Should my baby be in a routine

[Frankie2012]

Help I have a 14week old baby that I fully breast feed, he doesn't have a routine I feed on demand. I'm lucky if I get 4 hours sleep at night, should he be in a routine if so would he sleep better. Also he doesn't have set sleeping times in the day. Feel like I'm doing this all wrong please help.

You will get conflicting ideas here. Many people choose to go with the flow and carry on bf on demand until toddlerhood. Others swear by setting a routine. It's very hard to force such a young baby into a strict routine but its very possible to have a rough pattern.

It is completely up to you what style you wish to adopt. I found both mine fell into a routine themselves but I ff so I knew they weren't hungry at certain points which made it easier for me.

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing by the way but if you wish to structure the day a bit more. The Tracy Hogg EASY is a gentle way to start. Eat Awake Sleep You.

Thank u 4 the advice, I'll have a look into that.

Would a routine work for you? If not, and the baby is fine, then don't. If it would help you to have one then start to work towards it. I would agree that the baby whisper is a good place to start.

I had a random baby followed by a Gina Ford baby. Unfortunately the Gina Ford baby's natural routine meant that dd and I could never go to anything because he liked to sleep, at home at 10 and 2. So he wasn't really allowed his routine so dd wasn't grounded all the time.

The only bit of routine we have tried to stick to is bedtime: tea at 5, bath at 6, milk at 7, and asleep by 7:30.
DD was always happy with the general thrust of this but ds will still have a melt down if we've been out, eaten out and are still travelling home at 6. he knows he should be in his bath and can';t understand why we're still on the motorway. It doesn't happen often and he is getting more flexible as he gets older.

It doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong at all, a 4 hour stretch at night is very normal for a 14 week old. Studies have shown that breastfeeding works best when done on cue rather than on a schedule.

What is making you question that you are doing something wrong?

He doesn't need to be in a routine no, but if you're only getting 4 hours' sleep (in total?) all night then you probably want to change something for your own sake :)

What's happening with the sleep, perhaps people can offer some ideas and you can see what you think would work for you?

My DS never had set sleeping times until he was properly on 3 solid meals a day when he was 1.

Is that 4 hours sleep all night? Have you tried having Lo in bed with you? You may get some more sleep that way.

If you think sleep is the issue it might be helpful to know what is normal. Have a look at the Isis website. It's a good place to tart if you are looking to make changes. The book Sound Sleep is good too.

If you do decide to introduce a routine, it's entirely upto you though, have a look at baby calming. It's not as prescriptive as some of the other baby books and helps you to find a way that suits you and your baby

Sorry "to start". Please don't tart on the isis website. That wouldn't be appropriate at all

He will sleep for 4 hours (if I'm lucky) when I 1st put him down I'll feed him, and he will sleep 2 hours feed another 2 then 6.30 he's awake or if I'm lucky will go another 2 till 8.30. I also find it hard 2 put him down 4 a sleep in the day, unless we go out in the car or a walk with him in his pram. The reason I worry is that people I know there babies sleep 8-10 hours straight but they r bottle feed, is that y?

No, it's because they're bullshitting Loads of parents are economical with the truth when it comes to how long their baby sleeps. The sleep pattern you are describing is totally normal.

Mines 5 months and no routine although he does have a pattern. I'd say he sleeps for 5-6 hours but we bed share and breast feed so I don't really know. He just has a feed lying down and we fall back to sleep. If that appeals I'd second looking at ISIS to do it safely. From what I recall sleeping for too long when they're little isn't great as waking up more often is part of how their sleep cycle works. He also only sleeps in a sling, buggy or tucked up with me in day. If it works for you you're not doing it wrong at all. It's only if it's causing you a problem that you could think about different approaches.

My DS is about 20 weeks and his pattern is sounds identical to yours. 4 hours to start at night if we are lucky, then 1 to 2 hour stretches. He tends to settle well again from about 6 am, which unfortunately is when 2 yr old Dd wakes, so I'm feeling totally shattered!

We have no routine during the day. I do worry a bit that he doesn't sleep enough during the day. Its hard to get him to go to sleep unless moving in pushchair, though he will sometimes have a good nap cuddled on sofa in afternoon. Sorry, not much advice but it sounds pretty normal for me.

DD didn't really have a discernable routine during day until about a year old, but bedtime was set at 7 pm sometime before then and she stopped waking during the night at 11 months (following a night of controlled crying).

Thank u everyone. I've made me feel a lot better and that I'm not doing this completely wrong. He does end up in bed with me but still wakes the same and we have stared feeding laying down. I don't find it a problem as long as he's happy I'm happy, but when u hear other people I just made me think I was doing right, and in the long run not helping him. I think we'll carry on as we r. Thank u will have a look and the sites though.

Controlled crying I'm not very good at I hate seeing him cry and I pick him up. If I try and leave him I end up crying aswell.

I'm the same frankie and it's fine to feel that way. Have you come across the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' book? That might suit your approach more.

No, your baby should not be in routine. Do as you like.

Use any baby books as wedges to prop up the end of the cot if your baby gets a cold or to help you light your fire but don't waste precious time reading them.

And it is waaaaay too early for any form of controlled crying, even the people who ignore the huge mountain of scientific evidence it is really bad for babies advocate it say not til 6 months earliest.

He's far too young for controlled crying so you're right not to feel happy about that. (IMO I wouldn't ever do controlled crying at all, but just to be balanced!)

