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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding is gross!!

62 replies

Helenemjay · 01/06/2006 12:01

My mil and sil told me the other day that they thought it was gross that i was still breastfeeing my dd who is 8 and half months, there are no bfeeding support groups near at all, we have one of the lowest rates of bfeeding in the country im 27 and apart from one of my friends i am the oly person i know who has breastfed at all infact most people think im a bit weird i think. As far as i can gather from our HV there is 1 bfeeding support group but its in a very very dodgy area and hardly anyone goes! I really dont want to give up bfeeding yet as my dd loves it so much and i enjoy our snuggles, but my sil had her baby a week after i did and she was so shocked that i was still 'doing it' its kind of left me feeling like i have the lurgy or something, how do i rise above this? Even dp thinks i should think about stopping

OP posts:

shazronnie · 01/06/2006 12:47

It's up to you and your baby when to stop bf. I'm still feeding my 16mth DS2 and my family think it's a bit odd, but that's just TOUGH! 8.5 mths is still only a baby, and if she was bottle fed no one would be suggesting you take the bottle away and give her something else.

Securlurking · 01/06/2006 12:57

Would it be possible to go back to your HV and tell her that you don not want to give up and can she give you some support not to?

Perhaps (assuming she is a "good" HV) she can explain to your DP the advantages of keeping going until 1yr.

I am not sure what else she could do, but there must be some ways she could be brought on board - maybe if she realised you were set on not giving up she could be more positive - from her point of view those conversations must be hard as you could be asking her to "allow" you to stop or asking her to help you to keep going - therefore she goes for a non-comital middle ground.

Or how about braving the bad area once or twice and see what this gorup is like - if it is any good you could take DP for a session or two?

Tatties · 01/06/2006 13:02

Just because your dd is on solid food doesn't mean that she doesn't need bf. There are many reasons why it is great to 'still' be bf at this age. If she is ever ill or teething and off solid food, she is still likely to want to bf. It is wonderful to be able to comfort with a bf if they hurt themselves and if it weren't for bf I'd never get my 14mth old ds to sleep!

People have said on here before that bf is a great parenting tool, and I think that is right. It's not just about nutrition and the older my ds gets, the more I wouldn't be without it.

Just tell the in-laws to mind their own business, you know you're doing the right thing.

lua · 01/06/2006 13:06

I know others said before but really...
How can you respect the opinion of anyone that can possibly link feeding a baby with anything sexual?!?!?!
They are the pervs ones!!!

babaworshipper · 01/06/2006 13:11

totally agree with all fo comments.

I have however recently come across some info which explains why people think it is crzy/weird to bf after 6 months. My mum found her government issued baby book from when me (aged 32) there is a strict weaning schedule in it from about 8 weeks ( ) and by 6 months no milk feeds at all. This was in the Lothians but I am fairly sure it would have been typical of the time.

Caligula · 01/06/2006 13:14

Why not print out a few bits of info from the internet so that these extremely ignorant people can be educated about the subject, Helenemjay? Here are a few links, but I'm sure you could find loads more. They might also help you to reinforce your knowledge that what you're doing is right, which will help you withstand this dreadful, ignorant pressure, to stop doing the best for your baby.

\link{http://www.lalecheleague.org/ba/Aug94.html\a time to wean}

\link{http://kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html\benefits of extended breastfeeding - not that I'd call bfing an 8 month old extended!}

\link{http://www.abm.me.uk/10toddler.htm\abm info}
\link{http://www.mamadearest.ca/en/info/breast-or-bottle.htm\breast v formula}

\link{http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/5-bf/312-formula-report.htm\more info from America}

hotmama · 01/06/2006 13:19

Like the links Caligula.

Original poster

Helenemjay · 01/06/2006 13:33

Thanks everyone! i know it sounds abit poor me, but im glad some of you think im doing well, im so fed up with thinking people think im weird and feeling the odd one out, its really nice to know all of you on here, i wish i lived nearer some of you! Grimsby seems to be one of those places where no one nice lives! - aprt from me of course

OP posts:

Original poster

Helenemjay · 01/06/2006 13:35

Thanks for the links caligula i will use them!!

OP posts:

PetitFilou1 · 01/06/2006 13:40

IGNORE them, you are doing really well. I love b/f my 9 month old and I just tell people it is a) the best thing for her b) she loves it and c) it is really really convenient with a toddler around and much easier than bottles (strangely the practical reason is the one people seem to feel most comfortable with) However, I don't feed in public (except in feeding rooms) as dd boings about too much these days so I feel I am sensitive to others feelings about it as much as I'm prepared to be. Just stand up for yourself, you are doing brilliantly in the face of all that. One of my neighbours in Norwegian - everyone there b/fs until 12 months (or so she says) and you get funny looks if you pull a bottle out - rise above it, people are uncomfortable as you're doing something different in the particular place you live in.

motherinferior · 01/06/2006 13:40

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think you're being amazingly strong.

My dp was a little bit like yours about breastfeeding - he didn't quite come out with it directly, but he defintely wanted me to stop b/fing DD2 long before I did, and went on and on and on about wishing I wouldn't express (I was working four days a week) as it was 'exhausting' me. I have to say I tended to ignore him and come on MN for a bit of support instead.

