early baby, broken hearted mummy, problems feeding

[eenywifemum]

hi there...

Some of you may know Sal and I had our baby Alex 4 weeks early 4 days ago.

I will eventually when i have time and energy post about my birth and the immediate aftermath because i think i will need some help coping with it all. But that is for later really.

because Alex is early and jaundiced he is too tired and lazy to feed properly. he is 'hybernating' something early babies do to conserve energy when they are not being fed properly. my milk is startign to come in properly now. i am so tired i dont kno whow to describe this. my milk wasnt coming in fast enough and he was too lazy and tired to suck very well so I am expressing each breast 15 mins 6 times a day to try to build my milk up and we are feeding him that EBM and formula milk to get him more calories. Although I am getting him to feed very small amounts from my breasts directly most of this milk is coming through syringe or bottle.

i am desperate to BF him and broken hearted over how hard the delivery and first days have been, worried sick that he is unwell and I am so sad.

He wont really latch on to my right breast - the MW is having us use nipple sheilds which is helping as I have small flat nipples.

I am feeding by breast bottle and syringe just trying to get him strong enough so we can feed just by breast. i feel so awful.

Please just cheer me up, give me some hope that I can BF him properly and this is all temporary. There is more I could say that would clarify what is happening but I am so muddle headed and tired I really dont know what. thanks for listening. prepare for me to come on and cry for a while I think I will need to do that. its ok I know we are so luck y to have him and to be home from hospital and I just love him so much I am yearning to feed him adn to feel confident he is well.

bump

Eeny, I am sorry you are having a hard time of it. Are you having lots of skin to skin with him? Try warm baths together (LLL counsellor suggested to me it represents some kind of re-birthing experience to the baby - with Mummy and nice and warm).
You have all of my love and support. I know how hard it can be
xx

couldn't pass this by without trying to offer some support.

It sounds like you are working really hard to make bf work and are shattered. No wonder that you feel so down.

I didn't begin to have any of your problems when bf, just that ds and I were rubbish at it for many many weeks, but we got there and bf exclusively for 4 months (as was the advice then!) and on till he was around a year. Stick in there and your ds will get stronger and not so lazy (the scamp!). Best wishes.

I can't give you ant advice, but it sounds like you're doing really well under the circumstances.

It's still very early days, maybe your body just needs a little more time to catch up with what's happened. I'm sure if you carry on like this everything will come right really soon.

Good luck, and many congratulations

Oh eeny- congratulations and welcome to your lovely little baby. I hope someone who knows more will be along soon but I know that it is possible to breastfeed a baby who arrives a bit early and things WILL settle down in the next few days and weeks. And I'm sorry things are hard, You are doing really well and these are emotional days. You are star and Alex is a lucky baby getting the best.

And don't worry about his being happier on one side than the other, that's really normal. He will wake up when he's stronger and will be able to suck better. It does get easier. Sorry you've had such a horrible time. Keep posting. Jaundice is really not unusual. Babies get better and the fact that he is breastfeeding is so great. Keep on offering, keep him close and spend as much time as possible in bed with your baby. He WILL get better. You WILL breastfeed him. The nightmare will end and you will start to enjoy him. Is your husband looking after you? You need lots of help right now. No housework, no cooking, no stressful visitors.

Oh what a time it sounds as if you have had and are having. So hard.
But your lovely baby IS getting your milk, and the colostrom will have done him a power of good - they still get goodness before your milk comes in, you know! And their stomachs are only the size of walnuts, so it doesn't take much to fill them up!

DS was jaundiced, and the best advice we had was to expose him to sunlight, even through a window is good. With feeding and putting him close to the window, his jaundice went.

These days wil pass - don't forget that you are in prime 'baby blues' time atm and are probably feeling hormonal as well as tired out and elated and traumatised....it's a lot.

Posting all about the birth may well help you a lot, too.

Huge congratulations on the birth of little Alex.

ah sorry u r having a tough time, its all a bit overwhelming at first and also worrying and you must be so tired. try and get as much rest as posible i always found going to be with ds, and playing next to him with no top on either of us with a cover over us, helped as i was relaxed to feed and baby was comforted by skin 2 skin, i also found that tickling his toes feet, to keep him away or stripping him off to wake him up a little helped a warm bath is also a good idea and if u r suffering with milk coming in i think cabbage really helped me, abd expressing a little off too ease, also laying front down in bath,, feeding staright after a bath or in a bath is great for lazy ones as milk flows much faster i used to fill up in the bath more as i was relaxed which helped with the milk flow, hope this helps a littlexx

oh babe, im really sorry about the jaundice. its so frustrating.
ds came only a week early but was severely jaundiced and was on the list for a blood transfusion etc.
he was always asleep and couldnt latch on. if he did it was too hard for him to get the milk flowing.
it sounds like you are doing the right things. keep on expressing and if you have him near you while you do it or look at a photo of him, it helps get the milk going as it releases something in your brain to make more milk.
keep trying your best without the shields too. i used them for a bit but found they affected my supply a little in the end.
i dont know what else to suggest as as i said, you seem to have it all right by yourself. im sure you are feeding him as much as poss as this flushes the jaundice out.
dont feel awful about it, its no ones fault and cant be helped, just stay positive and know u are doing the best you can. it will come right.
are u at home or is he being kept in the hosp?

