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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Do you completely focus on DC when bf?

32 replies

HopAndSplash · 03/03/2013 01:06

I have just had a huge lecture from my DM on how I'm apparently not bonding with DD and she's missing out as I look up/talk to people when bf her. Apparently she never looked up while bf and people left the room, and she doesn't know any mother who would deprive their child of that "special time".... The rant then went on for about 5 more minutes before I left, ending with her telling me she would leave the room if I speak to her while bf again as she doesn't want to put DD through that. (DD hadn't even reacted to me talking)

Now I know she was being OTT, as she has a habit of taking offense to anything not being done her way, but it's got me thinking, am I actually being slightly bad to not always pay much attention to her during feeds? Do you tend to focus on DC, or is it generally ok to not always?

OP posts:

Original poster

HopAndSplash · 03/03/2013 01:08

(By just, I mean earlier this evening, I don't generally visit her during the early hours!!)

OP posts:

Izzybuzzybuzzybees · 03/03/2013 01:15

I BF Ds and never leave the room or stop talking to people mid feed. I also watch tv or surf the net if I'm feeding him at home during the day or night. In fact he's feeding now! I see no reason to change this as I still get to bond but do not need to stare at him the whole time he feeds!

SheepNoisesOff · 03/03/2013 01:45

Looking down is really, really bad for your.neck and back. You definitely should not do it unless you want.to be in awful pain. The head is really heavy and not meant.to be held like that for long.periods of time..

Feeding now as well! Did the same with DC1 and he and I have a lovely bond. His father didn't BF at all and yet he and DC1 are still very close!

What does your DM propose you do when BFing one child while caring for a toddler?

belindarose · 03/03/2013 01:48

DS won't allow me to speak while BF, but I'd die of boredom if I didn't use MN or read on my kindle. Especially true of the early days. It was about 20 hours a day! I mean, he's beautiful and everything, but there's only so much looking you can do.

And now (8 months), if I look at him, he laughs, bites or tweaks my nose.

Blessyou · 03/03/2013 01:57

Mostly, I sleep

Cakethrow · 03/03/2013 02:01

Currently BFing now. :)

Sometimes I gaze into DC's eyes lovingly. Mostly he has his eyes shut and I'm MNing.

Startail · 03/03/2013 02:12

No, I mostly chattered and read to DD1 during the day and watched the TV with subtitles at night. Or I chatted to DH if he was about.

DD fed until long after she started school, so yes she got my undivided attention when she was older and I'd talk to her, trouble was she'd answer.

noblegiraffe · 03/03/2013 05:51

How odd. Watching your baby bf would get really dull after a while as they feed so very very often. It's why box sets were invented. And baby couldn't care less if I was watching her as she is busy feeding.

Eskino · 03/03/2013 06:04

Wow. You're already having the closest physical bond with your child when BFing. I would have thought it was more if you were bottle feeding that you needed to watch your baby for cues re his or her comfort and to create a "bond".

When my DP has given (now weaned) ds a bottle of expressed bm in the past, I encouraged hi to hold the baby close in and similarly to how I would hold him BFing and to get and maintain eye contact which I think is more important.

I'm BFing my 5 week old right now and her eyes are firmly shut. Even if they were open she's turned into my body so she wouldn't be looking at me anyway.

ChunkyChicken · 03/03/2013 06:08

It hurts my neck to do that & anyway, how could I focus on DS when I have DD (2.10yo) telling me what

Flossbert · 03/03/2013 06:10

Your DM is spouting nonsense. Currently BFing and MNing, but can quite regularly be found walking around doing bits of tidying up, chatting to friends on the phone or watching episode after episode of House whilst BFing.
Gazing adoringly at DD2's scrummy face is normally reserved for when she's asleep. 'Twas the same with DD1 and there's nowt wring with that bond!

ChunkyChicken · 03/03/2013 06:12

Stupid phone. Grrr.

Mr's Tumble & Maker are up to...

That seems a little odd - to expect you to devote that much time & energy to your LO when feeding. It's food, and granted its a lovely thing, but in the early days, they feed SO much & have their eyes closed whilst doing it, it would require the patience of a saint & huge muscular strength to sit starring at them the whole time.

And as another poster said, later on, they get distracted so you have to focus on them!! Or when they learn to un-latch & start cooing at you... :)

Kveta · 03/03/2013 06:19

But I only breast feed because it means I can MN at the same time! That's the best thing about it! better than any health benefits to mum or baby

leonardofquirm · 03/03/2013 06:34

I sleep/read kindle/mumsnet/play stupid games on phone/chat to whoever is there (although poor mil still avoids looking at us)/play with DS1.

I still love to gaze at DS2 and stroke him, but not all the time! I'd be tired after 10 months. . .

GoodtoBetter · 03/03/2013 06:58

Wow, your mum's mad!

paperclips · 03/03/2013 10:19

I have occasionally realised I've been feeding for ages and barely looked at DS. I'll be browsing on the internet or reading or watching TV. I like when he's having a good feed because it gives me time to do you that.

You are still bonding, baby can feel your body, you're all cuddled up. Besides which, the baby is probably facing you, with eyes closed.

I'll still do plenty of gazing adoringly at him.

DS is 5 months and now he sometimes stops feeding and just stares at my face for ages, really intently gazing into my eyes. It makes me feel so soppy and full of love! That's when he needs my attention, not when he's busy feeding. He also stops and tries to grab my phone if I'm on it while feeding him!

In conclusion, your mum is mad, but at least its nicer than suggesting she is more important than the baby, which some seem mumsnetter's mums and mils seem to do.

Dylanlovesbaez · 03/03/2013 10:21

At the beginning I used to try and just gaze at dd when breast feeding but my neck and my shoulders burned from doing it. Also, if I had done this every time I breast fed I would never have chatted to dp as was constantly breast feeding. If I had just given dd my full attention I would never have discovered mumsnet!

VinegarDrinker · 03/03/2013 10:22

What Kveta said!

HappyJustToBe · 03/03/2013 10:23

The first feed, yes, because she was the most amazing thing ever and I couldn't take my eyes off her. 21 months later? BF is tv, mumsnet and kindle time.

I don't think isolating you every time you feed your baby is going to improve your bond.

dozily · 03/03/2013 10:27

I agree with everyone else!

Did your mil have more than one child? If so, did she really ignore the older one while feeding the baby?

dozily · 03/03/2013 10:29

Sorry mum not mil - I just assumed!!

VisualiseAHorse · 03/03/2013 10:32

I found that with BF, the baby rarely looks into your eyes for lovey-dovey bonding time. I think it's more about the skin and smell of your body.

You get a lot more eye-contact with bottle feeding IMO. Also - BF isn't the only way to bond, otherwise dads would never bond with their kids. Your mum's mad :)

Bunbaker · 03/03/2013 10:44

DD was a slow feeder and took 45 minutes each side to feed. I would have been bored senseless if I had spent the whole time watching her. I used to read or watch TV.

She is 12 now and is still a slow eater.

enormouse · 03/03/2013 10:49

I loved bfing my ds and really loved the feeling of having him tucked up against me but I would also surf the net, read books and magazines or watch a boxset. With caring for the ds being so full on I needed a few quiet minutes to do my own thing and he has the comfort of being close. What you choose to do when u bf is purely up to u and its about making u and dc feel relaxed. It's not up to your mum to dictate how u bond!

Mouse x

Bunbaker · 03/03/2013 11:23

I used breastfeeding as down time and me time.

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