Breastfeeding in Public

[quootiepie]

Hiya...
This has probably been discussed to exhaustion but Im curious to know how many people DO breastfeed in public, how they do it and how easy/ hard is it? I am breastfeeding, and my son is now 4 months and I feel pretty housebound. As soon as he feeds its a mad dash out the door, and when im out im rushing- hes like a timebomb. As soon as he starts the pre-feed warning signs, its a mad dash home to feed in comfort and privacy. If I go for a trip out, its to windsor as its the only place with feeding facilities (in daniels). I cant even pluck up the courage to feed in windsor great park, incase a ranger spots me and tells me off, or a member of the public. The most daring place ive fed is my husbands car in toys r us carpark... in a deserted corner though! Being only 20 I feel im vunerable to dirty looks and being told off... am i mad??

You're not mad, Quootiepie - but remember that being told off is pretty unusual! If you got told off by a ranger in Windsor Great Park you could probably ring the press and get on telly like the woman who was told off in Hampton Court (Historic Royal Palaces won't make that mistake again....)

I breastfed in public all the time, everywhere from the top of a hill in the Lake District to a church at my great-aunt's funeral, not to mention countless shops, cafes, park benches, museums, and never had the slightest problem or criticism.

I never went to that much trouble about being discreet, either - the fact is, no-one can really see your breast when there's a baby in the way, but there are ways to do it with muslin squares or scarves to make absolutely sure, if you're bothered.

Go for it - once you've taken the plunge you won't think twice.

You know what, people don't actually have to realise you are doing it - i have been feeding my son and a friends hubby came right up, had a peek at the baby and said 'ahh he is settled now?' didn't realise i was feeding and my SIL said 'he is very noisy when he is asleep isn;t he' - didn't realise again!
why don't you feed your babby in front of a mirror at home so you can see what it looks like - you can be clever with scarves etc if you like but i just hold my baby low so nothing can be seen!
Loads of other threads on here have some great lines if you are challenged

Hi Quootiepie
There's absolutely no 'need' to feed in public if you don't want to, but it sounds like you are having a terrible time trying not to. Honestly, nobody will tell you off - they would FAR rather be around a quiet baby feeding than a screaming baby not feeding. And as the others say the chances of them actually noticing are 0.

Try a normal but non-wired bra and a loose top - bra cup down under the boob, baby up under the jumper - job done. Nobody will see anything.

Do you have any friends who are also bfing? would it help to try and do a joint feed while you are out, as a support?

I have fed my DS in lots of places, restaurants and cafes, the beach, airplanes, on a chair in Gap, the US embassy

The fear of being stared at or being challenged is daunting at first but once you do it once and no one says anything you will feel much better

Take the plunge!

Sorry at referral to jumpers in this heat - D'oh! I meant a loose tunic or something.

I feed in public all the time because otherwise I too would feel housebound and thus go mad . The first time I did it I felt a bit nervous but as the others have said you actually can't really see anything. If you feel nervous then why not start with somewhere that you think you feel comfortable with and have someone with you who you know is supportive of your breastfeeding to give you more confidence.

Never had anybody say anything to me either - apart from relatives, but that's another story! The only time I've encountered a problem was when I asked in a cafe if it was OK for me to bf. It took them 20 minutes to decide they weren't sure - won't make that mistake again. I never ask anywhere now that I wouldn't expect to ask if I had a bottlefed baby.

It's a lot easier once you've done it a few times, and I think a lot of us secretly hope to be challenged once we've got some good retorts up our sleeves!

Know what you mean about worrying, I was always conscious of who was around when I fed away from home. Always tried to use feeding rooms but when one wasn't available just fed anywhere. I found that if I asked in cafes etc then people were really helpful. Ds2 not a discreet feeder though and i was always very aware of this. But in the end it was a choice of staying at home all the time or having a life

I've fed ds more or less everywhere - church, botanic gardens, park benches, shopping centres... The only comments I've ever had were 'how lovely' from an old lady and from a boy of about 6, who asked me what I was doing and got the reply 'feeding him', and then asked 'Did you put sausage in there?' I am in Germany though, which is a bit more liberal on these things than the UK - but I've bf in all sorts of places in the UK too and never had a comment! Go for it! The sheer mobility and ease when bf is one of the big practical advantages over bottlefeeding.

