Demand feeding

[SueHolloway]

Hi,

I have a 6 week old baby boy and exclusively breastfeed. I demand feed as advised by the midwives, however someone said I should be dropping feeds and imposing a structure. I'm not sure what is right and what is wrong. I am finding at the moment that he demands feeding every hour or so, and at night he wakes every 2 hours for feeding.

At the moment I can't even have a bath without him realising I've gone and screaming the place down! Maybe he's going thru a growth spurt in which case I can't drop feeds now.

I tried expressing as a way of my partner being able to feed him and give me a break but this causes engorgement and is really painful. So I thought about using formula but don't really want to mix feed and am worried he'll get confused between the breast and the bottle.

We have also been told he has colic from not being winded properly so we have been using Infacol for this, but have found it's not effective as yet. We are worried he might be over-feeding due to trapped wind making him think he is hungry when he isn't.

I am feeding every hour to 2 hours both day and night and we are shattered from nights of broken sleep.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as we cannot get hold of a breastfeeding counsellor at the moment.

Thank you.

Happy New Year!

Sue

hi!
I'm typing one-handed as I have a sleeping baby on my lap! As soon as I put him down, he realises within seconds and cries so not much chance to do anything else!
ExBrightonBauble - thank you for the info. The white spot has gone and I have no more soreness so thank god for that!
I've lost count of the number of feeds he has had today! But I have sat it out with the remote as advised!
BertieBowtiesarecool: thanks for the advice about posting messages and also the info about stages of development. I will be glad to have some end to the constant feeding, but on the other hand, I will be sad when he isn't a little baby any more as he is so clingy (whether that is to do with his birth I'm not sure) and he loves his cuddles!
LittleBearPad / ZenNudist: Thank you too! I will Google the Tiger in the tree hold. I have tried putting him on his tummy across my lap and rubbing his back but this didn't work. As one earlier poster said just changing his position from lying flat seems to bring up a good burp!
He does smell newborn still and he has a lovely soft head which I just love stroking! He really loves having a head stroke and it often sends him to sleep!
Thanks again
got to go - he has started crying again!
Sue xx

For some reason my last msg wasn't posted so I will try and remember what I wrote. Thanks to you all for the advice.

LittleBearPad: Yes he does smell newborn and has the fontanelle still. The thing I love the most is the softness of his head. He loves having his head stroked!

Motherhood has completely changed my life and I wish I'd done it years ago! At 41 I'm an older mother but I will never have any regrets. I would live in regret if I hadn't had my baby boy.

Re. expressing, I did try expressing with a manual breast pump today and couldn't get a drop to come out whereas a few days ago my right breast was engorged and I managed to get 100ml expressed. It's an old pump so could be the fact the diaphragm is worn out, or it could be my supply. But when I put my baby on the breast, he got milk instantly! Has anyone had any similar experiences? Maybe I will only be able to express if I have engorgement. Hope not!

Thanks all.

Sue xx

Just to reiterate what others have said - it sounds like you're doing a brilliant job. Reading your posts has reminded me how tough those first few months are, with the endless feeding and having no clue what (if anything) is wrong with the baby. I found a good position for getting wind out was just sitting DD up on my lap and kind of leaning her forward whilst rubbing her back. Another good was one having her all the way up on my shoulder, almost as if she was going to tip over my back. I think it's about getting some gentle pressure on their tummy to help release any trapped wind.

My DD would also scream if she was put down. So I basically wore her (in a stretchy sling) for the first 3.5 months and we were both very happy with that. She'd also only sleep on me/ DH (during the day), which drove me bonkers by 12 weeks, but now I look back on it with such fond memories. So make the most of all those sleepy, milky snuggles cos they won't last forever.

I know right now it does feel like you'll be trapped under a feeding/ sleeping baby forever, but it passes really quickly! By 4.5 months DD was doing daytime sleeps in cot/ pram and feeds really sped up. By 6 months she rarely took more than 10 minutes for a whole feed, more like 5. Now, at 9 months, she's down to 5 feeds a day, which happen at predictable times (and has dropped her night feed) - all of her own accord. So for now just follow your baby's lead and let things take their natural course.

And yes, as someone said earlier, some women get nothing from a pump but have no problem bf. Babies are far more efficient than pumps. There are, however, good tips on the Kellymom website on how to improve your pumping yield. I find being relaxed and looking at a picture of DD helps my let-down when pumping.

Hi CityDweller

Thanks for the msg's. Lovely to hear your experiences. I will certainly try to treasure the moments now where he sleeps on my chest as I know they won't last forever. Today he hasn't settled at all and he has been sick lots. We went out and I think he got a bit scared as he was out of his normal environment and so all he wanted to do was feed and feed. I think I over-fed and he was very sick and even had an accident where his nappy didn't hold everything - Sorry too much info! I felt guilty about this - is it possible to over-feed when b/f? The worse problem we have is trying to work out whether he has wind or is hungry! Wish he could tell us.

I totally agree- a baby is far more efficient than any pump. I might have to mix feed by using those cartons when I can't b/f. Do you mix feed your DD? I noticed on the carton of Cow & Gate we have that it says for a 8 week old baby (11 pounds) the recommendations are 5 feeds of 180ml in 24 hours. I feel that my DS (does this mean darling son? - sorry am new to this!) is having double this!