JILS · 01/06/2006 13:41

Good on you, Helenemjay, to keep bf despite the opposition. I stopped around 7 months, but that was because I was ready. I did come up against lots of opposition though, particularly MIL. In hindsight (and because I don't know if I'll have any more kids) I wish I had gone on a bit longer. I had a leaflet about the benefits of bf (for me and ds) and I just used to give it to people to read. Heard friend's mum describe bf as "that nonsense".

CorrieDale · 01/06/2006 13:57

I really admire you for sticking to your guns despite no support. I know my family think it's a bit odd that I'm still bfing at 11mo but they're too polite to say so openly; long may it last because despite all the ammo I've rehearsed, I just know that my instinctive reaction will be the same as WelshBoris's! You're doing absolutely brilliantly - be proud of yourself and keep telling yourself that! It's a bugger, isn't it, that just when bfing gets really easy with both of you knowing what you're doing and really enjoying it, that's just when the crap comments start. Grrrrrr.

LucyJu · 01/06/2006 14:04

Just wanted to add my agreement to all the supportive comments you have already been given.

I take it you don't go around making comments like: "Oh... you're formula feeding, are you? That's disgusting!"? No? Well then, enjoy feeding your baby the way you choose to. Baby will be grown up before you know it. And I have to say, I've never heard of anyone who has regretted breastfeeding. OTOH...

RedZuleika · 01/06/2006 14:20

Your MIL, SIL and whoever suggested you were 'pervy' are just ridiculous. Perhaps you could tell them not to make such comments in your house, at least, and to respect your choices.

My parents have been pretty unsupportive of breastfeeding. I'm sure they would think there was something wrong with me if they knew I was still breastfeeding my (nearly) 8 month old. However, I haven't spoken to them since January, so that's a hurdle side-stepped ().

Even where I live, which is a very fertile area, lots of babies, lots of breast-feeding, I only know one other woman who has not introduced any formula at all (although her son is eating far more solids than my daughter). The majority of other women have either switched to formula entirely, or are only breast-feeding morning and evening. I'm starting to feel a bit on the edge too. However, I'm not going to let social pressure get to me as we (me and DD) both enjoy the relationship. And you'll still have your relationship with your daughter when your old witch of a MIL is dead in the ground...

RedZuleika · 01/06/2006 14:21

Incidentally, it really irritates me when people try to undermine you in your mothering choices by saying that it's your need, not the child's. Does anyone say this to fathers...???

(That was rhetorical...)

PigeonPie · 01/06/2006 14:41

I can't add much more, but sympathy I'm afraid. Caligula gave you a link to the ABM's website and they have a leaflet called 'you're going to be a grandparent' which you can print out. It might be shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted, but you could try to give it to your MIL.

Original poster

Helenemjay · 01/06/2006 15:30

This is it you see sil told me when she had her baby that she would breastfeed, after 2 weeks she said she wasnt going to do it anymore as she has realised while she is bfeeding her boobs were too big to fit into a new dress she had bought to go out in and so she had to stop, i never said anything but you can imagine what i thought!

OP posts:

Miaou · 01/06/2006 15:44

Helen, I've no more advice to give but I'm just going to pile in and say how fantastically you are doing- I well remember the awful problems you had in the early days, where you ended up trying your dd with formula in desperation, then went back to b/f and successfully pulled it round, despite having not only sod all support but active discouragement - honestly, I think of how well you have done and how far you have come and I really take my hat off to you! I used you as an example in my b/f talk the other week ("this happened to a friend of mine") re. how it is possible to be successful despite the odds if you are determined to keep going.

Only you can decide what to do for the best. There is best for you and best for your dd. From what I know of you, it will be best for you both to continue in the long run - I think you will feel pushed into giving up rather than making a positive decision to do so.

Personally I am determined to keep b/fing ds until he is one (in two months' time), and I shall only give up then because I am desperate to have another, otherwise I would stop when he is ready. Do you have a goal in mind?

{{{{{{{{supportive hugs}}}}}} honestly, you are an inspiration helen

Original poster

Helenemjay · 01/06/2006 16:01

Oh Miaou you made cry! thankyou so so much for that post i cant beleive you think im an inspiration! god im blubbing like a baby now

OP posts:

Original poster

Helenemjay · 01/06/2006 16:05

My goal is to stop when dd wants to stop whenever that may be

OP posts:

Miaou · 01/06/2006 16:06

Well then you stick at it gal, you are doing fab, and sod your stoopid sil and her stoopid dress (she is too lardy for it anyhow )

Original poster

Helenemjay · 01/06/2006 16:08

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 01/06/2006 16:10

Yay, good on you Helen. I live in fairly breastfeeding friendly area but I remember how peculiar I felt when I was the only one left breastfeeding after a couple of months amongst my antenatal group :(

Your choice of how to feed your baby is so clearly none of anyone else's business. Your inlaws' rudeness is breathtaking, and to be perfectly honest I would not have anyone in the house who said that to me. I would tell them why as well - "If you can't support me in the way I am bringing up dd I would prefer you not to visit again." and :( for you and glad you came to grass them up to us :o

FrannyandZooey · 01/06/2006 16:11

Must say I think stopping breastfeeding so you can wear a particular dress is really astonishingly dim :o

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