Thanks so much everybody for your replies.
I'm still really tearful but have cheered up quite a bit from them.

We're both home from hospital now and my DH (Salamander) is off for a few weeks with us as well. He is brilliant and helping so much.

I am anaemic now from loss of blood after the birth, so I'm basically being waited on hand and foot.

All I do is breastfeed and express milk - Sal does everything else.

Sal disagrees with this and says that I do loads and loads, but have been advised bedrest by the MW.

Alex won't let us do skin to skin as he howls each time we have to change his babygro - he hates being naked.
But he does sleep on our chests all the time, so I suppose his face is getting skin-to-skin contact

Eeny, so sorry you're feeling low at the moment - as Blu pointed out, you're actually at the time when 'baby blues' kicks in for a few days, which makes it seem all the worse. There's some really good advice here, re. being by a window to help the jaundice, skin to skin contact, feeding after (and in) the bath etc. Do keep expressing to keep your supply up, but do remember that once you get over this little blip (and I'm sure you will) a baby becomes far better and more efficient at getting the milk out than a pump ever will - he will become an expert, just takes a little more time and patience for him to learn - he is early after all.

My ds was 5 weeks early, only 4lbs though, and I had assorted problems with feeding him, starting with actually getting him to latch on after only having fed him EMB by NG tube, and once home, suddenly deciding to root in the opposite direction, for weeks! BUT we got there eventually, and I managed to feed him up until just over 18 months.

Do persist - it's so worth it when it finally clicks into place. You're doing really well, Eeny, and I know your dh supports you 100%, which honestly makes all the difference - my best wishes to you an Sal. You WILL get there!!

Hi Eeny & Sal and Eeny weeny!
Congratulations on your new bundle. It sounds like you are doing brilliantly
I have 4 little ones, and with the last 2 I lost a lot of blood during birth. It takes a few weeks to build up strength again, and it's not surprising you are exhausted. Iron rich food is very important... dark choc is pretty good

So listen to that MW and take the bedrest. There are not many times when you can get away with staying in bed with your baby - but you can now so enjoy getting to know your little one

And he will get the hang of the bf soon - he is just very little! Is your MW nice & supportive?

Txx

Hello eenywifemum. I was in a very similar situation to you. My dd was 7+ weeks early and I brought her home after 4 weeks in scbu with an ng tube still in and having breastfeeds plus formula. I too was very anaemic having been really ill with preeclampsia and then having an open wound in my abdomen after my c-section scar came apart and couldn't be stitched back together.

My dd is now 14 weeks tomorrow and thriving but those early days when I got her home were scary as I, like you, was just desperate to know that she was getting enough milk and she was still so very small. My dd is mix fed, which isn't at all what I had wanted when preg, but I needed to give her formula to help her weight gain. She still really likes her breastfeeds, I think that it's a great comfort to her as well as a source of food, in fact she's enjoying one as I type .

I really want you to know that things will get better, esp as your lo gradually spends more time awake and getting to know you and your dh. You are doing a fantastic job, esp with the expressing which I got really sick of. Relax as much as possible and do put your feet up and enjoy cuddling your lo and being a mum.

Hi eenywifemum,

Sorry but I can't really offer you any diff advice but just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. It must be hard for you, doing all that expressing and being anaemic too. Cuddle up in bed or on the sofa together and keep offering him the breast. Maybe he could just sleep in the bf possition next to your nipple to stimulate your milk and so he gets used to being there. He may even have a little go. I'm still bf my dd and she was 1 last week. Its def well worth all the effort that you are doing. Keep up the good work and rest lots. Keep us updated!xxx

awww eeny xx

Can only agree with what everyone says - baths for feeding, make sure you are comfortable. Take each day as it goes.

Do not worry about anything else!!!! Looking after your little man is number one priority at the moment! That's why they give men paternity leave to keep the house in a reasonable state and make sure you're eating and keeping healthy!

Have that lots of bedrest too. Alex isn't going to want to do much besides eat and sleep so you aren't doing anything wrong by doing the same. Try to keep your spirits high (if there's a snack you fancy, a drink you fancy, a movie you'd like to watch while feeding) make sure Sal sources it for you and the low feeling will pass.

