Been avoiding reading this thread all day
DS2 is now 4 months old and I have loathed breastfeeding him. I've had mastitus once and thrush twice and it was 6 weeks before I could feed him without it been excrutiating and another 2 or 3 weeks before the pain went completely. The first few weeks I changed my breast pads so regularly because the blood from my nipples soaked them. I couldn't feed infront of anyone (apart from DS1 and DH) so I was limited in where I could go or even having visitors - its not as if I could pop off upstairs to feed him as for 3 months, he fed for an hour and a half, every 3 hours
I hated it, I mean it, I really really hated breastfeeding him; it made me cry with pain, frustration and sheer dislike - I loathed the sensation even when the pain had passed. I rarely had a snuggly feed with him, he almost always flailed his arms and legs, pulled back without letting go, twisted about and generally came off every five minutes or so
I spoke to BF counsellors almost weekly - and on more than one occasion I was sobbing so hard down the phone they couldn't understand me. I had one wonderful NCT BF counsellor who came and spent hours with me, hours, offering advice and support.
A couple of weeks ago, I started introducing a formula feed to replace a breast feed. By the time he was on 3 formulas and two breast feeds, I couldn't feed him at all - he simply would not take the breast. He would scream with hunger but refuse to do more than have a couple of sucks no matter what we tried - me, DH, HV and BF counsellor. So I stopped bf altogether on Wednesday, having sat in baby clinic showing my HV what he was doing and crying my eyes out. She has been wonderful (unlike the witch she works with) and as she said, formula isn't toxic waste.
Two days on, I am still in tears about it, just typing this is making me cry. I don't get it. I really did not like bf, but now I have stopped, I miss it, I don't feel the same closeness to him when I bottle feed him as I did b/f him, yet sometimes I could have screamed at him when he fought on the breast. On a positive side, I have enjoyed being his mummy these last two days so much more than the previous four months - don't get me wrong, I enjoyed him before, but its more relaxed now.
I never understood before how emotive an issue breast feeding is - I bottle fed DS1. But having been on both sides of the fence, I have to say that noone, absolutely noone has any right to make value judgements on how anyone chooses to feed; I have been so hurt by comments people have made to me over the past four months about both bottle and breast feeding (not here on MN where everyone has been so supportive) that I would now never even ask an expectant mum how she planned to feed
Anyway, thats my overlong twopennorth worth.