Demand feeding

[SueHolloway]

Hi,

I have a 6 week old baby boy and exclusively breastfeed. I demand feed as advised by the midwives, however someone said I should be dropping feeds and imposing a structure. I'm not sure what is right and what is wrong. I am finding at the moment that he demands feeding every hour or so, and at night he wakes every 2 hours for feeding.

At the moment I can't even have a bath without him realising I've gone and screaming the place down! Maybe he's going thru a growth spurt in which case I can't drop feeds now.

I tried expressing as a way of my partner being able to feed him and give me a break but this causes engorgement and is really painful. So I thought about using formula but don't really want to mix feed and am worried he'll get confused between the breast and the bottle.

We have also been told he has colic from not being winded properly so we have been using Infacol for this, but have found it's not effective as yet. We are worried he might be over-feeding due to trapped wind making him think he is hungry when he isn't.

I am feeding every hour to 2 hours both day and night and we are shattered from nights of broken sleep.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as we cannot get hold of a breastfeeding counsellor at the moment.

Thank you.

Happy New Year!

Sue

Feeding on demand makes sure that your supply matches what the baby needs. If you try and drop feeds it could affect your supply and your babies weight.

Basically it gets easier as they get a bit older. But you have to go with the flow. It is hard but the benefit is that you know you are giving your son what he needs.

Breastfeeding is hard but you can do it and make it work for you. I used to feed in bed and nap at the same time. If you can get someone to show you it does really help. I didn't get on with expressing but I can imagine it will work for some people. It might be that expressing was stimulating your body to produce more milk than you needed.

kellymom.com has good info.

Good luck.

Awh that sounds like such hard work but it is totally normal and you're doing a great job. The NHS advice (and all decent breastfeeding advice) is to feed on demand. Gradually your baby will space things out, though not necessarily to predictable intervals if he's anything like mine!

What makes you think he has colic/problems with wind? I only ask because sometimes people worry about this when it's just normal baby behaviour. There is no robust evidence that infacol actually works for wind so that may be why it's not helping. I do know people who swear by it though.

In terms of getting a break could you go to bed when you're partner isn't at work and send them out for a quick walk? Often babies find the movement soothing and will have a little nap. When the baby gets hungry your partner can deliver him to you in bed and then take him back when he's finished feeding. That way you can at least rest a bit in between.

Mine never seemed to go for more than 2 hours between feeds.
You'll also get "feeding days" where he has a growth spurt and needs to stimulate more milk production. You can't fight it- just have to put your feet up with lots of snacks and drinks and go with it. Also try to map when he does. Let the housework go too. It's only temporary.
Well done for getting this far!

I found it easier to gently introduce a schedule than feed 100% on demand. So I would offer, wind, offer to try and get a good feed in 7am so that I could do the school run (I drive). The same thing before pick up at 2. From these feeds I knew he would be wanting feeds at 2 hourish intervals and plan accordingly, getting to somewhere suitable to feed if out and a cup of tea and the remote ready if at home. I set aside the evenings to cluster feed and basically didnt expect to do much else after 6pm.

Have a look at your day and see if you can carve some me time somewhere, bearing in mind at this early stage we are talking in terms of 20 min shower or a quick lunch.

And it wont always work out how you plan and on growth spurt days Im stuck on the sofa pretty much constant apart from school runs,

Sounds like you're doing everything right. You will get lots of "advice" from lots of people, all well-meaning but not necessarily helpful. Speaking to a bf specialist will help. Be aware that hvs and mws aren't all necessarily experts, and I have also heard of GPs giving terrible advice too.
I second the recommendation of the kellymom site. La leche league and breastfeeding network are also good. There's also a national breastfeeding helpline, just google it.
If you're in the north east there's a great group on fb with excellent advice from LLL leaders. PM me if you want info.
There is a growth spurt about six weeks and many babies start to go a little longer overnight about now.
Congratulations on your baby, enjoy this time as much as you can, it does get easier. Until then the sofa and tv are your friends!

I've found the sleep deprivation gets easier, like you get used to it. It's funny how little sleep I find I'm able to survive on nowadays - as long as I don't push myself to do all the things I used to do pre-baby. Well done for all you're doing.

Please don't bother with infacol - the only reason why it seems to work for anyone is because they use it for such a long time that things get better naturally anyway. Colic is just a word that people use to describe the totally normal unsettled behaviour of newish babies. It's not actually a thing in itself. Babies are just getting used to the movements in their bowels and tummy and it feels weird to them and they have to learn how to fart and burp! Until they do they can be irritable little creatures. It will get better!

On bottle/nipple confusion I don't think you need to worry at 6 weeks. They should know the difference and to actually have a chance at getting your LO to take a bottle now would be a good time to try. With my first I offered a bottle of EBM at about 6 weeks and she switched easily. With my second I couldn't be bothered to bottle feed and now at 5 months she will not take a bottle :-(

Good luck

Thanks to you all for your lovely helpful messages! I couldn't believe I got 9 responses - some sites you get none! I tried Breastfeeding.com and nobody replied!

