4 months and having to stop breast feeding.... SAD....!

[charliebrown17]

Hi all.

I don't think there is anything more I can do but I wanted to share my story as I've just got off the phone to the health visitor and it would seem that I'm at the end of the breast feeding road. I'm so sad it's almost over as I wanted to feed for the long term. (Daughter is 4 months old)

Here is our story.

My beautiful girl was born 7.15lb and is an absolute poppet. She is a healthy little lady although was born with an eye condition which needs treatment under general when shes 6 months old.

She was soley breast fed for 3 months and has been combi fed for the last month. We took to it well, despite the initial pain!

When she was 6 weeks I developed mastitis, I was put on antibiotics but ploughed on feeding. The antibiotics worked whilst I was on them but as soon as I came off them the infection came back. It was very depressing at times! My daughter however seemed non the wiser and continued to grow at an impressive weight!

Things got so bad with my mastitis that I ended up in A&E twice and become a patient of the breast care unit. I narrowly missed having to have a chunk of my boob cut out and instead had my boob aspirated and drained twice a week for 3 weeks. Ouch!

All in all, I was on antibiotics for 8 weeks and had mastitis with two breast abscesses 5 times. I kept breast feeding throughout and until this day.

My desire to breast feed is fueled by a number of factors... 1. I enjoy it, I find it really bonding 2. It's easy in terms of being accessible/no need to steralise! 3. it's good for her, especially with her operation coming up, I want her to be in the best of health.

However, 4 weeks ago and with my mastitis back for a 5th time, the breast surgeon and my local doctor both said I must give up breast feeding. My own health was suffering and bad nipple thrush had set in. Also, I feel the the antibiotics can't have been good for my daughter although the doctors assured me only minimal amounts would have reached her.

I thought that rather than give up, I would introduce a formula bottle in the morning and another last thing at night. This tipped the balance and my daughter didn't mind in the slightest.

I have been mastitis free for almost 4 weeks and finally off antibiotics. Hoorah.

So why so sad I hear you say...

Well, my daughter has grown rather fond of the bottle, for two reasons I think. 1. It's much easier 2. My milk flow has reduced drastically and I can no longer satisfy her. (She drinks 7oz of formula in one sitting, my boob doesn't come close any more...once upon a time yes but now, no).

This last week has been a nightmare of her being incredibly frustrated and upset at my attempts to put her on my boob during the day. Today I ended up preparing a bottle, let her have it for a minute or two and then subtly remove it and exchanged for my breast. It worked for five minutes and then she realized and was only consoled by the bottle. It's been a similar story for most of the week - unless I feed her when she's not yet hungry and then she is a little happier to try the boob.

All this led me to ring the health visitor. She was very sympathetic and lovely but broke the news I didn't want to hear which was that I should probably listen to the signs which are that my daughter wants to move on and mum needs to get back to full health.

My instinct tells me that my girl is indeed ready to let go of mums boob and go it alone. Even though I don't want to admit that! How sad that makes me.

The only slight glimmer of hope is that I have always breast fed my little girl lying down at night and so far, her 1-2 night feeds have been smooth, she doesn't seem to fuss. Therefore, I will try to continue with breast feeding at night but I don't know how realistic that is. My milk will surely reduce so much soon that she too won't be satisfied at night either - my instinct can feel that too.

Expressing and bottle feeding that is obviously another option but the health visitor said it would be a lot of work and that instead I should accept the signs that she's ready. She also said that her 4 months of breast feeding will have prepared her immunity as far as is possible. Expressing could be risky for my mastitis also.

So, we're off to a new chapter now...

I think that's all. I'm just feeling glum and wanted to share my story...

Sob!

x

I mixed fed for a year. At 6 months I went back to work three days a week so my son had formula in the day but breast milk as the first and last feed and any night feeds. I did this, without hassle for a year and then weaned him myself, so don't give up hope.

Sounds like you've done an amazing job to persevere through all those challenges! Whatever you decide to do next, DD is lucky to have a mum who'll go through so much for her

You are an absolute trooper and whatever happens you can be proud of yourself for having gritted your teeth and made it this far despite all those setbacks. Well done :

charlie, your story of mastitis is the worst I have heard :( :(

There is no need to stop breastfeeding - continue as long as you and your baby want to, for comfort and closeness. Don't see it as a form of nutrition - it is a brilliant and lovely way to be emotionally in touch with each other and this can last as long as you both can keep it up :)

Your continued feeding at night does not sound to me as if your dd wants to 'move on' - her mind is not able to 'plan' like that. When she is hungry/thirsty, she resists the breast because it is not productive as it used to be - that is fine and normal. At night, she is happy to have those lovely snuggles because filling her tum is not a priority.

If you reach a time when she is hungry enough at night not to want to suck from the breast, then you can of course feed her a bottle but keep the physical connection by doing it with her face skin to skin to your breast as much as you can :)

Thanks all. I will continue to offer breast and see what happens...

Your DD certainly isn't 'ready to move on' and it's a shame your HV has said that to you. Of course, if you want to stop BF or mix feed for as long as you can, that's fine.

