BF nightmare-dreading next feed

[NickyEds]

Desperate for advice. Sat with 11 day old and dreading next feed. He's been on and off feeding ok until today and now I can't get him to latch on properly. my nipples are in tatters (sorry! TMI) and I'm really tearful about it. I've found BF hard and have already got into bad habits- earlier I knew he wasn't positioned right but was just so desperate for him to feed so I could sleep I just powered through the pain. Using lanolin but does anyone know about nipple guards?- I don't want to wreck to mediocre work I've already done but will try anything. He's tongue-tied-might that have something to do with it?

Sorry to hear this. I think tongue tied is a problem as they don't always latch on properly. Can you call you midwife in the morning? Do you have a number for a breast feeding advisor or calling the hospital or midwife they may have a number for one. Just so you can get some help with latching on? The midwife should also advise you re tongue tied and I know some babies have this resolved early on.

Keep using the cream and try to get a good latch next time as baby will feed a bit better and longer and you may have a bit of a longer break inbetween. I've not used the shields but it may be worth a go. Or can you express some milk so you have a break?

Yes, the tongue tie will be affecting his latch, which will very likely make you sore. What is happening with the TT, is it being snipped?

Can't help with the tt but the nipple shields were a life (nipple) saver for me.

When I got them (when dd was 5 days old) my nipples were blistered due to poor latch. Using the shields meant I could continue to bf whilst they healed.

Slowly weaned myself off them during the day when I could focus on latch, just using at night when I was too tired. And then off them all together.

My dd is now 6 months and is ebf but without the shields I don't think we would have got through the early cluster feeds.

mid wives have said to " wait and see"if the tongue tie affects feeding as he is looking good and having lots of heavy nappies. Seeing midwife tomorrow but getting frustrated as all they seem to say is that yes it's hard but I should just persevere- makes me feel like I'm whining about something most other women just get on with. Might have a go with nipple shields. Would expressing affect my supply and establishment?-

Google breastfeeding support and your location

Tongue tie will be shredding nipples; you must get this sorted

Take paracetamol and/or ibruprofen for pain relief.

You need real life help OP. there will be a BF counsellor or similar in the area, kick up a stink with midwife to sort tt out.

I'm going through this too, you have my sympathy! It sounds like it is the Tt, do you have a procedure date? I would push and cry to get it ASAP.

My ds has slight Tt but I can't find anyone who thinks it's affecting his latch which they say is fine. My nipples say otherwise and I'm now bottle feeding and expressing what I can.

Personally nipple shields made me sore as well and ds sucked them like a dummy non stop, but possibly without them I would have given up earlier without them, they get very mixed reviews but some swear by them.

My advice is get to your local bf clinics, get the Tt cut and hope that from there you can move forward. I know how horrible it is to resent your baby and dread them waking, I haven't managed to get through it ebf but I've seen a lot of posts from people that had a great time once Tt was sorted.

What % is tongue tie?

It'll be in your notes or babies red book.

"Wait and see..." = poor support. Is mw a bf specialist? Ask her today when she comes that you want tt sorted.

Expressing isn't the greatest method to extract milk, but it is a method and can help supply - it must be done regularly though.

The BfN has a free helpline number, is strongly recommend calling them. Your local NHS might have a more local one too so have a look on their website.

tt is definitely a feature. I found nipple shields a must. I used the avent ones and found them a life saver. We had the tt snipped but there was a lip tie and we could not get that done so his latch was pretty crappy but obviously better than the tattered nipple phase. You need real life support though, I would never have gotten through without it.

X post. Be more forceful with the midwife, I wish I had been. Personally I would say that without it you are giving up and see if it makes a difference, I get the impression they have targets to hit for bf.

In my area referal us by GP so maybe try them direct? Or could you afford private? About £100 from what I've seen online for midwife to snip it at home and give a bf support session

Thanks for advice. I think the Tt is perhaps more of an issue than the midwife said it would be. They seem to think that as long as he's getting some feed that's good enough (my nipples also say otherwise) and didn't want to refer me. I know everything seems worse at 4 in the morning but
BF really getting me down

Its about a third Tt and very thin. MW not a specialist but went to BF clinic with one who just went over and over benefits of Bf and how terrible formula was! MWs definately on BF quotas but seem to be reaching them by making me feel crap about alternatives rather than offering help.

