Day 1 - already failing at feeding

[LastOneDancing]

Apologies in advance for this long and rambling pity feat but I'm almost at the end of my hormone fuelled tether before its even begun.

My beautiful boy is almost exactly 48 hours old, born by EMCS, good birthweight of 8.8

He just won't latch. I can produce the milk, he roots and smacks his chops for it, loves an expressed feed but we just can't get it together. He's even started pursing his lips rather than opening his mouth now as he's been syringe fed.

I've got big, low boobs and I think they just confuse him - my nip never seems to be in the right place, trying different positions is made harder than necessary by my section wound. I've just read kellymom and I've probably given him a breast aversion because I've been trying 'too hard' and unintentionally forcing him onto the breast.

MW has essentially said if he doesn't latch tomorrow we either formula feed or can't go home. Hospital has no BF support workers at weekends which I didn't realise - typically I was overwhelmed by people trying to get him on the boob on Friday when I was strung out from no sleep and full of drugs. I wanted to get help from my NCT BF lady and speak to my chiropractor but need to get out of hospital first, but can't get out until he's fed. Catch 22?

Should I just jack it in as a non-starter and FF as the MW seems to suggest? I just really, really wanted to try the bonding, benefits and convenience that BF offers.

You poor thing, that sounds really stressful. You are not failing at all, breastfeeding is difficult to get established, particularly after a section and without support!

I understand the MW wants your DS to feed before you are discharged but if you can express a bit of colostrum why do you have to give formula?

It sounds like you are determined and well informed and with the right support at home things may slot into place.

Congratulations on your DS. I bet he's gorgeous.

Congratulations in your new arrival. Sorry you're having to go through this. I haven't been in your exact situation, but had similar issues (and ended up BF until DS was 1). In my case DS was born with low birth weight which meant a variety of problems from him not being able to open his mouth wide enough and then just falling off when we did get in position. I managed to persuade the hospital to discharge us while he was still being cup fed expressed milk by sobbing in desperation agreeing to attend the specialist BF clinic the next day and review the situation the following day. I had proved in the hospital that I could independently maintain the cup feeding routine so asked what was to stop me doing it at home. Once home it was all much easier and I think we were off cup feeds after 48 hours and never looked back.

I think I would be looking to call one of the breast feeding organisations helplines and seeing whether you can agree a plan which involves discharging you today, arranging for more specialist support on Monday and review on Tursday.

Good luck

phone a helpline. Milk sometimes takes a while to come in, and colostrum is so amazing that babies need tiny amounts to keep going. Try putting your baby facing you to feed and squeezing your boob like a burger. rub his nose with your nipple and quickly pop it in his mouth when he opens it. To break the latch, slide a finger into his mouth. Are there any experienced mums there who might be able to help? You need support as quickly as possible.

p.s. I am really bothered that someone providing primary care for a new mum doesn't understand about milk not coming in for a few days.

Thank you for your kind replies Gunpowder and RunTum - you made me cry (not that that's hard to do right now!) I'm so grateful just to hear that someone thinks we can do it.

That's a great plan Run - if I agree to coming back (daily if needs be) for assessment maybe they'll let us go. If not we might do a formula feed to escape and then go back to expressing.

I do feel things will be better at home where we can all get some help, some sleep and not feel so under scrutiny all the time.

Re:expressing, MW was all 'well you can't keep syringe feeding him can you?' but surely we can start trying a pump and cup or bottle if need be?

I just want to go home!

Hi op, you are not failing you are trying your hardest when you are most likely shattered, overwhelmed and in pain. The staff should surely be able to get you some more support. Can you call La leche league or one of the othet helplines in the meantime, for a bit of moral support? bf can be really tricky to get started and nobody tells you! I expected just to be able to do it, I had to stop feeding 1st baby at 10 days due to severe pain and nipple trauma despite mw telling me latch was fine. Im bf dd2 as I type and shes 4 mths. It takes loads of patience and practice. She had tongue tie snipped. Get your baby checked and double checked. Hospital checka dont always pick them up - dd2 was 4 wks as I pushed and she had a posterior tt.
Im sure given time he will latch on. Give him tons ofskin to skin to skin as much as you possibly can. Google biological nurturing and that kind of position may work? Just keep trying him at the breast and expressing to syringe or cup feed. Keep your chin up you're doing a brilliant job.

You aren't failing. All three of mine were uttely crap at the "gaping like a baby bird" part of breastfeeding. If I remember, it was a case of watching like a hawk and being ready for the one moment they opened their mouth - they did got the hang of it.

Have you tried feeding lying down, both you and him on your sides?
Rugby Ball Hold with him touched under your arm?

There's nothing wrong with he size of your breasts, you just need to suss out how to get your sons head in the same place as your nipple.

Congratulations on your son :)

Ps if hes only 2 days your milk most likely won't be in yet so you won't get much joy with pump until it is. Get them to show you how to hand express too its suppised to be discussed before you leave but it was not mentioned to me!
Whichever way you feed your baby the main thing is that he is loved and you are enjoying him. Good luck x

World - thanks for your reply.
I'm going to see if my friend (mum of 2 BF babies) can come today and have got DH to dig out the NCT BF support persons number.

I don't think the MWwas concerned about my supply, but her issue was that if BabyLOD hasn't got the hang of latching by this afternoon we have to use a bottle. He's only been alive 2 days

LastOne you are FANTASTIC and you are doing AMAZINGLY WELL.

I'm sorry your MW isn't giving you the support you need. I fed both my boys by syringe for the first few days of life because they were jaundiced and sleepy. I'm currently still tandem feeding them at 3.5yo and 13mo respectively (am one of those secret hippies). Syringe feeding to breast-feeding CAN BE DONE and IS DONE ALL OFTEN.

