want some reassurance I'm not the only one

[UniSarah]

want some reassurance I'm not the only one doing a late night and a middle of night breast feed with month old. SiL was giving me stick about it last evening, trying to tell me i'm spoiling Ds and should leave him to cry for couple of nights and he'd then sleep through.
didn't feel able to rant back at her, she has 6 kids but as all adopted has never breast feed.
Had 4am wobble about was I doing the right thing. BUT in daylight am more certain I am doing right thing for us. dh and I both quite often get up in th night to have drink or go foor pee, why should I expect DS to go all night if hes waking up thirsty.

sorry- should say 4 (four) month old, not month old!

You most certainly are not alone .

I think there are two types of parenting (neither right or wrong) either strict routine from word go. Or the likes of me who breastfed her dd on demand until she was 2.

Learn to switch off to people making comments that you don't agree with - even better learn to lie to those people and say "oh yes little Johnny sleeps through has done since birth". And then go ahead enjoying your snuggly breastfeeds in the privacy of your own home .

I felt so pressurised once dd had turned 1 and i was still breastfeeding her, but i now have perfectly confident happy 3 year old who sleeps all night in her own bed. So did i do anything wrong?

The best parenting guide is yourself. Ignore everything else.

Dd is 3.5 months old. Sometimes she might surprise me and sleep from about 10pm till 5am but generally needs extra feeds. Last night, for example, she went to sleep at 9pm but woke at 1am, 3am and 5.30am to feed.

Ignore your SIL. Why leave a hungry baby screaming when it's so much easier to just feed them?

oh tell her to sod off

i BF both mine, and no.1 was having those feeds until he was 9 months old

no. 2 is now 7 months and still has the occassional feed at 4 am, but mostly sleeps 7 til 7

take heart - your little one WILL sleep through eventually, but NO you are not alone, and YES you are doing absolutely the right thing

Heavens UniSarah, ignore all comments, even those from people who have breastfed and their los slept through- and especially those who have never done it! Even if they have done it, they're certainly no expert. Every child is different and the only person who can really be sure they're doing right is the mother (and father, forgive me but UKWIM).

My ds slept through the night of his 2 month injections, and the next 2 nights. Then he woke again. On and off till last month really, when he was 10 months, and now I can see a definite bedtime pattern. Every day is different. There's growth spurts, illness, teething etc that will change them and other nights when there's just nothing wrong, some nights they'll sleep 8 hours, some nights 14, some days 2 naps, some days none, IME no two days are the same and provided your baby is happy and healthy I think you can't go far wrong. And well dome for breastfeeding.

Maybe your SIL's children appear to be great sleepers, but where are their faults? Food? Manners? These are the things she won't tell you about, but will quickly preach about where her children shine.

Not sure if what I said makes sense (I have a habit of rambling...) but I just mean, don't be put under pressure from anyone, you're doing so well and you should be very proud.

Little white lies are great sometimes, no-one ever need know the truth, esp. if it means you don't have to listen to their "advice"

UniSarah, I was bottlefeeding both of mine by 4 months - ds didn't sleep through the night without a feed until many months later.

A lot of babies, however they are fed, don't sleep through the night at that age!

DS was bottlefed and first slept through the night (consistently) aged 3. DD is breastfed and occasionally she'll sleep through (she's 16 months). You're doing the right thing responding to your son's needs, whatever method of feeding.

Spoiling him?!? What by feeding him?! I can never get my head around how feeding a hungry baby is spoiling them

All 3 of mine have been very different sleepers and not done anything different with any of them, just bfed on demand.

Your DS will do everything when he's ready, sleeping, crawling, walking etc because he is unique. People accept that grown ups are all different so why do they expect all babies to be exactly the same?

Just carry on enjoying the nightfeeds (as much as that it possible sometimes ), he'll sleep through when he's good and ready and then you'll miss those quiet times when its just you and him

UniSarah - my ds is 9 months and we are still doing the late night and middle of night feed. I've had those 4am wobbles too, thinking he should be sleeping through and wondering whether I should try to 'persuade' him to but it just doesn't feel right.

Do what feels right for you and your ds and don't let anyone bully/persuade etc you into changing it just because it's different to how they did it. Ignore SIL, especially as she hasn't even bf.