Anyway, in answer to the question about Infacol and trapped wind, my mother-in-law said that he was in pain as he was bringing his knees up to his chest and screwing his face up, so she advised to try Infacol. To be honest, I keep forgetting to give it to him anyway. I think I'll go on with it just to keep her quiet for now! Apparently it doesn't do any harm.

I might not be getting the winding right as I can't always get anything to come out after feeding. I find it doesn't always work and is so tiring at nights when all you want to do is get back to sleep after feeding!
He does suffer from hiccups a lot and nothing seems to help it.

Re. demand feeding my very helpful brother said to drop feeds and I'm glad I didn't listen to him now. He hasn't had any babies for about 20 years so his advice is out of date now anyway.

I was worried I was over-feeding as he seems to need feeding a lot and he kicks his legs and scratches if I try to wind him and he roots a lot even straight after a very long feed. I was told the reason he gets upset is due to trapped wind making him feel hungry when he isn't.

When he's with me all day he feeds and feeds because he can smell the milk. When he has visitors he gets passed around and doesn't feed as much so has more frequent and longer feeds to make up for it.

He's def more unsettled and frantic in the evenings so at the moment it is best to just sit, feed and watch tv - no great hardship really esp over xmas!

I tried expressing and got 30ml out before it became engorged. It took 20 mins to get that so I wonder how much he's getting.

There is such a lot of different advice out there, it's difficult to know what to go with. I think you have to just follow your instincts and be led by the baby.

Thanks again. Happy New Year!

Sue

Hi,

Forgot to say I've also been told to leave him to cry otherwise I'll make a rod for my own back. (another helpful family member). I can see what he's saying but the midwives say to not leave him as he's too young, so I pick him up after a couple mins at the most. Obviously sometimes I have to leave him if he won't sleep and I need to get food, etc, but I always check if he's ok.
Any thoughts appreciated!

THANKS LOTS
Sue

One really useful piece of advice I read was to ignore the advice of anyone whose child is more than two years older than yours - they will have forgotten what that stage of baby/childhood is like. So def discount your brother.

And please don't leave your little baby to cry - you really can't spoil a little baby, all you'll do by leaving them to cry is upset them more as they'll think they've been left. Good luck with your little one, trusts your instincts, not your relatives

It can be so difficult when people give you advice. I tend to smile and nod then do what I think is best My rule of thumb is that if I can't find any impartial evidence like scientific research then I go with my instinct.

Newborns like to suck, it's not always about being hungry. The evening is a classic time for them to be unsettled and or to feed continually. You are doing the right thing to just go with it. It will help establish your supply.

Also the amount you can express is no indication of how much your baby is getting as babies are far more efficient. www.kellymom.com is a great site for breastfeeding advice.

Absolutely no point in leaving him to cry, he's far far too young to learn anything from that (and personally I would never do it but that's another issue). He has been inside you for 9 months so it's only natural that he wants you close now.

You're doing great, follow your instincts

Sounds like your family are full of 'helpful' advice!

I can promise you that people do forget what they did with their babies as an earlier poster says. My second baby came less than 2 years after my first and I had forgotten so much.

I can (almost) guarantee you that in a few weeks all this unsettled behaviour will be gone (or almost gone). Searching for answers to trapped wind and 'colic' is pointless. Maturing the digestive system is what helps. I think you have the right idea about sitting it out with the TV.

At 6 weeks old my little one would feed and feed all evening even though she would then usually vomit it all up and start again. I think she like the comfort sucking but didn't know how to do the non-nutritive sucking. It took her a while to learn how to gently suck with getting milk.

I suppose what I'm saying is that babies need to learn to feed effectively at 6 weeks its still early days for your baby. My LO is much more skilled now at 4.5 months old. Hang on in there. Hold cuddle and feed as often as needed - this will all have passed before you know it.

Happy new year with your little one!

It's feeding comfortable for you? ie no pain.

We are actually a bit obsessed with winding in this country, a lot of the time they don't really need it and won't always bring up any wind. if he doesn't after a few minutes then give up. No point keeping you all up longer then needed at night.

The fussy behavior you are describing in the evenings sounds like normal newborn cluster feeding. This is totally normal and if you have a read on kellymom as some have suggested its all explained there.

Colic is inconsolable crying in a baby when nothing will help them setal.

I asked about pain as your baby is still feeding very often, which can be totally normal at this age. But if your still having any discomfort then some additional help with latch may improve his feeding and naturally help space feeds out. Best place to go is a local breastfeeding group, your HV should be able to tell you if you have one or a search on the main charities websites will, NCT, LLL or BfN all run breastfeeding support groups.
Or alternatively if you've no local group a phone call to one of the helpline would be good as they can talk you through it.

lastly don't let anyone tell you not to pick up your cryingbaby far too little to be left, unless you despadesperately need to ie for a wee. which we have all had to do at some point.

Sue, sounds as if you are being buffeted by too many wiseguy giving you the benefit of their opinion.