Google Dr Jack Newman's "All Purpose Nipple Ointment" and see if you can get a prescription for it. I found it to be a godsend. Far better than lanolin. Even rubbing some breast milk in and letting it air dry was better.

Is there an upper lip tie?

My 3 week old had as tongue tie which stopped her latching on and feeding properly and my god the pain of her feeding was stomach churning! she had it snipped at a week old and although the improvement was a gradual one it has made the world of difference. I dont think I'll ever find BF comfortable but it shouldn't be painful. Insist that you see someone who is trained to snip tongue ties, the longer its left the worse it will be (its quick and painless for baby). The MW shouldn't refuse, they're meant to encourage and support BF not expect you to go through agony til you feel like giving up! (your doing great btw, BF is one of the hardest things in the world at times so dont feel bad)

This ask sounds very similar to ds who had a cracking tongue tie and was loads better after it was cut.

One thing that helped while we were waiting to have it done was something that seems to be called 'the hamburger latch'! Basically flatten your boob top to bottom just above the nipple and present to open mouth (as if they are having a massive mouthful of hamburger). Neither ds or dd ever really mastered the whole nipple to nose, they open wide and latch on perfectly.

We also had an emergency carton of formula in the house and I'd say to myself, one more feed and I'll use the formula if I need to next time. Things gradually got easier.

As other posters said, do get some real life support in the morning.

I found nipple guards made the pain worse. It protected my nipples, yes, but DS had to suck so much harder to get the milk out that it felt like I was having boob liposuction.

I remember that feeling of having shredded, bleeding nipples all to well, and of having to ball up my fists and curl my toes and sob though the pain just to get my babies fed, and I really, really feel for you.

In my experience there isn't always a solution or an answer, except to stop. People will tell you you must have the wrong position, or the baby must be tongue tied, or not latching on properly, try this, try that, do it hanging from the lampshade etc, and sometimes despite plenty of help and support to make sure you are doing right, you are still in the most unbelievable agony.

Sorry to be so negative but that's just my experience after trying to feed three babies and giving up after a month.

Try everything you can, by all means, so long as you can stay sane throughout, and I genuinely hope you crack it and it all falls into place. But don't let anyone make you feel like a failure if one day you just cannot take it any more and reach for a bottle of formula. You'll feel guilty enough by yourself without inviting anyone else to heap on the shit. If you decide to stop, make your decision, stand by it, never look back, and never apologise. It's a wonderful thing, but it's really not the be all and end all.

My DS had an incredibly severe tongue tie. BF hurt so much I cried every feed. My nipples were chapped, cracked, swollen, bruised and bleeding. For me nipple shields were only thing that kept me going. I used breast milk all over nipples and then lansinoh cream after each feed.
The medela shields were best for me. I warmed them first which made then more pliable for baby so sucking was easy for him.
He was treated for tongue tie after 2 weeks and I continued to use shields whilst we got latch right. DS is now 4 months and in 98 percentile for weight. Feeding is so easy now. I never really feel it. I also find it so convenient when out, travelling, during the night etc.
Once tongue tie is sorted you'll be in a whole new world.

Multi mam instant relief compress. Get them from boots. Helped me alot to relieve pain and soreness. Recommend 100%. ASAP. Send someone out in morning.

You can also use paraffin gauze. But found compresses more soothing.

Deff try nipple shields. It's the only thing that got me through. I'm now at 3 months due to them. So couldn't recommend enough.
If nipple shields hurt (mine did but only on one side) try a bigger size.

I had pain on one side only. Which I guess was better as I gave that side a rest for a day. Could you do this?

I know exactly how you feel. I remember sobbing because of the pain. I kept thinking get to 4 weeks then quit. Then thought everyone says 6weeks it gets better, so then set that as my goal. At 2months decided I'd keep going as long as I could.