I think you're doing alright if it's just ONE feed! My DS is still getting up multiple times!
Don't let you SIL get to you: you're doing great!

oh god
i am still doing on average 2-3 night feeds wit my 16 month old
4 months is weeny
just love him and adore him and cherish the extra time you have with him when everyone else is sleeping

slight hijack - coppertop.....when on earth did you hve a dd!!!!!

My ds is 15 mths and we're 'still' doing the bf through the night thing. You are not alone and it is NORMAL! Ignore the coments and you do what is right for you and your family. You are just meeting your son's needs, not spoiling him AT ALL

Only one feed during the night - you are lucky!! My 15 wk breastfed baby is up at least twice. I can't and won't let him cry at night as usually he is bothered by wind and needs the comfort I can give him.

Enjoy the cuddles

uni - don't be silly hon, course u should feed. I feed joey if and when he wakes up, some days he'll wake at 12, 4 and 7 otehrs it will be 3 and seven or 4 and 8, but in 18 weeks we've never yet had one full night with no feeding.

my nan recons once a baby hits 10lb he should automatically sleep thru - codswolop I recon now take the rough with the smooth some nights are good some are baby DS will sleep thru if/when he's ready if u ask me (althou after a year I might reassess this! lol)

I am still dong one late night feed and at least one middle of the night feed with DS2 who is 6 months.His brother was the same but DD slept through much earleir. They are all different

If you dont mind me saying, your SIL sounds a bit.....strict. Adopted kids are often emotionally vulnerable, especially those adopted when they are older ( as I am assuming hers are). I hope she doesnt leave them to cry through the night when they are upset

I'm still doing a late night feed with my 8 month dd - and it's lovely! Darkened nursery, end of the night, I'm relaxed and ready for bed, she's all sleepy and snuggly - wouldn't stop it for anyone.

Also - just remember some previous threads about controlled crying (I assume that's what your SIL was recommending) and the general consensus seemed to be that CC doesn't work for a 4 month old baby because they don't have the cognitive development at that age. They'll end up crying themselves to sleep eventually, but it's not the controlled learning process that it is for an older baby. I think that's what people said - can't remember when this was as I've been lurking on here for months - but I'm sure you'd find it in the archive if you want more ammunition to prove that you're right!

uni - had to come over and give you some back up - rest assured you are not the only one, not by a long shot i shouldnt think. i am up with my little one (also nearly 4 months) at 11pm then 3am then 5.30/6.00 for feeds and cuddles. i dont look my usual glam self but thats a small price to pay for letting my dd know i am always there for her.

i think your baby sounds very lucky to have you as a mum - keep it up hon.

mine is 13months and although mostly she sleeps through occasionaly she wakes up for feed so no, yours not feeding too much...some people honestly!
do what you think is right please

tell her you know a woman who has only just stopped feeding her 3 YEAR OLD in the night

(it's me btw)

and tell her I am big and hard and would she like to argue about it?

Go for it girl. Trust your instincts and do what you feel is right. At this age babies just aren't naughty, they don't know any different. If they are hungry, feed them.
I ended up bottlefeeding after 2 months due to being really stressed and not coping (death of my father) and no matter how much I tried to keep BF, couldn't do it. But I still got up and fed the little mite whenever he was hungry and still do now that he's 10 months.
My DH often commented that DS was wrapping his mum around his little finger demanding food, but I only had to point out all the snacks, breakfast, lunch, supper etc plus drinks and more that he has throughout the day, for him to realise DS was only being normal. I mean, DH is the first to become ratty if he's hungry!

Just stick to whatever you are happy with. My DS droped his late feed first but then fed at 1am until he was about 9 months. I never had the heart to wake him for a late feed and just used to go to bed early to get some hours sleep pre 1am.
DD fed at 7pm, 10pm, 1am, 3am 5am for ages. Eventually it went down to just 7, 10, 3am and I decided she was just waking out of habit and using the sucking to get to sleep. I decided to do the controlled crying but waited until she was six months as I think they don't really understand what is going on before then. Over three nights she cried 1hour, 40mins, 20mins and since then has slept from 7pm to 5am.

I'm not trying to promote the controlled crying but just to say that all children are different and to stick with what works for you. I didn't do the controlled crying with my son as it never seemed right for him and I was happy to feed him whenever.

I was still feeding DS in the night until he was 10.5 months old.

Why shouldnt a 4 month old be comforted in the night anyway?