Day 1 - already failing at feeding

[LastOneDancing]

Apologies in advance for this long and rambling pity feat but I'm almost at the end of my hormone fuelled tether before its even begun.

My beautiful boy is almost exactly 48 hours old, born by EMCS, good birthweight of 8.8

He just won't latch. I can produce the milk, he roots and smacks his chops for it, loves an expressed feed but we just can't get it together. He's even started pursing his lips rather than opening his mouth now as he's been syringe fed.

I've got big, low boobs and I think they just confuse him - my nip never seems to be in the right place, trying different positions is made harder than necessary by my section wound. I've just read kellymom and I've probably given him a breast aversion because I've been trying 'too hard' and unintentionally forcing him onto the breast.

MW has essentially said if he doesn't latch tomorrow we either formula feed or can't go home. Hospital has no BF support workers at weekends which I didn't realise - typically I was overwhelmed by people trying to get him on the boob on Friday when I was strung out from no sleep and full of drugs. I wanted to get help from my NCT BF lady and speak to my chiropractor but need to get out of hospital first, but can't get out until he's fed. Catch 22?

Should I just jack it in as a non-starter and FF as the MW seems to suggest? I just really, really wanted to try the bonding, benefits and convenience that BF offers.

Last - you absolutely aren't failing, you are doing brilliantly!!

I have been where you are and started a thread in this forum about my difficulties and emotions and received so much wonderful support.

My baby (who is now 16 days old) was born via ELCS and trying to establish breast feeding was a nightmare from the start - I won't go into all the details but I ended up in a very bad place and feeling like a complete failure. At one point I was expressing Colostrum into a syringe for the midwife to give to him and he also had formula on 2 occasions, once via a Feeding Cup and the 2nd time via a bottle. The doctors were very eager to suggest continuing with the formula but thankfully me and DS struggled our way through the difficulties and he is now exclusively breast fed.

Being in the hospital though really bought me down - I felt so alone, I was shattered, I missed my DH and I was in pain from the CS. All these factors played a huge part in my low mood and I knew I had to get home otherwise the doctors would break me down and I'd end up FF. Things improved dramatically once I was home, just bing in my eon surroundings and having the support of my DH really helped and over the next few days I was able to do nothing but focus on the feeding. We still have our occasional bad days but I'm glad I persevered.

If Bf is something you really want to do then please continue to ask for help and support. I really, really hope things improve for you and you get to take your baby home soon [thanks.]

You're not failing. It's bloody hard work in those early days- but noone warns you! With some specialist advice, you will get there. And, oh, enjoy your little newborn. Skin to skin under a blanket...bliss.

Speak to another midwife.
Ask if the hospital have bf specialist
If you can afford it look up and see a private lactation consultant
Don't give up!

So many women are pressured into the decision to give up before they start. There is nothing wrong with you, your boobs or your baby. Something is wrong with the bloody NHS.

You are not failing.

Both of you are learning a new skill. You are exhausted and have had major surgery.

I had emcs and massive boobs/ flat nips and it took a while to get the hang of it.

What helped was:

Lots of skin to skin
Syringe feeding a couple of mls so baby wasn't to frantic at the boob
Feeding with rugby ball hold using a c shaped breastfeeding pillow ( much firmer than other pillows)

Reach out and use the resources mentioned by pp.

You are absolutely not failing. When I had DS (now 5.5 months) I had 3 x diamorphine so he didn't really latch for 3 days. When my milk came I expressed and the team in the MLU helped me do all this. It was hard work yes, but you sound bloody minded determined like I was.

I was desperate to go home too but we stayed in for 4 days and by then he was latching ok. I borrowed a good pump but actually we didn't need it at all once we got home and now he likes the boob so much he won't take a bottle, but that's a whole other story.

I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need but you will both get there or, if you don't, it's not the end of the world.

Very best of luck and congratulations!

Thank you so much to everyone of you who took the time to reply yesterday - your kindness and support is overwhelming and absolute testament to why MN is invaluable aside from penis beakers... I'm sorry I haven't been back sooner to update and say thank you.

Shortly after posting, another MW came in and unwisely asked if I was ok and I exploded in snot and tears telling her what the evil MW had said and how bad I felt - she was fabulous, told me it was a hospital not a prison, I was a caring capable Mum who wanted the best for her baby and encouraged me to persevere with BF. Magically she found me a lovely BF support worker (no weekends my arse) and I asked for a basic refresher in which she mentioned lots of stuff like massage and skin to skin that I had forgotten in my fretful state.

I decided to chill the hell out, offer him boob but stop straight away if he was upset & get on the pump to feed and maintain/improve flow. Alongside that, I set 2 main aims - 1. of getting home that day and 2. getting support on Monday.

We made it home with no FF and no fuss thanks to second MW who really looked after us. He's already a different baby, taking a lot more milk, rooting better, starting to suck (although latch is still crappy) and we're more 'in tune'. I'm happier so milk is flowing.

Operation Boob starts today. I smell success and even if it doesn't work out, we will know we gave it our best try and weren't forced into it. Thank you all.

Now... any tips on how to deal with a DH who tries to rationalise with a tiny baby?! 'why are you putting your hands there?! Why didn't you poo before I changed your nappy?!'

so happy for you. of the newborn cuddles.

What a difference a change in midwife made! Must be nice to be at home so you can relax and get to know your new DS.

Getting breastfeeding established can be hard work. Stay cuddled up with DS with lots of skin to skin and it'll get easier. It's easy to forget that its a new skill for both of you to learn.

As for your DH - there's no reasoning with babies. Just enjoy the cuddles.

Yay I am so pleased for you and especially that you're home :) the difference between midwives can be astounding (putting it nicely) - thank goodness you met a more sensible one!
Stay as relaxed as you can now - avoid my day 4/5 mistake and keep sleeping/eating and especially drinking gallons of water now (seems obvious but I forgot about all those things for several hours and ended up back in hosp receiving a stern telling off!)
No advice on rationalising - I keep muttering at ds about his 'troublesome arm' (I may have made up a short jingle about it) and asking him why he's pushing himself away from the boob that he clearly wants to be attached to....
Keep going and well done and yay new mummies :)

Yay! Well done, and so glad you're home and feeling good. Hope all continues to go well.

Reasoning with babies is good practise for when they're teenagers but without the attitude and answering back :)

Glad you got better support :)

congratulations on your baby and for making it home, i had huge problems getting ds1 feeding in hospital my milk didn't come in until day 5, it felt like months!

May i suggest now you are home, keep your comfy clothes pyjamas on, get comfy in bed, take your top off and strip off your baby, cover you both in a light blanket, have as much skin to skin as possible. Google laid back feeding, you might find it works for you?
send dh/dp or friends/ family to 'hunt and gather' for you, ask them to bring you meals and snacks and plenty of drinks, try to avoid too much caffeine, in tea coffee and chocolate.
feeding will get better and easier but remember when your milk comes in is also most emotional time so avoid inviting people round especially like me pil who make you feel uneasy at best of times
best of luck, you sound like a brilliant mum looking after your dc. enjoy.

Well done OP, glad you got some help.

Stop being so hard on yourself! You ar doing amazing and congrats on your little bundle, the first weeks are seriously hard work. Have a chat with your hv and see whether they have a breastfeeding group/ hv to chat to.

And, if it doesn't work for you, DONT feel guilty, happy mum= happy baby.

Good luck sweetie!

How's it been going today LastOneDancing?

Congratulations on the arrival of your beautiful little one