I used to co sleep too and I have a happy healthy 4 year old now who prefers his own bed and sometimes kicks me out of it if I've decided to get in for a cuddle - just make sure you're following safe co-sleeping guidelines and go with the flow :)

Your baby's behaviour is normal and I also suggest a look at the Isis website. Lots of info there regarding normal sleep patterns for babies.

I also agree with Eaurouge about other patents lying about their babies' sleep. Of course, some babies do sleep through from a young age, but they're in the minority. For some reason as a society we see babies as 'good' or not and one of the things deemed 'good' is sleeping through and I think that's one of the reasons parents lie. My neighbour insisted her baby slept through but we could hear her crying through the walls every night.

Thank u yellow, cos I really don't want 2 go by a book, cos my grandad told my mum that books r crap u know what's best 4 ur baby. Which is what I've been trying 2 do.

I like the sound of your grandad!

Thank u Bertie, cos I've been told its bad sleeping with ur baby as it doesn't help them sleep on there own, but myself and my brother and sister all, at some point ended up in mum and dads bed with dad holding the floor keeping him and my mum in. The trouble is some many people have opinions now and there way is the right way I just felt I was doing wrong. All of u have made me feel normal again thank u so much. I like normal straight talking advice.

If its any help I had both of mine in bed with me when they were little, it was the only way we could get any sleep. They are both fast asleep in their beds. They also kick me out of their beds if I get in for a cuddle, they just love their beds. What's spending now won't last forever.

Agree that parents lie, there's even proof

It's ok to have routine or not to have one. It's totally up to you. At this age their will also be lots of changes and growth spurts to interrupt patterns anyway. My son (4) he was waking up every 2-4 hours at night until about 4 months and then suddenly he only woke up once around 3am and from 9 months he was sleeping through the night in his own room no problems and he slept well during the day. My daughter (9months) is completely different. For the first 2 weeks she woke up twice a night and then started sleeping through most nights after that but didn't like to sleep during the day at all unless like you said we went in the car or pram. However as good as the sleeping through the night sounds it didn't last! At about 6months she started waking up again every 2 hours! She was already on solid food as well as breastmilk so it didn't seem to be hunger. I started a nap routine during the day. She woke at 7am so come 9-10am I would put her in her cot for a nap and the same at 12-1pm and 3-4pm I was flexible with the times I just aimed for around those times. Day 1 she cried and wouldn't nap and I didn't leave her crying too long because controlled crying isn't my thing either. Day 2 she cried for a bit then napped for a bit. Now she sleeps 40-60mins 3 times a day at these intervals. We are now trying to tackle the night feeds. She sleeps from 7pm until around 1am but after that she may only wake once or she might wake 3 times. We're working on it. But the best thing is to try a few different things. A routine is worth a try if it works great if not then move on to a different method like co sleeping.

My baby is in a routine.

She wakes up at the same times every night

Hi I'm In a Similar situation, my breastfed four month old only really naps in the day either in a baby carrier, car seat out driving, pushchair or bouncy chair. She always falls asleep on my lap after a feed so I let her snooze on me for an hour two as well. She will co sleep so i get an extra hour or two in the morning bf lying down til shes asleep then snoozing together. For the first 10 weeks she did 3 hour stints at night and then it went all over the place til I noticed she was waking herself up by flailing her arms around when she entered rem sleep cycle. So I bought a kiddopotamus swaddle blanket with Velcro on it and she's now done several 5-6 hour stints. We also give her 100 ml hipp organic top up with her last feed to make sure shes not waking up out of hunger. I've read all the books including gf before she arrived but its now pretty apparent that my baby is not the kind to sleep when I tell her to! I've decided just to go with her natural rhythms and stop worrying - to be honest the idea of not being able to leave the house when we want because of strict naps seems awful now. We live a laid back lifestyle by the sea and I'd like my baby to be happy to get in a sling and go off on adventures with us, visit friends etc and so far that's working for us. Good luck with it all...sounds like you're doing great and your baby is getting lots of nice milk even if you're a bit short on sleep...remember this part of their lives doesn't last long xxx

my DS was/is the same. He's 8mo now and still b on demans, and on average sleeps in 2/3 hr stretches throughout the night sometimes less. 14 weeks is still very young, and am sure that soon you'll start to all into a pattern.

I was like you and around 6/7 weeks I got into a right state thinking that I should be getting him into a routine as otherwise I'd be creating a rod for my own back by letting him eat and sleep when and where he wanted. In the end the only routine we've had is bathtime and bed time at around the same time each day, but sometimes its 6pm, other times 730pm, depends how the day has gone. Other than that I just make sure he naps when he's tired. I have to either take him or a walk in the pushchair, a drive in the car, or feed him to sleep if I put him in his cot.

Evern now that we're weaning there isn't a routine, more of a pattern where he has one meal each chunk of time he's awake - in the morning, ater his first nap and ater his second nap.

My friends ask me how many bfeeds a day he has each day, or when his next feed will be, and I just always vaguely reply, "oooh, who knows..each day is different".

You're doing great. If your baby is thriving then you're clearly doing something right, and do what works or you. A happy mum means a happy baby.

Having said that, in evolutionary terms your baby needs you to survive. If in order to survive you need to get him onto a more predictable routine then he will allow himself to be tweaked and manipulated into a routine. I don't necessarily think a baby does better on a routine, its just that some mums do better on a routine, and if the mum is doing better, so is the baby!