Thanks for your advice

Sue xx

You can't over feed a bf baby - they just up-chuck what they don't want and, eventually just turn away when done. So don't worry about that. Just feed when he shows hungry signs (rooting around, etc) and you'll be golden. It's totally normal for a little baby to sick up a lot (posset as it's genteelly called). It can be unnerving though! I went to GP after DD did a spectacular 4am projectile at about 4 weeks old. He (the Gp) was so lovely to me, and basically patted my knee and said all was totally normal and I was doing a good job. So be reassured that you are too.

I've never given formula, so can't advise on that. I just stuck with bf as it seemed less hassle in long-run and was what felt right for us. But try not to compare ff and bf volumes as a) you can never know how much a bf baby is really getting, and b) ff babies tend to be given larger volumes anyway.

(And yes - DD/DS = dear (or darling) daughter/son

Don't worry about the volumes on formula cartons. Dd was formula fed and didn't have as much as they said then had more, then had less etc etc. it's all averages. Plus babies, particularly bf babies, will take what they want and no more. Dd did this with bottles where if I'd wanted to I could have encouraged her to take more but I was happy to let her decide.

Hi CityDweller! Thanks for the reply. You have said exactly what our HV said today when she visited - that it is impossible to over-feed a b/f baby. So I'm relieved thank you! Sometimes I'm not sure whether it is trapped wind making him feel he is hungry when he isn't as he cries alot and seems to be in pain and at the same time he roots to feed. So I have started with the Infacol again. The HV said it works for some babies and not for others so just stick with it for 1 week but make sure I give it before every feed- I do tend to forget esp in the night time when I'm shattered!
I want to stick to b/f and forget about the formula but if we have to leave him with his gran etc, I wanted to have some breast milk expressed and now I'm not able to get any out! I might have to buy a new pump as mine is a second hand one a friend gave me. Have you expressed at all?

LittleBearPad: Thank you for the msg. You have said exactly what our HV said to me today - it's not possible to over-feed. Same as CityDweller.

The HV said to make sure I get to Baby Latte classes and this is going to sound pathetic as I have tried going but couldn't get the car seat out of the 3 door car we have so gave up and went home! I was miles from the place and parked on a side road - nightmare!

Sue xx

Who knows why they cry - it really is impossible to tell. My policy was if a boob comforted her, then who cared if it was because she was hungry or just wanted to suck or just wanted to be close to me. I resisted it too for a while, but eventually I accepted the wonderful cure-all that breastfeeding is and stopped listening to 'helpful' friends who suggested I feed her less, etc. Your baby will regulate their eating in their own time. Although I know if can be frustrating at this stage when you feel like you have a baby attached to you all the time. I was desperate for 'time to myself' to do the things I used to do, but in hindsight I wished I'd just enjoyed it and hibernated with my baby and not bothered about going to an exercise class or getting my hair cut! It's such a tiny, tiny phase in your, and your baby's, life, really.

Is there a specific reason/ occasion coming up when you want to leave baby with gran? Or is it just that hypothetically you want to be able to leave him? If the latter, then I wouldn't worry about it yet. I'm expressing as I type this. It's a pain in the arse, and stops me from being as productive on work days than I otherwise would be, but it's not forever, so I'm persevering with it for now. I did a bit of expressing in the evenings from about 4 or 5 months onwards to build up a small stash and for the odd occasion I missed a feed. I started doing it once we started regularly putting DD 'to bed' in the evening (rather than having her downstairs with us) and I'd just do it in front of the TV after dinner. You don't get a huge yield in the evening, but it was enough to build up the stash I needed and meant I wasn't trying to pump in the mornings (which were/ are always hectic) or during day whilst I was also trying to look after DD. If you're not getting much joy from your pump you could try another, or just keep on trying regularly and eventually your body will probably cotton on to pumping. If I haven't pumped for a while it always takes a few days for me to start getting a decent yield again.

Lots of tips on pumping, etc, on the Kellymom website here

Hi Sue

Congrats!

A couple of quick thoughts:

1. You may find it helpful to think of what you are doing as feeding on cue, not feeding on demand. It's just a small word change, but it is a more neutral description of what is happening - your baby is providing cues to you that he's hungry (some cues more noticeable than others!!).
2. At 6 weeks, your baby is still learning such fundamental concepts as "self" vs "other". He just doesn't have the apparatus to engage in psychological ploys, so you really don't need to worry about creating a rod for your back by holding him.

Hi CityDweller:

Hope you are well. This is the first time all day I have been able to put DS down! He has another very clingy day but I love it. I do tend to hibernate as you mention. Like you say, this window of his life is so short I want to make the most of it (esp if I don't have any more kids!)
We wanted to go to the cinema one night for my partner's birthday so were going to leave DS with gran but good job we didn't as she had a nasty cold (although he will need to build up his immunities at some point)

I will try expressing in the morning if I get a chance, rather than the evening as I might be able to get some out then! If this doesn't work I'll have to buy a new pump, or just switch to formula but only use in "emergencies" so own supply of milk shouldn't be affected.

Thanks again.

Sue xxx

Hi HomeHelpMeGawd: Hello and thanks for the advice! I like the idea of explaining it as feeding on 'cue' rather than demand. That might stop people from reacting the way they tend to.