However, if your mastitis has always been on the same side, you can dry that side up and continue feeding just from the other side. I did this when my DD was 10 months old, having had mastitis 11 times by then although I was lucky enough to never get any complications. I have no idea shy I didn't do it before then, I continued to feed until DD self weaned at 26/27 months. This time (being induced tomorrow) I'm just going to feed from the side that wasn't affected.

Also, lots of babies get fractious/distracted from the breast at around 4 months old, regardless of bottles, so it may not be related to the bottles at all. If it is though, perhaps trying slower flow teats could help?

Wow! You have done so incredibly well to get as far as you have. You have benefitted your baby with every single feed and given her what she wants and needs. It sounds like mix feeding may still be an option. Take your lead from your baby and be proud of yourself and all you've achieved.

Four months is a classic growth spurt/fussy period :)

dear charlie brown

i was truly moved by your story...i simply cannot imagine how stressful its been for you.

at the risk of being crucified on mumsnet could i perhaps offer an alternate perpsective?

your HV and doctor have advised you to stop BF. my experience with the medical perspective here in the UK is very much pro BF. i cant imagine they would ask you to stop unless it was for a very good and improtant reason. your health is equally important here and it sounds like you've gone through the mill.

you have managed to BF you LO for 4 months and that is amazing but maybe now you should also consider your own health too?

my HV always says "happy healthy mum, happy healthy bub" its kind of her mantra.

formula is by no means a poor mans substitute and it might give your breasts temporary respite and time to heal.alternatively have you considered donored breastmilk? look it up on the net... its very popular in australia (where i originally hail from)

all the best for you and your beautiful little girl!

kjackson, you say "i cant imagine they would ask you to stop unless it was for a very good and important reason".....I wish :( :(

Loads of women are asked (sometimes even ordered) to stop breastfeeding for absolutely trivial reasons - often when they want very much to continue and where there is no clinical reason why they cannot.

I think in the OP's case, she is making her own mind up....and actually, OP, if the mastitis is only on one side, yes, you can work on drying up on one side and only ever feeding on the good one, as midori says, if that's something you think you would like to try.

I (always) agree with tiktok. Charlie - can you get yourself to a breastfeeding clinic or drop in, run by BfN, NCT or La Leche League? Many health visitors are sadly uninformed or unhelpful when it comes to breastfeeding.

They can help you to feed from one side, if that's what you want to do, give you tips for successful mix feeding, help you shift entirely to formula. They will help you get to the bottom of what you want to do and work with you to plan next steps. They can also be a comforting ear if you just want to offload and talk about your experience.

I think you're amazing and so does your baby.

Continued thanks for your messages... Please note that whilst mastitis has been an issue the bigger issue now is almost that my little lady is almost refusing breast during day. If this is a classic developmental issue is there any advice as to how to break through it? I certainly wasn't and am not looking for a reason to stop breast feeding but mastitis caused me to combi feed and combi feeding seems to have caused my little lady to only want bottle.... My guess is because my milk flow has reduced to unsatisfactory flow/quantity levels but that's only my guess...

@tiktok - I have no issue trying from only one breast but I'm 4 weeks over mastitis and I didn't let that make me stop before and I'm not frightened to use that left boob. My daughter doesn't prefer either boob and i use both happily. What i would find helpful is ideas to get my daughter back to being happy with being breast fed as she is seemingly only happy with bottle at moment. If this is a classic fussy time then any ideas how I break through? I use lowest flow teats on bottles already. I can't go back to sole breast feeding because of risk to my boob. I'd love to make combi feeding work.

The best thing you can do is to keep offering in order to up your supply. She probably finds the bottle easier, but she's at a classic fidgety time for feeding anyway.

Lots of skin to skin, if you can. Bath time together can be nice too. You could try pumping to increase your supply, but that doesn't work for everyone. Also, some mums can pump very little, even though baby can feed efficiently, so don't be tricked into thinking there's no milk just because the pump is getting nothing out. Eating oats can increase your supply, so try a big bowl of porridge for breakfast.

In any case, she is still night feeding, so you are still getting that closeness. Your supply may pick back up by keeping on feeding.

Your breast feeding journey is a good metaphor for life as a parent. It may not be what you planned it to be. You baby may chose to move onto something sooner than you hoped, or may cling on for longer than expected. In all things to do with parenting, pick your battles and embrace change. Our children don't make it easy for us to be the parents we hope to be.

Thanks @namcerama - I'm speaking to a breast support person on thurs.... Want to crack combi feeding. Thanks x

Great news! I hope the breast feeding supporter has some techniques up her sleeve that work for you.

Every mum and baby is different, so there often isn't a quick fix. If what they suggest doesn't work, keep going back until you hit on something you like. The supporters will be more than happy to keep seeing you.