I have no idea what 'proper' winding is. Babies do need to burp sometimes, and taking them off the breast and sitting them up or otherwise changing position can enable them to do this....you will soon find that some positions seem to work better than others for this for your baby, and put seem in itals because there's no way of really knowing this :) Whatever. There are no 'proper' or 'not proper' ways of doing it.

There is zero evidence for the effectiveness of infacol - it is harmless so use it if you want to. Any apparent improvement in 'wind' or 'colic' is coincidence.

Frequent feeding is normal, and the best thing is to accept it and work out ways of making it easier for you. It is ridiculous to suggest that you should leave him to cry to avoid making a rod for your own back - utterly ridiculous. Babies cry for a reason, they cannot manipulate, and they need a loving response to this cry. Reponding in this way builds trust and emotional resiliance.

Hope your confidence grows and you become able to disregard other people's misinformed views :)

Hi sue, congratulations on your new baby, it sounds like your doing a great job!
My DD is 12 weeks now, and I can easily confirm that 0-8 weeks were the hardest with the none stop feeding/feeding every 1-2 hours at night.
I too am exclusively breastfeeding, and found at 8 weeks she started to be more settled when awake, feeding a bit less often, and sleeping a bit longer at night.
So I'd say keep feeding on demand and lots of cuddles when crying and it'll sort itself out with time xxx

Stinkerboo - love the name!
Thank you for the advice. Yep, trusting my instincts and not the opinions of my family will def be my new year resolution!! Happy New Year
Sue

Hi Glorious! Thanks lots. I have the same philosophy as you as I tend to just smile at other people's well meaning advice but then try to go with my instincts. my LO has had another morning of frantic feeding followed by posseting. My OH has him now whilst I have a break!
Happy New Year!
Sue

I wanted to reply to everyone individually, but have only got so far! Thank you to all of you for your replies.. It's lovely to know there are so many mums out there who have the experience and know exactly what to do. I will sit it out as advised (such a hardship with the telly and non-stop supply of xmas chocolates!!) and I will definitely not leave him to cry for too long. I had to earlier on as I had to do something urgently and he was really screaming by the time I came back and had tears in his eyes, so as long as I make sure that doesn't happen very often it should be ok! When he has a bath he gets quite upset, but I have found that by talking to him in a calm soothing voice and making eye contact, it calms him down instantly.
MigGril asked if I have any pain whilst breast feeding and I have some on one side and have noticed a white spot which is very sore. I think it's a blocked duct so will keep an eye on it.
Thanks and happy New Year to you all!
Sue

Just wanted to say that the white spot you mention sounds like it could be a bleb (milk blister). Have a look at Kellymom here to see what you could do to resolve it.

You're doing well I'm due dc2 soon and am reminded I will be doing all the things you're doing all over again.

I just followed what ds wanted and gradually things evened out. Do not listen to anyone else, especially not MIL! Mumsnet is great for this kind if support, or anyone with dc the same age right now, used to swap tales with nct buddies and we all had the same sad tale!!

Only getting 2h complete sleep bad news but not uncommon at this stage. Bf is great for being able to feed lying down, gives you a rest. Ignore those whose dc are already 'sleeping through'. Everyone is different & these things are often just a phase!

Try 'tiger in the tree' pose for winding (google it). It's a good way to get more air out. Babies do screw up their legs as sign of wind and take a lot of winding. I used to bf ds then pass him to dh to wind. We used to pass him back and forth to keep winding of an evening.

Don't leave him to cry, you are not making a rod for your own back.

If you want to reply to multiple people in a post you can just type the person's name as so:

Anna - I really liked your advice

Helen - I know what you mean!

Emma - I'm not sure about that.

etc etc. Or you can "bold" the names by putting a star either side of the name. Equally it's fine to say thank you collectively, but if you want to address posters directly, I find this is the way to do it - much quicker than posting a new message for each one :)

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better with the breastfeeding - you're really coming to the end of what I always call "boot camp" at the moment, usually lasts 6-8 weeks or so. You'll find that things change again at around 3 months, then 4 months and then again once solid food is established at about 6-9 months. After that it becomes really easy and you'll wonder what you ever worried about!

It sounds like you are doing great. Ignore other people's advice and the following too if you want to

A bit of tummy massage can help if it is trapped wind. Use your flat palm and tub gently but firmly on his tummy in clockwise circles.

Also tiger in the tree hold can be brilliant for settling babies. You put him on his tummy along your forearm with his tummy on your palm and face towards your elbow. (Google it - this description is rubbish . You can rock them in this position, wander round and drink tea

Does he still smell all newborn?

Awh great, and happy new year to you too!

Sue, you are doing a magnificent job.

I've got an 11 week old, and also feed in demand. To be honest, nothing else makes sense to me. Things are a lot easier than in the early weeks. He's learned to feed faster and mostly less often (aside from hungry growing days). He can also be a little bit clingy, so if he's not willing to spend time alone, then he spends time in the sling with me (toilet and shower breaks - he's on his own for a minute). We also have wind problems - lying him on my knees and cycling his legs helps free some of that, and sometimes we just need to be patient before it happens. There seems to be a lot of patience needed for newborns...
Happy new year!