Hi eeny - those first few weeks are soooooooo hard. I'm so sorry you're finding life tough. I can't imagine what you're going through.

I'm not going to offer advice as such excpet for.............

My DS also hated being naked in the first 6 weeks - but he loved cuddles (he detested baths with me!!). Apparently, for preemeies, constant contact with mum has been shown to stimulate them and they 'do' better than babies that are only picked up at feeding time.

Please, please, please get regular visits from a qualified BF counsellor. Midwives and HVs know diddly squat about BF.

Rest woman!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay in bed, eat, sleep and nest with your baby. You've had such a rough ride.

Oops, DS home - have to go. Sporyy for abrupt post

eenywifemum - what you are experiencing is extremely common for babies born early. Time and perseverence will help. My DS was 5 weeks early and initially was fed by tube. He didn't start feeding until he was 8 days old and by then he was ready.

Does your hospital have an Infant Feeding Advisor or Breastfeeding Co-ordinator? If not then contacting a breastfeeding counsellor would be a good idea.

It would be better to keep teats in the shape of bottles or nipple shields away from him at the moment. In our unit we would offer feeds by cupfeeding. Babies are very good at it and it avoids confusion of sucking at a teat which is different. If he attached to the right breast then let him do that. You can express from the left and as his feeding improves you may find that you can get him on the left by changing positions etc.

When you are expressing, switch sides as the milk slows as that will speed the process up for you rather than expressing for 15 minutes where you might be only getting a dribble in the last few minutes. As you express on one breast, your milk 'lets down' on the other so you get more milk overall when you switch sides.

I know you feel your DS does not like being naked but it is probably the actual physical changing of clothes he doesn't like. Skin-to-skin contact is one of the most important things to help babies breastfeed. It means that he will decide for himself when he wants to feed and it will stimulate more interest. Keep his nappy on and let him lie on your chest.Put a baby blanket over the top of him to keep him warm. As you are resting a lot it will be ideal for him to lie with you. I'll link some more info for you and hopefully TikTok will see this.

The main thing is that as he gets stronger and hid jaundice clears, his feeding will improve. It will be easier to get him onto the breast though is he avoids using a teat or nipple shield. At the end of the day though, you need to find solutions that work for you and have help in real life. Please ask your midwife about more expert help ie breastfeeding co-ordinator at the hospital. We certainly have one that our midwives contact.

Eeny, Tiktok's away for a bit (I saw on another thread last night), so she won't be able to help - do call one of the bfeeding counselling supportlines.

Good luck with it - and post here for more help or reassurance as well as speaking to someone directly.

Hunker x x x

helpful info for preterm babes

here is an alternative to a teat/nipple shield

I presume Salamander will do the surfing for you eeny - try to remain positive. Will look in again later to see how you are getting on. Please do concentrate on the skin to skin part - it is really so helpful.

eeny, a friend of mine went through a very similar situation to yours. It took a month or more of perseverence for bfing to really take with her lo. Like you, she had to initially give ebm as he was in the special care unit for 2 weeks. They also used nipple shields for a bit. But, it all worked out and she wound up bfing for 18 months! He is a healthy little boy of 2 now and is almost as big as my 3 year old (who is not small for his age by any means). I know it's hard to have a traumatic birth and then have to cope with bfing problems. Just take it one day, one hour, even one feed at a time. Keep posting and talking. It will get better

eeny, it does get better babe and is so worth it once all the kinks are sorted out. caleb was doing this the first few days as well... too lazy to feed, not waking up for feeds and refusing to latch on properly. i know it sounds terrible but being quite firm can be the only way to convince them sometimes. strip him down so the cool air rouses him a bit and have him in direct contact with your skin. stroke his nose and cheeks and chin to encourage him to open up (this can take ages so persevere) and when you do get his mouth open i find holding your nipple with fingers above and below to flatten it and help him take more into his mouth is the best way to encourage a latch when their being lazy.

i know you exhausted hun but it does get easier... the more he feeds the stronger and more alert he'll get and as he gets bigger he'll take larger feeds at longer intervals... i know at the minute it must seem endless but a routine will emerge eventually and i can't describe how worthwhile it will all have been. i'll be on msn later if you wanna talk

Hiya Eeny!
I'm no expert on BF as I couldn't manage it myself so I've not much experience to share but I just wanted to say how well your doing, perservering with it and like someone else mentioned you will have managed to give Alex the colostrum which is great and will help him alot.

The first few weeks are hard but just take advantage of all the rest you can get, pile up on trashy films, mags etc and lots of snacks and drinks.
You'll be up and about before you know it

xxx