You need to find your own proper support. Try the helplines, see if you can find someone who will come out to you if at all possible. Look for local numbers on the NCT or La Leche League websites and ring them first. If you PM me and tell me where you are I will look up numbers for you.

Is done all often doesn't make any sense, sorry! You get the gist.

Keep trying, sorry you aren't getting much support in hospital. I'm sure your baby will get the hang of it soon!

Blimey where's this hospital? 1950? It's continually shocking that I know more via Internet than professionals appear to and it's part of their job.

I've had 2 csec. 1st emc. I really am sorry. Before I launch in repeating others (excellent) words, how are you today? How you feeling? Anything specific we can help with maybe now? Things may have moved on a bit....? Or not?

I felt very fragile and in shock at this point. I really hope you and your yummy scrummy baby are faring well.

Hugs x

My first bit sounds a bit weird....like I've never bfd myself. I'm still feeding at 14mths at mo. Did first to similar. Not much experience or a lot depending on your view!

I'm really new at this, my baby boy is just a week older than yours, but I wanted to say there's no way you're failing on just day 1. I was struggling still on day 3/4 and only now just starting to feel a bit more confident about it.

Keep going with the syringe - we did this to help our sleepy jaundiced little one and it didn't confuse him, just really helped him get some calories! When my milk came in we also used a finger feeding tube for a day or two which was weirdly good fun (think colostrum probably too thick for tube through? someone more experienced could advise). Paediatrician told me my nipples are v big and advised soft nipple shields - might help? He also said feeding would get much easier as baby's mouth gets a bit bigger!

Ds was v much as you describe - rooting, licking but not able to latch properly. Squeezing my boob like a burger helped and I was usually trying to have him too high up - works much better when he's sort of reaching up from below the boob (either sitting up or when lying down).

Last thing is that I struggled along to a breastfeeding support session at local children's centre and was totally totally overwhelmed with how much the bf counsellor wanted to help. She spent an hour with me despite a queue building up and came to my house that afternoon as well. I know it would depend on the individual but it might be worth ringing your nct contact to ask if they could visit you in hospital?

Really hope you're ok.

You're NOT failing. It's hard! Really really really hard, and no one warns you of that.
There are options (oh, and they can't stop you leaving hospital, unless the baby is unwell. And even then they have to get a court order to do it, so feel free to leave when you are ready), including trying formula until milk comes in (I did, and am now mixed feeding), continuing to express, or going ff fully. There's a world of possibility, and the choice is yours, no one else's.

I'm so sorry people are making you feel bad, you are doing BRILLIANTLY. I bet your baby is gorgeous.

Sounds very much like my experience- frazzled, overworked midwives pressuring frazzled new mum. Terrible combo.

Believe in yourself, your body and your beautiful boy. Eventually they will come together. Try to keep the pressure off. Xx

Ok look - this woman is not on your side. You obviously can't syringe feed forever but you certainly can do so until tomorrow when the breastfeeding support staff come in! If you stay in an extra day - you do. It's fine. I know you want to go home but if you want to breastfeed more then that's what happens. Hopefully she's not on today.

Creamoftomato's method sounds good. Also ask for some more pillows for propping up purposes or get someone to bring some in from home.

Have faith x

My son was the same until I lay with him skin to skinon my chest for a few hours and

Sorry - my ds2 I syringe fed him till we had a chance to do a good few hours skin to skin when he latched himself on biological nursing style.
My first DS I syringe fed, then left hospital expressing and cup feeding him and he finally latched on at home.
So it can be done! I was also advised with ds1 that I would 'have' to give formula but I managed to cup feed him until we got home, has the hospital got a pump you can use?

www.nct.org.uk/sites/default/files/related_documents/Laid-back%20Breastfeeding.pdf

That has good info on biological nurturing - don't lose hope I got through this same situation without formula twice now!

The first few days are so hard, I remember them well as DD is only 4 weeks old. Have you tried "laid back breastfeeding" - strip baby down to his nappy and get topless. Lie flat on your back and lay baby on your chest and just let him root out your nipple. Babies apparently latch much better doing it this way.

I'm still having latch issues now, partly because the midwives in the hospital told me my latch was fine when it turns out it wasn't and I now have cracked nipples. We also have a minor tongue tie which we're trying to get resolved.

Keep at it OP, today has many many hours in it. Many hours of skin to skin, your boob always available to him.

And if it doesn't happen, if it really just doesn't, then focus on your beautiful boy, not on his method of feeding

Xx

Phone more of the support organisations- you will be able to have someone visit you in hospital. I have visited many women in hospital.
La Leche League 0845 120 2918 ( open 24/7)
Breastfeeding Network 0300 100 0210 or 0300 100 0212
NCT 0300 330 0771

Don't give up OP - I'm almost 4 weeks in now and we've had so many challenges with breastfeeding, it's still hard every day with him fighting and fussing to latch but he's getting better and I'm glad I persevered.

I'm one of the huge low boobs club (and emcs/scbu etc). Found it back breaking in hospital to get ds in the right position, much easier when we got home and could try the sofa, different chairs, bed, combinations of pillows, positions etc.

I ended up allowing them to give ds a tiny formula cup feed so we could all get a couple of hours sleep and weren't as tired. I cried all through that feed as i felt a complete failure. This was 10 years ago and there was no real bf support at our hospital. It was day 3 before my milk came in properly (woke with rock hard burning boobs) and things got better after that.

Got there in the end. Lansinoh is a god send for cracked nipples if it takes you a while to get the right position, I wouldn't have got there if mn hadn't told me about it.