried le leche and bfa too but no answer

DS is 9 weeks and I am only just feeling like I'm really happy and confident with breastfeeding - it's without doubt the hardest thing I've ever done!

Stick with it, you're doing amazingly.

I didn't feel the love rush for either of mine until they were weeks/months old. Neither did any of the 8 other women that were in my antenatal group.
I'm going to recommend the 1 bottle a day again. It just gives you that time to sleep and recover and come back with more determination.
You are doing very well.
You are an excellent mother.

when would I give the bottle? I worry about supply. I will try hand expressing in thr morning and keep that for tomorrow night I only managed an hours rest today so im double dreading tonight. the cluster feeding has already started :(

We use to give it at about 10/11 ish. I would stay up until I had had enough, making sure she'd had a good feed before hand. Once she was sleeping I'd go straight to bed. Then my DH would Stay up with her til she woke or as late as he could manage, feed her, change her etc. the. Bring her to bed in our room and then next time she woke I'd feed her.

This system meant I normally got to sleep from about 10. Til about 2/3 in the morning.
I never noticed it affected my supply. For a while I did some expressing to encourage milk production -expressing was much faster and less painful!
There always seemed to be enough for what she wanted.
It does not work for all babies. But it saved my sanity.

Try to go with it sweetheart, just try to go with it. Get comfy, watch something crap on TV, prop yourself up with lots of pillows. What she's doing is completely normal and the right thing to do. Has she been weighed? If she's lost a bit of her birthweight she's just trying to build it up again. DD2 didn't lose any of her birthweight, can you imagine it? That's how much she fed!!

I know people who do the bottle tend to do it at about this time so that they can go to bed and hopefully get a bit of kip before the next feed after midnight.

I think when people talk about expressing some off for now, they mean it to relieve some of the pain. I'm not sure that expressing enough for a feed is a brilliant idea as all it will do is stimulate your supply. Would you consider giving her one bottle of formula a day?

This will pass - your will get through this. Try to concentrate on resting as much as trying to get some sleep.

I think I will have to try formula unfortunately it'll be tomorrow I some how just have to get through tonight dh is getting ratty now too as im crying so much. im not even sure if she is taking much from me in these huge feeding sessions.

Jelly take a big deep breath. Try not to panic. Remember her little tummy is tiny. She's not taking a huge amount from you. She's getting to know the world, and you, and bringing up your supply so there's more for her when she's bigger. There are all sorts of reasons why babies suckle at this stage.

Your DH is exhausted too. Tiredness is a relationship killer - it's so hard.

I know you can't stop crying, I couldn't either, but you're using up so much energy through doing it.

I really really feel for you, I really do. But you're in the worst of this. It will get better, whether you continue to BF or not. But actually, it sounds as if the BF is going well!

Lots of great advice here, I just wants to give extra support and let you know it's doable! I formula fed ds1 from 6 days as I thought there wasn't enough milk (real problem was lack of good advice, in hindsight!), then went on to feed dd and ds2 for over 12 months.

The first few weeks were really hard with bfing, but you make up for it with how much easier it is later

It is also a lot easier to manage when you're getting help with everything else. Are you getting some sleep, even if someone has to walk a grizzly baby for an hour? And help with cooking?

This stage feels like forever at the beginning but it passes sooner than you can believe right now. By 4 weeks it was like second nature with both of mine. Good luck!

Just remember that the odd bottle of formula is not a failure, it is a temporary coping strategy. A means to an end.
If that bottle means that you achieve what you want, and keep on feeding for longer and don't give up through exhaustion, then its a positive.
Your DH is feeling very helpless at the moment.
I remember my DH out in tesco at 11pm buying emergency bottles and formula...

aww smartie thats what he said if he could get to tesco he would. we dont have a car right now. I think its the sleep thats the killer as she feeds so well in the day so I know we can do it. I just will end up giving up as im feelinf poorly. thanks again for suppirt its reallu helping..sorry for typos..one handed typing

My advice is that if you are going to give a bottle of formula in the night but the ready made bottles or cartons as opposed to the formula. When all you want to do is get the baby fed quickly so you can sleep the last thing you want to be doing is faffing around with boiling the kettle, waiting for it to cool etc etc The pre-made stuff is more expensive but if you are just using it once a day I think the benefits of its convenience outweighs the negative aspect of its price.

Hi,
Due to TT issues that don't seem to have resolved post snip and having a lively 2 yr old I am mostlyffbut giving one or two bf s in the day. Supply was hit due to TT so I reckon I only produce about half an ounce per side but I use it as a pacifier for those fussy evenings more than anything else and feel able to sit there and relax more once the first DC has gone to bed and I can cope with the pain as it's not feeding every half an hour!

My pain was worse at night too. When I went to formula dd has woken once a night so happier family all round.