Charlie you are doing brilliantly - well done for getting through such a tough time. You should be so proud of yourself. I had a similar (although not the same) experience with bf. I struggled to bf at first but eventually found nipple shields and things went from strength to strength. My daughter dropped night feeds herself but she wasn't putting on enough weight (dropped from 50th percentile to below 2nd) so we introduced a formula feed at night because we wanted to be sure she got a proper top up and we were concerned my breasts weren't making enough milk. Anyway way that went well enough and my daughter happily went between breast and bottle really well and her weight stabilised. I found out at four months that I had some serious post-birth complications and had to go into hospital for an operation. I couldn't express much/any milk so my daughter was drinking formula while I was in hospital (just over a weekend) and when I came out she was very fussy on the breast and just not that interested. I decided to carry on offering both breasts at every feed but have a bottle ready for her to drink when she came off the breast. Sometimes she would take the full feed from the breast and other times she rejected the breast after a few moments and then took the bottle. We carried on for another month like that and it seemed like the perfect solution - she was getting some breast milk and special cuddles and closeness but then also getting the top ups she needed of formula. We carried on for another 6 weeks or so when she wound down herself and I was told that I need another operation which can't be until 2 months after I have stopped bf so it felt
Right to stop then. Since then my daughter has gone from strength to strength, she has weaned onto solids beautifully and is drinking 4 formula feeds a day. I think that it was really sad to have to finish feeding her when I wanted to keep going for a year but she had the best start possible and I think you have done the same for your little one. Please do pm me if you need any more help or encouragement. But safe to say you are a wonderful mum and your lo is thriving thanks to you. I do hope her op goes smoothly. Xxx

I eat lots of flapjack and am expressing when she refuses boob, just to ensure milk stays up until I make final decision. I used to be able to express 7oz in 10 mins, now I'm lucky to get 3-4oz in 30-40 mins... I do ave to be careful to not increase milk as I'm currently keeping mastitis at bay but I equally don't want it to further decrease...

Thanks @scottish - that was lovely to hear x

Good luck Charlie :)

We have mix fed from 9 weeks to present (8 1/2 mo). Kept baby on slower flow teats and he only has bottles at the same time each day.

Bottles are easier for them but he won't refuse boob if genuinely hungry/ thirsty. Obviously it helps if there are few distractions too - since about six months I hardly feed in public now but in his or my bedroom in the quiet!

Occasionally my supply seems to dip, sometimes he empties both boobs and is unsatisfied. Now I can offer solids but prior to that I would try and distract him with toys for 20 mins or so, and drink a glass of water and eat something nice then sit down and relax and then more milk could flow :)

Charlie you have done fantastic! Well done.

My only experience of the refusing boob came after a night away from my dd, also 4 months, so may not be the same. While I was away she had some expressed milk and some formula, I couldn't express as much as I would have been feeding while away and when I got home to feed dd she was really fussy and not at all happy on the breast. Bottle she was fine with and content

In a total panic of our bf days were over I posted on here. Fenugreek was recommended and feeding as much as possible to get supply back up. I took 2 days out from everything and just spent time relaxing with dd and feeding as often as possible. The fenugreek was taken 3 times a day.

It all worked wonderfully and dd is now back to 'normal' bf. I totally understand your circumstances are different but I hope the positive story helps.

You must do whatever is best for you and bubs, you have been a star and carried on when many wouldn't have. Good luck whatever you decide and for doing fantastically.

Thanks @pinkbear82 - really helpful. Since original posting I tried breast feeding twice during yesterday afternoon and it was hopeless, she wasn't having any of it. However I breast fed her at 7pm, 4.30am and just now, at 7am. No issues at all. It really does seem like she only wants bottle in day but is happy with breast at night! Is this possible and is it possibly for breasts to adjust to just feeding at night, eg last, first and any middle feeds? Thanks all

Hello. Someone will be along to confirm this I hope but I'm pretty sure your supply will regulate to just night feeds. Glad you had a good night.

Perfectly possible to just do the night feeds, my dd cut to just morning and daytime nap feeds at about 13 mths & then we dropped morning one in exchange for a bedtime feed to sleep at about 17mths when dp started working evenings again. She's now completely weaned at 20 mths, so I just did 2 feeds per 24 hrs for 6/7 mths.

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice, but I just want to say how brilliantly you are doing.

I have a similar story in that I've had recurrent mastitis and a couple of breast abscesses (requiring frequent aspirations over a month - I narrowly avoided surgery). I ended up with a hole in my boob and half of the skin on my boob peeled off - it was the most painful thing I have ever experienced, so I know how hard it has been for you.

I've managed to carry on bf; while the consultant said this is fine, they did make me aware that carrying on makes it more likely that I'll get another abscess. Although I had doubts briefly, as I couldn't go through that again (it was the most horrendous month of my life), I was determined so I have carried on and just done everything possible to try and prevent it (regular massage during the day with a weleda nursing oil that is supposed to simulate free milk flow, drinking lots of water etc). DD is now 4 months and it looks like it's working so far.

I'm solely bf - I was told that bf as much as possible is the best way to prevent the mastitis/ an abscess from returning (if i did want to carry on). DD also feeds more efficiently now (rather than snacking) which helps.

I hope the breastfeeding support person can help - good luck.