Dont be afraid of Giving a bottle. If you can express that's great. In first month I allowed one bottle a day by someone else so I could have a break and so could my boobs.
I feel like this small break helped me long term.
I know people tell you to avoid a bottle so early. But all conversations I've had lead me to believe its ok. And where bottles have been avoided they have found it difficult long Term when wanting to give occasional bottle.
I now no longer have time to express however give a ff bottle when needed and lo has no issues switching from boob to bottle.

In terms of TT. Insist on referral. Nice guidelines state a TT snip should be provided if effecting feeding. Hopefully mentioning this will kick them up the arse. Also threaten to complain. Also works. Don't be nervous about kicking up a fuss. This is your baby and you need to. If you can afford it pay for it as sooner is better for you.

We didn't go down this Line with ds1. He has a 100% TT. Ended up ff as mw were so unhelpful. I was told it would prob break itself. It hasn't. Now worried about speech. A tiny snip at a few weeks could have sorted this. Now at 15 months it will be an operation.

Hope your ok. Keep posting. Lots of support here.

Have you tried your local La Leche League? Ours are incredibly lovely. When a fiend was having similar problems one of them came out to visit her an phoned regularly to check she was ok. They will be able to give you details of people who specialise in tongue-tie as a lot of MW are not terribly well informed.

And if all else fails, FF is not the end of the world and you won't have failed in any way.

I always think a FF baby with a happy, relaxed mum is better off than a BF one with a stressed, miserable mum.

It doesn't matter what % the TT is this is actually no indicator of how much problems you will have with it. Some babies feed well with a full tie others with minor ties have significant problems with feeding, if it's shredding your nipples then push for it to be cut. if you feel you can't wait as long as an NHS refural and you can pay then look for a laction consultant who can do it privately. If you look on the www.lcgb.org/ website, you could possibly have it done before the end of the week.

Thanks so much everyone-you've been a godsend. Time for a very frank discussion with the MW i think. Going to explain just how bad this is -have been afraid she'll think i'm a shit Mum or overly fussy or pushy but I've just about reached the point where I don't care! Thanks again

One of the main indicator with tt is how much it bloody hurts. It took 16 weeks for my nipples to heal after that shite was spouted about not looking like a tt. Gah I get so frustrated with hcps saying it is only to do with milk transfer, it is bullshit. On the nipple shields there are right and wrong ways to use them. I used them on dd1s and dd2 incorrectly and had some of the issues other women have mentioned but on ds I really got good advice and used them properly.

Use the thinnest one to can.
Put something on it to stick it to the breas and stop chaff, olive oil or lanolin was what I used. make sure it is a good fit, that is really important. There are more things but I cannot think of them lll were fantastic.

Poor you! Sounds like you are doing really well to keep perservering despite not getting a lot of support in real life...

My 3 and a half week old son had complete tongue tie, that, combined with me having flat nipples and being a first time mum meant that our first week was tough. I ended up giving him some formula as he literally couldn't latch and was starving! We got the tt fixed privately the day after it was spotted (no nhs clinics for over 2 weeks), and I started using nipple shields. I know that they aren't recommended by most, but they allowed me to establish breastfeeding whilst we work on his latch. DS is now exclusively breastfed and we are phasing out the nipple shields (and working on my confidence)- I have a milk drunk baby on my lap as I type!

I guess I don't much to add, except that I recommend getting the TT fixed, nipple shields do have a place, and don't beat yourself up for doing whatever you have to in order to survive these early days. It's hard but when you start to make progress you will feel much better. Good luck and congratulations!

Imnotbeverley, I phased out the nipple shields at about 7-8 weeks. I would latch him on using the shield and then midway though the feed sneak him off and latch him back on without it. It was a bit sore for a few days as he was used to latching more vigorously for the shields but we soon adapted.

neun, I am hoping to do the same. We haven't really got the hang of latching without nipple shields but was hoping as he gets a bit bigger it will improve.

Overall though I am feeling pleased to have perservered at breastfeeding in any form, I felt very down about it initially!