I fed everywhere. Nobody ever said anything. I fed on tubes, trains and planes. I fed in parks, in school assemblies, in restaurants and cafes. Nobody will ever say anything.

And please don't ask permission! It just gives them the impression they can say "no". You wouldn't ask permission to breathe, why should you ask permission to feed your baby?

I fed in public quite happily. You can do is very discreetly. I would choose somewhere where I wasn't RIGHT next to someone else, and although you sometimes see people do a bit of a double take, it's pretty uncommon for anyone to really object.

I only really know one mum, but shes a bottle feeder. I really want to be able to pluck up the courage as I feel sorry for my son having to spend the summer indoors

Ok, well, a good way to practice public breastfeeding, gently, is to try it at a breastfeeding cafe, baby cafe, or NCT coffee morning. I'm guessing you're near Windsor? Does anyone know any good groups in that area? (A quick websearch isn't turning up anything promising.)

Alternatively, could you go to a normal cafe with your friend? It's always more relaxed and comfortable with company, even if they're not bf themselves.

Id never BF infront of her! Its much more embarrassing with someone you know. Shes not really a friend, shes the wife of my husbands friend... they are abit miffed that im BF, and even more so that at 4 months hes not on solids I might give it a go next time im out and about... I always wear BFing bras anyway and I have a big top to wear. Ill probably get arrested for indecent exposure!

You really can't get arrested!

If you're uncomfortable bf in front of her (understandably if she's funny about bf), then I'd go for a quiet cafe, or a breastfeedingy sort of event ...

Oh god, and avoid them if they're hassling you about solids.

Are you in Windsor? I'll find you the NCT coffee morning details. Yes, you will be the youngest person there, but you're unlikely to be hassled for not giving solids yet!

If you go Here and enter your postcode, it will tell you about your local branches.

Do you go to any M&B groups. People were always whipping them out there. You could just join in.

Oh, please don't hide away, sounds like your fear of being embarrassed is seriously affecting your life and your enjoyment of your baby. I fed anywhere and everywhere, park benches, restaurants, anywhere we went, really and never had any criticism, honest.

Had a prepared response in my head ready to trot out if anyone did comment but never had to use it once (along the lines of 'look somewhere else if it bothers you, didn't your mother tell you it's rude to stare' or something).

not mad but making life v hard for yourself. once you've got the hang of the whole breastfeeding lark and its become a bit easier you really can feed quite discreetly out and about... most people wont notice and even if they do hardly anyone would think it odd / bad... and if they do thats THEIR problem....
the right sort of top helps, one you can hoik up and shove baby underneath without exposing your tummy to the world...
please please dont feel embaressed. you're obviously doing a great job to be bfing. do it a few times and it'll get easier and easier. good luck.

Another tip about where to do it the first time, QP, especially if you're on your own: there are certain places in most towns where the mums tend to hang out, eg the cafes in Marks & Spencer or Borders. If you look carefully you might even notice that there other mums in the same cafe as you already bf, which ought to make it feel more normal
That would be a bit less full-on than going to an NCT coffee morning if there isn't one near you or if it's not quite your scene.

Its never occurred to me to ask in a cafe if its OK to ,I've just done it!

When I was out and about if there wasn't a feeding room anywhere I would usually find a cafe. If you're a bit nervous either go for somewhere quiet and find a seat facing the wall or alternatively go for somewhere bustling where everyones too busy to notice -whichever you feel most comfortable with.

On the occasion I haven't been able to find anywhere I've often popped back to the car in the car park and fed there.

you might find it easier bfing while out with your dh to start with, if he's supportive - that way you won't be worried about handling comments on your own while also dealing with the baby and worrying about flashing your boobs, and so you can relax and enjoy it more.

Squashy sofas in coffee bars are excellent for public bfing, as are sofas in family-friendly pubs.

agree with whoever said to practice in front of a mirror - ime the only people who'll notice what you're doing are those who have done it themselves. I only ever got positive comments while feeding ds, mostly from old ladies .